Doe Eyed
by strykelass
Summary: Set during OOTP, Snape is 'gifted' after a transfiguration accident and Voldemort thinks he can use it to his advantage. But is it lucky that he has Dumbledore and the order to look after him? Mpreg
1. Names from a Hat

Snape couldn't believe the amount of thinking he would have to put in for the next few hours that night. Upon closer inspection, he realized it was nearly one in the morning now and his thursday of preparing class schedules and mailing a good many letters to the schools governors and teachers had turned into a dubious early morning of secrecy. He worked by lamp light, his owl, Marciana, was sleeping silently in her cage. Having flown all over London that day, he felt sorry, knowing that she would be doing the same if not more once the sun rose.

His mind wandered however. He had just finished finalizing his class lists for 7th years who were to be taking N.E.W.T potions classes and only had to finish his class proposal, but he had received a letter from Albus earlier in the day when Marciana returned. Unsocial and brooding as Snape had always been, he kept correspondence very brief and typically took the summers off to himself. Choosing to do his class work later on and ignoring most owl post he got until it was necessary. He relished his privacy by attending both wizard and muggle wine tastings as well as renewing his vast collections of books and updating and his volumes on the dark arts and potions. Overall, he had had a rather dismal summer considering the entirely new variable of Lord Voldemort's return to power.

He had of course returned to his side after Potter came back with Diggory's body, Dumbledore gave him his time and ensured that Snape did not look too suspicious in arriving so late that he would be considered traitorous. His correspondences with Dumbledore over the summer were largely accounts of his short visits to other death eaters or the dark lord himself. He had found out, and revealed to the Order of the Pheonix, much of his plans surrounding the department of mysteries. Dumbledore flooded him with owls, asking for details and extraneous tidbits of information. He asked about particular death eaters, possible hiding places, wizards they could trust. Snape would typically let these letters pile until he would send one short concise answer to all of them, annoying Dumbledore just enough to let him know he was becoming very tired of acting as his double agent.

But the thing that had really ruined his summer wasn't Dumbledore or his class schedules, but the new assignment Voldemort had pegged for him. While the other death eaters were making plans to break into the ministry or assault and torture other witches and wizards, Snape's job was much more personal and uncomfortable. In the short visits after the fiasco of the Triwizard tournament, Voldemort had confided in him knowledge of Snape's past that Snape thought only he knew. He had decided that Pettigrew must have gathered the information himself and passed it onto the dark lord. It was a secret that Snape had kept all his adult life and had started back at Hogwarts, from his own school days. The times he spent being mercilessly teased at the hands of James Potter and Sirius Black, while trying to make futile plans for Lily Evans to like him.

Snape had pondered the idea, early on that Remus Lupin had been a werewolf and despite the fact that no one would believe him and Lily thought it was absurd, he became sure as he watched night after night- Lupin's friends leaving the castle to see him. He interpreted then that the only way his friends could be with lupin is that they too were werewolves, or they bewitched themselves so that they may be together.

He became obsessed, retracing their steps. He snuck outside the Slytherin common room each night to see them bound across the ground as animals, heading for the whomping willow. He went to the library and began researching everything he could on animagus and was instantly struck by the desire to turn them in. From what he could tell, they were unregistered and could face expulsion for breaking international law and curfew to be in the company of a werewolf. But his vengeance stopped as he began to feel envious, jealous, almost angry that a stupid quiddich star could preform such a dangerous and advanced spell. Snape knew he could do better then some no talent, selfish prat. So he set on to becoming an animagus himself. Going through every book in the library, as well as the restricted section to gather notes and examine diagrams of wizards that had been able to become an animagus. His reaserch was quite unknown to anyone but himself until one day in his 6th year he had turned a blind corner and ran right into Sirius, knocking both them and their bags on the ground while onlookers laughed and shouted. Lupin had stooped to pick up Snapes books for him while Sirius got out his wand, threatening to hex him. Snape was too terrified of his secret being exposed to care much about Sirius's waving wand. His eyes looked in horror at Lupin who looked curiously at the cover of his advanced transfiguration textbook and Pettigrew who's gaze had fallen on Snape's notes that had strewn across the floor. Mostly diagrams of wizards taking the form of birds and bears that he had copied from a rare first publishing he had gotten second hand from Professor Slughorn.

He had guessed from then on that the whole of Potter's friends had some idea of what he was trying to do, but felt a little better knowing that it probably had put them all on edge as well, knowing that he was onto their game. It didn't stop their late night haunts in any case.

At the end of his 6th year, he felt he was ready to cast the final charm in order to secure his own transformation. He still was not entirely sure what to expect but had been practicing over and over in his head for months now, the words, the movement, the mindset he needed. He gathered his things, an extra set of clothes in his backpack, a quick cheat sheet of reversal spells and lifesaving charms in the event of a mistake, and of course, a note from lily for good luck. He set out to the rim of the forbidden forrest to ensure privacy. He wasn't entirely sure what kind of animal he would be so he stayed close enough to the lake to allow himself water if he needed to breath underwater, but the shade of the trees and distance from the castle if he became a large bear like creature or terrifying giant spider. He was extremely excited and determined, but could not prepare himself for what would happen next.

Despite all his preparation, his notes, and his practicing. The spell could barely be called a success, at first he stood still, waiting with his eyes closed, baited breath. The spell felt very warm and tingled along the outline of his body. He opened his eyes to find nothing, no fangs or fur or wings. He was still plainly Severus Snape, perhaps more warm and on edge, but not any remarkable animal. He pulled his pocket mirror from his backpack to find a very dark green streak running through his hair, he frowned, pulling at the hair, mixed with his greasy black locks. Was that all he had accomplished?

He treaded back to the castle angrily, prodding the highlight until it has black again. He would have to check over his notes and his reading again, it hadn't said anything about a slow transformation, but abysmal failure? He thought over and over again in his head as he crossed the paths in front of the school past the socializing teenagers, back to the Slytherin common room. He would have to do a lot more reading.

He noticed later on that his toenails had grown a little thicker then normal, but dismissed it as wishful thinking as he lay in bed, comparing his own diagrams and math to what he had originally copied out of the book. The day wore on and it wasn't until after dinner he realized the full consequences of what he had done. He felt a little sick in the evening, attributing it to dinner until he felt the pain in his stomach began to worsen and he had to consult his potion guide to make something to ease the pain. He began to feel dizzy as he warmed up his cauldron however, and had to sit down. His whole lower half and extremities feeling weak. He knew it couldn't be any good outcome now, after reading but only decided to visit Madame Pomfrey at midnight when he had went to the bathroom to find his underwear stained with blood.

Snape sighed, rubbing his eyes and putting Dumbledores envelopes in a desk drawer file. It was too late to be thinking about such traumatization.

He couldn't put it out of his mind however. Pettigrew knew that night as he was in the hospital wing too, for some sort of accident in Herbology that had rendered him temporarily earless. Snape had come down to the hospital wing in tears, desperately trying to explain in the simplest ways possible how "he was just waving his wand while he was reading through he transfiguration books and became violently ill"

He stayed in the hospital wings for many nights, Madame Pomfrey had eased him into wearing a cotton slip in his pants to collect the blood and change it every few hours while she consulted with Professor McGonagall about any spells that could do damage to Snape's intestines. But other then the bleeding, the discomfort and the headaches he felt, Snape was in relatively no pain at all and so on the 5th day when the bleeding eased and the symptoms waned, Snape went right back to studying what had gone wrong with his spell. Snape wouldn't know the full damage until about 30 days time in the fall when the bleeding came back and he was forced to stay in the hospital wing again. Madame Pomfrey began to understand as the year went on and Snape stayed at the wing less and less, only coming to get cotton sheets. She shared her ideas with McGonagall.

In the interest of his privacy, McGonagall confronted Snape alone one night after dinner, calling him back to her office to ask him how he was feeling and if he had any more ideas about what spell he had accidentally cast. He lied as best he could, and asked the professor if she had any ideas. McGonagall had explained that Snape had most likely performed a flesh altering charm, a very dangerous and advanced one, and because of this he had now graced himself with a fully functioning women's reproductive system. She added rather darkly as well, that if he was going to flick through any more books on highly advanced transfiguration of the human body, he would do well to keep his wand out of his hands.

For a long time Snape mourned the loss of his male insides. Long after graduation he grew to detest the monthly ritual of his menstral cycle and he lived in constant fear that someone may find out his secret. He was unsure if Pettigrew or Lupin had ever put any of the pieces together, but since Voldemort had come to him with the information, he assumed the worst. He was not able to rectify the spell he had miscast, since he was unsure exactly what spell he had casted, and refused to allow any witch or wizard at St. Mungo's examine him.

Voldemort had called Snape to him after a few weeks of silence and Snape accepted the call, traveling across London to meet him in secret, the second time face to face since he had gotten his body back.

"Things are fairing well with the mudbloods, are the Severus?" He had inquired, greeting Severus with a firm handshake. Snape bowed to him respectfully.

"Quite. Dumbledore has been very earnest in trying to contact me, trying to find out news." Snape said in hushed tones. He never got used to Voldemort's cold demeanor. "The ones that know are in a panicked state, disorganized. You'd think they would have been able to summon a few decent witches and wizards but most have been refusing Dumbledore's owls. Too scared, too afraid they might start getting picked off like last time."

Voldemort smirked, Snape knew that it was hard for him to maintain moral without the whole world running scared from him. He relished headlines about muggle torture and disappearances. But they both knew that keeping on the down low, keeping quiet was what was best for now. Voldemort drew chairs for them to sit and they sat in the basement of the house he had been summoned to, two death eaters standing guard at the door. Snape knew they were listening intensely however.

"So they don't know about our plan then?" Voldemort cut it, amused "The Department of Mysteries? Anything?"

"Oh they have a few ideas," Snape murmured, keeping a cool head as he sipped absentmindedly on the wine he was provided. "Increased security, recruiting. They aren't sure what you're after but they know it's at the ministry. If only they had more then a few people to scrounge up so that they might have a decent watch."

"Dumbledore is not yet panicked however?" Voldemort asked innocently. "He seems to be making quite the show of me in the papers."

"It's only discrediting him." Snape remarked "Dumbledore knows you've returned to power but can't make anyone listen so he's practically shouting about it. Pretty soon they'll be printing him in the Quibbler. I wouldn't be surprised if they try to get him to step down as headmaster."

Voldemort smiled plainly, it was not an evil smile, it was almost like a thing of business, the two men could have been meeting over lunch to discuss stocks and bonds.

"You'll be returning to Hogwarts then in September of course? Still the potions master?"

Snape bit his lip. He had forgotten to reapply for the Defense Against the Dark Arts position, almost as a tradition rather then an actual desire. He had been so busy with his spy work that he had quite forgotten after term ended.

"I will indeed. No doubt Dumbledore will want me back at the school and under his thumb where he can watch me. Make sure I'm not up to anything." He looked at Voldemort rather blankly, but thought in wonder if Voldemort expected him to make bi monthly trips to see him for reports.

"So you will be, I understand. Which is why I'm approving your stay at Hogwarts so that you may keep your ears open and-" He trailed off, knitting his bony white fingers together in his lap. "Work on other projects."

There was no innocence in that, Snape knew it. Whatever he had in store for Snape he was easing him into it. It wasn't certainly something that could have just been sent by owl. Voldemort would have just done so if he could, spared the pleasantries. He had much more things he could attend to. But Voldemort looked very serious behind his business grin. Cold black eyes that gave way to brute force if they didn't get their way.

"I've become most interested in an heir as of late Severus." Voldemort stated plainly, leaning closer to him. Snape nodded, taking a long sip of wine. "It's something that's been very troublesome to me since I realized how very delicate I can be when the right wizard comes along, try as I might, I still cannot fully understand how I was defeated that night almost 15 years ago, and while I know we all can be assured that now that I am back to power, I may not simply disappear; there are certain things I would like to make clear to my death eaters in the event I am gone."

"To clear up any ideas about allegiance to you?" Snape asked cautiously.

"Precisely," Voldemort said, happy Snape seemed to grasp his aim. "If I am believed dead or a phantom floating from body to body, it is not to be assumed that Voldemort himself nor the beliefs that he enacts are gone from this world. So it has become clear to me that I must have a second, not in power or in leadership, but in blood. Pure wizard blood." He looked at Snape very forcefully now. Voldemort rose to his feet, his sweeping black robes flapping around him. Snape looked up at him, curiously.

"It's my belief that you have a very exceptional gift Severus," Voldemort said, "A gift that no man readily possesses but that you, by some accident do possess." He motioned for Snape to stand, and he rose ambiguously, started to feel goosebumps. He didn't understand what Voldemort was getting at. "If you do have this gift it would be of great use to me and It would guarantee your loyalty to me, even as you sit among blood traitors and muggle lovers. You would be greatly rewarded. Now please, remove your robes."

Snape blinked for a moment, flexing his fingers at his sides, feeling Voldemort's icy gaze roving his entire frame. He couldn't object, no matter how undignified or uncomfortable it was. He quickly began to unbutton his robes at the top, drawing his arms through the sleeves and letting them fall to the floor until he was left in a thin white top and his briefs. He became aware of the cold air as his leg hairs stood on end, he curled his toes anxiously, looking to Voldemort.

"Your underwear if you will Severus," Voldemort smiled. "Please" He added in a dark whisper.

His hands felt like ice and he could feel his heart beating a mile a minute. He bit his lip but knew again, he had to obey, feeling his arms doing the work for him of catching the briefs at the elastic and pulling them down, past his knees until they too fell in a heap on the ground. He didn't step out of them though, they were his tiny island. He found It easier to pretend he was fully clothed and Voldemort was simply admiring a new set of robes.

He drew closer stooping down to examine Snape from below. Snape kept his gaze locked foreword, not daring to look down as he felt one icy hand slowly prod and feel it's way into him. There was a sharp intake of breath as Voldemort withdrew his finger, dotted with dark brownish blood.

"There is a time" Snape croaked, still not looking down, "Of menstruation that I must endure monthly. It is no different then that of a woman but because of my unique situation I must temporarily create an artificial Vulva so that I might be able to pass to blood more naturally."

"Ah," Voldemort said, mildly amused, undeterred by the blood he adventure further, feeling between the false lips. "No feeling?"

Snape swallowed hard, feeling the muggle tampon he had inserted shift the slightest bit at the touch from Voldemort. "No," he replied shortly. "When the cycle is finished I maintain my true form."

"Well," Voldemort beamed, standing to his feet again and washing the offending hand with a spell from his hand. "You are a perfect candidate it seems."

Snape couldn't fathom asking for what as he began to feel him mind putting the answer together, instead he quickly did himself back up, feeling very violated. He put his robes back on in a hurry, only to realize he had done the buttons up wrong.

"Because your life at Hogwarts can be called uneventful compared to the field life of any of the woman in our brotherhood, you will be able to gestate and produce my heir Severus." Voldemort said quite happily, as though it was a fantastic honor. "At Hogwarts you will teach and go about your daily life while caring for my son or daughter inside you. In your present condition however..." Voldemort examined his clean hand and placed his wand back inside his robes. "You won't be susceptible. So you will come back here in 10 days time so that you may receive my seed."

Snape finished doing up his buttons right, only to feel his stomach do a flip, his heart racing. He had to father a child? Voldemort's child? How in the hell was he going to do this while at school? How would he hide it from the other teachers?

He had left the meeting that day shaken to his core, perhaps it was the added emotional stimulant of his period, but he found it hard not to burst into tears of anguish as he dashed up to his study, startling Marciana as he wrote a letter to Dumbledore describing his unique situation and Voldemort's new mission for him. He sent her out the second the ink dried, watching her fly in the summer's night sky.

He had a reply back by morning, a very long scroll that had an attached box that had been tied to Marciana's foot. Dumbledore implored him to let Voldemort inseminate him, but to give his body a contraceptive of some sort to stop conception. He said rather boldly that Voldemort would give this mission to no other and that for Snape to refuse it would be treasonous, he would have to accept to stay a double agent.

The box was filled with muggle contraceptives, pills, female condoms, a diaphragm and a silly looking ring that had to be cooled to a certain temperature to work. As well as the contraceptives was an emergency morning after abortion pill, labeled "Just in case"

Snape looked down dismally to his half finished class proposal, sighing deeply. He only wished he could just convince Voldemort he was barren. Possessing female anatomy but not the female touch to procreate. Dumbledore had spelled out the importance of Voldemort not getting his seed to work inside Snape, but Dumbledore's plan sounded almost worse.

_Severus, while we may be able to trick Voldemort and keep him from inseminating you, we still need to make him believe you are indeed carrying his offspring. I wouldn't want to lose you as an agent or let Voldemort turn to other dramatic ways to get a child so it must be of the upmost importance that you DO conceive, but with a kinder, more gentler person. _

Snape had almost choked reading the letter. Who the hell was this kinder more gentler person he was supposed to have sex with to produce a baby? This immediately ruled out all females and as Snape was not homosexual it certainly didn't leave him any options. Snape had no one, he lived in isolation and the only friends he had were either dead or so immersed in Voldemort's dark arts that he could no longer relate to them anymore. There was no buddy of his that would "take one for the team" and give him an injection of magical child.

Begrudgingly, he had to sigh and take things one at a time. He would come to terms with his fate later, now he was allowed to be angry. He opted to use the diaphragm as the best option because he knew Voldemort could feel a condom and he didn't want any birth control to throw off his hormones. Madame Pomfrey had tried to get him to take birth control regularly so they might stop or lessen his periods, but as he found out, they didn't agree with his body at all. He got migraines, shakes, nausea and dizziness unlike anything he had ever felt before. He could barely function and decided the bleeding was the lesser of the two evils. The next matter at hand was the most uncomfortable and violating part of Snape's life. He spent the next 10 days easing off his cycle and largely sleeping do to the depression of his situation. He had several meetings for the Order of the Pheonix and only attended one in which Dumbledore arrived and spilled the news to everyone. Snape only looked up from his piling shame to see Lupin and Black's reactions. Lupin, on the whole looked very concerned but he knew the single twitch that came from Sirius's eye was a tell of how badly he wanted to explode in laughter at the state of him. Their gazes did match up at one point though, as though they confirmed their own suspicions.

"Because of Severus's unique situation, I'm calling upon all the males of the order to make an offering." Dumbledore said at the end of the long explanation. Snape sat at the back eyes closed, wishing he was back at home in bed, waiting for the next day he would have to return to Voldemort, like a breeding bitch. He shuddered. "Obviously, some men will not be able to make a contribution. Severus needs to be able to produce a child that may pass for the child of himself and Voldemort." Dumbledore explained. Looking to Hagrid and Remus, who were disqualified. "The offering of sorts will be a donation rather then a..." He broke off and looked to Snape who was staring daggers at him. "...Volunteered action," He continued. "In the interest of anonymity and to take pressure off of Severus himself, I suggest we draw a name from a hat."

Remarkably no one objected to this. Anonymity meant that the donator wouldn't have any responsibility for the child at all. Because it wouldn't be a sexual act, no one could object to the idea of having sex. Snape thought dismally at the idea of everyone in the room refusing to have sex with him, even if it meant the dark lord would be thwarted.

Anxiously, Tonks raised her hand.

"Do we have any idea what's going to happen to the child once it's born?" Tonks asked feebly looking around the room to the other Order members, "I mean, if it's one of us giving our seed to Voldemort, who would want to if he's just going to train it in the dark arts?" A few people nodded and Snape blinked with mild interest.

"I have no intentions to raise a child to hand over to Voldemort the moment it is born." Dumbledore stated. "If we can birth it in a situation ideal for us, and as it will most likely be born in May if conceived shortly, the baby will be born at Hogwarts, making it ideal to protect. What's important Is keeping the baby and Severus as two different entities so that he may still play his role as spy while other forces may divert Voldemort's ability to be in contact with the child.

"So who is going to raise the child?" Lupin asked, his gaze flickering towards Snape.

"That remains to be seen." Dumbledore said softly. "Surely Severus will have a say."

Snape wanted to curse Dumbledore through the wall. He was just as bad as Voldemort. On one side he could get raped and be pregnant, but on the other, a group of random people could give him random seed and he could be having Mundungus Fletcher's illegitimate child. Both sounded just as inviting as the other and he seemed to get the worst of both worlds.

"This seems fairly out of character if you ask me." Lupin added again. "Why would Voldemort really want this child? He says it's so he may sire a child, but Voldemort seems like the last person who would want one more powerful wizard or witch around. He hasn't hesitated to kill off his entire family, why should he go about wanting a child that would only slow him down?"

"I have thought about this," Dumbledore admitted gravely. "There is the possibility this is all a lie to put a new piece on the table. Voldemort may want the child to better his already very intimidating form. He may sacrifice it for a new kind of dark magic or even possess the child so he may have a whole new body to inhabit. There are many possibilities, right now though we must focus on the task at hand. We can assume whole heartedly that it does not matter what he want's the child for, as he may never get it."

Snape could care less if the child was in Voldemort's hands or not. He had no intention to care for it and as far as he was concerned the thing could fall through his legs into a garbage can. He wasn't going to become a mom and go into hiding and leave his job to protect a child he didn't even want. He hoped, gloomily, that he was indeed barren and that nothing, not the Dark Lord nor the Order could get him pregnant. This wasn't something that boys of any age were taught to expect and Snape was learning new things about his body everyday that he didn't understand. Why was it he who had to be thrown into this situation? He felt like he'd been trying to catch a break his whole life.

Going to Voldemort's the next day was a tremendous effort. He slipped the diaphragm in place so that he would be protected but decided against taking a shower that morning as he planned to spend the entire rest of the day in the tub, allowing his body to prune perhaps might take away some of the shock Voldemort would put into it. He dressed in quiet, Marciana hooted with concern, bobbing her head up and and down and walking over his desk so she might see more then his turned back. He patted her on the head, and with a sigh, had made off to Voldemort, this time at a different location so not to raise suspicion with the locals.

He left that afternoon the same way he had come in, shaky, irritated and bottling perhaps the worst emotional breakdown he had had in a long time. He didn't suppose he could call it rape as Snape had technically consented, and by all in large it hadn't been so extremely horrible. He barely saw Voldemort the entire time and because his entire downstairs area was fake for the time being, it had no feeling at all, he only felt the pressure behind Voldemort and he lay there, thinking of being at home in the safety of his own bed, in his large comfortable duvet.

Rather then staying in the bath for the rest of the day, he took a quick shower and wrote to Dumbledore, wearing his bathrobe, his hair done-up in a towel, Marciana came over to him again, glad of his company, but he swatted her away as he wrote, having a hard time just keeping the water from his shower from landing on the parchment. He said he was fine and it had gone well. Voldemort told him to reply within 2 months to ensure it had either worked or failed so they had that window to get him pregnant with some mystery sperm.

He thought pensively for a moment, which one of the order members he wouldn't mind carrying the child of. Hagrid and Remus already disqualified for their obvious traits, there was also Kingsley who, apart from being a great wizard, was african and therefore wouldn't be a good option for making a baby that was supposed to be european.

He thought Arthur Weasley and Alastor Moody to be rather old but he wouldn't be particularly disgusted at the thought of them. He couldn't imagine having a fair skinned ginger haired son or daughter (Though most likely it would be a son if the weasley ratio was at work) There was also Bill and Charlie Weasley, but they were far too young in his opinion.

The best candidate, he thought grimly, would have been Sirius. He shuddered at the thought. Him carrying Black's child? It would be a nightmare. At least Sirius would never know if it was his child, but if Snape ever found out, he felt his body might kill the child out of sheer spite.

He decided at last he was better off not knowing and went to bed that night haunted by dreams of being very pregnant with all the marauders from Hogwarts laughing at him.

In the morning, an owl had arrived with a letter from Dumbledore, instructing Snape to come to Number 12 Grimmauld Place right away so that they might inseminate him artificially. He took a nice good long time getting ready, thinking that this may be the last time he could spend to himself, not pregnant. However stressed he was would certainly be increased ten fold in the next months. He had no idea how a female pregnancy would work with his situation and it just a few weeks time he would be going to Hogwarts to be at the mercy of the teachers and students. He would much rather be doing typical lowly death eater type business at this point.

There were very few people at Grimmauld place with Snape entered. He was greeted by Sirius wearing a bathrobe, he merely grunted and let him through the door. Snape said nothing but entered the house and made his usual beeline for the meeting room, hearing only the voices of Dumbledore, Molly Weasley and Tonks. Sirius marched back up the stairs to his room without another word.

Among the others in the room, was a muggle doctor, who looked at though he had been bewitched to be still and quiet. He had with him a few frightening looking mechanical objects, all set on the floor as the main hardwood table had been removed, chairs stacked to make way for a sort of make shift futon lying on the floor with a single ratty pillow.

"I see you got my owl," Dumbledore smiled warmly "Come sit down."

At those words the muggle doctor seemed to snap back into reality. Although still clearly dazed and bewitched, his eyes focused slowly on Severus, who removed his shoes and sat on the floor, a dismal look in his eyes. Surely he didn't need the company of Tonks and Mrs. Weasley.

"We've got all the samples ready for you dear," The ginger haired woman said softly. "We decided it was in your best interest to let you pick for yourself." And she offered him a large wizards hat filled with slips of paper, each with a written number on them.

"I don't care," Snape coughed "It's not as though this is going to be fun whether I pick number one or ten. I came here to follow orders."

Tonks cracked her knuckles loudly, drawing her hands out of her lap to take the hat from Mrs. Weasley as though she expected this reaction. She began to fish around through the hat, clearly trying to grab the one at the bottom, other little slips falling out of the top as she drew up her winner.

"How does Number three sound to you?" She asked, holding the slip up, unfolded.

"Fine." Snape hissed. "Do whatever you need to do but make it quick." He began to unbutton his trousers, looking at once from Tonks to Mrs. Weasley sharply, until, looking at each other, they got the hint and rose to leave.

"It'll all be over soon Severus," Dumbledore said in hushed tones. "You don't have to be angry with them."

"Save it Dumbledore." Snape murmured, pulling his trousers off as the doctor, right on queue began to prepare his instruments. "You take for granted everyday what I do for you."

"You'll have to lie on you back, legs spread, good job miss." The doctor said kindly. Moving forward, between Snape's open legs. He felt venomous having been called a woman for perhaps the first of many times, but he reminded himself that they would most likely have had to bewitch the doctor into believing such a thing so that he could work regularly. The doctor loaded his sample into what looked like a very flexible long needle.

"Try to relax Severus." Dumbledore said, "It won't hurt."

Everything about it seemed to hurt, Snape thought as the doctor entered slowly. It was undignified, laying on the dirty floor of the Black's house, his black hair splayed across the old pillow as he bucked his hips foreword to receive the anonymous donation. He expected everything to be warm, but not the equipment, nor the fluid that was slowly ejecting into his body was at all warm. To be saved, it must have been refrigerated. Snape guarded his thoughts, trying to remain clear headed. There was about a total time of a minute until the doctor withdrew.

"You'll want to keep your legs up like that for a few moments, let gravity work for you, that's it." The muggle pulled away and began to clean his equipment. Severus held onto his ankles and closing his eyes. Imagining inside him, the cold thickness bonding with one of his own cells.

"Feeling alright?"Dumbledore asked casually. Looking into his eyes. Snape wanted to yell or swear at him, but perhaps it was the piercing blue gaze that made him reply. "Fine."

"I'll have a cup of tea made for you before you depart." Dumbledore smiled softly. Turning to the muggle doctor who was apparently done packing up his equipment. "We are done with your services Dr. Propp. Thank you very much." As though they were the magic words, The doctor rose to his feet and walked in a straight line to the front door. Snape was still laying on the floor as instructed as Dumbledore chuckled softly.

"He'll forget the instant he shuts the door what he just did and will get a call from his daughter asking him to come home immediately." Snape didn't find this very amusing at all.

So there he was, roughly three weeks later, doing paperwork in the dead of night for Hogwarts. His summer drawing to a close, the stale air of his office making him dull eyed and tired. He looked to Marciana thoughtfully before setting his quill down and deciding against doing any more busy work and retreating to bed. He would have it all done the next day and an owl from the department of wizarding education at the ministry would be arriving soon, requesting his packet of course descriptions and proposals. He could stand to take the little time he had left of the night for sleeping.

He combed his hair back with his hand, undressing down to a bear minimum for the lingering summer heat and laying down into his comfortable waiting bed. He rolled onto his back thoughtfully, closing his eyes and feeling down to his stomach where he could only assume the growing bundle must be. Perhaps the size of a marble, deep beneath his skin. How long would it be before he could not rest in his preferred position, laying sprawled on his stomach at night? When would it become obvious to his coworkers that he was with child. How many more people would he have to tell until he finally went mad and fled both Dumbledore and Voldemort for a little piece and quiet? He had so far strayed away from thinking about such questions and acted like a horse with blinders, merely trudging forward apprehensively to whatever could be waiting. He would be leaving Spinners End soon to go to Hogwarts, would start teaching again and be corresponding back and forth between the death eaters and the order by owl. Recently Dumbledore had told him that the ministry would be putting a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher in place at Hogwarts and surely the rest of the teachers would come under fire by this new placement. Snape found he hardly cared, having copied much of his curriculum from past ministry approved teaching guides, he saw little to be afraid of. He only had to keep Dumbledore at arms length and no one would bother him.

His thoughts slowly quieted, his breathing deepened, and Snape fell into a very peaceful sleep.

* * *

><p><strong>Whew! Ok, I have most of the 2nd chapter done so I'll probably upload that tonight as well. Sorry about how wordy this chapter was, I promise the pacing will even out a little more. For reasons that felt obvious to me, I didn't think anyone would want to read about Snape and Voldemort getting it on... just sorta seemed gross to me. <strong>

**Trying as best I can to keep everything pretty in line with the books, other then this being some big dumb mpreg adventure I wanted it to be an alternate take on what exactly Snape is doing all of Harry's 5th year at Hogwarts so I'm sorry if I go into detail about shit that isn't all that interesting to you.**

**Review Review Review! If you like it please tell me, as I said I already have the 2nd chapter mostly written so it should be up soon, but like almost everyone I'm really busy and finding time to write is hard so if you like what you read be sure to tell me so I'll know I'm writing for YOU. If I made some really dumb obvious mistake somewhere go ahead and tell me. Positive Critique is always welcomed, although I'm not really trying to become Steinbeck. If you think mpreg is gross, whatever I don't care. It is weird, I understand. Not for everyone. Fanfiction itself is kinda weird though, no?**


	2. Single grains of rice

Getting back to Hogwarts always made Snape feel a little better. Just as it did in his school days when he boarded the school train with jubilation, having left his arguing parents for a short time at least. Despite his unsatisfactory condition and hopeless outlook, he couldn't feel unhappy being back at Hogwarts in the late summer, seeing the trees shake in the chilled wind, the giant squid moving just above the surface. He would spend the week before students arrived enjoying the quiet castle as much as possible by cleaning his classrooms and making his office and bedroom his own again. As Snape didn't bring many personal belongs with him, save for a few books, his owl and personal cauldron, unpacking took only a few moments. He would cast a spell on his mattress to make it full of volume and feel more comfortable. Depending on how he felt that year, he would use his wand to make the walls of his personal room a new color. This year, he decided upon a sort of saturated plum, which while making the room seem to cave in around his belongings, did make him feel more relaxed and the room darkened faster at night, which he preferred.

He went to Hogsmede later in the day to gather a few necessary things to start the year. He disliked going when the students were running around the village as most of them seemed incredibly too curious to see what it was he did in the time he wasn't teaching. He was watched a little too closely to be comfortable, when he bought everyday essentials and potions ingredients so he liked to go when he could be assured privacy.

Currently waiting for his next paycheck from Hogwarts, he was low on money but resolved to buy everything he could until term started and he got his salary pay for the end of the summer. He picked up a small bag of owl pellets for Marciana, a few necessary items from the apothecary that would be necessary to start teaching potions again, and a new tin of floo powder as he had run out about a month ago and couldn't apparate on the Hogwarts grounds.

Snape never really was one to window shop, but having nowhere to go and feeling a little sentimental being back in Hogsmede, he resolved to look through the fairly comprehensive bookstore the village had to offer.

"Looking for anything in particular?" The shop assistant asked him cheerfully, her smile fading a little when she recognized it to be Snape. He couldn't recall her name, but she had graduated a few years ago... maybe a Hufflepuff?

"No, thank you." Snape said blankly, pushing past her to look through the bookshelves that contained largely assigned reading from Hogwarts. The witch blinked and went back to moving in new books to the display window.

Sure enough, all of Snape's assigned and recommended readings were displayed under the POTIONS and ADVANCED POTIONS tags. Not many had been purchased however, as most of the students purchased their books in Flourish and Blotts in Diagon Alley, the books were mainly geared towards the students that switched or added classes in the first week of term. But of course there were the book smart Hermione Granger type students who always came to grab new editions when they came out and the store catered to them.

Mildly interested to see what the new Defense against the Dark Arts teacher had assigned, he ran a skinny finger down the shelves, looking for the familiar tag. He furrowed his brow at the single textbook assigned for all the levels of classes. There wasn't even an option for any Advanced Classes, just a very old edition of _Defensive Magical Theory _by Wilbert Slinkhard. He picked up one of the many copies and looked through it, silently laughing at the poor outdated illustrations that had to have been as old as he was.

Dumbledore must have been right about this new Ministry appointed teacher, he thought as he replaced the book on the shelf. They would be doing anything to discredit Dumbledore and his teaching of practical magic. He imagined a newly appointed Percy Weasley type teaching the position and the thought sickened him. At least Dumbledore had a good excuse not to hire him for the position this year, anyone could tell he was more qualified and experienced then Quirrell or Lockhart, Lupin was just a slap in the face to him. But if the Ministry had really bullied their way into Hogwarts there was little he could do about it.

The bookstore had plenty of other interesting volumes. There were many books for foreign and magical languages, books for very young children up to young adult fiction. Books that claimed to read your fortune or read your thoughts when you opened them. There were quite a few dedicated to crafting and knitting as well as the arts, self help, personal finance, and a table devoted to gag gifts and quidditch calendars. It was the row of books dedicated to motherhood and pregnancy that caught his eye, and he stood debating for a moment if he should be seen even in the vicinity of the books. There were smiling witches and wizards holding wide eyed laughing babies, books on fertility and 'taking advantage of your cycle' it made him nauseous, standing there looking at them.

Truthfully, Severus knew very little about pregnancies of any kind. He knew they lasted for several months and he knew there came a point where the babies would kick and move around, but having no real interest in the matter, mixed with the fact that his parents nor any teachers really sat him down to tell him about sex or babies, he had whatever common knowledge he could gather.

Looking around to make sure no one was watching, he walked over to the books, peering at the titles and trying to find the most wordy and most technical one possible. All of the books had pictures of flowers and carriages and babies, bright colors of pink and blue. He thought surely that there had to be a book that placed importance on fact over feelings. The closest he could find however was an female anatomy book which didn't explicitly explain pregnancy so much as the organs that controlled it. He looked around hurriedly, hardly glancing at the pages before snapping the book shut and placing it on the shelf.

He thought rather stupidly, about Hogwarts vast library back up at the castle. There had to be some book he could look at there that might give him some answers, surely a castle full of hundreds of teenagers should have some information on sex and reproduction.

He left the shop in a sort of strange daze, the overwhelming weight of what he had gotten himself into seemed to surface and he walked up the Hogsmede streets rather blindly, not caring where he was going. If he had actually conceived, he wasn't sure exactly when he would know, his next period would be in about 2 weeks so he couldn't expect to know until then. He wondered rather uneasily when he could physically tell when he was pregnant, and even worse when others could tell. He was too tall and skinny to pass off any bulk weight properly. He prided himself as well by having very properly sized robes, custom tailored to fit. After enduring a childhood of having everything secondhand he much liked having a very specific wardrobe. What would he say when he would have to go to the tailor when he was clearly very pregnant?

His head was swimming with all the variables he now had to contend with. Perhaps, he thought rather optimistically, he wasn't pregnant at all. He could have his period in a few weeks time and then he would write to Voldemort to tell him his body hadn't been able to produce a child. It was a possibility, and he doubted Voldemort would call him back to repeat the session when he was teaching. He wouldn't have time at least until Christmas and no one could be sure what would be happening then in the war. Perhaps Voldemort would be too preoccupied to try to schedule anything again.

Snape looked into the window of The Three Broomsticks, relatively quiet as it was a weeknight. He was hungry and thirsty and didn't feel like waiting until he got back to the castle to eat so he decided to grab a quick bite.

He was an accomplished legilimens, he could put this out of his mind for now, he thought dubiously as he looked down the menu, undecided over a sandwich or soup. Still a little too hot outside for soup, he purchased a chicken sandwich with a cup of ice water. So he sat watching the people at the bar and thought only about what next term could have in store for him as far as the students went. As overly optimistic as it was to hope for a normal year at Hogwarts, Snape at least felt happy he wouldn't have to deal with another triwizard tournament again. He tired himself out just dealing with the Slytherin Quidditch team pestering him for special permission to use the field and making appearances at all of their matches while dealing with the students themselves. It was a little harsh to say Snape did not like children, but it was pretty accurate to say their were quite a few he could do without.

All in all, he hoped he could focus primarily on teaching this year, rather then any international schools or dances or dragons. He had enough on his plate.

"Severus? I didn't know you were already here."

Professor McGonagall had entered the bar and she waved at Snape warmly, making her way over to his lonely table. "I didn't think you would have arrived yet."

"Good evening," He murmured, wiping his mouth on his napkin. He wasn't really interested in company but found himself unwilling to make any excuse. "I just got in today. How long have you been here?"

"Well," She started, looking at Snape a little hesitantly but Snape gave a small nod and she sat opposite him. "I'm not really settled in at all yet, I came because Dumbledore had sent me an important news." She said all of this in a very low voice, Snape had to lean in a little closer to hear her.

"What did the letter say?" He asked cooly, feeling his heart pound a little faster. Was Dumbledore telling the entire wizarding community about this? Surely he knew the importance of keeping a low profile, especially if they were to maintain the story of this being Voldemort's offspring.

"Mostly information on this new teacher." McGonagall said. "This woman is straight out of Fudge's office."

"Really." Snape said, moderately interested. Taking a bite out of his sandwich. McGonagall nodded gravely. He wasn't so sure why she was being this cautious when she wasn't talking about the order. Surely it was normal for two teachers to talk about their peers.

"Just trying to keep us on our toes this semester, not that I'm very worried." She admitted "Nor do I expect you are either, but I doubt we are the type that will really come under much criticism. Even if we are Dumbledore sympathizers." She said this last bit rather nastily. As though daring anyone not to agree with her.

"So why did you feel it was necessary to come up to the castle just for the letter?" Snape asked curiously. "Did you have something to ask of Dumbledore?"

"I was trying to make sure that our conversations weren't going to be overheard." McGonagall said, and again in low tones. "My owl looked like it had been intercepted coming back from Dumbledore, and I don't pretend not to know that the ministry is looking for scandals to publish around the headmaster."

Snape nodded, a faraway look in his eye. He tried not to think about what would happen if the prophet got information on his current situation. He continued to eat and began to wonder how paranoid this whole affair was going to make him. The way McGonagall was looking at him now was almost analytical. Had Dumbledore asked her to see how he was doing?

"Would you be interested in getting a bite to eat Ma'am? Maybe a butterbeer?" A waiter came swinging by their table, a stack of trays in goblets in one hand.

"No thank you," She said politely, "I must be off again," McGonagall rose to her feet again, giving Severus a nod. "I'll see you around the castle Severus."

"Have a good evening." Snape mumbled back, just finishing off the last of his sandwich. The waiter watched a little breathless as she left.

"Could I help you with anything else sir?" He offered "Would you like a refill?"

"No, I would like the bill please." Snape wiped his hands on his napkin and let the waiter take the plate, levitating a whole dining set over his shoulder, he jogged off.

The sun was beginning to set now and Severus made his way back to Hogwarts, resolving to feed Marciana the fresh pellets and draw a bath before retiring for the evening. She at least seemed to be glad to be back at Hogwarts, when the students would return with their owls she would stay pretty regularly in the Owlery but she came to Severus when she wanted more then cheap grains. He spoiled her with over priced naturally made food.

He decided on making a trip to the library the next day, before he dusted off his classroom and cleaned anything he had forgotten to last year. Despite how well he maintained the room and urged students rather viciously to remember all of their things before boarding the Hogwarts express home, he always seemed to find a text book or two from Neville Longbottom and the contents of someone's potions kit left out to decay. Because his classrooms were in the dungeon, the smell was hard to get rid of without much ventilation.

It was also his job as head of Slytherin to check the common room and ensure that all the four poster beds, curtains and mattresses were in good condition. While it was typically the duty of a house elf to clean and sweep the dormitory, it was Snape's task to put them to work and notify Dumbledore if there was anything missing.

It was all very tedious, he thought while running a towel through his hair, scrubbing fast to get it as dry as possible. Snape disliked bathing in the morning because his hair seemed to stay wet for an abnormally long time and he disliked trying to dry it magically as his hair seemed to compensate by getting greasier and dirtier faster. Instead he would pin it back and let it dry over night.

Removing the towel and drying off his pale extremities, he thought his hair looked a little long, he hadn't cut it since before summer and it had gotten a few inches past his shoulder. He went to his bedside table for his wand, arranged the towel around his shoulders and gave his wand a forceful flick. His hair shook slightly, the bottommost inches falling lightly on the towel. He shook it out over his bathroom refuse bin and looked to his reflection. Same style as always.

He remembered when he was a young boy, sitting outside a muggle gas station with lily, eating large ice cream bars she had bought for them with her pocket money. She asked him about his hair as he sat, trying to catch the ice cream with his tongue as it melted all over his hand.

"I mean, all the boys in my class have these really short cuts. Doesn't your mum ever trim your hair?"

He recounted the tale to her, of his father angrily shouting about how his hair was too long and he looked like a girl, and that Snape didn't comb it enough to maintain it. Crying the entire time, Tobias Snape shaved his hair off completely in the family kitchen while his mother yelled that it would be winter soon and Snape needed his hair because he always forgot his hats.

"How old were you when he did that?" Lily asked appalled. "You managed to grow it back ok."

"I was six." Snape muttered, giving up his fight with the melted ice cream and simply shaking the drops onto the pavement where they sat behind the gas station. "Mom wouldn't let him do it again, said I didn't have the right size head to go bald." Lily was still staring shocked.

"I can't believe them." She said dramatically. "Besides, you look nice with longer hair. You don't look like a girl at all."

He had blushed scarlet, and even just thinking about it now he got warm in the face. Not even bothering to pull on his pajamas, he sunk into his newly made bed. Taking in the welcoming familiar smell of his room and the castle. Feeling very much at home, comfortable for the first time in weeks. Marciana hooted loudly, turning her head to look at him with her large dark eyes.

"Do you want to go out? Or are you just saying goodnight?" Snape asked, face down in his pillow, he felt rather unwilling to get up. Marciana hooted again and he sighed, getting to his feet and walking over to her cage stand where he undid the latch and she perched on his finger. He led her over to the cracked window which he opened fully, a calm summery breeze rolling in. She kept hooting her small playful hoots, stepping onto the window and looking at Snape, she bobbed her head by his open hand smoothing her feathers under his fingers.

"Oh you're going to be needy." He purred, scratching her head while she closed her eyes, obviously enjoying it. His owl was the only being he let down his barriers for, he could care less about any other pet or bird but he quite liked Marciana, not like a child or a best friend, as she was just an owl. But there were times he was unsure what he would do without her company. He amused himself more than anything by talking to her when she became very vocal. "Go on," he urged her, opening the window a little wider. "Go catch me a mouse or something."

She looked a little hesitant, but bobbed her head excitedly and took off into the night. Snape left the window open behind her, enjoying the cool breeze that wafted in, he sank back into bed, looking to the window to see a very pearly moon, with not a cloud in the sky. He hoped he could carry this good feeling as long as possible, he thought yawning widely, slowly his mind quieted and sleep was upon him.

He was woken very late in the morning by Marciana, who startled him by jumping to his bedside table and letting out a sharp screech. He was shocked awake and looked to her patronizingly as he sat up, trying to collect himself. The sun was already high in the sky which meant he had slept far past what he was used to, yet he still felt tired. He knew know that he was awake that he couldn't keep sleeping, but it took his steely resolve not to simply roll over and continue dozing. He couldn't recall the last time he had got that much sleep, as he was typically an early to bed early to rise type, he woke up at 7:30 each morning on the dot, even in the summer. Looking at the grandfather clock opposite his bed, it was almost 11:15. Had he really been that tired?

He dressed quickly, gave his hair a quick look and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes before grabbing and pocketing his wand. He wasn't sure how long the house elves would leave out breakfast for him, but he was certainly hungry, he was surprised his stomach hadn't woken him up.

In the week preceding the student's arrival, a small buffet table was set up in the great hall so that the teachers could have a meal between preparing the castle. Only one small table was set up and it and compared to the typical Hogwarts meals, it lacked the typical magic.

Snape was relieved to find some food left over and he grabbed a plate from the stack to dish up some eggs, toast, and a small bowl of oatmeal. He was just thinking about whether or not he wanted Bacon when Dumbledore's familiar figure came striding out from the closest staircase, waving happily to Snape and holding a few pieces of parchment.

Company was the last thing he wanted at the moment, least of all Dumbledore who would pester him to no end. His curt blank stare did nothing to deter the old wizard however, who grabbed a plate and spoke a very kind, "Good morning, Severus." He was wearing very long azure robes today, his gray hair flowing behind him as he inspected his breakfast options. "Got a bit of sleep?"

Snape nodded, trying to find his oat meal more interesting then it really was as he grabbed cutlery from the buffet table and then sat down, filling his mouth with food so he wouldn't have to respond.

"Professors Flitwick and sprout will be joining us this evening." Dumbledore mused. "I've received owls from Trelawney, Burbage, and Vector saying they will be coming later in the week."

Snape nodded again, taking his toast and spreading a minimal amount of butter over it before taking a bite. He was mad, and would stay mad at the headmaster for awhile, he thought. In the interest in steering conversations away from what could possibly by swimming around in his stomach right now, he thought back to his meeting with McGonagall the previous day.

"And, the new Defense against the dark arts teacher?" He hissed lowly. "When will she be arriving?"

"The day before term starts I expect." Dumbledore said woefully. "Professor Dolores Umbrige, straight from the Ministry."

Snape wanted to ask exactly how he should go about hiding a pregnancy in front of a Ministry official but didn't care to bring up the topic first. Dumbledore couldn't appreciate the situation he was in like he could. Pregnancy was such a romanticized emotional thing for anyone who was engaged in a long term relationship and had a stable environment to raise a child. Unfit teenage witches and Severus Snape were in the category of people that had no business around children.

"Been feeling alright then, Severus?" Dumbledore asked a little cautiously. Snape, right on queue put a large spoonful of oatmeal in his mouth. Nodding in answer, not looking up from his food.

"I suppose it will be a few weeks before you'll be feeling any changes." Dumbledore said, aware Snape didn't want to be talkative, but plowing on anyway. "I will be talking to the teachers, with the exception of Umbrige, just so they don't have reason to worry and will be able to act fast in the event of an emergency."

"And what if I don't want the teachers told." Snape swallowed angrily, looking at Dumbledore for the first time since he had sat down. "What if I don't want to be made a laughing stock of the school."

"You know that's not my intention Severus," Dumbledore sighed, resigning to put down his knife and fork. "I don't want to give cause for worry and seeing as how many of our teachers are already affiliated with the order, they know full well not to be telling students about matters they aren't to be disclosing."

Snape bit his lip, looking back down to his food which didn't look as inviting anymore. He had known this was going to happen so why was he so angry about it?

"I've already informed Madame Pomfrey," Dumbledore admitted, "She is to be looking after you and giving you check ups while you are here. I've told her enough of what she needs to know and if you chose to fill her in on any details, it is at your discretion."

Snape didn't know what to say, he wanted to leave the table but knew Dumbledore would only pester him more if he didn't get to say everything he wanted in one sitting. Nothing felt fair, it was like being 17 again, sitting in the boys bathroom with a box of muggle tampons, holding back tears as he felt up inside himself. Cursing everything and everyone that made his life so difficult. He couldn't have anything he wanted.

"May I leave?" He asked angrily, "Are you done talking?"

"Do you have anything you want to say Severus?" Dumbledore asked politely. "If you have any questions I want you to know that I am here for you."

Snape couldn't look up to meet the headmaster's icy gaze, but rather clenched and unclenched his hands, not sure of the words.

"When I... When I start to show." He began, the words sounding childish and stupid with every syllable. "When I start to show how am I supposed to explain that?" He glanced at Dumbledore, worry and anxiety spilling over his face as he did so. "What am I going to tell people when they ask?"

Dumbledore looked at him very genuinely, his eyes almost a little sad.

"There are concealing charms we may use that can disguise yourself for several hours at a time." Dumbledore said helpfully. "There are many young witches whom have sat in your classes and had been pregnant when they graduated without anyone the wiser. Madame Pomfrey could tell you all about them when she meets with you."

Feeling only a little relieved, Snape gave the slightest of nods and set his spoon and knife on his only half finished plate, feeling a little tired and dizzy with all of this personal talk. He rose to his feet, and without saying another word to Dumbledore, he walked out of the great hall in the direction of the library.

So the whole staff would know and probably be watching him like a bomb for most of term, he thought gravely, walking up the marble staircase, his black robes billowing behind him. He could only hope that they wouldn't be treating him like an invalid, giving him strange looks as he walked through the castle and had lunch with the rest of the school. If this concealing charm Dumbledore was talking about could work for him, he wouldn't be nearly as self conscious as he initially feared.

He was unsure exactly what Madame Pomfrey would have already known of his situation if Dumbledore gave her an abridged version. It was a well known fact that Snape lived alone and had no intent to change that, so explaining having a child would probably promote the idea that Snape was an old gay loner who had meddled in dark magic so much that he had destroyed his interior male piping.

The thought of it made him want to gag, if only he could tell everyone how much of a hero he was for letting Voldemort have his way with him.

He stopped on the stairs, the very thought making him uncomfortable and dizzy, or was it his body? His legs felt very weak and his eye sight seemed to twinkle and dim. He grabbed the banister fast, unsure of what to do or if he should get help. He felt a little panicked, swaying on the spot, praying the moment would pass. For a few moments he stood in limbo, blinking furiously to clear his head and then it passed, leaving him weak and exhausted.

Was he still exhausted from the night? Or did he not get enough to eat at breakfast? Was this something that happened when you were pregnant?

He walked now, a little slower, sweating with his heart pounding; into the library which was vacant. The door had been propped open so that the vast room might get some ventilation after two months of being locked, light poured in from the windows casting long shadows across the reading tables and long extensive shelves. There was a definite dusty quality to the room that tickled his nose, a definite welcoming smell of old parchment and books to relax him. Hopefully he could get his answers here and now before Madame Pomfrey would arrive. Still feeling very shaky, he began to walk through the rows, looking for the section on anatomy and health. The library had only changed a little since he had been a student and he knew it like the back of his hand. He could always be seen with about two or three books under his arm, so the other students used to joke that he knew the librarian better than any other Slytherins.

He was in the right area, when he stopped at a row of books dedicated to puberty, sex, illegal herbs and substances, and finally a single shelf dedicated to pregnancy and motherhood.

He felt much safer here then he did in the Hogsmede book shop, here he didn't have to look over his shoulder for any watching eyes. He crouched down, looking at each of the titles with his chin resting on his thumb. These books looked to be a little more informative, rather then a bunch of titles from a daily writer for witch weekly, most of these books looked to be catered to inexperienced parents as well as those interested in pregnancy from a biological stand point. There weren't nearly as many gooey eyed smiling witches and wizards from stock photos.

He sat on the floor, letting his robes flow behind him as he picked a few books out, forming a stack on the floor as he opened the first book, a week by week guide to pregnancy with informative drawings and descriptions. Nervously, he skipped the introduction and flipped through to the pages depicting the third and fourth weeks, looking ominously at a drawing of what looked like to him, to be a tiny bean.

Words like neural tube, ectoderm, and mesoderm jumped out at him but he couldn't take his eyes off the tiny bean like lump of flesh that was surrounded by protective layers and fluids. Almost without thinking, his right hand slithered down to rest just over his still very flat stomach, smoothing out the black fabric slowly as his hair fell down in locks over his downturned face, fascinated.

He flipped through the pages, watching the tiny ball animate slowly week by week from formless ball to a developing alien like being with growing appendages and eyes. Right now, he didn't even have a fetus, it was smaller then a grain of rice.

He caught himself, absentmindedly tugging at the fabric of his robes and nervously he shut the book.

The other books revealed a much more sexually active side of Hogwarts that Snape was previously unaware of. Being a very abstinent adult who didn't like to think much of his student's personal lives, he was surprised at how many times the books revealed to have been checkout out. The old punch cards told a long history of girls who took the books every year, some had even written and drawn in the books. They had been battered and from what Snape could tell; even bewitched to resemble textbooks, perhaps to avoid suspicion. He felt for the girls who had taken the books out, finding notes from them stuck inside the pages as he paged through each one in his stack. He found everything from homework and stray bits of parchment to tell all notes that seemed to have been written anonymously for others who might find the books. One note stuck in a book on mother's health scolded any girls who took out the book, calling them whores and harlots for getting pregnant at Hogwarts. Another book yielded a long diary entry from a girl who seemed to be almost nine months pregnant, panicking about going home for the summer holidays and being unable to return as she would have a child. It was terrible, reading through each sad notice and scribbled bit of graffiti. He lamented the school's lack of a sexual education class.

He felt conflicted, finally reading up on pregnancy symptoms. The book listed vertigo, fatigue, and nausea as all possibilities due to hormonal imbalance during the first initial phase of pregnancy, split into trimesters. It was good to know that his moment on the stairs was perfectly harmless, alarming and maybe a little concerning as he was on a staircase, but it wasn't abnormal.

But the small voice inside Snape that thought there was a possibility he couldn't be pregnant was suddenly silenced. He now had proof that he was carrying a child. He never had random dizziness before and having it now could only mean the tiny speck on the side of his stomach was affecting him and growing bigger everyday.

He decided to take the books with them, planning to return them before term to avoid suspicion. As much as he would like to sit in the library for hours on end, he still had his responsibilities as a teacher to uphold. So he grabbed the week by week guide, a book on birthing and unusual pregnancies, as well as a book on smart dieting and things to avoid. Slipping them into his robes in case another teacher walked by, he left the library and dropped the books off in his room before heading to the dungeons to begin the process of readying the Slytherin common room for the start of term.

He felt a little disturbed at himself for the strange prickling sensation he felt in his stomach. It was very strange, the entire ordeal. He wasn't entirely sure how a woman justified doing something of this nature to themselves, thinking of Mrs. Weasley and her seven children. He could barely understand having one child, putting his body through mortal agony once, let alone seven times. Children were useful and necessary of course, but who had it in them to sacrifice their body and health to put so many babies into the world?

His tiny unformed baby would be with him for nine months, nine months of a whole host of horrors he had been unaware of until looking through the books. He wasn't sure how to feel or what to think of it, would Dumbledore make good on his word to protect the baby? Would Voldemort find out that he had purposefully used birth control?

His mind was swimming as he stepped behind the cellar wall and into the common room, the door closed with a echoing thud and the lamps instantly illuminated themselves upon his entering. The Commons area was fairly light today, the lake in the windows a much lighter green as the sun was still shining on it. It was stuffy and warm, and always eerily quiet. For the most part the commons was clean, a few items lay forgotten by the fireplace and on the leather sofas. Snape gathered an old water bottle, a single sock, tie, and post dated and graded charms homework from a third year. He put them all in the House's lost and found box by the bulletin board, which still had last year's Hogsmede visit notice and a posting from himself- a checklist for students to follow as they began to move out for the last few days of school. There was also a short notice announcing the feast and the moment of silence for Cedric Diggory the school had observed.

He mentally reminded himself that he would have to write up a new welcome sign for the first years as well as a list of rules for the common room as someone had removed the posting and used the tacks to advertise a broomstick they were selling.

He would have the house elves sweep and mop the commons, but there was no real damage done to any of the sofas, windows or walls. The fireplace needed to be swept and new logs needed to be placed, but the cleaning wouldn't take more then a day.

He then walked through the girls dormitory, making sure the beds were all in order and in the correct places. He had never really had any problems with the Slytherins not following his postings, perhaps it was because he was regarded as a strict teacher, as he had never had to enter the common area before the end of term to remind anyone. Regardless, he was glad he was able to put in place some discipline with his students. The girls were fairly clean, only one set of curtains was ripped and had to be replaced, there was nothing left under the beds and all the sets of drawers were placed in move in order, within a foot of each bed.

The boys he could count on to always be a little bit more rough, there were always random burns and tears on the curtains and more often then not a copy of Which Broomstick lying around. He wrote down a total of five sets of curtains he would need to replace and walked along the lines of beds carefully. The four poster at the far end was always his when he was a student. He always kept it immaculate but the many years of other students using it had taken its toll. Without much thought, he sat down on it, feeling the mattress sink down a little, he was far too tall now and he had to bow his head to sit. His hair falling in sheets across his face.

He really did feel like a teenager again, so unsure of himself. He felt like his body was changing and betraying him. He remembered many sleepless emotional nights he would spend, his friends urging them to tell them what had happened, threatening to hex anyone who had hurt him. He shook them all off, telling them his stomach hurt and he wanted to be left alone or that he was fine and he had to study. He lay back, His feet dangling off the edge, he looked around, seeing the graffiti of years of Slytherin boys etched and burned into the posts. He had to crack a smile, he had almost forgotten about his own contribution, but over the years it had remained and it was still the biggest and cleanest out of all of them. Burned into the post with magic read "The Half Blood Prince was here"

* * *

><p><strong>This chapter felt a little better reading, yeah? It'll get more interesting too as term starts, I promise. If you like what you're reading I urge you to review! I'm going to try to update this as consistently as possible but I'm going to need motivation seeing as how I'm probably going to be working more then 40 hours a week pretty soon. <strong>

**Thanks for reading! It's cool to watch all the traffic for this story piling up! **


	3. Yes and No

Once Snape had put notice in with the house elves to begin cleaning, he found he really didn't have much else to do other then make last minute preparations for his classes. He spent the majority of his time sitting in his potions classroom, opening boxes of potions supplies and extra books that would be kept in the classrooms. He cleaned out the potions bookshelf of spare text books to see which ones could be salvaged and reused, sadly most of them had to be thrown away after having been left there since being dropped or splashed with various concoctions, largely from younger students. He had the house elves wipe down and disinfect the shelves before he placed the brand new classroom copies of One thousand magical herbs and fungi and Magical Drafts and Potions.

He had also been given many new jars and beakers to use for his class that year and he divided them up between his standard and advanced classes, taking the time to wipe them all down throughly before placing herbs and ground up fangs and beetles inside them. He decided against using his new personal brass scale set for his standard class, keeping it in his advanced classroom along with his more potent potion ingredients.

He began going through his calendar, highlighting days for taking notes, days for brewing in which the potions would have to stand overnight, and the winter holidays, which he blocked off with a sharp black line.

He paused over the allotted time set for O.W.L.S and N.E.W.T.S, which was in the spring. It looked as if he was to be past due once the exams began. From what he had read in the books he had temporarily stolen from the library, his nine months would be up around May. Exactly how his pregnancy would differ from that of any other typical witch, he wasn't sure. But assuming the worst, he half expected to be sitting in the grand hall overseeing his exams when he went into labor. He outlined the entire month in red several times, snapping it shut rather quickly as he heard the tiniest footsteps coming in the direction of the classroom. He noticed he had again, inadvertently let his hand hover over the fabric of his robes, he withdrew it as though he had been burned.

"I has finished cleaning the Slytherin common room master Snape," The house elf squeaked, holding a very small broom and a container of what looked like Mrs. Scowers mess remover.

"Good," Snape said distractedly, "If the curtains were rehung properly then I have no more work for you."

"The curtains was hung sir." The elf said proudly, "There is nothing else I can do for sir?"

"No, you may ask professor sprout if the Hufflepuff Common area is ready." Snape muttered. Stacking all of the books on top of his calendar as though it might spring back open again.

"Thank you sir, good day sir." And the elf left, the door closing behind him with a loud thud. If Snape could appreciate the students for anything, it was how nicely they seemed to fill the castle, cleaning and tidying by himself, he was always more aware of how loud the castle seemed to be to make up for the loss of the students.

Not that the castle was completely empty, the staff had enjoyed their first full day back the previous night, with the notable exception of Professor Umbridge and Hagrid. Snape did somewhat miss the company of his coworkers even if sometimes they were a little louder and jollier then he was. Dumbledore treated them all to Butterbeer to congratulate them on their first day reunited at the castle. Though Snape had to politely decline, as he had read about the importance of abstaining from alcohol while expecting, he listened to all the stories the professors had to share over their summers and ate his turkey roast and mashed potatoes enthusiastically.

He could tell about half way through the meal that there was a slight bubble of interest around him and he wondered rather dismally if Dumbledore hard already informed them of Snape's condition. They looked to him a little more sweetly then usual, as though they were secretly happy for him, passing him food and pumpkin juice with a little more affection then usual. His fears were realized when Professor Burbage ended her animated tale about meeting with Chinese muggles in Beijing over the holidays, and the table turned to Snape, curious to know what he had done over the summer. He could only have supposed Dumbledore gave them a very short and concise summary of what had happened, keenly leaving out Voldemort and the Order, so they could only suppose Snape had somehow chose his situation.

He blushed slightly, unsure what to say or how to begin. He knew better then to launch into either a dramatic retelling of the gritty truth with Voldemort, but didn't have the imagination or the willpower to come up with a contrived lie that somehow involved him wanting a child. He told them instead of the day he thought Marciana had been injured when a muggle boy threw a rock at her and it turned out she had only been unable to fly down from his roof top because she was scared the boy might come back. This story did little to amuse the others and they still looked to him rather expectantly. Professor McGonagall came to his rescue however by telling her own story and drawing their attention away from him as best as she could. Professor Trelawney continued to stare at him, her eyes made bulbous by her large glasses and her mouth slightly agape, she looked as though he could burst into flames at the table at any second. Snape expected she would be predicting his death now with even more vigor, perhaps insisting he would die in childbirth.

Snape tried to leave the table as early as possible, lying and saying he had to continue scraping cauldrons for his classes. The others urged and pleaded for him to stay, but he shook them off, his robes billowing behind him bat like as he made his way back to his room. He felt a little bad, leaving his fellow teachers out to dry like that, but he wasn't sure what exactly to say about the whole ordeal yet. He would have to make a nice, fail proof lie before anyone could know much more, or before he started to show at least, he thought. Tired and full, he could have managed to fall asleep fairly quickly if he hadn't heard a knock on his door while he was undressing. Very annoyed, he quickly slipped back into his undershirt and cracked the door. Madame Pomfrey's concerned face looked up at him, her eyes glimmering by the light of his lamp.

"Not the best time Pomfrey, I was about to go to bed." Snape sighed, keeping the door only slightly open. He knew exactly why she was there, he wouldn't even try to act innocent."I'm sure we could do this another time."

"Professor Dumbledore said expressly that this had to be done before term," She whispered, "He also said," Her eyes darted to either end of the long hallways behind her, "That it had to be before any ministry officials arrived."

Snape sighed, opening the door fully and allowing Madame Pomfrey in, she was carrying a small doctors case and clipboard. He had not known her to make visits outside the hospital wing. She seemed very grateful that she hadn't had to argue, the two of them didn't always get along very well as when Snape needed help or attention he had a tendency to get very bitter and grumpy for needing help, and so the entirety of his 7th year was spent in a sort of love-hate relationship with the help of Pomfrey, mixed with her incessant mothering instinct.

"I suppose Dumbledore has you all filled in?" Snape murmured, closing the door behind him and walking over to his bed where she had already began unloading her bag. He felt very uncomfortable with this all happening in his own room. Surely he could have just called him to the hospital wing in the morning?

"Just enough," She said, grabbing her wand and looking to Severus carefully. "I'm going to give you checkups every few weeks to ensure that the baby is developing properly. Because of your unique situation, I'd consider your pregnancy to be high risk so Professor Dumbledore instructed me to keep a close watch on you."

Perfect, he thought miserably. If he already wasn't going to be dogged by the teachers, he'd have Pomfrey breathing down his neck every time he was to brew a potion that could be considered the least bit harmful in his classes. He blinked, looking up to her concerned.

"Why high risk?" His voice a little higher then usual as Madame Pomfrey began consulting her mediwitch book. "Is there something wrong?"

"Well you are fundamentally male," She admitted, picking the book up and looking to Snape a little wearily, "That's a variable with many variables attached, are you ready to begin?"

Snape blinked, looking around his room, whatever he was feeling wasn't preparedness. He sat on the edge of the bed, as straight up as possible as Madame Pomfrey drew her wand down his back, his distinct low drumming heart beat filling the room. She listened for a moment before taking her wand away and writing down numbers on her clip board. She then had him remove his clothes and stand while she felt along his back with her icy hands. Trying his best not to think about how he could have simply pretended to be asleep or shooed Pomfrey away while her thumbs pressing against his sides, feeling for the bones of his hips. She clicked her tongue, pressing even harder as though outlining the pelvic ridge.

"What's wrong?" He asked, turning around to face her as she continued to scrawl notes.

"You're like a box, Severus." Madame Pomfrey murmured, setting her pen down and drawing her hands together, the fingers touching while the thumbs extended away at a ninety degree angle. "Your pelvic girdle is like a square."

"That's bad?" Snape raised an eyebrow, looking down to his rather skinny frame. Superficially, he didn't appear to be very angular.

"Women's hips are like a wide bowl," She said, her hands spreading further apart. "To support the weight and shape of the child, the hips are more bowed and they are wider to allow the baby through for birth. I wouldn't be surprised if you were unable to birth in the natural way."

Snape's face drained of color, he had read in one of his books about pregnancies about the baby being cut out of the mother for some reason or another.

"If anything, it will cause you much discomfort in your later months," Madame Pomfrey said, drawing her hands to Snape's naked front and outlining the ridge as it protruded from his lower stomach. "You'll feel a lot of pressure, the baby will be getting too big for it's box in the later months and magic can only do so much."

She then took a long measuring tape around his stomach and marked down measurements, all the while Snape was blushing furiously. He hadn't really thought much of his internal bone structure when he read through the pregnancy books. He had just assumed because he had all the organs intact he would have a typical female pregnancy. Marciana watched amused from her cage and hooted lowly when she felt the silence was growing to awkward to stand.

"You're going to have a hard time counterbalancing this weight as well." She said darkly, feeling up his front with her gentle hands, exerting bits of pressure just above his hips and genitalia. "You're so thin you'll want to start eating more before the baby gets to show. You'll feel a lot worse otherwise, more dizzy and nauseous if you don't keep yourself just full enough."

"How much..." Severus began, but Madame Pomfrey cut him off, getting back on her feet to mark down even more notes.

"About 35 to 40 pounds," She murmured and Snape felt weak. He hadn't so much as gained or lost much weight since he was about 19. He prided himself on being fairly well kept, babies couldn't weigh very much coming out surely, how was going to gain that much? He never had much of an appetite and always ate small frugal meals. Truthfully he only ate better during the school year then he ever did in the summer because he never cared much to prepare three square meals a day just for himself.

"Is there any good news you could subject me to?" Snape muttered, looking down at his toes rather feebly, feeling very cold all of a sudden. "Or do I just get to become fat and uncomfortable for a year?"

"It won't be all bad," Madame Pomfrey sighed, a small smile on her face. "Dumbledore told me you had some interest in concealing charms to hide the pregnancy in the later months?"

"Yes," Snape agreed quickly. "As soon as I start to show." Madame Pomfrey sat on his bed and he took this as the queue to start getting dressed again. He pulled up his pajama buttons hurriedly, not taking his eyes of the witch.

"Well, concealing charms aren't meant for long term use," Pomfrey explained. "It's not as though you'll be able to just charm your belly in a few weeks and ride it out over winter. The spell does exert some pressure that could damage your organs and squeeze the baby if left on for long enough."

Snape wondered if possibly hemorrhaging all of his intestines would be worth looking trim for the pregnancy, but while he knew it would be worth it, Dumbledore and the order might be displeased if he had a malformed child for the sake of his dignity.

"When can I start using it?" Snape asked curiously. Putting an elbow through his pajama shirt and drawing his pale skinny arm through.

"Not until the start of your third trimester. About six to seven months." Madame Pomfrey explained. "If you do cast the spell early on, it will cause damage to the fetus as it spends its time growing, and you should never keep the spell on at night. If you do plan to use it, you need to have some time to allow both your organs and your baby to decompress."

"But," Snape spluttered "But won't I start... start showing in a few weeks?" Snape shook anxiously. "How am I supposed to explain getting all... getting all bloated for six months without magic?"

"You'll be just fine Severus," Madame Pomfrey sighed, only slightly sympathetic to his cause. "You've always been peaky, maybe getting a little more round in the hips might even you out some."

Snape glared at her, his chest heaving. He wanted to scream, wanted to tell her he'd taken this all because of Lord Voldemort and his stupid obligations to the Order and being a double agent. He hated feeling so self conscious and worried with each successive day what might happen. It wasn't fair, not a single bit of it. He'd lose all the respect of his house and his students, look like a great laughing stock in front of all of his peers, and he'd have Dumbledore and Pomfrey trailing his shadows day and night.

"How are you feeling now?" She asked, taking his wrist and feeling his pulse which had gone up significantly in the last ten minutes.

"Fine," Spat Snape, wanting nothing more then to drop into bed and be left alone. He felt suddenly dizzy again, not unlike the spell he had had on the stairs and he rubbed his eyes. He knew Madame Pomfrey could feel him sway slightly, her hand still on his wrist as his ankles rolled slightly, unsure of his balance.

"Do you feel nauseous?" She asked quietly, steadying him with her other arm. Snape thought for a moment, his fingers pressing on his eyelids.

"I want to sit." He murmured, feeling for his bed, knowing that if he were to open his eyes he would feel worse. It was as bad as the flu, he felt shaky and cold and Pomfrey still had to steady him as he made his way onto the bed.

"You've got to get a better grip on your feelings if you're going to be healthy," Pomfrey said, rubbing circles into the small of his back. "You get your heart up like that it doesn't do you any good at all."

He chose not to answer her, trying hard to keep himself from falling over and hitting the headboard of his bed. It took all of his mental faculties, and he couldn't amuse himself by being angry in his own head. He felt scared now, truly scared but it was not only for himself, but for the baby as well. He didn't really know how he felt so maternal, but it seemed suiting to the situation as he felt like he wanted to throw up.

"You're not going to want to exert yourself very much in these next few weeks," Madame Pomfrey added in a hushed tone. "Mentally or physically, keep your mind clear and relaxed, drink lots of water and keep to snacking a lot. Big meals could upset your stomach but being hungry will hurt more."

Snape was barely listening, keeping his hands over his eyes, the pressure felt nice. It stopped the overwhelming swimming feeling he had when he opened them.

"Will you be alright if I leave?"

"I'm fine." Snape breathed "Just need to sleep."

"I'll be checking in in a few weeks time." She said, drawing away from Snape as she began to gather her things. "In the mean time, if you have any questions, you'll know where to find me."

Snape didn't answer, he could tell she was standing above him, a little expectant, perhaps for thanks or parting words from him, but he didn't care, she only waited a few more moments before she swept back through the door. He didn't move until her footsteps faded away and he only could hear the silent buzz of his room mixed with the rushing he felt between his ears.

Marciana gave a low hoot as he fell back into bed. The buttons on his pajamas half fastened, his hair unpinned and fanned out over his pillow, he looked and felt like a real mess. The dizziness wasn't going away nearly as quickly this time, he reached for his wand and murmured "Knocks" softly. The lamps extinguished and the room felt much more cool.

It was perhaps several minutes before he sat himself back up to conjure a glass of cold water, he drank it slowly, feeling it fill him to a comfortable volume. The humid, hot sick that was welling up inside him seemed to chill and the light headache he was feeling evaporated. He hadn't thrown up in a long time and didn't want to start again now.

Was he really going to feel that ill every time his temper flared a little? Term would be impossible if he was going to be dealing with Neville Longbottom and all of Potter's stupid Gryffindor friends, their usual noisy arrogant selves would have him calling in sick before they even showed up to class. He was trying to think of a single event in his life that might make him deserve such a fate, he wasn't one to believe in Karma or good luck that was given by the impartial cosmos, but he felt that his work for Dumbledore and his fondness for Lily that extended for her son should have cancelled out unplanned, unwanted pregnancy. He filled the glass again, angrily. Some of the water spilling down his front as he brought it to his lips.

At least most pregnant witches had someone to care for them, he thought sadly. He couldn't imagine any one in the order stepping forward to support him financially, maybe take the kid on weekends and bank holidays. But he found that he didn't really know anyone that he would actually want to share the child with. The owner of the seed that had been picked out by Tonks was hours away, probably fast asleep now or on some mission from Dumbledore, unaware that they were in the process of becoming a father.

The only real person, the only person he could validate destroying his body for wasn't around anymore. He thought for a whole glorious moment about what he give to be carrying Lily's child, or better yet, her carrying his. The thought gave him a sort of warm fuzzy feeling he got from drinking tea too fast. He thought of Lily smiling, her bright red hair flowing around her shoulders while her green eyes looked to him lovingly, a son or daughter between them as they latched hands.

No, not that again, Snape thought dangerously. The scene vanished as he blinked furiously, letting off a shaky sigh. Thinking about Lily wasn't worth the emotional strain he got when he remembered she was gone. He hadn't worked himself up to tears this time, but he was close.

He turned over, exhausted by his depressed circular thinking and the poor feeling in his stomach to stand being awake much longer. Facing away from the window, the moonlight pooling over the room, Snape sunk into an uneasy sleep.

The two days between the Professors and their pupils passed fast and Snape took advantage of the last few precious hours by laying in bed as long as he wanted, eating whenever he felt hungry, and avoiding anyone and everyone that could be walking the halls to catch a glimpse of him. His short lived freedom was largely a product of a new bone tired fatigue he felt upon waking, which could be anytime between six and eleven AM. He would roll over, blink a few times and take in either the cool breeze floating in at the window from the darkness, or the sun shining brightly as it was high in the sky. He would typically snooze for another hour or two, ignoring Marciana's hoots and the noise of the birds outside, until he could sleep no more. The shaky exhaustion did not leave him however, no matter how much sleep he got, he did feel less nauseous though, as he decided to heed Madame Pomfrey's advice and take in small snacks rather then large meals.

His short hermit state was only interrupted on the last day before term when he heard a series of short small knocks around midday. Quickly he straightened his robes a little, still in the process of changing for the day, he had neglected to comb out his hair and his eyes still had a vague shadow of sleep.

He opened the door to find a very squat witch with short curly hair that was hidden under a pink pillbox hat. She was smiling sweetly, her mouth a little too over large for her face.

"Professor Snape?" She asked, her eyes taking him in over one large sweep of his frame. "Professor Severus Snape?"

Snape had no idea who the woman could possibly be but shook the gloved hand that was stretched out to him. She beamed hugely, placing her other hand lovingly on his arm. "It's my pleasure to meet you,"

"I'm sorry-" Snape began, but she interrupted him quickly

"Professor Dolores Umbridge," She smiled, "Senior Undersecretary to Minister Cornelius Fudge."

Snape blinked, the cogs in his head working furiously. He was still feeling drained from having just woken up and his face twitched slightly. Umbridge continued to smile lovingly at him.

"It's my first day since I arrived at Hogwarts and before I prepared my class I wanted to come and introduce myself to each of my new coworkers." Umbridge plowed on while Snape stared, unaware of the apprehension and confusion resting in his face, "I hope we can be great friends and I can ask you for any assistance I might need while I begin teaching at Hogwarts."

"Hello." said Snape stupidly. Suddenly very aware of the hair sticking to his cheeks and his unbuttoned front. As she looked at him he could tell she was taking in all of his errors analytically, while her smile seemed to give off the idea that she may be a very sweet older witch, her eyes darted, cold and calculating.

"May I come in for a few moments?" She asked, pushing past him quickly while pulling her gloves around her wrists a little tighter. "It's my understanding that you teach potions, is that true Professor Snape?" She turned to him and he recognized that glare, almost like an experienced Legilimens.

"That would be correct." He murmured, watching her eyes as she looked around, with obvious disapproval to his living situation. His pajamas were still lying on his unmade bed, a pillow hanging over the edge, almost resting on his end table where he had stacked a bundle of papers from students entering his N.E. classes. His desk to the far right was covered in feathers from Marciana, and many books that wouldn't fit in any shelves from his classrooms.

"And how many years have you taught?" Umbridge asked inquisitively, striding over to the window to see the first floor view he had of the Hogwarts grounds. Deciding it was for the best, she shut the window with a loud crack. Snape spied her stubby short wand.

"This will be my fifteenth year." Snape said very quietly. He knew from rumor that he shouldn't be trusting of the woman as she was quite possibly a spy for Fudge, but her obvious lack of respect for his space had him starting a headache, restraining himself from slapping her hand as it strayed over his belongings. Marciana felt the tension as well, and her eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"Do you like teaching at Hogwarts?" She asked, now picking up a copy of One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi from his desk. "Do you like teaching under Dumbledore? I've seen your records from the Ministry's education record. You seem to have a very balanced curriculum."

Snape frowned, if Umbridge had seen his record, she knew how long he had been working. She probably had read everything about him before she had arrived, right down to his shoe size, and he wondered how quickly she would be asking him about Dumbledore's abuses.

"Teaching has served me well," Snape admitted, standing stock still, his eyes following her gloved fingers, turning the pages slowly and carefully. "Gives me opportunities I wouldn't have possible otherwise."

"Really," Umbridge said, uninterested. She set down the book, replacing it on the desk with the rest of the stack. Snape realized in horror that his stolen library books rested at the top now, he had neglected to hide them properly before he had answered the door. Umbridge frowned, picking up the copy of the pregnancy week-by-week guide slowly. It had been the first time she had dropped her enormous fake grin since he had entered his room and she opened the book to examine the cover and checkout punch card.

"Books I found in the Slytherin common room." Snape stated loudly, his eyes watching Umbridge's expression carefully, his heart pounding very fast. He cursed himself for his poor judgement.

"Really," Umbridge murmured again, drawing out the card to examine the names. There was a long pause in which she examined the book from cover to cover while Snape stood, sweating. "Do you often take items you find in the common rooms back to your personal room?"

"Not... Usually." He admitted, flexing his fist a little, nervously. Despite her interested gaze, she set the book down on top of the stack, turning to face Snape again.

"Well, I must continue." She smiled poisonously again, striding over to Snape to shake his hand again, her unnaturally firm cold grip giving him goosebumps. "I still have to prepare my classroom and meet with Professors Trelawney and Flitwick." She stood by the door, checking her watch. "You wouldn't know where I could find Professor Hagrid, would you?"

"No idea," Snape lied, grabbing the door by the handle. "I'll see you at the feast, Professor." She smiled warmly putting her hand to her chest lovingly, waving as he shut the door fast, putting his back to the door as it shut and looking to Marciana, horrified. He felt his heart rate slow and as he heard Umbridge walking away in the direction of the marble staircase. He shook his head, unbelievingly. She was perhaps one of the most unpleasant people he had meant since James Potter, but as far as intent goes, she was clearly the more dangerous. He shoved the books under his bed, as though they had done him wrong, and opened the window once again, more to spite Umbridge then anything. He was glad he would be teaching within the next few days, the more time he had alone with his thoughts the more he was subjected to being driven mad by his own anxieties. Perhaps he would feel better a week into term, loaded with homework to correct and reading to assign.

He was almost now more worried about being outed by Umbridge then the actual prospect of pregnancy. He was certain that it would be no problem if she had heard rumors that Voldemort was involved- as the ministry was doing everything in it's power to erase any news of Voldemort off the face of the earth. But he thought someone at the prophet, a Rita Skeeter sort, wouldn't mind twisting any news they heard to demonize a teacher at Hogwarts.

Hopefully Harry Potter would be at the school quickly enough, and the bloody fame junkie would suck it all up, he thought miserably.

Harry potter was on the way to school the next day as it was, with all the other Hogwarts students. Feeling particularly tired having been woken rather earlier then he had been used to by the screams from Sirius's Mothers portrait and Mrs. Weasley being angry at Fred and George for one reason or another. He was very glad to have finally gotten to the day where he would have been heading back to Hogwarts, especially since he had had reason to believe he was expelled that summer. Yet he wished he could be going back under better circumstances.

He felt particularly lonely that day, considering he was going back to Hogwarts. He sat with Neville, Luna, and Ginny on the train, watching the green countryside go by in silence as they had fallen out of conversation awhile ago. Perhaps he had felt depressed about his incident at the Ministry and his alienation from Dumbledore that he didn't quite understand. Or it could be that he had felt completely in the dark all summer with no news, and despite how much he appreciated the motherly nature of Mrs. Weasley, he still felt annoyed from being barred from knowing a great deal of Voldemort's business. However it was the obvious absence of Ron and Hermione that weighed heavy on his heart, even before they had been appointed prefects, there was a certain disposition in the way that they carried themselves that made Harry feel like a useless third wheel.

There was still some time to go before the train reached Hogwarts, but Harry had changed into his school uniform very quickly, mostly out of boredom, but mostly because he still smelt some of Neville's stinksap in his shirt and couldn't stand the stench.

He supposed that Hermione and Ron would be showing up soon, he didn't think that a prefect meeting would take very long. It wasn't so much that he felt annoyed by Neville or Luna's company, but he wanted to talk to Hermione and Ron alone as soon as he could, and he didn't think he would be able to until they reached to the Gryffindor common room, after the feast had ended and people stopped asking him about his summer. What he had to say was private, what Sirius had tried to talk to him about before he boarded the train, and what was now swimming around in his mind curiously. Sirius had led him as a dog to an out of order bathroom just off the platform, not only so he could say his goodbyes, but also to ask something very queer of Harry.

"I'll make this quick Harry, Alastor will curse my tail off if he knows I'm doing this." He had muttered, putting his back to the door as he locked it. Harry smiled, just happy to see the face of his Godfather one last time before leaving for term.

"Now I know that you are going to be busy this year with classes," Sirius began, talking fast and panting slightly from the effort of transforming. "I know how hard my 5th year was for O.W.L.s and all, so I won't badger you."

"Is it about the order?" Harry asked, a little over excited. He had hoped Sirius might pull him aside sooner to give him the real news on what was going on, but Sirius's mouth twitched a little, undecided.

"Yes and no," he admitted, thinking fast. "It's not something strictly related but it's of the upmost importance to me." Sirius looked around again, as though he half expected the door to be blown up by no less then 10 ministry officials. He drew closer to Harry, his hand on his shoulder. "You know Snape is a spy for the order. Right now, he's going to be teaching of course so he won't be doing much for us, but he's been put on a separate assignment which is probably going to be very hard on him."

"What sort of assignment?" Harry asked curiously. He had never thought of Snape to be very trustworthy, and if Dumbledore was putting him on dangerous missions, he wanted to know.

"I'm not at liberty to say." Sirius said, even quieter. "But I believe it is, well, fairly personal to me." He could see his godfather blushing, even in the dying light of the bathroom. "I know that you aren't going to pretend to like Snape much, nor would I ask you to, but because you have classes with him you'll be seeing him often enough anyway..."

"I.. I don't understand." Harry muttered. Sirius seemed to blush harder, biting his lip nervously.

"Just keep an eye out for him, Harry." Sirius murmured. "You don't have to follow him around or talk to him, but you'll let me know if something happens won't you? Or if something's not right?"

"Something like what?" Harry was genuinely confused, but there was a sudden tapping on the door and Sirius transformed instantly. Lupin opened the door and stuck his head in, relieved to find them.

"Goddamnit Sirius, if you slip off like that again-"

Sirius swept past him as a dog, wagging his tail and panting happily, ignoring Lupin to catch up to the Weasley's on the platform. Lupin sighed deeply, hanging his head a little.

"Everything all right Harry? We'd better get back with the others."

He continued to replay the scene over and over in his head. Wondering what the explanation for this could be. What had come over Sirius to suddenly start caring about Snape and his welfare, Snape being in the order hadn't really improved his relationship with anyone else, truthfully he seemed to avoid everyone when he came around the house for meetings. Snape never really seemed to care for Sirius either, so Harry couldn't imagine what had happened.

What could this new mission be? Was Snape really going to be fighting dragons or risking life and limb for Dumbledore?

He was shaken out of his thoughts when Ron and Hermione finally met back up with him, starved from missing the lunch trolley and filled with news from the prefect meeting. They talked all the way back to Hogwarts, telling Harry about their new liberties and the prefects from other houses. He did not want to interrupt their excited thoughts, not only because of the company they were in but because he did not want to spoil their moods with the confusing request Sirius had put in his mind.

He watched the staff table rather closely as he sat down for his first year as a fifth year, instantly remarking to Ron about the absence of Hagrid and the new, very short woman sitting at the staff table. He watched Snape all through dinner, only looking down when he thought Snape caught his eye, raising an eyebrow to him before the broke gaze and continued eating. He wasn't sure if he was inventing any ideas or if Snape really did look any different, but Harry did think he looked a little diminished. His eyes more hallowed out and tired looking, his face more gray and exhausted. When dinner had ended and the students had begun clearing off in the directions of their common areas Snape still sat. His fingers twiddled his fork impatiently while staring at the new professor Umbridge with reproach.

"Do you reckon Snape looks any different this year?" Harry asked, leaning over to Ron. He looked over, only to realize Ron and Hermione had left, leading a group of first years in their wake as they exited the hall to show them up to Gryffindor tower.

* * *

><p><strong>Oh gosh this felt choppy. Happy Halloween everyone! I hope this clears up some wonder around Snape's baby daddy. It won't really get too <em>romantic<em> but SOMETHING WILL PROBABLY HAPPEN SORT OF I GUESS. Which is about all I want to tell you right now. **

**If you want chapters faster please review! I swear I start working the moment I know someone's reading. It's just hard to find time with working and trying to sleep. Speaking of which, I feel like I'm about to pass out. **


	4. Bubble

Ron shrugged, a piece of toast in one hand, his eyes squinting to look up over the large platters of breakfast food trying to catch a glimpse of Professor Snape at the staff table.

"What do you reckon?" Harry murmured. "Do you think he looks any different?"

"Not really," Ron said, "I can't see him much at all."

Hermione rolled her eyes, jerking Ron back down as he looked suspicious, standing up while everyone else was eating and chatting excitedly. Harry had told both of them about the unclear mission Sirius had given him before he had boarded the train, last night in the Gryffindor common room. He was a little relieved to see that both of them were just as confused as he was about what exactly he was supposed to do and what Snape could be up to.

"It's definitely strange." Hermione said thoughtfully after Harry had finished his story. The three had crowded around the dying fire of the common room. "Sirius never did get along with Professor Snape, and Sirius wouldn't be the type to try to force feelings just on Dumbledore's account."

"Yeah," Harry agreed, "He always hated Snape so unless it's something really personal, I mean, why would he ask me to look out for him?"

"Greasy git," Ron said. "Maybe he's threatening to tell the ministry where Sirius lives. Wouldn't put it past Snape to out him if he got in a foul enough mood. He's still probably really mad about not catching him and getting the Order of Merlin."

"But why would he ask Harry to keep an eye out for him?" Hermione disputed, shaking her head at Ron, "He would probably tell Harry to keep a low profile and not make Snape angry if that was the case, it sounds more like he wants Harry to see if he gets sick or injured."

"Maybe he's doing really dangerous stuff for Dumbledore?" Ron proposed, "Like what Hagrid is doing, you know?"

Harry shrugged but Hermione shook her head again.

"But he's still here teaching though, isn't he? None of it adds up." Hermione opened her standard spell book, burying her nose in it. "I wouldn't do anything Harry, unless something is really obvious. Dumbledore trusts Snape and he had his privacy. I wouldn't start invading it on Sirius's account."

Harry agreed, to some extent. He wasn't about to go into Snape's personal room or watch him after class unless he had substantial evidence that Snape was doing something fishy or he was in real danger. He thought back to his first year when he was sure Snape was trying to go after the philosophers stone and thought he had been injured by Fluffy, and watching Snape limping around the castle on his bad leg. Harry knew he would take Sirius's words to heart however, having seen the look of distress on his eye yesterday, he would do what he could. Even if it was confusing.

Harry's agreement with Sirius was put to the test not long into his first O.W.L. potions class. As pleased as he was with having a short word with Cho Chang before entering the classroom, he was instantly reminded of how unpleasant Snape could be when he quieted them all down for a beginning of the year pep talk.

Snape was feeling unpleasant after finally having caved under his early morning pregnancy symptoms and had been sick in the bathroom after breakfast. He was grateful he had made it after being very dizzy on the way to his class, but it was a close call. He sat during his first hour with a pitcher of water and a box of crackers under his desk that he snuck while his students wrote the directions off the board, but still could not shake the dizzy uneasy feeling in his stomach. Perhaps it was first day back jitters, but he thought his unrest was more due to what professor Umbridge had talked to him about over breakfast that morning. He had been halfway through the meal, listening to McGonagall praise the new head of the Gryffindor quidditch team- Angelina Johnson, when the distinctly obnoxious sound of Professor Umbridge clearing her throat made him turn his head.

"Professor Snape, how are you this morning?" She asked with her usual air of sweetness. Snape merely nodded, pouring himself an extra side of maple syrup to begin eating a fresh piece of french toast.

"I had hoped to catch you sometime before classes started this morning," She drew her cardigan a little tighter over he shoulders. "I had to ask you if you were head of Slytherin house last year."

Snape looked up to her, raising an eyebrow. Umbridge set her chubby hand on the table favorably, leaning in close to him to speak softer.

"I wanted to know if you were familiar with the student Alicia Steward."

"Familiar?" Snape asked, bewildered. Abandoning his breakfast all together as Umbridge nodded curtly. The other teachers were starting to look around.

"Was she one of your students, professor?"

"Not that I remember." Snape muttered, trying to break gaze with Umbridge's fierce large eyes. She blinked, he could smell a very strong perfume coming off of her clothes.

"Alicia Steward was a seventh year last year, in Hufflepuff." Umbridge stated matter-of-factly. "I've checked the records and she's a single parent now, working in London."

"Is this girl supposed to have some significance to me?" Snape inquired, now annoyed at Umbridge's close proximity, he backed his chair away a few inches.

"Alicia Steward was the last student to check out that book in your personal chamber, Professor." Umbridge said slyly. Snape's heart skipped a beat. "I find it very interesting that you've come across books in the Slytherin common room that haven't even been left there by Slytherin students."

"I'll... Look into it." Snape said softly. His toes clenching inside his shoes as Umbridge nodded knowingly and stepped back to take her seat on the other side of Dumbledore. His hands were shaking and his half eaten breakfast looked rather unappealing to him after that.

While he had taken his first hour to largely recover, his bad mood still carried through the rest of the day. Only intensified when his double second hour class with the both Gryffindor and Slytherin began and the Potter-Weasley-Granger dream team was already talking and bickering at the start of class.

"I'm certainly not going to be taking all of you into N.E.W.T potions," He began. Leaning on his desk while the sea of students followed him with their eyes. "It would be foolish to think all of you will be able to maintain the high standard I hold my students to for their O., but I think with a little optimism we can have everyone leave this year in one piece."

Neville Longbottom looked away from Snape, staring into his cauldron and gripping his shoulder nervously.

Snape waved his wand over the blackboard, instructions for their first potion appearing magically. The students began, leaving him to himself as he sat back down at his desk, filling his glass again with water. The classes initial first assignment had been rescheduled by Snape himself while he had sat with the third years in first hour. Today they would be making the Draught of Peace, which if the students had any luck in brewing, Snape would most likely take himself to settle his stomach and mind for the next few days. The potion was an O.W.L level potion, so he had no trouble rationalizing that it would be a good potion for them to brew on their first day back.

He found his hand stealing a cracker from the box he kept down by his extra rolls of parchment and caught himself, pushing the box shut and out of sight. Instead he went for the book he had brought in a stack with him to class.

He thought it stupid to be carrying around the pregnancy book but because he was so well prepared and as of right now had no homework to correct, he spent the spare time he had reading through the week by week guide as well as the mother's health book. He had taken the hint of some of the other girls who had checked the books out and cleverly disguised it as his O.W.L potions guide. The books gave him some relief as his eyes ran down the pages, not because of the text, but the little notes and scribbles the previous readers that had checked out the books made. Snape sympathized more as a reader then an expecting parent however, remembering his glorious days using his Half Blood Prince moniker to rewrite many of the spells and potions in his text books. There was a time between being fourteen and seventeen where his greatest thrill came from writing in books, whether he got them new or secondhand (He always preferred secondhand) he was quick to go through them with his quill, underlining and making notes in the margins.

He paused after reading the margin for the fifth week. Reading the line "Heartbeat" over and over again. The thing was only a few millimeters long and it would have a heartbeat soon. The book stated however, that he wouldn't be able to hear it for a few more weeks.

His hand wandered curiously over the pages leading up to the 20th week in the 2nd trimester. It sounded all very far away, but it would all be happening before the start of the new year. He would be able to find out the sex of the baby probably right around christmas. He wasn't really sure if he had a preference, as we was still in a grumpy mood about the entire ordeal, so he wasn't really sure if he cared whether it was male or female.

He imagined though, in his mind. Having a young boy. Not knowing who the father was, he though rather of just having a smaller version of himself. What he looked like being a toddler. Gangly even as a baby with a crop of black hair and downturned dark eyes.

If it was a girl, he wasn't exactly sure what to think. He thought of having a girl that looked like his mother, heavy eyebrows and dark sweeping black hair. Pale, yet thin and elegant.

He wasn't some seasoned mother with hearty maternal experience, so he was unsure what might be easier. But then, he thought again, maybe he wouldn't really see the thing at all. Voldemort could very easily snatch the child up straight from his open legs, or Dumbledore would insist that the child needed order protection and that it would be raised by someone like Molly Weasley.

He had mixed feelings about this, as much as the idea of childbearing and mothering disgusted him, he had a small flicker of fear at the thought of his little lump of flesh being taken and raised by someone else.

He put the thought out of his mind rather quickly, remembering that he didn't have the time or energy to own anything more time consuming then Marciana, which the school cared for over most of the year. He didn't have the money for any nanny to watch the child either.

His eyes flickered over the page, seeing the words 'breast enlargement' circled several times by a previous reader. He looked closer, reading the passage on the swelling of the breast tissue for the purposes of feeding.

His eyes narrowed, taking a long sip from his glass of water. Was this going to be another disturbing ailment he had to add to the list? Was he really going to have to wear a bra to his classes? His chest had never changed since his transfiguration accident, and it was one of the things he was thankful for. If he was happy for anything in his confusing teenage years of identity crisis, he was certainly happy he didn't have a pair of breasts. Nor did he appear to have them now, but it was something he would have to ask Madame Pomfrey about, making a mental note as he looked up to his class for the first time in minutes. The majority of the students were finishing, silver mist and vapors had begun to fill the classroom. Some had even begun to chat as they were finished with a flagon ready for Snape to test.

He snapped his book shut, walking through the aisles to see what the students had been able to make. Out of habit, he rounded on the Gryffindors, walking the aisles. Hermione, true to her nature had concocted a perfect potion, but Harry's and Ron's cauldrons were far from perfect, and he smirked rather viciously before cleaning up Harry's with a flick of his wand and awarding him zero marks for the class.

Once he had assigned the homework, the class did their typical dramatic sigh and began packing up. Snape's desk filled with flagons of freshly brewed draughts of peace before the bell rang and he was left with a slightly smoky class room.

Feeling much better as the day went on and with a little bit of the draught of peace for him to take, he felt much more relaxed and his head had stopped hurting. He was however very tired just from the hustle and bustle of the students and sank into his bed for a light nap after dinner. Fall seemed to come over night and he was woken around seven o'clock by a cold wind drifting into his room from the open window. He hastened to shut it before rolling back into his warm bed, but now unable to sleep. He curled up a cup of hot cocoa and looked over his O.W.L and N.E.W.T planned test dates sheet that Marciana had brought from the ministry while he was sleeping.

It really was likely that he would be giving birth right around end of year and wouldn't be observing the students taking the test. It wasn't something that was so important to him that he would lament missing, but he was curious as to what the students got, and which students he would not see in his classes the following year. He supposed Dumbledore would have to have a substitute come in for the last weeks in June to oversee review days and help them with any questions they had. The last week Snape devoted to cleaning the classrooms as they rarely got a simple mop over during term and things such as spilled potion and dirty caldrons were often let to rest in the floor sink. He had each class clean and polish their caldrons, and wash out the cabinets where their extra books and spare scales were kept. While normally, classes were let out early if the students finished cleaning so that they might have the chance to socialize or pack their personal belongings; Snape was a different mind. He gave the class the list of summer reading and explained the new chapters they would be covering next year. He also gave them a handwritten note detailing all the extra potion materials they should buy at Diagon Alley when they got the chance.

Snape typically spent the last month's personal time gathering his things to take back to Spinners end. Now it was all blocked off for most certainly recovering from the damage he was going to put his body through. He thought about what Madame Pomfrey had said about his pelvis being too angular, and thought to see if he could find something on bone growth and transformation to research.

Snape slept that night very peacefully, taking little bits of the draught of peace throughout the week, he found his sleeping schedule more normalized and overall, felt more relaxed teaching and letting stray thoughts of animosity out of his mind. He'd almost been so comfortable and loose, he awarded a Gryffindor student 5 points in his wednesday first year class for brewing a very clear boil curing potion. Which he thought, a little to his own surprise, was a first.

On thursday, he only had one class and it was mid morning, so he slept in, missing breakfast. His stomach was starting to almost nag him when he forgot to eat, which he found very obnoxious, but he now took to carrying around the box of crackers he could eat in the event he might be a little late to a meal. He had just gotten dressed and was heading to his Advanced Classroom when he was stopped by a very large ginger cat, sitting in the very middle of the hallway leading to the first floor. He looked around quizzically, no one was wandering the halls as it was the middle of second period. The cat meowed lowly as he approached however, getting up to brush up against his ankles, it purred very loudly and stood between his legs.

"Shoo," Snape snapped. He nudged the cat with his black heel, pushing it to the side as he made his way to winding staircases leading toward the dungeons. The cat meowed even louder however, following Snape at a trot to keep up. Snape stopped again, student were supposed to keep their animals in the common rooms during the day time, it made no sense for any of them to simply be walking the castle. The cat caught up to him, it's smashed face looking up at him sagely, still purring like mad.

"Go back to your common room." Snape muttered, nudging the cat again. He felt stupid trying to talk to an animal, but he knew some cats did possess magical powers and could sometimes understand certain words, the cat however did not appear to, but continued to rub it's flat face against his leg lovingly. Snape broke into a short sprint, running down the stairs to the hallway that connected to his classroom. He shut the door quickly and walking over to his desk to make a note of the cat. He would present the note to filch to find out who's animal had been wandering the corridors.

His advanced class began to file in after the bell about twenty minutes later. Snape was prepared to begin collecting their summer assignments as the came through the door but his students seemed to be very distracted by the large cat who had sat outside the dungeon class room, it's eyes flickering at Snape whenever he caught a glimpse of it through the open door. A few students petted the cat lovingly before coming in, laughing and comparing the cat to their own animals.

"Settle down," Snape said, shutting the door very abruptly, almost in an effort to scare the cat away. His older students were always a little harder to intimidate, they began to quiet, but even Snape could not wipe away their good moods.

"Sir," asked a 7th year Ravenclaw. "Was that cat yours?"

"No," Snape answered curtly. "Whomever it does belong to will be loosing their house quiet a few points when I do find out the owner. I don't suppose I have to remind you that pet animals must be kept in your respective common rooms."

"Professor, I think that cat was half kneazle." Another 7th year girl piped up. "You can sort of tell by their disposition if they've have a lot of the other physical traits bred down." Some of the students nodded.

"And why would it matter of the cat was half kneazle," Snape asked, raising an eyebrow. "If anything, that would make the crime all the more punishable. As it is a slightly more dangerous animal, walking around the castle."

"Well," a shorter hufflepuff girl with square spectacles began, "Kneazles are supposed to be pretty smart, aren't they professor? I mean..." She trailed off from a very condescending look from Snape. "...They're really protective and they can be really aggressive towards distrustful people."

"I'm quite aware of what Kneazles are, Miss Ellenburg." Snape hissed. "Anyone who touches that cat, If it remains outside my classroom after the bell will lose ten points for their house."

The students plowed through their summer review work that day and Snape spent the hour going through the rolls of parchment from the students and graded their summer assignments. For the most part he was fairly confident in their work, always more satisfied by his N.E.W.T classes as they were always his top students. The most he had to worry about was poor penmanship when he looked over homework. The content was always fairly good. He tried to put the cat out of his mind as he began to set up his projector to show slides. The students took notes in the semi darkness, not very enthralled with classifying brewing by observation. When the bell rang, the students gathered their things, blinking in the new light, and they left the dungeon with forced apathy about the determined large cat, still waiting outside the door. Snape put away the projector and gathered the slides back into the black case he kept under his desk. The cat meowed a long low garbled call and pushed through the door, staring at Snape peevishly. It flicked it's long tail back and forth, sweeping the floor before it hoped up onto Snape's desk, knocking some papers to the floor as it purred loudly for attention. Snape grimaced, he knew what Professor McGonagall's animagus form looked like so he was sure it wasn't her, but he didn't know any cat, other then perhaps Ms. Norris, who acted this way. He walked to his desk, intending to put the cat back on the floor, as badly as he wanted to kick it, he may be in trouble if a student's cat was injured, even if it was breaking the rules. Before Snape could put a hand around the massive creature, it meowed loudly again and rubbed it's face on his side, purring like mad and flicking his chest with it's tail.

Snape sighed, letting the cat bump up against him and rub it's face against his robes. He had a sudden, scary thought however. The words of his student echoing in his head, _Kneazles are supposed to be pretty smart, aren't they professor? They're really protective..._

The cat was now pawing at the front of his robes, rubbing circles over his stomach, giving him goosebumps. Had someone sent the cat here? To watch over him? It wasn't as though the cat was much of a guardian, just a very over large animal that seemed intent on rubbing all it's hair off onto his black robes. The cat wasn't so much even interested in him then it seemed to be interested in his still flat stomach.

Snape knew that animals were more attuned to nature and feelings then most people, he supposed he was probably leaking a catastrophic amount of pregnancy hormones that animals could pick up on. The thought did little to comfort him, and he shooed the cat away, trying to remove it from his desk without upsetting any more of his things. The cat only came closer to his hand, as though invited. Resigned to losing, he gathered his papers and N.E.W.T schedule and stared at the cat, wondering if he could will it to leave him alone. It continued to rub against him even as he drew farther away from the desk.

"I'm fine," Snape said exasperatedly. The cat jumped off the desk to follow Snape, he brushed the cat hair off his front with his stray hand. The cat walking behind him as he left the dungeon and headed up to the great hall for lunch. Instead of following him all the way there however, it stopped by the banister of the marble staircase, it's eyes still following him as he kept walking. He didn't bother to stop and look at the cat, but merely ignored it, rounding the corner where lunch had just started, Tomato bisque with grilled cheese sandwiches.

Assuming the cat was going back to the common rooms, it had to belong to either a Gryffindor or a Ravenclaw. He wasn't sure now if he wanted to report the cat to Argus Filch, as he figured it was most likely following him around because he was emitting pregnancy hormones like a satellite, if he told Filch a half kneazle was on his tail, he could assume Umbridge would find out, and he didn't much care to give her any more reasons to suspect him of anything.

The weekend was coming up and it would probably be Snape's last bit of time to himself before he was buried in correcting school work. Fall had quashed out the last bit of summer heat coming into the castle and a misty wetness descended over the grounds. The nights were much cooler and darker but it was still a little too soon to break out his thick woolen black robe he typically wore in the fall. Instead, he broke out his thick knitted fingerless gloves and his choice Green and Silver Slytherin scarf. Since looking at the mother's health book, he had tried to be more conscious of getting regular exercise when he could, as the book said it was good for the health of the baby and especially good for stress. More for himself then for the baby, he took to walking over the grounds after dinner, a cup of tea or cocoa in hand, steam floating in the air as he strolled across the gravel pathways.

Occasionally he would catch students outside, sneaking a cigarette or lighting off filibuster fireworks near the forbidden forrest, and Snape didn't pretend disciplining them wasn't nice to blow off steam. He took twenty points from Ravenclaw for breaking up too students almost mid-coitus by the lake one night, threatening to write to their parents if it happened again.

Late on sunday he followed a reflected light outside almost all the way to the Whomping Willow, only to discover it was the same Ginger cat who had been following him earlier in the week. He groaned angrily as the cat bounded over to him, purring and rubbing up against his leg. He had a feeling that the cat had still been following his around, almost floating in his periphery when he walked through the castle corridors. Perhaps it knew how annoying he thought it was, but it didn't stop the cat from bothering him and rolling on it's back as if trying to get Snape to pet it's belly.

Snape had never been much of an animal person, he personally found the idea of humanizing something like a cat or dog and holding it in such high esteem like a family member was downright disrespectful to it's very nature. Hagrid and his stupid obsession for dangerous beasts was living proof of that. Nevertheless, he let the cat stroll alongside him as he returned to the path heading back to the castle. It wasn't as though the cat was really doing him any harm now, if someone saw it he could just say he had found it outside anyway. He assumed now that the cat was simply following him around out of it's own humor, as he couldn't think of anyone who had a cat like this and would set it up to following him around.

"What are you saying, you lost him?" Ron whispered, lighting a fire under his caldron with his wand. "You checked everywhere in the girls common room?"

"He obviously came back last night to be fed but since then I haven't see him." She recalled. "I think he's got to be somewhere in the common room, I don't know how he would have been able to get out and back in without someone letting him in."

"That cat is smarter then you think." Harry mused, remembering the times in his third year when Crookshanks had been prowling the grounds with Sirius. "He's probably got his ways."

There was a sudden whooshing noise that snapped them all back to reality. Snape had summoned all the homework from their tables without much notice, Neville gasped and upset his ink bottle. Malfoy and the other Slytherins laughed.

"I will remind all of you that I will be grading your homework to O.W.L standard this year," Snape called loudly over the din of laughter. Hermione helped Neville clean up the ink that had fallen over the desk, and Snape put the parchment on his desk with his class score book. Harry's heart sank, remembering he had only managed to write about eight inches on the properties of moonstone last night.

"We will be looking into the composition of a strengthening solution today," Snape continued, waving his wand over the black board where a list of page numbers appeared. "As this potion is one that must simmer overnight, I must impress the weight it will reflect on your grades. Those of you who have not started very strong would do well to research this potion well." He stared coldly at Harry who glared right back, he was still angry at Snape for giving him a zero for the last class.

"I want significant notes on the strengthening solution, it's use in magical healing as well as it's restrictions in international sports. Furthermore, I want five inches of brewing notes that are to be used to your own advantage next class."

The students turned, dully to the first page described in their textbooks and began to read. Neville borrowed a new bottle of ink to use and the class hummed with the occasional turning of pages and parchment.

"Pretty boring day," Ron murmured, waving his wand at the fire under his cauldron so it went out with a pop. Harry and Hermione didn't answer, Harry couldn't afford any more slip ups in Snape's class and Hermione wasn't about to pass up a chance to learn for something as trivial as socializing.

Snape began his first stack of correcting by opening up his red correction ink. Starting on the first essay which was from Pansy Parkinson. She had gotten the gist of what he wanted, only leaving a few finer points out, he graded her rather well he though, with an Acceptable. Writing notes in the margins to indicate what she had missed.

He was feeling the dull start of a headache coming on and he pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and index finger. Even when he got enough sleep sometimes it wasn't enough to guarantee a good morning. He had polished off the last of his crackers earlier on in the week, and so he was to sit through a torturous two more classes before lunch.

He brought the next sheet of parchment to the front. Hermione Granger's essay, easily 13 inches with tiny cramped writing. Without much thought he instantly scrawled "too long," across the top. Not much interested in straining his eyes to focus on her miniscule writing, he wrote "too small" under his previous note. From what he read, Hermione, like always seemed to have gotten the point home with words to spare. She added an extra paragraph on Moonstone's limitations in love potions and the difficulty in exporting it to countries in the far east. Snape gave her an E without reading much of it, his head pounding too much.

He would like very much to either be sleeping or perhaps lying in a very warm bath, the essays to be graded at another time. Snape was surprised at how much heat had played to his favor since coming back to Hogwarts. Teaching in the dungeons meant resigning yourself to always having a bit of a chilly classroom, which Snape nine times out of ten, would have preferred. It kept the students a little more on edge and focused, and he preferred to dress in comfy layers. In the summertime, not expecting company, Snape was resigned to breaking out muggle T-shirts and shorts because he didn't care enough to buy robes that breathed much better then his long flowing black ones.

But this new highly sensitive, sick as a dog version of himself had magicked the room much warmer this year. Even with his robes, he felt a distinct draftiness that seemed to make his body much more sore and likely to feel achey unless the room was warm. The draw back was that he felt very sluggish and tired, like he was ready to nap now that he had found his perfect temperature.

He thought lovingly of the staff bathroom near the headmaster's tower. He hadn't even looked into it for many years, preferring his own bathroom and his privacy. He had never much cared for having an aqua jet or scented bath before, the thought now seemed much more enjoyable then he previously imagined.

It was that thought that floated like a bubble in his chest over the course of the day, getting him through his classes with ease. He felt marginally better after having eaten more at lunch, but the headache didn't dissipate until he adjourned his last class of the day, finished his dinner and climbed the long shifting staircases leading up to the staff bathroom. He brought with him a spare towel, a bottle of his own shampoo and a change of clothes for when he had finished, unsure exactly how much the bathroom would supply him with, his memory of the place was foggy anyway and he supposed the place could have changed some since he had last seen it.

The bathroom itself on the outside looked to be a very dingy water closet. The small wooden door was locked, the brass faded and tarnished. Snape knew better, and drew a long sallow hand down the wood, as though petting it, he turned the knob again and found it unlocked this time. He supposed the safest enchantment to hide a teachers bathroom was to have the door only recognize other teachers.

The bathroom candles instantly illuminated upon him entering and he was surprised to see the splendor it had been kept in, since he didn't think many of the staff had used it. It was very amazing to behold, there was a large, very deep circular pool, almost resembling a grotto that had many multicolored taps to chose from. Two glass dolphins were arched at the entrance to the pool and were spraying foamy jets of water from their blowholes into a large irrigated stream that ran the length of the room and was filled with glass beads. Hundreds of bottles of shampoo and body washes lined the left far left wall in transparent shelves while on the right, a waterfall flowed calmly with mossy rocks and very large blue and purple koi fish circling where the water touched down.

The ceiling was mirrored and gave Snape the impression that he was underwater, watching his reflection as the candelabra floated overhead, a distinct smell of incense wafting over the secluded paradise. It was very different from the feel of the rest of the castle and Snape supposed it must have been redone in the last few years.

He began to undress, hanging his robes on one of the hooks and stuffing his socks inside his shoes, he drew his towel around his waist rather protectively and sighed longly, filling his chest with the floral smell of the incense and feeling pleasantly dizzy. Only in his condition now could he enjoy this place to the upmost. Bathing and sleeping had never taken up such a precedence in his life where he seemed to become so easily bothered when he went without them. Now if he didn't shower at least once a day and clean his face twice, he felt dirty. His skin was more oily and warm now, and his body seemed to make up for the new constant warmth by sweating awkwardly throughout the day. His hair seemed to enjoy the new constant cleaning regime however, and had a new shining brilliance that competed with his usual matte black profile.

Snape dipped his foot in the edge of the pool, feeling a tingling sensation up his spine as it was just right. He draped his towel over one of the large dolphin statues and sank down to sit on the edge relishing the perfect warmth. He instantly forgot about the stack of papers he had to grade and the reading he had to refresh himself on so he could propose study questions to his students the next day. He sank into the deep pool, taking a deep breath and letting himself sink a few feet deep.

There was an ineffable sort of pleasure being perfectly suspended, he remembered the last time he had gone swimming, years and years ago. It was at a muggle public pool, at invitation from Lily.

The Evans had a membership at a local community center for many years, as Snape remembered. They used to take their daughters to swim at the pool while they were working over the summer holidays, it sounded like enormous fun to Snape, who had never really got to go swimming as his parents could never afford to take him anywhere.

On weekends where Lily convinced Petunia to let her borrow her pass, Snape walked to Lily's house where then Lily's parents would drive them to the pool. He was always intimidated by their kindness and mumbled out low thank you's as they left them with a lunchbox full of snacks and sandwiches for the day.

"You don't have a swim suit?" Lily said bewildered as they were about to enter their separate changing rooms. Snape, a gangly twelve year old, looked sadly at the list of pool rules, reading NO NON-SWIM WEAR ALLOWED IN SWIMMING AREA.

"My mum gave me some shorts," He showed lily the gray draw string exercise pants she had dug out for him when he told her about swimming with Lily. "But don't the boys ones have nets in them?"

Lily had looked from Snape to the shorts, and back to the changing room in rapid succession. She grabbed the pair from him and took them into the girls locker room, calling "One minute!" Behind her.

He waited awkwardly by the boys changing room, leaning on the wall with his plastic shopping bag full of dry clothes, watching the families coming and going until Lily came back out, excitedly handing Snape back the shorts, now lined with a black netting that made them unmistakably swim trunks. Snape beamed at her, not saying a word. She must have used some magic to have done it so fast, but having left their wands at home, it was small enough not to get in trouble for.

As much as Snape was excited for the pool, he did not understand how deep the pool was initially, and since he had not swam very often, he made up excused for staying in the shallower end while Lily took to water like a fish.

"Tuney taught me how." She exclaimed when Snape had asked her where she had learned to swim. "Mum and dad got me some lessons when I was really little but Tuney is really good at swimming and she taught me how to float."

Lily didn't mind that Snape was a little anxious to swim with water much farther over his head. They stole goggles from the pools gutter side and took to playing with the pool toys and seeing who could stand on their hands the longest underwater. They would leave after a few hours, very exhausted with pruned fingers and toes, they sat in the pools observation room to eat the snacks Lily's parents had packed them and talked about how Hogwarts should have a pool for swimming. They would be picked up in the evening again by her parents, Lily's mother scolded her for ripping her net sports bag and holding the contents in her arms as she got into the car.

They had their fun, going to the community center up until about third year, when the Evan's canceled their membership and Snape had outgrown the modified shorts.

A long echoing meow interrupted Snape's memory and he gasped, splashing water as he looked around to see the Ginger cat, sitting on the edge of the pool, looking disapprovingly at him.

"Won't you leave me alone?" Snape pleaded, his heart still racing, he angrily splashed water at the cat who stayed resolutely still. Watching him beadily. He couldn't imagine how the cat had gotten in, but decided against trying to figure out how. He had come to relax, and the presence of the cat wouldn't shake him from being able to enjoy the water and the warmth. The cat seemed to understand as well, it wasn't toeing the water precariously or meowing loudly for him to leave. Perhaps the cat knew how good it felt and far from trying to annoy him, it was just chaperoning. He felt stupid, putting it out of his mind. It was just a cat. A very nosy, ugly cat.

He investigated the nozzles to the poolside with interest. Some were a simple gold or silver while others were bright red, murky brown, and even a pearly white. Loopy cursive writing was written across the porcelain above the nozzles, some reading Aches and Pains, Moisturizing, Anti Aging, and congestion. Snape walked along the slanted side of the pool, turning some levers on. Making a curious concoction of water to suit his own bathing experience. The Aches and Pains and Migraines taps flowed into the pool and left a steamy mist to float in the air, breathing deeply, Snape felt instantly better, his skin tickled at the new water pouring in. He felt light and radiant, sinking in up to his eyes so his hair floated on the water's surface, his sighs became thick pearly bubbles that floated to the surface.

His knees floated to his chest and he balled himself up, eyes closed. Willing himself to leave the bath was going to be very hard. It seemed to have been enchanted to never loose it's heat and it wasn't until the cat meowed rather loudly that he snapped back to reality to find the bath close to over flowing, he turned the taps off quickly but sank back to his resting position.

His heart seemed to do a very alarming summer salt in his chest as he drew his arms closer to him, he felt his front closely, an inarticulate groaning mumbling of dread coming from his throat. Just below his bellybutton, he could feel a small accentuated bubble. Unremarkable to anyone except himself, but a huge distention from his norm. He felt over the tiny bump, his eyes wide, the color gone from his face. He hadn't noticed anything that morning while he dressed, had it really just magically appeared in the last eight hours? Was he even supposed to be showing yet?

The magic of the bath suddenly gone, his heart racing as he pushed a little on the pooch, almost trying to force it back. He hoisted himself back out of the bath, sitting on the side to see his stomach.

He felt stupid, both hands feeling over the bump, he had known this was going to happen, he knew it was going to only get worse from there, but now it was there. Just slightly puffed out, it wasn't even really the baby yet, it was just his baby pushing on his organs to bloat him out, but it was a sign for things to come.

The cat meowed loudly, striding over to sit next time him as he dripped water all over the side of the pool, it's tail held jauntily high.

* * *

><p><strong>My dumb ass forgot it was NaNoWriMo so I guess this is my project this year, not like it really matters, at the pace I'm going this could probably make it. Thanks for those who have reviewed, I feel like people are less interested in this because it's not a love story but I feel like with the circumstances Snape's in, it doesn't make sense for it to be about love at all. He's just so negative, you know?<strong>

**Keep reviewing, I think chapter five is going to be hard to start. Thanks!**


	5. Creature Comforts

Harry, Ron and Hermione all crowded around the fire in the Gryffindor common room late that night as they had seen Sirius's face flickering in the fire, in apparent response to the owl Harry had sent him. Almost half as excited as they were terrified Sirius would be caught, they recounted all of what had happened to them since boarding the Hogwarts express, about the tyranny of Umbridge and the flicker of pain in Harry's scar when he had served detention. Sirius asked him about everything he had mentioned in the letter but it was what Harry hadn't mentioned that he was sure had drawn Sirius to appear.

"No news on snape then?" He began, a log crackling rather loudly and distorting his mouth as he talked, "Nothing at all?"

The three looked to each other noncommittally. Ron shrugged, sinking back to rest against the chair while Harry scratched the back of his hand nervously.

"I suppose we're still a little confused about what you mean." Hermione stated, "I mean, is Professor Snape doing some sort of dark arts that is affecting his health? Or-"

"Dumbledore's already told me to keep my word," Sirius began, looking shiftily around as though to check Grimmauld place for any order members that would be checking up on him. "So I'll only say a little- I already said that Snape was doing a mission for the order, which is true." He began in hushed tones. "It was part of his spy work, to maintain being a double agent he had to be part of this duty which is at great cost to his physical well being. He's at Hogwarts now, and he's got the whole staff looking out for him so he should be alright but I want to make sure he's ok because what he's doing now, well..."

He looked from each of their curious faces. Biting his bottom lip and choosing his words carefully. "It means a lot to me, but Snape doesn't really know that. He's going to be rather ill for awhile and I wouldn't doubt that some of the students will start to get suspicious of him in due time too. But just know that Snape's privacy is key. If you think you have any idea what's going on, don't share it with anyone else but me."

"We're not going to tell anyone his mission from the order," Ron said, "We aren't that thick."

"Of course you're not, but..." Sirius looked uncomfortable, Harry was sure that his real face was probably beat red with embarrassment. "This is the sort of thing we need to be really careful about, if Snape so much as finds out that I've told you anything he'll probably do something really foolish."

The three of them jumped as Crookshanks gave a long meow, stretching his front legs and arching his back as he came to sit with them by the fire. Harry still was confused, wondering how much he could get away with knowing.

"Is anyone else on this mission too?" Harry asked curiously, absentmindedly rubbing Crookshanks back as he came closer to him, purring like mad. Sirius shook his head slightly, Harry frowned.

"No, it's really only something Snape can do."

Harry was beginning to feel frustrated at the evident lack of information he was getting in all aspects of his life now. Dumbledore was hardly talking to him, he wasn't going to be learning any practical defense against the dark arts, the entire wizarding world thought him to be a liar, and now his own godfather was holding back from telling him about important news from the order.

Hermione seemed to be the only person completely content to put any ideas of Snape out of her mind, something that annoyed Ron and Harry a lot when she quashed any speculations they might have.

"I keep telling you, it's his business." She said as they put out the fire that night after Sirius had wished them a good night. "Besides, Hagrid is the real one who's out risking his neck for Dumbledore right now, and we're no closer to figuring out what he's up to either."

Hagrid was perhaps the only person who could have clued Harry in a little more then Sirius, and it was very bothersome not to see him in classes or be able to visit him on the weekends anymore. He was especially annoyed that Hagrid hadn't even bothered to send him an owl explaining himself, but as Hermione had said, if he really was on a top secret mission for the Order, it was likely that he wasn't able to send any owl post.

As icing on the cake to his overall mood of confusion and generalized animosity, the school was buzzing the next morning over breakfast with the news from the Daily Prophet on Professor Umbridge's new position as the Hogwarts high inquisitor.

The staff table was significantly on edge as the students passed the prophet around, looking to each other with great interest and turning their heads to see Professor Umbridge, positively beaming in her her cat patterned knitted sweater. The other teachers weren't even speaking, knowing full well now that their jobs greatly depended on how much they distanced themselves from Dumbledore and even their students.

Snape wasn't so much concerned for the new appointment as it really only confirmed the already widely believed opinion that Umbridge had it out for any Potter-sympathizers or incompetent staff, which Snape didn't believe himself to be among. So long as he managed to keep a low profile and kept teaching the way he always had, he could probably even manage getting a raise under Umbridge's rule.

He felt a little anxiety for his coworkers however, knowing that he would probably see one of them gone by the end of the year. It wasn't as though he really disliked any of them (except for Umbridge herself) so he wouldn't really wish unemployment on any of them. So far all of them had kept his secrets fairly well, only going so far as to make sure he was entirely comfortable and not bothering him anymore then necessary.

There were times when he was secretly glad he had their help, even if it was a little embarrassing. Anytime he felt the need to duck into a bathroom to spit up something he might have eaten or simply to sit out a period of intense dizziness, he always left to see a very large out of order sign across the door to prevent trespassers. There was also a curious phenomenon of snacks appearing wherever he went to ensure he never went without food. He wondered if Dumbledore had enlisted the house elves to assist In watching over him as so far he had gotten three boxes of crackers, a whole wrapped ham sandwich with pumpkin juice, and several random sweets from Honeydukes. On the whole, Snape was very grateful and was beginning to feel a little ashamed of how introverted he was when so many people were lining up to assist him.

He doubted he would become any less introverted over the coming months however, since his episode in the bath, he had come very close to tears each night, lying in bed after the sun went down. His broad thumb rubbing the spot below his navel where the baby had started to distend. It had gotten slightly larger but it was still hardly recognizable when he wore his billowing robes. It was only when Snape was alone, washing up in his personal extended vanity mirror, that he could see the full scale of what was happening.

He was starting to notice exactly what Pomfrey had meant, saying his hips were like a box. From every naked angle, Snape's swallow pale skin covered a very slim and pointed skeleton. His legs were skinny and almost hairless, his torso evenly proportioned while his shoulders tilted back to limp and bony arms. His stomach's small pooch had an obvious distention upward as well as foreword and Snape knew for now, the baby couldn't feel the very brittle cushion it sat on as it was so small, but when it got bigger the pressure would probably be unbearable as his pelvic girdle was so enclosed.

He had started to wonder exactly what could go right when Madame Pomfrey bustled into his room late at night to give him his second checkup. She had given him notice of it in the morning but because of his almost constant fatigue, he had fallen asleep at his desk, black hair spilling over his folded arms, he knocked half his papers onto the ground in a fright when she cracked the door to peer in.

"I thought you might have come at a more regular hour," Snape admitted, lighting candles to illuminate the room as he put the parchment he had knocked over back on his desk. "Couldn't this have waited until tomorrow if you were going to be so late?"

"It meant to come late," She admitted, helping him with the mess. "I never gave you a time because I was afraid of Umbridge."

"She can't really fire you," Snape snapped, rubbing his eyes to get used to the soft light. "You're not a teacher or anything, why would she care?"

"She's going to come after anyone in the school regardless," Madame Pomfrey assured him, striding over to an empty chair next to his bedside and she began unpacking her bag of the contents. "She's already had a big heart to heart with Filch, so I wouldn't doubt she might come to me and demand to see my credentials. Besides," She turned to Snape. "I get the impression you don't want what we're doing public anyway."

Too right, Snape thought, coming to sit at his own bedside. He rolled up his pajama sleeve so that she could take his blood pressure then took off his shirt completely so she could put her wand to his back to feel for his heart. He folded his arms across his stomach, feeling very chilly as she worked, he knew trying to hide himself from her was senseless but out of instinct he didn't want to expose anything.

He lay back on his bed as asked however, his head propped up against his pillows as she surveyed his front, feeling his chest carefully with her chilly hands. She gave him a very warm smile as her reach gravitated toward his stomach.

"You're starting to bloom Severus," She said excitedly, cupping the small warm bulge in her hand. Snape closed his eyes, an exasperated sigh building up in his chest, he stifled it as best as he could, arching his back so Madame Pomfrey could get a measuring tape around his middle. It felt unbearable, lying down and being compared to flowers and women and other such maudlin nonsense. He had never really been an object of affection before, even as a child he was very rarely doted on by his parents and they seemed rather uninterested in his own development. The only person that even remembered his birthday was Lily.

"How does it feel?" Pomfrey asked him, lightly pressing on the distention with her finger tips.

"It doesn't feel like anything." Snape said sharply, "Feels like fat."

"Well I can assure you it's all baby right now," Pomfrey sighed, giving his belly a pat as she took out her wand. "It's not really baby, but it's the baby pushing it's way out, certainly not any real fat." She added, "Are you ready to hear the heartbeat?"

Snape blinked, his fingers trembling a little at his sides. He hadn't thought he could hear the heartbeat yet, it seemed far too soon. Surely it was still too small, too buried in his own flesh to hear. He gave a very slight shrug, staring at the floor equivocally. She held her wand to the skin on Snape's stomach, drawing a slight line down the side as though she were looking for a signal, a loud and deep whooshing sound filled the room and Snape looked to her dumbstruck.

"That's your heartbeat." She murmured, still trying to pinpoint the baby with her wand. As it moved the sound grew louder then softer, gradually shifting until she came to a point very low in his stomach where the sound grew fainter and was replaced by a sharper and quicker noise. A heart pounding incredibly fast. She steadied her wand, looking to Snape with joy.

"It can take a few minutes sometimes, but he or she is definitely there! It's so quick because the baby is so small right now, it will become less so as time goes on but right now that sounds perfectly healthy to me. Stronger then I thought in fact." She paused, looking to Snape, who had gone suddenly very cold. He felt dizzy again, but less so because of his condition. His head hurt, he was fighting back tears. Madame Pomfrey snapped her wand away and the noise suddenly died, she looked very concerned.

"Severus?" She paused, coming closer to feel his forehead, he closed his eyes again, feeling his nose begin to run with the onset of crying. He said nothing but gave a long shuddering breath and let Madame Pomfrey run a long fingered hand through his hair. She looked like she wanted to say something, but kept biting her lip nervously, unsure of what to do that might make him feel better.

"Hormones?" She asked quietly after a moments pause, Snape continued to breath deeply, a few tears falling from his shut eyes despite how hard he tried to keep them in. She knew if Snape could blame any feelings on his condition, he might not withdraw from her as much. Snape nodded slowly, wiping his eyes while Madame Pomfrey reached for a tissue. She desperately wanted to ask him how he had wound up in all this mess but she remembered Dumbledore's strict orders not to ask him any more then he was willing to divulge to her.

"I don't understand... why this is so hard." Snape murmured, blowing his nose on the offered tissue. Truthfully he wasn't exactly sure why he had been crying, but just hearing the baby's heartbeat when he was already on edge seemed to break something inside of him. He was still so conflicted about the entire business and as much as he wanted the thing out of him, wanted to have his body back and feel well again without sleeping like a rock, there was something inside of him that was protective. Some maternal force inside him that was keeping him from lying in bed all day, that reminded him when he needed to eat. Snape didn't like babies or excitable expectant mothers at all, but for him there was something that made his heart ache at the thought of the baby inside him now. It was his baby, there was no father so he could be entirely selfish about it, and he knew that the second it came out he would fight tooth and nail to ensure it stayed his. It wouldn't fall into the hands of Voldemort or Dumbledore without him fighting for it.

"It's called Oxytocin." Madame Pomfrey said, resting her hand now on his shoulder in which she hoped was a supportive fashion. "The hormone for love and expectant mothers. You're head's soaked in it right now so it's going to have you feeling very off for awhile. It's a good thing though, if you think about it. Mothers would just smother their children if they got woken up at night and didn't have any Oxytocin."

Snape didn't say anything, he didn't like the idea of all his thoughts being diluted by powerful love hormones, slowly tearing him apart until he felt too conflicted and scared to act rationally.

"Once you get a little better adjusted to it, you'll enjoy it more," Madame Pomfrey promised, "You feel a lot more calm now, don't you?"

Snape nodded, he was telling the truth, his head had stopped buzzing a little. Breathing heavily, he felt almost ready for bed. The room was a perfect temperature and his now intensely warm body felt sluggish and sleepy.

"That's the Oxytocin bringing you down. It'll keep you more relaxed and happy when it feels you are under stress. It does a lot really." She picked up her clipboard again, preparing to resume her checkup. "It'll try to keep you relaxed and calm until birth, then it'll help jump start your contractions and dilate your cervix for labor. Then after that it'll keep you loving your child and making milk."

"Milk?" Snape groaned, "Have you ever got good news for me?"

"Breastfeeding is good news," Madame Pomfrey assured him, she placed her hands now on Snape's chest, feeling the area carefully. "If you're able to breastfeed it's going to mean a world of difference. Breast milk is incredibly important and there isn't any substitute fit to say it's better."

"Well that's all great for this..." Snape paused, clenching his hands carefully "...Baby... But what does that mean for me? I'll become a milk maid the second it's born."

"Well I think I'll trust you to do what's good for your child." Madame Pomfrey said, a small smile creeping up her face. "I think it'll be a little harder to refuse when he or she is hungry and wants their mother."

"I'm not a mother." Spat Snape, his hand twiddling the bulge absentmindedly, "And I'm not a milk maid."

"Well Severus, it will be upon you to choose when the time comes." Pomfrey said plainly, slightly amused at his anger. "Your body is going to produce milk and it will be an option you may take or choose against."

Feeling particularly annoyed, Snape let Madame Pomfrey continue examining him in silence. He felt like he was being guilted into something, like she was telling him he wouldn't be a good parent if he choose not to breastfeed. It wasn't natural at all, if he had to break himself apart for this couldn't he at least use some sort of formula? Could he not be allowed anything?

"You're still too thin, Severus," She concluded at the end of the appointment, writing down some last notes. "With the way your hips are, you're going to want some cushion for this child so it doesn't come out with rough corners."

"Assuming I can keep food down." Snape muttered balefully. Sitting up to put his shirt back on, not really much caring if she was completely finished or not. "Shouldn't matter anyway right? Having such a strong heartbeat and all..."

"For now it does," She reminded him. "I'd like to keep it that way of course. I'm going to weigh you next appointment so put on a few so I don't have to bother you much. Good food too Severus," She said sternly. "Not just junk food."

He scowled at her as she packed up again, drawing her night shawl closer around her as she made her way to the door.

"If you need me, you'll come see me, won't you Severus?" She said, clearly a little annoyed but still overcome with concern. "You won't just ride out any pain without telling me, if you need something you'll ask?"

Snape gave a short noncommittal grunting noise, Pomfrey's worried face disappearing as she shut the door, leaving him alone. Still feeling the impression her hands had left on him, he put a hand to his chest, feeling his heartbeat dully. All these emotions were going to kill him, the Oxytocin, or whatever Madame Pomfrey had called it, was truly evil. He understood now, all the Molly Weasley types doting on each of her missed periods. A chemical high was the only way to describe it, treasonous sentimental thoughts that unraveled him.

He was crying again, crying as hard as he had yet. He hated it, feeling like he wanted to die at the drop of a hat, then instantly optimistic. Then hungry. It was a vicious cycle.

For the first time since becoming pregnant, he regretted not knowing the father. It was not particularly a lonely feeling, but a misplaced anger that felt bottled up inside. Why should he be the only one to suffer through this? Why wasn't there someone out there, tossing in bed, thinking late into the night about the welfare about their child?

He mourned privately, the loss of this other father. The idea of explaining what had happened to his son or daughter when they reached the appropriate age seemed mental. Telling them that he had only bore them for his loyalty to Dumbledore and never cared to discover the father. He knew his own life well enough, his own lack of a decent father, and now his child would not know the pleasure either.

His crying was more wretched now, coming in shuddering gasps. He buried his face in his hands, pulling away tear drenched locks of hair. He heard from the direction of the door, a deep mewling noise. The cat had somehow gotten into his room, perhaps whisked in as Madame Pomfrey had left. It strode across the room and hopped up onto Snape's bed. Craning it's neck to see him curled up and crying, his eyes red and swollen.

He couldn't bring himself to kick the cat away as it came closer, he was starting to become secretly glad of it's almost constant company, even if it did leave him feeling a little unnerved.

He wiped his hand on his pajama bottoms and reached out his fingers to let the cat rub against his palm lovingly. Taking this as invitation, it curled closer to him, folding into his side and resting its enormous head on his stomach. It began to purr and Snape's shuddering sighs grew less and less shaky. He lay still, petting the cat and trying to dry his face as best as he could. Just the presence of the animal seemed to bring him back down to earth, steadying him as he inattentively stroked its fur while It rubbed against his belly. Clearly pleased to finally have gained his trust.

Not caring much whether the door was open or if the cat would care if he stopped petting it, he dimmed the lights and slowly fell into a deep relaxed sleepiness. The purring of the cat and its silhouette of warmth leaving him as his troubles evaporated into a comfortable daze.

Far away in Grimmauld Place, Sirius had pulled his head out of the fire and sat on the hearth, gathering his thoughts. The fire flickered on, warming his back and crackling merrily behind him. His head was swimming with the information that Harry, Ron and Hermione had given him but he couldn't put Snape out of his mind. He almost regretted telling Harry bits and pieces of Snape's condition now that he had all three of them very confused and unsure as to what to make of it. But if something did happen that was apparent to the students, he wanted to know, even if there was very little he could do about it.

He heard from the entryway, people entering the house in hushed tones. From the sound of it, it seemed like it was only Remus and Tonks. Typically he would be rather glad of company as he had been cooped up in the house for long without much to do. Members of the order took to walking him outside on a leash when he became stir crazy, but now he felt a little deflated and tired. His thoughts had him going in circles and he would be perfectly content pretending he didn't hear his friends and going upstairs to sleep. Before he could slink away however, Remus entered the parlor with Tonks, their cheeks rosy and their hair slightly tousled from the cold breeze outside.

"There is a store down the block selling roasted cinnamon almonds." Tonks said brightly, "We went and bought you some." She extended him a funnel of warmed sugary smelling nuts. He gave her a grin and took them.

"They sell them there every year around this time." He said, popping a few into his mouth. "That was the only thing I missed when I went to James's for christmas as a boy."

Remus looked a little stern as Tonks left the room to hang her coat. He looked from the crackling fire to Sirius with a sigh forming in his throat.

"You need to be more careful Sirius." He said, stuffing his gloves into his jacket pockets. "I know you miss Harry-"

"Don't start Remus," Sirius cut him off. He continued to eat the warm nuts. "I only go for a little while at a time. It's only something I do when I need information right away."

"And what couldn't wait for an owl?" Remus asking sitting down next to him and splaying his cold thin hands to the fire to warm them. "Is there anything really so pertinent that couldn't wait a day or so?"

Sirius didn't answer.

"You know Dumbledore is watching him." Remus said quietly. "Even if Harry is having a hard time, it's not as if he's under any immediate threat while he's at Hogwarts."

"I'm know that," Sirius growled, not meeting Lupin's eye. "I was asking about Snape."

Remus frowned. Rubbing his hands together and setting them in his lap. Sirius felt himself blush a little bit, matching Remus's flushed cheeks.

"You haven't talked to him at all about it, have you?" Remus asked cautiously. "I mean, there is no way he would know it was you? It was anonymous after all."

"I don't care if it was." Sirius whispered, looking around the walls as though he expected someone to burst in. "If he's carrying my child, I want to have a say, right? I want to make sure he's ok."

Remus gave a tiny smile, Sirius glared at him, feeling his cheeks flush even more.

"You can't really tell me that after all these years you suddenly care about him." Lupin chortled. "You don't really think he will be ok with you if it's your child or not."

"He damn well better be!" Sirius exclaimed. "It's not as if I have any family left, is it? Why should he be allowed to stalk off with my child and give it to Voldemort."

"Because you promised the order, Sirius." lupin urged him, "You can't put pressure on him like that when for all he knows it was supposed to be anonymous. Dumbledore said himself that he's not going to let the child to fall in Voldemort's hands anyway."

"Yes, but you're forgetting it's Snape." Sirius shot back. His face was contorted and he clenched his fist over his knee. "Dumbledore might trust him and all but it's not as if Snape ever cared about anything other then himself."

"That's all you know," Lupin rolled his eyes. "And you're forgetting that Snape doesn't have any family either." Sirius didn't bat an eye at this, It was his firm belief that the child was just as much his as it was Snapes. He remembered the conversation Dumbledore had had with him after the meeting regarding Snape's condition. How he had told Sirius that he was going to sire the child. Dumbledore had explained to him in great confidence, that he was the only person suitable. He and Snape were close in age, he was in particularly good health, and had a reasonable fortune in the event of him needing to care for the child financially. Of course Snape was to be left in the dark about the order's decision to give Snape only one choice, but Dumbledore said there may be a time when, if Sirius was up to it, he should be able to care for the child.

Sirius had given a sample of his seed begrudgingly, thinking that he wanted nothing to do with Snape and that he had to do whatever Dumbledore wished of him, but as the weeks wore on and they had received word that Snape was indeed with child, he had started to grow more and more concerned if not scared for the well being of his baby.

"Do you remember when Lily was pregnant?" Sirius asked offhandedly "When was it that she started to show?"

Lupin wracked his brain, thinking back to the years following their graduation from Hogwarts. He had been desperately trying to find work but because of his condition he had lived largely off of what James could donate to him. He remembered the night they had all gathered for dinner and they had broke the news to Sirius, Peter, and himself.

"She was already showing when they told us, wasn't she." Lupin thought aloud, counting backwards on his hand. "She was maybe two or three months pregnant I think, they didn't know until she started to get sick."

"So do you think... Snape is showing at all?" Sirius asked, there was almost a look of pain in his eyes. By the light of the fire his face showed an overwhelming heart sick concern. It was almost as though he felt guilty. Lupin shrugged, not at all wanting to imagine a pregnant glowing Severus Snape.

Sirius was growing tired with worry. Snape meant almost nothing to him, he never felt much of an inkling of apology for all the times they had hexed him all through their Hogwarts career. But the fact that Snape was playing mother to his child changed everything, Sirius had longed for a family ever since he had lost his own in James and Lily. His own mother and father were such a disappointment that he could only hope for a day were he would be able to settle down with a nice witch that could bring a few children into the world. He longed for the idea of a nice little cottage with a pet dog and a few of his own kids running around the house. Harry would be a great uncle, and Ron and Hermione and Lupin and Tonks and all his friends would visit them and he would see his own children go off to Hogwarts when they were of age.

But now he was an escaped fugitive, Voldemort had returned and he couldn't leave the house unless he was in his animagus form. Assuming his name was ever cleared, he couldn't think of a single person he would want to share his life with. Albeit Snape was far from any idea he had in a spouse, he wondered dismally if they could ever work out a deal in which they could have partial custody, Sirius could see his son or daughter every other week perhaps, and he could still call himself a father.

"I think a good idea, would be to write to Dumbledore." Remus proposed, putting a comforting hand on Sirius's knee. It made him sad to see his friend so torn up and confused about the entire business. "You can ask any questions you want and Dumbledore might be able to answer them. I expect Madame Pomfrey is probably watching over Snape and she'll probably tell Dumbledore if anything serious is happening."

Sirius nodded, writing to Dumbledore was the best he could do. If he could not be at Hogwarts or talk to Snape personally, going by Dumbledore was the best he could do.

Tonks joined them not shortly after, having made tea. Sirius sat with them, not saying much, but thinking carefully about what he was going to say in his letter. Watching Tonks and Remus chatting and occasionally flirting, his mood darkened a bit. What if Snape hated him so much he wouldn't let him even see the child? All his pride was going to be cast aside if it had to. He would beg and plead for the chance to see the baby, to be able to hold it after it was born. He didn't really think that Snape would go so far as to abandon or harm the child, but there wasn't any scenario he could imagine where Snape would be at least neutral to the fact it was his child.

Was Snape happy not knowing? Did he want help or was he perfectly content to raise the baby with very little intervention from Dumbledore or anyone else in the order?

He knew that he could get over his own pride to tell Snape he was sorry for everything he had ever done, just so he could play a role in his child's life. But could Snape let bygones be bygones as well?

He sat at his desk that night, writing his letter to Dumbledore by candlelight. It took several drafts to get to a letter he thought was well written enough to send, and it was well passed midnight before he closed his ink bottle and decided it was best to mail it the next morning when he had a chance to read it again and make sure it still felt right the next morning.

_Dumbledore,_

_I'm writing in regard to Snape because I feel that as the donor to his situation I should get some sort of regular information. I understand Snape may not want anyone to know and for the time being, I am alright with keeping my connection with him a secret._

_I would like to establish something in the long term that would allow me to see the child when it is born as well as have partial custody assuming the child is to be left with Snape. I would agree on the whole to being able to help Snape as much as possible over the coming months as well but I do not want to inconvenience or aggravate him with my presence. _

_If you could talk to Snape to warm him up to the idea of me a little, it would be greatly appreciated. I would do it myself but I don't want to stress him in the condition he is now._

_Thanks,_

_Padfoot_

He hoped Dumbledore would know him as his Marauders name but based on the content of the letter, there wouldn't be much room for guessing as to who had sent it. He had had to revise out a lot of things that would be too telling in the event of someone finding the letter. Sirius had also tried his best to not make it seem as though he was being demanding or selfish, trying to come off as concerned as possible, if not dutiful.

Voldemort would be coming for this child at some point and he would lay down his life to protect it. He hoped that Voldemort would soon be too preoccupied with his attempts to break into the department of mysteries to care much for dogging Snape's movements or asking him about his potential heir.

What would he do when he found out the order had sabotaged his plans and denied him a son or daughter? Snape would probably be killed the instant he found out, whether or not the baby was already born. The idea of losing the child now made the bottom fall out of his stomach. He couldn't bare to have anymore of his close friends- people he regarded as family- to die at the hands of Voldemort.

The moment Harry had disappeared in the maze last year had traumatized him enough to make him anxious if he hadn't seen Lupin for more then a week or if Hedwig was a little late in getting him news from Harry. Harry was his son now, as far as he was concerned and there was nothing Ms. Weasley said that could make him feel otherwise.

He fell asleep that night, contented with imagining Snape had made peace with him enough to let him see his child. He imagined the baby being born and him swaddling the babe in a blanket, seeing his son or daughter for the first time, with tears in his eyes. He supposed though, that all bets for peace were off if he proposed naming the child after Lily or James.

* * *

><p><strong>I've edited the story info to include Sirius as a 2nd character now. I must reiterate it's not a love story however. <strong>

**Please please please review. There are plenty of people reading this now so I think it's safe to say you have an opinion. If you want chapters faster, I'd like feedback! What you like and etc. I write for an audience so I have to make sure there is one. **

**Thanks for reading and all that. I will try to push out another chapter by thanksgiving. With the weather suddenly colder, it gives me plenty of incentive to not leave my apartment so I should have time to write. Cheers.**


	6. Rigged

Closer to Halloween, Snape seemed to be in a far better mood. Two solid weeks of miserable crying, headaches, and vertigo seemed to have driven him to the edge of madness and back. His last weekend had been enormously productive in grading essays and homework only because he had finally gotten the energy to leave his bed. He still had small bouts of dizziness that happened typically when he moved too fast or was walking upstairs, but for the most part he had been a lot better. He was sleeping through the night, eating properly and going on his regularly scheduled walks without much interruption.

It could have been his good health or it could have been hormones, but he was actually feeling optimistic on the whole. He felt inspired and wholesome, enjoying the time he kept to himself by reorganizing and taking inventory of his potion ingredients, planning on doing some brewing of his own.

He had taken elaborate notes and copies of the pregnancy books he had stolen as well, feeling a little guilty for taking them and deciding to finally return them in the event a poor girl needed a little advice. He would be starting his second trimester soon and was just as terrified as he was relieved. The mothers health book described the second part of the pregnancy to be the most comfortable phase. As Snape was easing out of being constantly ill and depressed, the baby was certainly making up for lost time and gleefully filling the space as he was finally able to keep food down.

He had a small mourning period, a silent final goodbye to whatever pride he had left for his situation and his body. He had to let it go, knowing that he was determined to be bloated and exhausted no matter what. Snape wasn't exactly happy about it all, but he could at least agree to not be angry about it. As much as he also hated the idea of breastfeeding, he had done his research and Madame Pomfrey was right. In addition to being sure he wanted the best for his child, breast milk had quite a few magical properties and was reasonably valuable in potion making. The last thing he wanted to do was sell the stuff, but from a monetary stand point, it was smarter then buying someone else's milk.

Letting his trousers ride a little lower then usual, he found he was still able to button them all alright. His billowy robes seemed to hide the new paunchiness as well, so he didn't feel too anxious walking down the halls at his normal stride and standing over his students to criticize their potions.

Only those who knew there was something to see, seemed to have something to say about it. Much to his embarrassment, the staff was treating him with even more sweetness. Catching glimpses at him in the staff room when he relaxed his guard and didn't mind a few occasional stares at his stomach.

He had also received an catalog from a mother & me type store that was having a sale in Hogsmede. He knew it must have been sent from a Hogwarts staff member as he had never been on the mailing list of any motherhood shops, and the sender knew better then to send Marciana in with the other owls at breakfast, but rather she had arrived at night by his window.

He gave her a few owl treats and took the catalog from her, looking through the waxy pages with an overwhelming feeling of dread washing over him. Not only was it going to be very hard for him to find the time to go shopping for the baby when he wasn't busy and the village wasn't crowded with students, but maternity clothes as well as clothes for newborns, didn't come cheap. Snape couldn't think of anyone that would have hand-me-down baby clothes they no longer needed either. As much as baby clothes were a rip off, he felt the least he could do was spare his son or daughter the same fate he had had, being dressed in clothes that were obviously too large for him because of his poor and careless parents.

Snape remembered being dragged to garage sales with his father up until he was 12, his mother anxiously asking him if he liked the huge t shirts and pants that would need 2 belts to secure to his frame; all bought for less then 3 pounds.

No, even if it meant dipping into his savings, he would ensure that his child had suitable clothes. Basic jumpers and tiny shirts and shorts, he didn't care about buying any stupid graphic clothes with pastel colors and obnoxious sayings on them.

Finding maternity clothes that suited him however, were an entirely different matter. There were a few select pairs of pants that weren't specifically flared and stylized for witches, but they could really only do for pajamas as they looked like women's exercise pants. Shirts were especially hard as most had an obvious scoop neck or existed to accentuate the bulge, which Snape wasn't keen on. There were only two he put down to order and he was sure he wouldn't have to wear them until after christmas, when he was really showing. He ordered a simple black turtleneck that had an extra stretch of fabric over the front and every review assure him it was "Very comfortable", as well as a gray knitted tunic. The back of the ad advertised "The flower girdle" a bewitched magical extension that promised to fit mothers into their pre-maternity clothes up until delivery, Snape added one to his order as well.

There were numerous other things he had to restrain himself from buying, reminding himself there was numerous other things he was going to need and he would be perfectly fine without relaxation candles, expensive skin lotions and extra undershirts.

He was trying to enjoy the whole ordeal as much as he could, telling himself constantly that the bigger he got, the healthier his baby probably was. True to his word, he was trying to eat more without upsetting his stomach. Granola had became his new favorite snack food, and house elves had been sneaking it to his room every chance they got so he always had some lying around. Madame Pomfrey was very pleased with him and gave him his third checkup, much more enthused then the last two.

"You're really going to thank yourself in a few months time," She said, drawing a line down the bump, past his bellybutton and to the bottom of his stomach. "As much as your hips might hurt, it'll be nothing compared to doing all of this without a little cushion."

"Well considering I'm finally able to eat normally, it's not much of a surprise." Snape mumbled, letting her go about her checkup, watching the sun rise in the sky. This time she had come just as he was getting ready for the day, determined not to catch Umbridge.

"Well whatever is working, don't let up." She said cheerfully. "You'll be needing about 3,000 calories a day to keep the baby and yourself running at one hundred percent. Have you been taking the vitamins I gave you?"

"In the mornings, yes." he said. She beamed at him.

"It's all looking good now." She added. "The baby is technically a fetus now. I think we'll have enough time to get a picture as well."

"A picture?" Madame Pomfrey had drawn out her wand and had placed it on his stomach the same way she had looked for the babies heartbeat. She had taken out a few sheets of paper, stored in a box not unlike a container for light sensitive transfers. She paused when she seemed to find the magic spot, low in his pelvis, and held the paper just below it, mumbling as she tapped the paper with her wand. She did this a few times, perhaps looking for different angles and Snape resisted the urge to sit upright and see what she had done.

She held up the first image, a very warm motherly smile on her face, Snape's jaw dropped. The paper held a fully developed black and white moving image of the baby, nestled very tight and very small, it flickered slowly back and forth. It was so tiny and curled up that it took a moment for Snape to understand it's orientation but he could see very distinctly, a head with a closed eye and small budding limbs.

"Still can't tell the sex of course, but now we have a little bit of an idea of what's going on in there." She whispered, handing him the moving picture. "Looks completely healthy in my opinion."

Snape's heart soared in his chest, drawing the picture to his chest, he took a very deep breath. Only now realizing he had tears in his eyes. The look of longing in his face was all she needed to see.

"You can keep that once I've put it in developing fluid." She said, holding her hand out to take the image back. "If you drop by after dinner, I will have it for you, and don't worry." Madame Pomfrey assured him as his lip quivered nervously. "I'll do it in Dumbledore's office so no one will be able to see them."

Snape was very glad he had the solid image in his head of his child all day long as when he had retrieved his 5th years homework to pass back, he found Umbridge waiting for him in his classroom. At first he was horrified as he thought she had come to demand answers about him, perhaps pertaining to his motherhood books, or if she had somehow found the pictures from Madame Pomfrey. When he saw her clipboard sitting on her lap however, he breathed a sigh of relief, knowing she was there as "Hogwarts High Inquisitor". He ignored her as much as possible, checking on the state of the still brewing strengthening solutions and rewrote the instructions on his blackboard.

Umbridge proved to be extremely irritating as the class began and he tried to correct a large stack of 2nd and 3rd year work. She stood over his desk in his light asking him numerous questions that he knew were on his record, but she asked anyways. She lingered most infuriatingly on Dumbledore's regular refusal to give him the post of Defense against the Dark arts and various ministry standards.

He was relieved when she had turned to the students, smiling a tiny bit as the Slytherins oozed words of praise over him. He powered through and managed to finish the large stack by the end of class, walking through the rows, awarding Potter zero marks again for managing to completely fail the assignment and dismissing them to their third period.

He was sure that Umbridge could sit in on all the classes she wanted but wouldn't ever find anything she disagreed with enough to put him on probation or have him suspended from teaching. He would probably receive a few tedious remarks on how to improve and to dumb everything down to a ministry standard, but he found that he didn't care much. He had Dumbledore behind him and as much as he didn't want to associate with him in the eyes of the ministry, Dumbledore would never see him thrown out after what they had agreed to the night Lily had died.

He got through the rest of the day with the thought of the picture still in his mind, determined to keep the picture, with the rest of what Dumbledore could call "The best of him" hidden in a box under his bed with everything lily had ever given him, letters, and important papers he would otherwise forget. Determined to never let anyone else see it, he had several different magical locks guarding it as well as dark magic that could harm whomever had opened it unless it was himself.

The large ginger cat met him downstairs after dinner as he was walking to the hospital wing to get the developed image. It meowed in greeting and kept stride with him as he walked down the corridors. As it was nearing curfew and the halls were deserted, he didn't much care if it was trailing him. He really did wonder if the owner of the cat was starting to notice its absence, and he wondered if the cat really had an owner anymore after all. Maybe the cat was living off the sheer charity of others and had chosen him as it's next master. The animal did seem a little too loved however, and always made a point to disappear when their were people nearby, and around meal times.

Thankfully, there were no students in the hospital wing and Snape walked through the rows of beds unfettered. He rapped hard on Madame Pomfrey's office door and she cracked it a few inches, only to smile and push it open all the way. She handed him a padded envelope wordlessly and he took it, closing the door behind him. Without any thought to whether or not there would be students or Umbridge walking by, he ripped it open, sliding the paper out to see a well developed outline of the baby. He put a hand to his stomach, a wave of infectious overwhelming happiness spreading over his entire body as he walked back to his room with a new spring in his step.

_Padfoot,_

_I appreciate your concern in this matter, truthfully I thought you would write to me sooner but I am nevertheless glad. Things at Hogwarts are going about as well as can be expected right now and Snape has started to feel better in the past few weeks, and showing a better aptitude to his situation. It is my belief he has started to get used to the idea. _

_I don't feel now is a good time to give him a full disclosure, though I appreciate your candor. It would be best to leave matters until the end of the year when the semester at Hogwarts is over and thus the staff will be left with some free time. _

_I will try my best to establish whether or not Severus is open to the idea of being aware of the father soon. However it will be completely upon Severus if he wishes to remain the only benefactor to the child's welfare. For now, we must be patient. _

_I hope the attached will keep you pleased for now. _

_Sincerely, _

_Albus Dumbledore _

Sirius read the letter over several times fast. Overjoyed at the news that Snape was alright and not entirely jaded by his condition. If Snape was at least positive about having the baby, perhaps there was some hope to bridge the tension between them and make an agreement for the child.

He flicked open the attached envelope, pulling it open and gasping aloud. The moving black and white image flickering in his hands. He gave out an audible gasp, watching the small fetus shift back in the safety of Snape's womb. How Dumbledore had managed to get him this was beyond him, did Snape know he had it? He found that at the moment he didn't care. Tears leaking out of his dark eyes, he gave a breathy sigh. Now he could be sure it was there, his baby, would it look like him or Snape? Boy or girl? Having a boy would be really cool, he supposed. A regular troublemaker but deadly smart if their genes had anything to do with it. But he wouldn't love a girl any less, he knew that as much.

They would have to be in Gryffindor for sure, whatever Snape had to say on the matter was irrelevant. He didn't need another black being thrown in Slytherin and raised around death eaters. He would raise them better then that.

He was snapped back to reality as Mundungus Fletcher came into the Parlor, looking around shiftily. He looked relieved to find Sirius alone, nodding to him as he made his way over the Sirius, his hands deep in his pockets.

"Whatcha got there Sirius?" He asked gruffly, his jacket rattling strangely with every step. Sirius quickly stuffed it back in the envelope, waving to Mundungus.

"Nothing dung, you aren't smuggling right now are you?"

"Nothing much," He murmured. "I just wanted to tell you somethin..." He looked around a little guilty, as though expecting Mrs. Weasley to pop out and scold him. "I was jus in Hogsmede a few days ago"

"Yeah," Sirius said. Mundungus looked a little curiously at the letter but his gaze shifted back to Sirius reluctantly.

"Well, Potter was there," He continued, still looking shifty. "Ina Hogs Head, he was there with a buncha students right? Talkin about how hes not getting much from his classes, tryin to form some sort of club."

"What do you mean?" Sirius questioned concerned, students didn't go to the Hogs Head much. It was typically the place the people of Hogsmede wanted to go to when they didn't feel like running into a bunch of school kids, the cliental was more of Mundungus's flare anyways.

"A defense club," Mundungus added "Theys got a list of kids who don't like their classes and are formin some club so they can get better at doin hexes and stuff."

"Really," Sirius said, his eyes narrowing a little. "You're sure of this Dung?"

"Positive." Mundungus assured him. "Just thought you should know, bein his godfather and all."

"Thanks," Sirius nodded. "I'll see if I can talk to him. I appreciate it."

"Yeah," Mundungus said, nodding quickly, "Isshere any chance I could stay the night tonight? Got a little bit a trouble, dun wanna leave, ya know?"

"Sure," Sirius said without much thought. He began walking upstairs, the thought of Harry's behavior trying to compete with the baby for space in his mind. It made a little sense to him, considering what the three of them had told him about Umbridge and her classes. It was dangerous and all, but what was school without a little bit of fun anyway?

The owl that had arrived for him from Dumbledore was still sitting on his windowsill, screeching loudly and waking Buckbeak as he opened the door. Quickly he strode over to his bedside, tearing off a small bit of parchment and scrawling quickly across it before attaching it to the owls leg.

"To Harry Potter," Sirius growled, and he opened the window to let the owl free. It soared over the roof, heading north in the direction of Hogwarts and he shut the window again to keep the cold air out.

He sighed, collapsing onto his bed in a heap. Holding the envelope in his hands, gripping it tight.

If he really wasn't going to be able to his his baby now, he was going to be miserable, he thought. Now that he had seen the little thing, he had to have it, have the real thing in his arms in a few months time. Would he be able to give it back to Snape even? Part of him was sincerely worried that Snape would be more then happy to give the child up, give it to Voldemort to be rid of it and let anything be done to it.

The words Remus had said floated back into his mind however, was there part of Snape that could let go of all his selfishness and ill will to raise a child?

Nobody was all evil, except perhaps Voldemort. He knew Snape was more a shy bookworm then he was a truly spiteful git. He supposed that James and himself probably brought the worst out of him, from what he could put together, Snape had also had a rather rotten childhood.

Regardless of what Snape could use for an excuse however, he didn't see any reason why Snape could refuse him if he apologized for everything he had done and promised to do anything and everything for the child.

He had money, surely if nothing else he could buy him out. He would give everything he owned to be able to have at least partial custody of his child, and Sirius did have quite a bit of gold. If he could show that he could get Snape anything money could buy, the odds might be in his favor.

Buckbeak gave a low twittering noise as though sensing his confused thoughts, Sirius sat up a little. Taking the picture out of the envelope and holding it up for Buckbeak to see. The bird tilted its head, following the flickering imagine with his eyes carefully.

"Do you like kids, Beaky?" He grinned

Buckbeak merely ruffled his feathers, unamused. Then went back to sleeping.

Snape received the remarks from Umbridge's inspection the following week. Just as he thought, he had ranked in the upper tier as far as the ministry was concerned. Scoring highest in accelerated learning, N.E.W.T preparation, and record consistency, only really losing points in Classroom content. She had scribbled rather neatly, the remarks from the Slytherins had given her as well as some of her own recommendations. Professor Flitwick and Professor Sprout were the only two who had done as well, Professor McGonagall losing points for her highly advanced curriculum and largely practical classes.

Their reviews were all posted in the staff room and Snape noticed that some had been torn down before he'd even looked at his own. Specifically Professor Trelawney's was missing, the parchment partially ripped from when it had come down.

There was also the matter of the new educational decree, disbanding student organizations. Snape had posted it earlier in the day only to receive word from Malfoy that someone in the common room had torn it down, and so Snape had had to return to repost it, this time with a permanent sticking charm.

He went down to the Slytherin common room to post the decree, along with a notice of his own announcing the next quidditch match in late November- Slytherin vs. Gryffindor. He had finished his lunch early and planned to post the notice when there wouldn't be many students around to bother him or ask questions. Snape had already been badgered about what all the decree entailed and Slytherin's had been nervously asking him in the halls if their favorite clubs were to be disbanded and asking him for signatures of approval for study groups. Umbridge hadn't even had the gall to tell the teachers what she had planned to do, he would have liked to be debriefed on the matter a little, so he could anticipate all the stupid little loopholes the students could come up with.

He found he didn't much care to enforce her rules anyway, tacking up the qudditch notice alongside the dates for practice. He eyed the dates for Hogsmede visits, running a pale finger down to the end of the dates. They weren't due for another visit until right before christmas break, which meant, if he could manage it, he might be able to start looking into getting baby furniture and figuring out what he would have to save up for to afford. That was of course, if was to be keeping his baby. He tried not to let his mind wander to if's and but's yet until he had some confirmation from both Dumbledore and Voldemort that he could sire the child as it's caregiver, then there wasn't much use in comparing bassinets.

Without much thought, he left the dungeons and started to walk in the direction of the headmasters tower. Because it was Halloween and classes were shortened, the students had the rest of the day off and would be heading back to their common rooms rather then classes. He wasn't exactly sure where Dumbledore would be, but thought that if he wanted to talk, going to his office would be a good place to start. As though on queue, the large cat bounded out from under the stairs to greet him, meowing in greeting and keeping pace as he walked up the numerous flights of stairs. He shot the cat a rather quizzical look, knowing exactly how annoying Dumbledore would be if he knew that Snape was attracting various animals because of his motherly nature smell his body was surely wafting about. He wondered somehow, if Dumbledore already knew about the cat, and maybe he was the one sending it after him, it wouldn't be unlike him, Snape thought exasperated.

"Sugar Quill," Snape muttered to the large gargoyle, which promptly sprang aside to allow him entrance to the tower above. He listened carefully as he climbed the staircase, the cat keeping stride. He could hear a short twittering whistle, perhaps from fawkes, but there were no voices. Snape was glad, he didn't want to explain to any visitors why he arrived, with a large cat following him no less.

Dumbledore was at his desk, writing a long letter in his small loopy handwriting. His robes were a stern gray today, his long beard tucked between himself and the desk. He smiled politely to Snape and placed the quill in the bottle.

"Getting rather tired of these letters to the ministry, I must say." He began. Stretching his long crooked arms a bit. "They keep insisting I update them every week on the progress that's been made by Professor Umbridge."

Snape frowned a little, only accepting the chair offered to him because of how tedious standing had started to get as his body piled on weight so fast. His ankles were sore, and he was much relieved as he lowered himself into the padded seat.

"Would you like a toffee?" He offered him a tin that sat on his desk, Snape declined. "Excited for the Halloween feast this year? We are going to be having pudding and angel bread again, must be the first time in years." Snape shrugged, completely uninterested.

"I was wondering if this would be a good time to talk." He asked shortly. Dumbledore blinked, as though he fully expected Snape to go on and talk at length about pudding and Halloween decorations. He smiled widely however, his fingers knitting together as he leaned closer over his desk.

"I'm all ears Severus," He said serenely. Snape licked his lips, looking Dumbledore's shoulder to the countless portraits of old headmasters and headmistresses, peering down at him keenly.

"The baby," He began, his voice slightly forced and higher then usual, "I want to know what you're intending to do with it."

Dumbledore raised his eyebrows, his eyes twinkling behind his half moon glasses.

"What would you like to see happen Severus?" He asked "I can imagine by now you aren't keen on really letting anything happen to it."

Snape shook his head. There was almost a pleading look in his eyes, trying to remain as stony faced as possible.

"Surely, my views don't matter much." He said hoarsely. "You're going to do what you think is best for the Order regardless."

"Not necessarily," Dumbledore shook his head. "The order was only involved to keep you safe and keep the influence of Lord Voldemort out of your body. The Order will continue to keep you safe, as well as the baby once it is born, but it is not my intention to separate you from the child unless you want that to be so."

There was a moments silence, only punctuated from the enormous sigh of relief Snape seemed to have been holding inside him for weeks. Dumbledore smiled widely and Snape felt his face grow hot. From the direction of his side, he heard the cat purring loudly, bumping up against his shoe before jumping into Snape's lap, peering over Dumbledore's desk with it's large squashed face. Dumbledore gave a large smile, putting out a hand for the cat to sniff.

"Are you sure you wouldn't like a toffee Severus?" He offered the tin again. Without much thought, he took one, unwrapping it from the plastic and letting it melt in his mouth. "How have you been feeling lately?"

"Better," Snape said. It was hard to be snarky when he had such good news, a toffee in his mouth and a large cat on his lap. "Not as sick as I have been."

"That's very good to hear," Dumbledore picked up the parchment he had been writing on before Snape had arrived, the ink now dry he placed it in his desk. "I was beginning to worry you were too angry to enjoy any aspect of the situation."

"Such as what?" Snape choked. "You make it sound like you're trying to teach me a lesson."

"I'm sure you've found something that is making this worthwhile for you." Dumbledore gave a little shrug. "You came here so that you could be assured that you were allowed to enjoy it."

Snape frowned, the toffee aftertaste in his mouth was suddenly sour.

"Well now that I'm allowed to be happy," Snape sneered "Can I leave?"

"There is something I wish to ask of you," Dumbledore waved his long hand, "Something that is, as this child is, your choice. While I had initially planned that the donors remain anonymous to you, I did not expect the lucky winner to be so eager to have a place in the child's life."

Snape's heart skipped a beat. The donor?

"Since I have told the person in question that it is your choice whether or not you would want to be aware of the other party, they cannot reveal themselves if you are not comfortable. But I wanted to give you the choice."

"Choice?" Snape snapped, "Choice of what?"

"Would you like to know who the father is, Severus?" Dumbledore asked quite plainly. "Would you like to be supported and share custody of the child?"

Snape stared at him, feeling the color draining from his face. His entire body felt numb.

"The father?" Snape spat "I'm the father!"

"Yes, yes," Dumbledore waved his hand again as though to toss the words away "You are the father, but the donor is a father as well. They have confided in me a great desire to help you, to assist you in any way that you might need-"

"How do they even know?" Snape thundered, causing some of the sleeping portraits to jolt upright. The cat lept to the floor in a hurry. "How do they know that they are the father if it was anonymous? How do they know if this was supposed to be a donation?" He was on his feet now, both his hands on Dumbledore's desk, his hair tousled with anger. Dumbledore did not cower or look away however, his gaze was resolute, fixed on Snape's flashing dark eyes.

"I thought it best, in your interest to have a donor that was similar in age and healthy." Dumbledore said calmly, almost politely. "I could not risk complications in the pregnancy by giving you a sample that wasn't ideal."

"YOU RIGGED THIS ENTIRE THING?" Snape yelled, his nostrils flaring, "YOU GOT ME SPECIFICALLY UP THE DUFF WITH ONE PERSON!" He was really angry now, angry that Dumbledore wasn't even remotely afraid of him, perhaps he had expected this. He knew Snape would be furious and he knew it was inevitable, the thought didn't comfort him in the slightest. He stood seething, prepared to fire back if Dumbledore told him to calm down. The cat was watching them now like a tennis match, back and forth from person to person.

"You have done a great deal for me Severus," The Headmaster sighed, looking a little downcast. "You have proved yourself not only to be exceptionally handy as an Order member, but also a very brave man." Snape's eyes narrowed, his teeth gritted. "You have given me your service and protected Harry Potter since he has come to the school, as per our agreement."

He looked up at Snape now, the look of pleading now in his eyes, he reached out a hand to touch Snape's clenched one.

"I apologize if you believe this to be unfair, but in all honesty, does it really matter? Would it have been any different if it was random? Wouldn't you be in the exact same place in your mind?"

Whatever Dumbledore could say, it didn't quell his anger. It was past shouting however, a sort of sick angry discomfort was starting to brew in his stomach, but his jaw unclenched.

"I don't care what anyone thinks." Snape muttered, rising to his full height. "This is my baby, mine. I'm not sharing it. I don't want to know whose it is because they aren't taking my child away from me."

He left without another word, leaving Dumbledore and the cat alone. Black robes billowing behind him, he descended back down to the gargoyle, heading back to his own room.

What else had Dumbledore planned for him? What could possibly happen now that would be a surprise? He wondered dully If anyone other then this mystery person had even been asked to donate to his stupid little pregnancy. Perhaps the entire order was in on the joke and he, Snape, was the only one out of the loop. His stomach continued to churn as he made his way down the empty corridors, he would probably be sick if he didn't sit down soon.

This other father however, where they really as interested as Dumbledore had said? Dumbledore wasn't really one to lie about anything, but it was possible he had overplayed the role the other father might have been intending to play. Maybe it was all an attempt to get himself to make the first move, perhaps lessen his stress by giving the child away.

He put a protective hand across his stomach. No way was he giving it up, he couldn't even come up with five people he would want to even hold the baby let alone take it for weekends. It was his now, only his, Dumbledore had said it himself. It was his choice if he had this other father make himself known, and as long as Snape said no, there would be no interference on the Order's behalf to make him give it up.

He made a beeline for his bathroom after swinging open the door to the entryway, sitting on the edge of his clawed foot tub, willing the rocky feeling in his stomach to cease. His head was buzzing from the argument, and it was hard to keep the ringing headache out.

He would just go into hiding to escape from Voldemort if need be, he thought dully, running a hand through his hair. It would be worth it.

He put both hands to his stomach now, rocking back and forth with his eyes shut, doing everything in his power not to vomit.

It was the Oxytocin at it again, making his mind irrational. When the baby wasn't making him utterly sick, his body made him ecstatic, almost enthusiastic about the baby. While he was not happy about the extra inches on his middle and the repetitive snacking, he could at least enjoy the idea that with every week, the baby was closer to being out.

The rocking seemed to work, while the headache remained, the queasiness had ebbed enough to allow him to open his eyes again. He checked the time, leaning over to peer through the doorframe to his clock. There was half an hour until the feast.

Now that he was no longer nauseous, he was hungry again, and he poured himself a small bowl of granola to hold him over until dinner. He went to his window, sitting in the sill to see the trees being blown in the wind and what looked like a stream of students marching toward the school after flying after lunch. It didn't appear to be any real practice as they weren't wearing any quidditch gear. It simply looked like a mish mash of students from any house that wanted to go flying in the time they had off. Their hair was tousled, their faces bright and pink from flying, they were laughing with one another and carrying their brooms over their shoulders. Clearly excited for the feast. In the distance, the whomping willow swayed darkly, and a herd of thestrals could be seen trotting toward the edge of the forbidden forrest. The day had darkened significantly and he could really feel the idea of November setting in, the cold windy nights and rain that would persist until the snow came.

In his mind, Snape added a rocking chair to the list of furniture he would need for the baby.

* * *

><p><strong>This chapter was dummmmb to write. I had to make a lot of changes and it still seems weird. Sorry if something's off. <strong>

**Keep those Reviews coming! I feel like I fired this out a little too fast but I tried to get it done as soon as I could for everyone that's watching this story. I hope it's long enough... I feel like they keep getting shorter.**

**Keep reviewing! Thanksgiving is next weekend and I'll probably have friends from out of town coming so I'll just have to wait and see what happens. Thanks for reading and all!**


	7. Shuffle

"I would have thought Bellatrix," a cold high voice cut the air like ice "That my words would have been flattering if not entirely comforting."

Lord Voldemort was stretched across a leather sofa, reclining against the side while Nagini coiled around him, he was petting the top of her large triangular head absentmindedly, his cold piercing eyes downcast, almost tired.

"No news still, Wormtail?" He asked quietly. Pettigrew jumped at the mention of his name, his long disgusting fingernails curling as he clenched and unclenched his hands. Bellatrix still stood, her arms crossed, her face in an almost comical pout.

"N-No my lord!" Pettigrew stuttered, bowing slightly. "I will check the fireplace again!" And he darted out of the room, leaving Bellatrix alone with Voldemort and the snake.

"It's just not fair!" She whined, screwing up her face a little and rolling her head so her bushy curls enveloped her face. "I mean, surely your lordship knows it to be true."

"I will not negotiate how wronged you feel, Bellatrix." Voldemort said cooly, still not looking up from Nagini who was finally getting the majority of her coils over the sofa. "You are clearly a wonderful servant and you have more than proved yourself in my eyes, but I have told you time and time again that I have better uses for you."

"But he can't be trusted!" She was now actually aggravated, stamping her feet like a scorned little girl who was trying to tattle. "He's there now! With Dumbledore! I bet he's told the entire Order of the Pheonix and you're just letting him put your baby in jeopardy!"

Voldemort sighed, rubbing the inside of his hand with his thumb. He had hoped since changing locations Bellatrix would have dropped the stupid argument all together, he would have hoped that a little bit of muggle torture could have silenced her for a little while, quelled her mood and let her forget it for a week or so. He had let her pick out the perfect house and make a sport of torturing the couple that lived there and tacked their corpses to the ceiling like a vicious science experiment, and here she was biting at him yet again.

"I've told you my reasoning on this already Bella," Voldemort muttered, closing his eyes and resting his head against the arm of the sofa. "Snape was an obvious choice just as you are an obvious choice not to be put out of action and made to suffer nine months of inactivity."

Bellatrix's eyes widened, the great black pupils full of hurt.

"Suffer my Lord? You know I undergo any assignment from you with great enthusiasm! I hold my head high no matter what task your lordship has assigned me!"

"Of course Bella," Voldemort sighed, "Of course you do but surely I would not put my best servant out of action merely because she is equipped with an inherent ability."

"But he's a man!" She roared "He's a man and hasn't got the faintest idea how to care for a baby! Surely I was the natural choice! Me! I who have been by your side since the beginning! I who have never wavered in my loyalty and have paid the price for it by the hands of the mudbloods at the ministry! I should have been given the honor that was your seed!" She was fighting back tears now, Her hands clamped to her arms so hard, the nails dug in. She stood there, staring at him with a strange mix of hurt, anger, and obsession. Voldemort couldn't feel less then honored. He extended his arm to her and she grabbed it, embracing his coldness and bringing her lips down to kiss the back of his hand.

"I would not presume to insult you." Voldemort smiled cupping her face in his outstretched hand, "By making you the breeding bitch of my followers, by bringing your value down so low as to taint you and let my child grow inside you." Bellatrix sniffed softly, smiling in spite of herself. "You cannot deny that you are a great murderer, a terror to all those who fear the rise of the dark order," he continued. "Why would I put you to less use because of your talents as a woman? No, I may discriminate by blood, but when I see wholesome beautiful talent, it need not take the form of any one gender."

Nagini hissed softly. Bellatrix was now kneeling at the side of the sofa, holding his hand and looking to him intently with her dark eyes.

"Snape was chosen because there is very little he can do as he watches over Dumbledore for me, there is no great danger and there is no discomfort as he may enjoy steady job and a warm bed. But you," He smiled, his cold eyes crinkling into a forced human familiarity "You are ready to risk everything, you alone would rather return to Azkaban rather then renounce me."

"I'm sorry," She gushed, shaking her head viciously. "I'm sorry I questioned you my lord, I was only jealous."

"It is perfectly understandable," Voldemort said softly. "But your usefulness will take a new form, have no doubts my dear."

"But," Bellatrix's eyes flicked to the door where Wormtail had left. "The baby? When it is born, what will become of it?"

"Severus will raise it until it is ready to accept the teachings of the Dark Arts." Voldemort said, unconcerned, "It will be the model for all pure blooded children as I return to power. Once ready they will bear the burden as the purest of their race and most accept responsibility to clean up this world."

Bellatrix still looked slightly hurt but she nodded, knowing that if she pushed any further, he would be really mad. She resented Snape too much to see any optimism at the thought of his baby being thrust into the spot light. It would only be the love of her master that stopped her from torturing Snape for renouncing the death eaters and tricking Voldemort.

The moment she heard anything, mention of Snape hurting the child or abandoning it, she would be the first to arrive to put him in his place.

Halloween night, as was the case with every Halloween, put Snape on edge. He tried his best to enjoy the feast, true to what Dumbledore had said the house elves had gone to great lengths to make the feast a variety of succulent foods. He helped himself to a little of everything and listened to Flitwick's animated story about the prefects dropping a dozen pumpkins while he had worked with them to levitate the decorations. But the inevitable creeping depression came over him when the feast had finished and the students were shuffling out of the hall in groups while the teachers made plans to stay out for another hour and perhaps get a drink. Snape left before any of them, going down one of the narrow side corridors so he wouldn't be bothered by any other students.

On this day, fourteen years ago, Lily had been murdered. He had heard the news and while everyone was out celebrating, he had rushed to confront Dumbledore, to beg him to tell him why.

He had yelled and cried and collapsed into a state of misery for months. Agreeing to help Dumbledore protect Harry on the condition no one would know, securing his teaching position at Hogwarts.

Each Halloween he would look at all the pictures he had of lily, all the letters she had ever sent him and any fragments he had left of her existence. He would try to sleep, only to toss and turn all night, having nightmares and welcoming in November very tired indeed.

Now pregnant, he couldn't bring himself to look through every sad photograph he still had, knowing it would probably upset his head and stomach equally. As he could only miss so many hours sleep before he was downright murderous in the morning, it was a little too much to indulge in a cathartic hour long crying session.

Instead, when he reached his room, he lit a small candle on his windowsill, one he typically only lit for reading late into the night, and he let that act as his little mark of devotion to his only love.

Thinking about Lily was hard when he had so much else to worry about. Dumbledore's new words had him biting his fingernails and scratching his head nervously. What was he to make of all this? Who was the father who wanted to extend the olive branch to his child?

He knew within an instant that no one would have done this on his behalf. It was the baby this person was worried about, not him. He didn't have any secret admirers, let alone someone of established wealth that would volunteer their gold to his cause.

Did they really want to share custody of the child as well? Would he automatically have to give up half of his time to be with the child or could he manage to whittle it down to a day or two a week? He guessed that if this other man really was vying for custody, he wouldn't settle for anything less then half.

It was so bizarre, less then a month ago he would have gleefully given the child away to whoever Dumbledore had encouraged to conceive it. He would have almost thanked Dumbledore, relieved to be on with his life come the end of the school year. It was almost impossible to imagine that now, he spent more time then he cared to admit holding the picture Madame Pomfrey had made for him and running a pale finger over his small belly. It was the first kind of bonding he could have, and the connection was already strong. He supposed he could call it love, there weren't any maudlin butterflies or sessions of teary crying, no, all of Snape's emotional fits were largely anxieties magnified.

It was a maternal love, a protective sort of nesting instinct. He ate for the baby, he went to bed on time for the baby, he went on short little walks for the baby.

Lying on his bed now, he stared at the candle dismally, feeling almost angry at himself that he wasn't more sad for Lily.

What would she do now if she was alive and knew that he was pregnant? He couldn't imagine much seeing as how she would be perfectly content with her own life, happy for her son going to school and distracted by her stupid husband. He thought of being married to her, imagining her now pregnant with his child, the baby getting bigger everyday while he was there to witness it. No worries about Voldemort or the order, a pregnancy born out of want and love rather then obligation.

He would do anything for that, he thought. It wasn't healthy to obsess over it but he had never been remotely pleased with any other woman. Now that she was gone, there wasn't any one on the earth that could make him feel the same.

Without much thought, he crossed the room and grabbed his bag of granola and sat back down on his bed to eat it. He didn't even care about pouring a bowl and he didn't even feel hungry, it was starting to become more of a habit then an instinct, to snack. He knew it would be bad once he had given birth and his metabolism would have to adjust, but he wasn't about to disagree with Madame Pomfrey, and every book he read praised snacking over full meals. They probably didn't say much about snacking after having full meals, he thought ominously.

It was not only Snape who had reason to mourn Halloween, at Grimmauld Place, Sirius and Lupin had gathered in secret to make a short jaunt to Godric's Hollow to pay their respects. Lupin had apparated with Sirius, maintaining his animagus form, and they walked through the cemetery to the double headstone to leave a bouquet of flowers.

Feeling emotionally exhausted when they had returned, they allowed Tonks to hand out candy to children alone while they sat in the parlor by the fire again, drinking butterbeer and looking through old photographs.

"I hated when you took pictures of me right around the full moon." Lupin sighed, looking through the moving black and white pictures from school all the way until Harry had been born. "I can always tell, I looked like a bloody mess."

"It's funny because James said that about this one." Sirius held up one of Lupin standing alone in the gryffindor common room, looking distraught and annoyed that they had snapped his picture. "When he was telling us that you had to be a werewolf he picked this one up and told us that it was full moon right around that time."

"I got him back though." Lupin said devilishly, Holding up a photo from their 6th year. "That time you convinced him that you could cut his hair? He never forgot it."

Sirius gave out a bark like laugh, taking the picture from Lupin and watching James blush and mess up his hair which was cut far too choppy to be handsome.

"I at least took him to Hogsmede to fix it." Sirius admitted. "I paid for the haircut, remember? Peter was there too and he was all annoyed that we spent so much time there."

Lupin smiled, looking through an album that was largely Sirius and James's summers together. The both of them out swimming and sailing on the large private lake the Potter's owned. Lily's extended visits and the times they spent camping out in the woods, she had even gotten a few shots of them in their animagus forms.

"Lily had the gall to take a picture of you taking a leak." Lupin roared, pointing to a picture of a dog urinating on a large elm, the flash making the motion of the picture look distorted. Sirius went into a fit of laughter, tipping back in his chair, his feet on the table.

"What's so funny?" Tonks asked, poking her head in, her hair was bright green today, her face sparkling at the extra concentration she had put into her improvised fairy Halloween costume.

"Just funny pictures," Lupin chortled, setting the album back down. "Did we run out of candy yet?"

"Not yet," She rattled the large wooden bowl she was holding. "There aren't a lot of very young kids around here, are there Sirius?"

"Mainly teenagers, yeah." Sirius said, still sniggering at the picture of himself. He opened the album of James and Lily's wedding.

"I don't like them." Tonks admitted, a look of annoyance on her face. "Why do they even come for candy when they don't have costumes? Most of them just are wearing sweaters and they bite my head off when I don't give them more then one." She made her way over to see the pictures they were looking at, her face falling a bit when she saw so many pictures of the Potters.

"How was Godric's Hollow?" She asked quietly, picking up a few pictures of baby Harry, swaddled in a blanket and being held by Sirius and Lupin in turn.

"It was alright," Lupin said, his face losing it's happy glow. "There were plenty of children out in costume but nobody paid us much attention, remember not to tell-"

"Don't worry, don't worry I won't say anything to Alastor or Dumbledore," Tonks rolled her eyes. "You two still need to be careful." She was about to pick up another picture when the there was a very loud knock at the door and she sprang away with the bowl, almost tripping over her feet as she made her way to receive them.

"Talking to us about being careful," Sirius sneered, "When she wanted to keep the whole house open so we could have muggles come to the door." Lupin grinned into his butterbeer, he knew Sirius had only agreed as he knew it would infuriate Kreacher. The portrait of his mother was bewitched to scream so quietly that it sounded like an intelligible and comical Halloween decoration.

Staring to the heap of photographs now, they both felt another pang of familiar sadness, one that grew a little more bearable with each year, but still hurt. Sirius of course was hit the hardest, losing his best friend and only family he felt attached to. His personal hurt only dwarfed by his loathing of Pettigrew.

Lupin gathered up the stray photographs, putting them back into the large box Sirius kept them in, along with the photo albums.

"When do you think Dumbledore will send you another Owl?" Lupin asked, trying to get Sirius's mind off the past for a little while. He took a long drink from his butterbeer, looking pensive.

"Probably in a week or so," He shrugged, "Whenever he gets Snape's answer I suppose."

"And what will you do if Snape doesn't want you in the child's life?" Lupin asked cautiously, putting the lid on the box and looking to Sirius's dark eyes.

"I'll write to him probably," Sirius shrugged. "Or talk to him the next time he's here for a meeting with the Order, I'll see him before the baby is born, surely. Just tell him that I want to put all bad blood aside for the child's sake,"

"And if he still refuses?" Lupin asked quietly.

"I don't know, can't really leave the house, can I?" Sirius said angrily, putting his empty glass back on the table top. "I don't really want to have to steal the baby away from Snape, but I certainly want to see it and hold it." He paused for a moment, looking at the fire. "I want to be there when it's born."

"You want to see Snape give birth?" Lupin snorted

"You remember how it was when Harry was born?" Sirius said defensively, "Lily was in Labor for a long time and it was just the three of us losing our minds in this excited daze! Then he was born and it was the most beautiful thing, wasn't it? I mean, we were all crying our eyes out and passing him around. It was amazing."

"Yeah," Lupin admitted. "But that was James and Lily and that was Harry being born, you're talking about Snape being in incredible pain and I can't imagine he'll be very happy with you even if you do work something out. He'll probably have half his wits on the baby and the other half trying to hex you for just being there."

"But it's my baby," Sirius restated, "My baby, being born, he can't really be mad about that can he? Surely he'll understand how important this is to me?"

Lupin simply shrugged, Sirius sighed, rubbing his eyes.

"I think I'll just go to bed, before I can get my hopes up about anything else, you and Tonks?"

"Probably won't be staying the night." Lupin admitted. "She had a party she wanted to attend closer to home after this and I said I would at least see her off."

Sirius sighed again, cracking his knuckles and treading up the stairs without another word. Lupin felt a little guilty. Last year they had spent Halloween together, it being the first year he had realized Sirius was innocent. He had promised Tonks however, and felt that his mind was best spent focusing on the future.

Sirius sat in bed, looking at the picture of his baby by candlelight. He couldn't help but feel very hopeless. He hoped Lupin was selling Snape short on his ability to forgive and forget, but he felt that it would certainly take some coercing to get to a comfortable point in which both of them could communicate without getting the other angry.

He pressed a pillow to his face, breathing in the stale mold smell that summed up Grimmauld Place pretty well. Why did he have to be such a taunting bully the entire time he was at school? Why did he set himself up for this sort of nonsense? Sure, Snape did throw some hexes his way, but he knew deep down that he had started the entire rivalry he had, why couldn't he just leave the peaky book kids alone?

Too late now he supposed, he had better just apologize and do his best for the child. He hoped there could be some way he could assist Snape even if the Umbridge woman from the ministry was putting her nose everywhere. Because of the way that she had snatched at him in the fire, there was a good chance he wouldn't even be able to write a good letter explaining himself and apologizing without giving too much away.

The in and out muffled noise of Buckbeak's deep breaths had him nodding off after a few hours of tossing and turning in bed, the minute anxieties biting at him and making him feel hot as he drew the blankets around him like a straight jackets. On nights like this, it was easier to sleep as a dog, the complex thoughts couldn't form as well and so he disentangled himself to become the bear like black dog, and curled up at the head of his bed to rest.

The upcoming weekend meant a mound of homework for Snape to correct and if it wasn't for a great deal of time management, he wouldn't have been able to finish it all over the course of a very rainy saturday. The majority of it was essays from his third and fourth year classes as well as test preparation from his 5th and 7th years. He plowed through them all in one sitting, a glass of water and a box of crackers to hold him over until dinner, stopping only to go to the bathroom. Marciana came down from the Owlery to see him and seemed highly offended by the amount of time he was putting into his work and ignoring her.

He made up for this by giving her an extra amount of owl treats when he finished the stack and had found his pile of assigned reading packets to pass out the next day to his advanced classes.

Snape even gave her a few crackers to stop her from glaring at him. People food was a rare treat and it was well earned, considering the package she had brought to him earlier in the week, the order from the Hogsmede shop containing the maternity clothes he had purchased from the catalog.

The tunic he had ordered was still rather baggy but the turtleneck fit well enough. The cloth was sturdy and warm but had a feel like silk or rayon and thus was very soft and didn't chafe. It fit a little too well however, the skinniness of his arms and shoulders made more prominent by his stomach, which when left unguarded by his billowing robes and many layers, was now obvious.

If it wasn't for the special girdle he had ordered, he would have been highly uncomfortable as his pants now, no matter how low he tried to wear them, had decided against buttoning any longer. He swore rather loudly, battling with them for a solid ten minutes before giving up in a huff and collapsing on his toliet, willing himself not to get worked up over something as trivial as trousers.

It almost refused to make sense, how was the tuesday morning any different from monday evening? Had the baby grown an extra pound over night? He tried wearing them even lower dipping past his hips, but it looked ridiculous with his shirt.

The girdle obviously had a spell on it as it did not constrict nor hurt him, but just seemed to make the pants stretch a comfortable amount, back to just a few inches under his navel were he usually fastened them. They worked with every pair he owned just as well and felt simply like an extra layer around his stomach.

He knew now that the students were starting to notice something, it seemed that the morning he had fought the losing battle with his clothes he received a few, more practiced stares from the Slytherins. There had been a few already, more absentminded strained glances from students he had the misfortune of bumping up against. His blood ran cold each time, perhaps in potions or in the halls, when he felt a jab or nudge against his stomach and student would narrow their eyes suspiciously.

The Slytherins caught on the fastest as they saw him the most, thus they were quicker to notice any new slight details. He felt though, that the eyes burning into the back of his head most were Potter and his Gryffindor friends. Snape shot them a deadly look when he caught them at it, drawing his robes a little closer and trying his best to put a table or a desk between them and himself, hiding his belly as best as he could.

It's going to get worse before it gets better, he thought miserably, staring at his naked reflection in a mirror. He had gotten better at looking at himself, outlining what he had imagined to be the baby on his side. It was still too small for him to even really pretend to know how it was oriented but it was starting to smooth out any area it could find, sprawling out against his organs, and pushing out his bellybutton until it was flat.

He took his time to explore in the shower, pressing and pushing and trying to make sense of what was going on inside, he could only gather so much from what Madame Pomfrey's picture had given him without having to fill in some of the details with his own imagination.

He showered at length after correcting his papers, the water on very hot as was his new norm, he let it pour across his back with his hair flung behind him, clinging to his shoulders, it was bliss on his achey joints. It wasn't until he had reached for his shampoo bottle when he felt it, a very strange foreign sensation. It was like a strange shifting, quick and sudden like a hiccup, he dropped the bottle on the floor of the bathtub, putting a hand low to his stomach to feel. He stared horrified, down at where he had felt it, it was not painful or particularly unpleasant, but so unexpected that he was not sure what to do.

He shut the water off, standing inside the tub feeling slightly scared. He had read about premature contractions in his day by day pregnancy book, surely the baby would not live if it was born now, but was he feeling contractions?

He gasped, feeling it even stronger now, in the same area, low in his belly to the right. Quickly he dried off shaking his dark hair out in a towel and throwing on underwear under his night robe. He decided instantly on going to the hospital wing. He would have to, he wasn't sure what to do when he felt that strange butterfly sensation and didn't want to hurt the baby. Surely Madame Pomfrey would be able to help him.

Luckily no one was in the hospital wing except for a sleeping young Hufflepuff boy Snape did not know, and so he marched up the dimly lit row of beds to Madame Pomfrey's office, rapping on her door quickly and pulling his robes to him more carefully. He wasn't fully dry and the drafty castle had him very chilly.

"Severus?" She blinked, cracking her door wider to see him, she looked surprised and curious by his paler then usual wet demeanor, "Everything alright?"

"I'm feeling something." he said quickly, folding his arms tighter to him, his cold damp legs shivering. "In my stomach I mean, the baby."

"Come in," She gestured toward the seat by her desk typically reserved for the students who would visit her out of class. He took the offered chair and she shut the door behind him with a snap, wordlessly, he loosened the top of his robe, his pale stomach peaking out over the top. Madame Pomfrey came closer, putting a hand on the top of his belly and feeling carefully.

"You felt something just now?" She asked, her fingers pressing softly on the warm wet skin. "Something painful?"

"No, It was-" The sensation cut him off, an almost ticklish brushing on the inside of his stomach making his eyes bulge in terror. "There! It was- it happened again!"

Madame Pomfrey felt around, feeling right over the area he had just felt ripple. Her face remained neutral however, relatively unconcerned.

"This is the first time you have felt this?" She asked, still poking her way around his front. "Just now? This evening?" Snape nodded, and she smiled lightly. "I think you're getting your first movements from the baby."

It was his chest, not his stomach in which he felt a leaping sensation now. His eyes widened and he flushed all of his breath suddenly gone.

"Moving?" he murmured, unconsciously laying a hand over the bulge. Madame Pomfrey smiled widely, withdrawing back behind her desk.

"It'll still be a little while before anyone other then yourself can feel it, but the baby is most likely just moving around a bit." She was restocking several boxes with salve and bandages, her unconcern letting his heart settle in his chest a bit. He merely sat, his hands folded over where the baby lay, now still.

"It'll be moving around in response to light for now." Madame Pomfrey took a sip of the tea she had sitting on her desk and continued to restock the boxes. "Into the next few months though, you'll be able to feel definite kicks and elbows from the outside."

Snape adjusted his robe to fit around him again, retying the belt but still keeping a shaky hand to his stomach. He felt a little foolish, running to her when he felt the slightest tremble, it didn't hurt at all but he was so frightened something might happen, he had barely finished his shower.

"Is there anything else I can do for you, Severus?"

Snape blinked, shaking his head and making his way to the door. He could hardly get a foot out of the door before he saw the large ginger cat staring up at him, its eyes bulbous and startled looking. It sniffed him and meowed loudly. Madame Pomfrey looked into the doorway and shot Snape a quizzical look, he flushed angrily, closing the door with a snap.

The cat darted after him, keeping pace with his long careful stride, making small mewling noises as it followed him out into the corridor. The lamps lit as he walked past, the moon shining in the windows. He looked around carefully, any students walking around now would be out of bed.

"I'm fine you know." Snape hissed to the cat, trying to get it to stop meowing at him. He wasn't sure why he was even trying to communicate with it as every attempt he had ever made had failed miserably. "Perfectly fine,"

The cat as predicted, said nothing, but kept it's bushy tail high, it's smashed face almost concerned.

"You're worse then Albus Dumbledore." He sniffed, drawing his robes a little tighter. His hair was still wet and he felt a little chilled. "You fussing doesn't help anything."

He stopped halfway down the corridor as he heard footsteps, the lamps illuminating in the distance. Truthfully he wouldn't much care to scold any students walking around now. He felt far too vulnerable in his bathrobe and slippers to feel confident in putting someone in detention. Snape was also very aware of the fact that his stomach, so typically tucked under several protective layers to hide his condition, was now only covered with a single layer of terrycloth and the outline of his belly was distinct and obvious.

The cat froze as well, following his gaze to the corridor in front of them. It bounded away as it heard the footsteps grow closer, darting behind a suit of armor, leaving Snape very much alone.

His blood ran cold as he discovered it was not a student, but Dolores Umbridge. A thick wool cardigan tucked around her as she walked the corridor with a candle in hand, she smiled warmly at Snape who hoped his fear wasn't showing in his face. He sucked his stomach in quickly, giving her a curt nod.

"Professor Snape," She greeted him sweetly, "Out for a night stroll?"

She stopped right in front of him, eyeing him up and down from his old robe to his wet hair. Her smile was wide but her gaze was cold and calculating.

"Hardly," Snape breathed, his legs shivering a little "I was feeling a little under the weather and so I was going to see Madame Pomfrey."

"Under the weather?" She repeated, the concern in her face forming a little too late, "Nothing too bad I should hope?"

Snape instantly regretted this, he knew that she would most likely go next to Madame Pomfrey, to confirm his story. Knowing Madame Pomfrey, she would probably lie quickly to cover his tracks, to try to make sure that Umbridge couldn't form any ideas about why he was going to the hospital wing. Why couldn't he just say he was taking a bath? He blinked when he noticed Umbridge's gaze looking a little over expectant.

"No," He said a little too loud. "Nothing life threatening."

"Good," She hummed warmly, straightening the candle a little as it's light flickered. "Was there anyone else with you? I thought I heard you talking."

Snape's cheek twitched slightly, Umbridge looked up to him expectantly again. Her fingers drumming against the candle plinth.

"No one was here." Snape murmured quietly. Hoping the cat had enough sense not to dart out from the suit of armor anytime soon.

"So I trust you'll be on your way back to your personal quarters?" She beamed insanely, one eye brow raised in apparent mistrust.

"Immediately," He said through gritted teeth, his abdominal muscles aching slightly from the strain of forcing the baby deeper inside him. Umbridge nodded, continuing past him and to do what, he assumed, was looking for students out of bed past curfew.

He continued in his own direction, not daring to relax his stomach until he was sure he was alone. His hands still shaking slightly from the run in. If she had seen him in his fully relaxed glory, should could probably start putting something together. Male pregnancy wasn't a regular thing- even in the wizarding world, but the way she could investigate and penetrate the student body and staff made him sure that if left with enough information, he could be in serious trouble.

The baby, as though to agree, gave a soft flutter as he walked back. He unconsciously rubbed the spot, hoping Madame Pomfrey would tell the truth if Umbridge cornered her.

When he reached his room, he stripped down to go to bed, far too exhausted from the excitement of his baby moving about inside him to think of opening a book to read. The baby was slow to show off now, apparently settled comfortably and just as tired as he was. If what Madame Pomfrey had said was true though, he would start feeling distinct hands and feet pressing on him soon, which could only made his heart soar.

The obvious impending realization that he would be birthing the child soon only made him feel more and more pressed to start thinking about acquiring bits and pieces for the baby. A crib, clothes, a changing table, all of them would be equally as important and would all come at a high price if bought new. His small Hogwarts paycheck could only stretch so far and any new expenses would have to be spread out through the next few months if he wanted to have everything he needed. Even though he was a teacher, he still had to pay for room and board, as well as any additional potion ingredients he may need last minute which couldn't be included in his monthly apothecary order. Whatever he had left was typically put into a savings account which was now to be delegated to his child's education and welfare over the coming years.

He yawned, stretching his skinny arms to the ceiling and feeling his back crack softly before falling into bed.

Snape decided on going to Hogsmede to look the next day wouldn't be a particularly bad idea. It would at least give him the gist of how much he would be able to afford and he could begin to budget his money appropriately. There wouldn't be any students lurking around and if anyone asked he could pretend to be looking for a gift for a friend.

Snape lay sprawled on his bed, feeling rather hot for how warm the room was. He was positioned on top of his covers, entirely naked and still slightly damp, his sentimental baby thoughts and excitement shifting into a fuzzy warm relaxedness, and then sleep.

* * *

><p><strong>Disjointed post holidays chapter update! My thanksgiving was great. I was the one cooking and all but it was really sweet and I have tons of leftovers to carry me till christmas. <strong>

**You guys are reviewing lots and you have yourselves to thank for getting this one out so quick. I hope you like it, I'm serious when I say that I take time to write when I get a review, I really do. If you want chapter eight out fast just keep reviewing and it'll get written up quicker.**

**I hope that all the people who seem to hate the marauders and Dumbledore had these feelings before hand because I didn't intend to make anyone hate them from reading my fanfiction... I really don't have a grudge against any of the characters and wouldn't want to instill any dislike. Everyone is a little meddling but the purpose of showing more then just Snape's perspective was to illuminate the same story in multiple points of view. **

**In any case, thanks for reading! To all of my american readers, I hope you had a great thanksgiving!**


	8. Disclosure

Sunday was a very dark and rainy affair. Snape had awoken to the crash of thunder early on in the morning and had been unsuccessful at sinking back into sleep. The clock read 8:30 when he finally decided he wasn't going to get anymore rest and he got dressed in a daze, ran a comb through his hair and looked through the gold he had from his last months pay.

After paying for room and board, the maternity clothes he had ordered, and some random items from the apothecary, he only had about 50 galleons left to buy anything he might need until his next check came. Counting off on his hand, he would only have about six checks left before he was due and he felt, with a mounting disappointment in his stomach, that he probably would have to buy everything used if at all.

He would have to buy loads for the baby, but there was also a number of things he would have to buy from himself. Madame Pomfrey had given him enough vitamins to get through until christmas, but he would still have the whole third trimester to take care of as well as a few more shirts that would fit him in the next coming months.  
>There were also some comfort items he wanted to pick up as well. He could already tell his stomach was starting to grow past it's natural yield and the beginning of stretch marks had started to form. Snape felt he could at least save himself from the embarrassing postpartum ugliness by keeping his skin as healthy looking as possible. He felt that he was well within his right to pick up a bottle of lotion if he could stand the embarrassment of paying for it.<p>

Snape's journey to Hogsmede could only be described as wet. Despite charming his robes to repel water, he couldn't help but feel chilled to the bone and damp as he walked through the thatched roofed houses up the high street. The thunder and lightning had for the most part died down, but the dark sky gave no evidence of letting up the pouring rain. It would probably be the last torrential downpour before it would begin to freeze and snow, not rain would build up over the grounds.

Walking past Honeydukes and the three broomsticks, Snape pulled his hood down to mask his face. He didn't want any teacher or ministry officials to see him out shopping and he would probably die of shame if any of his peers caught him taking down prices on a crib.

Making sure that no one was behind him or watching, Snape made his way off the high street, heading up to a shop that specialized in hand crafted furniture. It was the only one of it's kind in Hogsmede, a family owned establishment that boasted a long history of superior craftsmanship. The claim didn't really make him feel very enthused, knowing full well that he probably wouldn't be able to afford anything remarkably fancy.

Snape was never much of a homemaker, when he inherited Spinners end he had only reorganized the furniture to make more room for his vast collection of books. Decorations were tossed or kept based on whether or not he had room for them and if he cared to dust them on occasion, and so most of the his mother's and father's remaining ties to the house were dismissed and replaced with barren walls or shelves. The nesting instinct that everyone endlessly told him would sink in when he got the house never came into effect and his desire to purchase expensive matching furniture was overshadowed by his love of reading and passive interest in wine tasting. A bachelor's life never really suited him well, but Snape never had any ambition to find love in anyone after Lily, and so he lived alone in his house with few possessions of worth.

His lack of enthusiasm did a 180 upon entering the shop however. The showpieces that centered the shop were magnificent and detailed. A fine mahogany four poster bed with an example crest burned into the head board sat on a fine oriental rug. Next to it, a matching chest with vanity mirror stood, it's reflection showing a very wet and envious depiction of himself.

"How are you doing today sir? Anything I can help you with?"

A very well dressed wizard with a bald patch and large glasses came striding up to him, clearly very pleased someone had chose to brave the weather to enter.

"Just looking," Snape said brusquely, shaking his head and brushing past the show area without a second glance, unfettered by his rudeness, the man nodded quickly.

"Let me know if you have any questions!" He called, taking a quick look at the pouring rain before disappearing back into the shadows.

Snape didn't dare look at the price tags as he walked through the rows of end tables and replacement legs, rounding a corner into bed frames. Everything had the distinct look of royalty to it, all of the wood ranged from red to black and he felt like he was walking through a Malfoy estate sale. Surely the regular Hogsmede family could not afford this, he thought drumming a hand on the frame to a twin day bed which stood fully assembled.

Towards the back of the room was a thin drawn curtain across a doorway with a sign pointing in that read **FAMILY BEGINNINGS** in bold curly handwriting. Snape peaked in cautiously, looking back and forth to make sure that no customer nor the balding shopkeeper would see him skulking around baby furniture.

There were several show cribs that immediately caught his eye. The smallest was a very simple convertible crib in a cherry color. Without much thought he began inspecting it very closely and leaning carefully over the side and into the bed. As though to respond, the baby shifted, and Snape put a hand over the small bump. He couldn't help but crack a smile, thinking of the child already determined to present their opinion. He reached with his other hand to the tag attached to the front rail and let out an audible groan. At 150 galleons, perhaps it wasn't meant to be, he thought angrily. No happy tummy butterfly moment would let him accept outright extortion.

Looking now to the bigger more intricate designs, Snape's heart sank. He would have to save up for months just to get the smallest crib in Hogsmede and he still had a whole list of other things to purchase.

It wasn't even worth looking at the selection of bassinets and cradles, he thought as he set out of the store in a rush, back into the rainy dark street.

He would have to go second hand if he wanted to get anything he needed for the child, for the perhaps the first time in his life he sympathized with his mother as he walked back down to the main street, shielding his eyes from the rain. He made more money then both his parents incomes combined and he seemed to get by, perhaps by the skin of his teeth sometimes, but he always had food and a place to sleep. It must have been hard for his mother to compromise constantly to make ends meet. Which was no doubt why his parents rowed constantly.

He remembered the day he had gotten his Hogwarts acceptance letter and his mother's glee quickly evaporated as his father looked over the list of necessary items for term, only to look at Snape as though it was his fault.

"Didn't suppose they could have sent it two weeks from now?" He had spat, tearing up the stairs, "After I had got my pass for the light rail reloaded?"

Walking up now to the children's store, Snape tore away from his thoughts to look up the street especially carefully. Furniture was one thing, but deliberately setting foot into a store for babies was another.

This shop was much more populated then the furniture store and luckily no blushing witch came running up to him in greeting. It smelled strongly of disinfectant and witches and wizards alike were traveling in pairs, some with children at each arm, to look at clothes and toys.

He was quite unsure where to start as there was so much to see and look at. Being there now, in the thick of it all, he realized just how much he would have to buy if he wanted to give his child the same wholesome start at life that every other baby had. There was an aisle for everything; diapers, food, formula, strollers, toys, clothes, hygiene, bedding, books, bouncers, swings, broomstick seating attachments, safety gates, high chairs and things that advertised uses Snape had never even heard of. He simply stood, overwhelmed and exhausted with the very thought of buying and assembling everything he would need.

It was absurd, thinking that babies needed so many little things that they would essentially be rid of in only a few years time. Surely wizards and muggles had survived for thousands of years without the use of little ceramic dehumidifier frogs and owls that were bewitched to blow out little trails of steam, and yet, as the box advertised, witch weekly had praised them as one of the top ten most important things for newborns.

He walked down the least populated aisle, which seemed to be devoted largely to baby shower items, and books meant to hold pictures and capture a series of "baby's firsts" over time.

He only wished he had someone he could feel comfortable talking to, someone who was a parent and knew the exact essentials and what he could do without. He was going in completely alone and it was obvious as he watched couples walking through the aisles, chatting and laughing, that he was more then a little behind on preparing for the baby. There was at least one witch that couldn't be more then a few more weeks along then he was, the clothes she was wearing made her condition much more obvious, shopping and smiling with her partner who smiled back each time she put a new item in their cart.

Maybe it would be better to find out who the other parent is, a voice in his head piped up. He bit his lip, staring at a photo frame with three windows, dopey stock pictures of a witch and wizard grinning with a newborn baby in the middle. He didn't want to, the last thing he wanted to do was have someone else vying for the attention of his child, someone else teaching them things and intruding on his private life. He was right in telling Dumbledore off for having purposefully gotten him pregnant with a certain person. It was unfair and frankly insulting to have the whole order keeping secrets from him, he who risked everything to keep a close eye on Voldemort when he could.

But it's like Dumbledore said, the voice piped up again, did it really make any difference? Wasn't Dumbledore just trying to keep his best interest at heart? Should he even be thanking Dumbledore for giving him the best possible chance at a healthy baby?

He tore his eyes away from the photo frames, it was starting to make him sick and he felt other couples starting to stare at the how out of place he was. Snape moved on, ducking into an aisle of clothes for toddlers.

No, he had made the right choice, hadn't he? This way was better, he would have his child and he wouldn't have to worry about anyone else meddling in his life. He reached the end of the aisle, drawing away from his thoughts to look at the newborn clothing.

There were very few things that he could envision buying. The last thing Snape wanted to do was clothe his child in gooey pastels embroidered with kittens and ducks. There were a few outfits that seemed to share his minimalist point of view, neutral tones with few distracting designs. He felt a weighty pain in his chest as he drew all the tiny hangers down, revealing each price tag.

He wanted to cry, there was no way he would be able to afford even the cheapest outfits, the ones without the ugly colors and drool resistant magic still were too expensive to buy in bulk. Babies were dirty, babies would need plenty changes of clothes, and Snape simply had no money.

His stomach grumbled almost loudly enough for people in the near vicinity to hear and he sighed, remembering he had left before breakfast, he would have to get something to eat now. He was surprised he hadn't thought to eat sooner but perhaps the stress of his money woes seemed to have pushed it out of his mind. He left the shop quickly and whipped across the street to the three broomsticks for a warm bowl of soup and a cup of tea.

He supposed there would be no question now, Snape thought miserably, putting a hand down under the table to rest a hand on his rumbling stomach. He would have to share the baby with someone else if he was going to afford having it, it was no good dipping into his savings just to cover a few items if the savings could be better used for the child as they got older. School books weren't cheap either, he thought taking a long sip of the tea.

But how was he to go about sharing the child?

As though on queue, Albus Dumbledore entered the pub to much excitement from the other regular customers. Snape's eyes narrowed and he sunk in his chair at the sight of the old wizard. He was shaking hands and smiling with the other Hogsmede villagers but instantly caught sight of Snape and waved them off. Madame Rosmerta even offered him a free meal but he declined, telling her to save it for another day as he made his way over to Snape.

"Do you ever get the feeling you show up exactly when you're not wanted?" Snape hissed at him, his long finger outlining the handle to his cup of tea.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Dumbledore removed his soggy starry blue hat and set it on the table, he was smiling just as jovially as when he had come in, totally immune to Snape's mood.

"What if I told you I wanted to be left alone for once," Snape murmured into his cup of tea. He didn't want to be around anyone right now, especially Dumbledore, possibly the most unwanted person in his book at the moment.

"It's not in my nature to leave distraught teachers of mine while they're being chased by the ministry." Dumbledore sighed, his fingers knitting together in union. "I was going about my own business when I recognized you looking into certain shops with one of fudge's personal aurors trailing you. Needless to say they became very interested in getting a new pair of socks before they could gather any real information."

Snape's heart skipped a beat but his face remained unreadable. Dumbledore merely smiled at him, reminding him almost annoyingly of Professor Umbridge, like they both knew better.

"Well thank goodness you were there to save me," Snape spat, moving his tea to the side as the waiter came bearing his food. He began to eat unapologetically, the soup was really quite good.

"I don't suppose you had any luck," Dumbledore said, a little quieter now, his smile replaced with an endearing fatherly look "Hogsmede really should have a second hand shop."

"Or maybe you could pay me better." Snape continued. Not drawing his gaze from his soup. He could feel it warming up his whole body, the chilly feeling in his fingers evaporating over the steam of the warm broth.

"I daresay I would if the ministry didn't think I was mad." Dumbledore said sadly, "Things are much harder to approve these days."

"If you're just going to remind me of how poor I am," Snape began venomously "I haven't got the time to listen-

Dumbledore silenced him with a look and Snape bit back the words he had wanted to say with much displeasure. His head was starting to ache, a good indicator that he needed to calm down.

"I'm not here to mock your financial situation, Severus." Dumbledore said quietly, his icy gaze penetrating Snape's dark eyes. "But rather to help you understand the benefit I have already offered. Having finished my business, and my friend Elphias being highly understanding about my often tardiness when it comes to dates, I wish to speak with you."

"I'm not sharing it," Snape hissed, "Not with you, not with anyone."

"Your understanding of sharing seems to always leave you out of the equation Severus," Dumbledore sighed again, watching Snape eat and drink with the upmost patience. "You are under the assumption that you will be unable to negotiate and compromise even if it means you are penniless and run ragged."

"I won't be penniless," Snape shot back. "I'll make it work! I'll find a way to make it alright."

"But you highly overestimate your ability to be patient with something as time consuming and needy as a baby." Dumbledore cut in, "While I am sure your love of the child will extend to every sleepless night you will have to lie awake holding it, surely this is not necessary if it can be avoided?"

"I don't want somebody else holding it." Snape's nostrils flared, he wasn't exactly sure why he was cutting Dumbledore off at every word he got but it made him feel better.

"But what would the baby think?" Dumbledore asked, almost rhetorically. A faraway glance in his eye as though he were looking far into the future. "Would you really deny your child of a caring parent?"

"You keep talking like I'm not good enough," Snape hissed "Like I'm unworthy of all this, who did the dark lord chose? Me! And by some misdirected feeling in your heart you decided you needed to intervene and now I'm fully prepared to do it and you still won't leave me alone!" He wanted Dumbledore to be mad or angry but he simply sat, watching Snape brandish his spoon at him fiercely with the other hand secretly curled across his stomach protectively. "For once in my life I have something that nobody else has the right to ruin and you want to take it out from under me."

"You are fully capable, Severus." Dumbledore said, almost bored. Snape gritted his teeth angrily. "But I fear your rash actions and pride might have you much more stressed and upset then you could otherwise be."

"Well how do you know this person is oh so capable?" Snape snarled "How is this other person so trustworthy that I've got to hand over my child to them?"

"You do not have to hand your child over to anyone." Dumbledore stated matter of factly, almost a little loudly. Absolutely no one was looking at them however, he wondered fleetingly if Dumbledore had made it so. "But this person has already made great strides to prove himself as a caring individual and a good potential father."

"Such as?" Snape sniffed. Turning his spoon over in his dish without much thought.

"Such as keeping a very vigilant guard on you on his own command." Dumbledore nodded carefully. "The cat that is owned by Hermione Granger was convinced that it was important to follow you carefully and report to me if you were feeling pain or distress."

"The c-cat?" Snape sputtered, the smashed face kneazle had been sent to watch over him by the father? But if it was Hermione Granger's cat, how had it been ordered in the first place?

"And in addition to writing me almost weekly about your condition, he has also promised to help you out financially in any way." Dumbledore added, Snape's eyes quivering with the new information. "And if I'm right I'm fairly certain he has quite enough money to take care of the both of you."

"But why?" Snape moaned, why did anyone care for his baby, for their own donated seed? He felt like his mind was going to collapse under the strain of what he was hearing. Who in their right mind wanted to be this involved?

"Because of the baby," Dumbledore said, as though it was obvious. "It's theirs just as much as it is yours Severus, and I'm sure they would be willing to work something out with you so you don't have to give it away in the fashion you were imagining."

Snape's head was in his hands, he felt hot and suffocated. If only the father had been distant and uninterested, someone who didn't give a damn and just imagined their involvement as work for the order, but no, Dumbledore was making it out like he was hogging the child, like he was hurting someone's feelings. Frankly he didn't much care at all for what Dumbledore had to say, would rather go into hiding and bare the child where no one else could see it, but no. Dumbledore's words had thrust an axe into his feelings like never before. He was going to guilt him into meeting with the other father, for the sake of the baby having a well rounded and fully supported life.

"Who is it," Snape said weakly, taking a deep breath, his heart pounding hard in his chest. He drew his face up over the top of his hands. He stared coldly foreword, trying to prepare himself.

"Sirius Black." Dumbledore said casually. The smile now fully gone from his face. Snape made a sound somewhere between a swear and a groan, and as though to reach out to him, the baby gave a very low flutter.

"I'm carrying the child of Sirius Black." Snape stated plainly, his face now unreadable. He wanted to flip the table, to hex Dumbledore and to curse Black into a thousand pieces, but it was as though he was paralyzed by shock and anger. His fingers twitched coldly, his face stony and pale.

"I can't pretend to imagine how you feel Severus," Dumbledore said quietly, surveying his company with something close to sympathy. "I only believed Sirius to be the best candidate for his age and well being, but when he stepped foreword to support you, I knew I chose for the best."

"Why." Snape exhaled without much preamble. There where a million why's in his head at the moment. He didn't know which to tackle first. Dumbledore merely sat, looking unapologetically calm. There weren't any words he could say that would get the ineffable rage and despair welling up inside him to come out. He merely sat, Black's face swimming in his head, in every memory he had stood by James Potter and teased and hexed him, had laughed at him, had cut him off in meetings with the order.

But then something new rose up in him, a burning desire to see Black, to let him see what he wanted so dearly and to snatch it back from him. The one thing Sirius had wanted was acceptance, family, familiarity and love, and to walk away with the only chance he had at a child could be his ultimate revenge for torturing him all these years.

Karma, he thought savagely, seeing Black's face contorted with rage and emptiness as Snape denied him the only thing he had left. The spiteful feeling however vanished as suddenly as It had occurred. The baby shifted as though flustered, perhaps confused by the barrage of emotions he was feeling in rapid succession and he knew instantly he couldn't use his child to conduct any revenge scheme. The slow fluttering rumble inside him brought him back to earth.

"Sirius has already explained to me that he is ready to do anything for you and the baby," Dumbledore murmured, drawing closer to Snape over the table. "He has confided in me that he is deeply sorry for his less then admirable actions towards you and would like to do as much as he can to make better your situation."

He felt suffocated again, stifled by his too-tight robes and the warm air and the muggy warm feeling he had from finishing his soup. He was exhausted and it wasn't even noon, his mind racing. He put his head in his hands again, the thick black locks almost trailing to the table top. Dumbledore dropped his gaze to his own lap.

"I want time." Snape said finally after several minutes of silence. "I want to be left alone for awhile, is that too much to ask?"

"You may do whatever you wish Severus," Dumbledore sighed. "Goodness knows Elphias really will have wondered where I've gotten off to by now."

"I mean it Dumbledore," Snape hissed into his hand, "No meddling, no messing around in my life until I figure out what it is exactly that I want."

"None whatsoever." Dumbledore held up his hand as though to swear by it. He pulled his hat back from his lap and put it back on his silver head, standing up to survey the bar, which still remarkably looked completely uninterested in their conversation. Snape still merely sat, largely uninterested in anything Dumbledore had to say next.

"Whenever you need me, I'll be there Severus," He said simply, pushing his chair back in and walking back up to the bar, apologizing for leaving so soon and promising to come down and visit as soon as he could. Snape felt like a wrung sponge, he waited for a few minutes before paying for his food then left the three broomsticks to return to the still pouring rain that awaited him outside.

And to think, he was actually starting to want someone else to help out with the baby, he thought viciously as he walked back up the high street, his hood drawn very low as he walked as a quick pace, making his way for the carriages that led back up to Hogwarts. Any feelings he had had were to battle with his overwhelming dislike of Black. Black who had from the moment they had met, insulted him at every level he could, Black who had watched with great enthusiasm as Potter cursed him every chance he got. It made him sick, thinking that the baby he had doted on now for going on four months, was really the child of Sirius Black.

Would he really love the baby if it came out looking like him? He thought angrily, sitting in the carriage and watching the land roll by as the thestrals pulled him along. With a sickening sort of jolt, he cursed himself for his stupidity, knowing that even if the child came out a virtual carbon copy of Black, he would love it regardless. Whatever his feelings toward the man, he couldn't take it out on his child.

He wondered now exactly how much Black knew, knowing Dumbledore, he probably would have told Black anything he knew, he probably even got Black to accept the idea of becoming a father by telling him all about his welfare. Snape gritted his teeth, folding his arms across his chest angrily, could he really trust anyone at Hogwarts? There was also the matter of the cat that had been stalking after him for almost a month now. Could the cat really be relaying information to Black?

He screwed up his face, pulling stray wet hairs away as he found himself holding back tears as the carriage rattled along up the familiar bend. He had been so gloriously happy about it all and the world it seemed was keen to ruin him. Wasn't there more then just one potentially good donor match in the entire Order of the Pheonix? Why was Black the only person Dumbledore had come up with and why was he suddenly ready to make good with him?

It was just like at the end of the last year, when Potter had returned from the maze and Fudge had blustered his way out of any consequence for having Barty Crouch Jr. executed. Black was there and Dumbledore had forced them into shaking hands as though it would change something. He had probably engineered the whole pregnancy to create some sort of false friendship between them for cooperation and love and all the pathetic Gryffindor garbage that was constantly shoved down his throat by the old wizard.

He wiped his eyes on his sleeve, trying his best to steady himself before reaching the castle. He could already start to hear students outside, mostly seventh years running around in the rain and laughing loudly, using their time to have a water fight out on the grounds before class resumed the next day.

He was very glad he had finished all of his work for classes the previous day as he knew he couldn't bring himself to do any in the state he was now. He would go and sleep, sleep until the next day and try to force everything out of his mind. He certainly would have loved the use of a pensieve at a time like this, but the idea of going up to Dumbledore's office and confronting the man again called upon a level of energy and willingness he couldn't summon at the moment.

Snape walked through the grounds as the clouds thundered and the rain intensified, echoing his dismal mood. There were a few teachers outside, scolding students for playing in the rain and trying to shepherd them in but Snape didn't much care to assist them, he instead slipped inside the castle and trudged down the longer, yet lesser populated corridors that would take him to his room.

To make matters worse, Black's spy cat was standing watch near his door, it's head flipping around to meet him, meowing impertinently.

"Shoo!" Snape spat, kicking out violently so the cat had to bound away, looking back at him as though hurt, it's squashed face looking scared by his outburst. He didn't care, but wrenched open his door and slammed it so hard that dust drifted down from the frame.

"Harry?"

Harry jumped so fast he almost upset his plate, his fork flying to the ground as he hurried to try to catch it without success. Ron and Hermione looked at him a little worried.

"You alright mate?" Ron asked, following his gaze up to the staff table where the teachers sat eating their dinner.

"I'm fine," Harry said, dusting his fork off with his napkin and replacing it on his plate. "I was just thinking."

"About the DA?" Ron asked, looking up at Professor Umbridge who wasn't looking in their direction but instead looking very fixedly on her food.

"No," Harry hesitated, not looking at either of them. "I just noticed that Snape wasn't at the staff table."

Hermione acted as though she didn't even hear them while Ron did a double take, looking back up to Snape's empty spot.

"He wasn't at Breakfast or Lunch either." Harry said offhandedly, a little annoyed at himself for bringing it up now as he knew that Hermione would tell them off, as she always did when they discussed what Snape could be doing.

"Really?" Ron said, helping himself to another cut of ham. His voice becoming more quiet, "What do you reckon?"

"I dunno." Harry shrugged, trying to keep his voice down now. "He's always at meals though, isn't he? He's a residential teacher."

"And why isn't it fishy if McGonagall or Flitwick aren't here on the weekends?" Hermione proposed, "There are plenty of teachers that go on trips for the weekends or leave the castle, why should it matter?"

"Because Snape doesn't have anything else to do." Ron snorted, "Git doesn't have any family or stuff to do unless it's with the order right?"

Hermione shot him a scathing look, always the first to defend Snape from the two of them. Harry took a different approach however.

"What if he's not back by tomorrow?" Harry thought aloud. "Do you think there will be a substitute?"

"You guys talking about greasy old Snape?" Fred and George arrived, late as usual to meals on the weekend, sitting in between Harry and Ron, looking soaked to the bone.

"What have you two been up to?" Ron asked angrily, folding his robes closer to them to avoid being dripped on by the twins. They both grinned devilishly, looking to each other as though inviting the other to begin the story.

"Started a water fight with a whole bunch of people earlier this morning on the grounds," Fred admitted, winking at Hermione who looked as though she was trying very hard not to use her prefect status to chew them out.

"We were going to break it up before lunch but Umbridge came out to tell us off before we could get the chance." George added, shaking his head like a dog and showering Ron with drops of water, he swore loudly and several people turned their heads. "We figured we had all the right to walk across the grounds in bad weather and if we wanted to get even more wet then nature could provide, it was perfectly within the rules."

"And how are you still wet?" Hermione asked cautiously, unsure if she really wanted to know the answer. The pair of them grinned even wider.

"Well Umbridge gave us both detentions when some Slytherins complained that we soaked them." Fred said, with a shrug. "So she broke up our good fun, told us we had detentions and we were to stay inside for the rest of the day."

"So rather then stopping the fun we've just been magicking quite a few of the ceilings to bring the fun inside." George laughed. "Just skipping around random floors to give Umbridge a little something to remember."

"You do realize she'll know it's you?" Hermione snapped, completely unaffected by how funny Ron and Harry found it to be. "You realize how much trouble you'll be in with her and filch?"

"You were talking about Snape, Ron?" George cut in, much to Hermione's dismay. "He's not out of the castle right now. We both saw him walking up the grounds this morning while we were outside."

"Then why isn't he here now?" Ron asked them both, still dusting water off of his shoulders. The twins looked to each other but shook their heads in unison.

"Hasn't been doing so well lately though, has he?" Fred murmured, looking back and forth to the three of them. "In all the classes we've had with him, I mean."

"What do you mean?" Harry questioned.

"Well, if you look at him lately he looks really out of it." Fred added. "Real tired like but he's put on some weight."

"'Spect it's just cause he's getting older, right?" George said "Can't imagine him getting much action with the rest of the order. Can only burn so many calories giving us detention over and over." Ron sniggered.

"So you don't think he's doing any business with the order?" Harry whispered quietly, Fred and George laughed.

"If he is it can't be anything too strenuous right?" Fred said, looking up to the staff table without much care. "Honestly though, it's Snape, Harry. Why do you care?"

Harry only shrugged turning back to his plate. He decided against telling anyone else about what Sirius had said to him because he was sure that the rest of the order wasn't keen on the three of them knowing anything at all. The twins stayed with them for the rest of the meal, much to Hermione's chagrin, so he could not talk at length about what they thought Snape might be up to. Conversation switched quickly over to the upcoming quiddich match, which without fail made Ron look slightly green and miserable, and Hermione took out a book to read while the others discussed tactics that the Slytherins may be using to win.

As much as Harry tried to push the thought of Snape to the back of his mind, planning lessons for the DA and his ever uninteresting stack of homework did not seem to pull the thought from his mind as he thought over the words that Fred and George had said.

Snape did seem to look a bit out of it, his usual graceful stride and carefully planned movements replaced with a sort of hunched and brooding appearance. He hadn't thought much of what the twins had said about him putting on weight, but when he searched his memories of his last week of potions, there was something definitely off putting about his typically bat-like look.

He only wished he could convey what he had seen to Sirius but because of the fireplaces being watched by Umbridge, he didn't dare. Harry did make a note in his mind though, that he would start watching Snape more closely from now on.

* * *

><p><strong>Oh my god I love writing Fred and George. I need to find more excuses for them to pop up.<strong>

**So there, Snape knows now. Tried to keep it as in character as possible, I hope I succeeded in your book. Not exactly sure how the back and forth between Snape and Sirius is going to be written but I will include some more of Harry for those of you who want him to play a bigger role. **

**I'm working like 5 days in a row soon (Which is pretty unusual) so I may not get to writing as much but certainly keep reviewing. You guys have been great at it and I'm glad I do have the occasional time off to get all of this written out. **

**There are a few general things that I'm going to include in the story later on, but if you have something that you specifically want to see happen, or an interchange between two characters, feel free to propose it and I may or may not include it. I think of this as a kink mpreg fic, not a work of art. I haven't planned everything out really rigorously, I'm just sort of going on the timeline of the 5th book with bits and pieces added in so it makes sense. So if you want the baby to be a boy or a girl or you want it to be really true to the happenings in the book or have a completely different ending, I'm totally open to hearing what you like/think. I'm writing this for you. **


	9. Sweet Tooth

The pouring rain that had covered the grounds froze during the night and refused to thaw for several days. The cold permeated the castle so much that the students had started to wear mittens and hats in the corridors to class, some going so far as to bewitch them warm before they left the common rooms to go to breakfast. It wasn't until about half way through the week that the freezing cold let up and the clouds darkened to make way for fat wafting snow that covered the icy paths and frozen lake to give everything a smoothed over quality.

After classes, students often went tobogganing and had snowball fights, much to the distaste of Filch, who wandered after groups of students, harassing them about what they planned to do outside. However it seemed that even Umbridge could not find a rule that they were breaking in having fun on their own time, and decreed that so long as they were not using magic, students were free to enjoy the weather as much as they wanted within reason.

All of this meant very little to Snape, as he did not much care for winter over summer. He was a little glad that he could wear several more layers now without much question, disguising the extra bulk he had to carry even better then before. The snow meant he was forced to carry out extra responsibilities however, so every time a new dense layer fell, he and the other teachers were asked to kindly clear the pathways for students and school visitors. It was a good enough work out, traversing each of the outdoor paths in turn and clearing the snow with his wand. But frankly Snape had better things to do with his time as the end of term drew closer and closer.

The happy mood he had had towards the baby and his situation had been replaced with a cold angry dread that welled up inside him every time he dwelled on the conversation Dumbledore had had with him in Hogsmede the previous weekend. Snape kept himself busy enough with classes, putting the baby out of his mind as he worked tirelessly through essays and graded papers, recording grades for each student and starting to recommend extra credit options to those who were in danger of failing in the next month.

As was to be expected, his N.E.W.T classes were doing fine and there was very little work that needed to be put into any one of his students. It was only his O.W.L students and some less than precocious first years he kept an eye on as the days wore on and each assignment turned in could do substantial damage to a passing grade.

He busied himself as much as possible, adding in extra assignments when his hands were free, simply to distract himself from any thinking. Each day passing in quick succession as they grew shorter and shorter with the loss of sunlight.

It wasn't until he lay in bed that he felt his mind wander. His hand would travel spider-like to his front to rest on his stomach, which was now less of a bulge and more of a distinct filled out distention resting in his hips.

When he lay down on his back, he felt more pressure the usual. The baby seemed to lay right on top of all his organs and there was pressure on his chest against his lungs. He was resigned now to sleeping on his side, his whole body curled protectively around the baby with one pillow under his head and a second jockeying for several different positions around his body until he grew tired of moving it and simply fell asleep. It was very unfortunate as well that now that it was becoming cold, he had outgrown the majority of his night shirts, the buttons clearly past joining together in the middle as he no longer fit them. He broke out his second comforter from the large trunk in his closet to compensate, laying half naked with the stretchy exercise pants he had purchased, riding low on his hips.

He would lay in the dark for hours, thinking critically about anything and everything, his hair a tousled mess, his eyes half open, watching the snow fall in his window.

He couldn't even afford new night shirts and he wanted to refuse help, he kept thinking dismally while the baby did some sort of slow unending somersault within him as he feigned sleep. Snape couldn't do it, he couldn't bring himself to admit he needed help, and extend a hand to Black.

He's evil, he thought angrily. Black could very well be pretending to care, pretending to make good and apologize for his past transgressions against him.

But why would he? The small voice in the back of his mind always shot back. What good would it do him to free up some of his money and accept responsibility to assist him? What contrived plan could he have that would involve him admitting that he was wrong to someone he had always accused to be a no -good death eater waste of space?

Snape could lay for a thousand years and never have an answer, nor a solution to his problems. The baby could very well be born and live and die of old age before he would so much as look at Black.

He found himself hating Dumbledore more then anyone though, the conniving old man who was probably writing to Grimmauld Place that very instant. Telling Sirius that Snape just needed more time to sort out his feelings, yet the baby was doing well.

Even now he couldn't find it in his heart to hate the baby, despite how much trouble it seemed to land him in, regardless of all the mental anguish, he knew that once it was out of him, he could at least rejoice in having it and seeing it. He remembered with a leap, that Madame Pomfrey could tell the sex around christmas time and the thoughts surrounding the idea of knowing the gender intensified as the days wore on. One day he would imagine having a girl, a painfully adorable baby girl who would grow up to be a splendid witch. He thought about viciously defending her from potential boyfriends and all the days he would relish teaching her and reading to her when she was young. A girl would be nice, Snape thought, imagining with a warm pride, a girl of his own with all of his sense and wisdom but with the practiced acceptance and love of someone like Lily.

But on other days he would imagine having a boy, a boy perhaps a little shy and a little eager, but a boy like him who would get excellent grades and prove himself to be a highly accomplished wizard. Snape would teach him loads of transfiguration and advanced potion making and he could be anything of great importance. Not a overly confident quidditch star, but a cunning and enthusiastic man worthy to be his progeny. Yes, he thought, a boy would be just as nice.

He conveniently left Sirius out of all his daydreaming, the imagined babies and children he pondered, only mirroring his own features. He refused to see them as anything other then what he could predict and be grateful for, no bullying predatory instincts or irrational behavior.

Whenever the thought of making some sort of decision came over him, he quickly worked to occupy himself with something to put the thought out of his mind. He couldn't make a choice yet, he told himself each day, quickly busying his hands with a book or taking notes for a class. But Snape felt more and more pressured watching the sun go down ominously and looking to his stomach as though it were a ticking bomb. There was only so long he could wait before he needed to start shoveling away his own money for the child or making a compromise on Black's extensive fortune that would involve the child somehow. There was also the matter of figuring out exactly where the child would be housed. Truth be told Spinner's end was so cluttered with his own things that the idea of taking the child home days after the birth would be relatively impossible as he had no time to prepare a room.

Grimmauld Place he considered to filthy and potentially dangerous for a newborn as well, but it did at least have many rooms.

Snape supposed it would come to a list of pro's and con's that would inevitably decide his and the child's fate, but when he would have the heart to write it, he didn't know.

Harry's newfound strength coming from the secret DA meetings was starting to fade as he found it harder and harder to get through all of his end of term work. The time in between meetings made him feel like it was a chore to create interesting lessons, even if the time he spent teaching them was the most rewarding part of the week. With quidditch piled on top of that, he was wondering if he would be able to scrape any O.W.L's at all.

Snape did return to his classes the next monday and Harry couldn't waste time trying to watch him in between brewing as Hermione kept nudging him unceremoniously in the ribs every time his eyes strayed from his textbook to fix on the potion's master. He was relieved to find that his last essay had managed to scrape an exceeds expectations, the highest grade he had gotten in Potions all year.

"Must have been a fluke," Harry said, his eyes widening over his paper and the shiny E that was scrawled at the top of the parchment. But surely enough, Snape had no nasty comments to scrawl in the empty margin and Harry kept the essay tucked in his textbook to use over again for review. Hermione beamed at him, her own returned essay bearing the usual O.

He noticed that Snape did indeed look different as he lingered a while longer, making quite the chore of tucking all his things back in his bag as Snape sat at his desk, ignoring him as he graded papers in silence. His face was distinctly more thin and pale then usual, his eyes particularly more lined and tired looking, only making the dark pupils blacker as they listlessly looked over the students homework.

Harry didn't feel so much sorry for Snape as he was too concerned with getting as much sleep as he could in between doing so much homework he thought he would have to repeat the fifth year. It wasn't even as though he could report to Sirius about anything he found out anyway, because of Umbridge's strict regime.

But what is he expecting? Harry wondered, piling food onto his plate at dinner. Does he know Snape is sick or tired? Was his slight weight gain really Sirius's business? He decided he was just being stupid, as surely the Order wouldn't give much of a care whether or not Snape was feeling all right, just so long as he could keep doing anything Dumbledore needed.

"Did you ever finish your transfiguration homework?" Ron asked him in between bites of his dinner roll. "Hermione won't help me with the rest of mine."

"Help you? You were cheating off my paper!" Hermione snapped at him from across the table. "Just because I wouldn't let you finish staring at my work doesn't mean I won't help you!"

"Well," Ron said rolling his eyes, "Will you help me then?"

"I already gave you the page numbers for practically all the main points!" Hermione looked scathingly at him. "That's more the enough,"

"I'm going to go get a book for charms from the library after dinner," Harry cut in, not keen to have them arguing again, all three of them were stressed enough without any stupid fights. "I can help you with it afterword, or you can come to the library with me."

"I already put my bag upstairs," Ron drew his narrowed eyes away from Hermione who jabbed her fork with unnecessary force into her potato. "I'll meet you after I guess."

Harry finished his meal early and decided on grabbing the book as soon as possible to avoid any other students talking to him or distracting him. His scar was hurting again and he didn't think it would stop anytime soon. The idea of homework was starting to feel like torture.

The torches in the corridors burned brightly as he walked in the direction of the library, he could see out of the windows, the snow glimmering in the reflected light, it was melting into pools of water and Harry guessed it must be a rather warm night. He looked in the direction of the forbidden forrest and Hagrid's cabin, but could not make out their outlines in the darkness. He wondered dully if he would ever know whether or not he would be back before the end of term right when he heard a familiar meowing noise from around a corner with a painting of a mother and two children playing by a stream.

Harry looked around and saw Crookshanks smashed face staring up at him, sitting as though on watch.

"What are you doing out here." Harry asked, smiling in spite of himself at the defiance of the large cat who merely purred and walked over to him, expecting a pat on the head. The last time the cat had been caught out wandering the castle grounds, Sirius had been close by. Harry looked down the dark side corridor the cat had been watching, then looked back to Crookshanks, who looked far too interested in Harry's patting hand to be bothered.

"Catching death eaters again?" Harry asked scratching his ears as Crookshanks meowed affectionately. He withdrew his hand, ready to continue onto the library when he heard footsteps in the direction of the darkened hall, Harry squinted.

"Potter," Dark and foreboding as he ever was, Snape walked into the light at a brisk pace, his eyes narrowing distastefully as he saw Harry's face fall. "And what are you doing-"

Snape's eyes raked him, suddenly looking to his ankles, he looked in horror at Crookshanks, his eyes darting from Harry to the cat and back again, his face losing color.

"What- What are you?"

"I'm sorry," Harry said, unsure exactly what it was he did but he assumed Crookshanks had something to do with it. The cat meowed loudly, taking a step towards Snape who looked affronted.

"Ten points from Gryffindor." Snape spat, venomously, his face growing red from anger. "Animals stay in the common rooms Potter."

Harry stared at him, unsure exactly what to do or what to say as Snape stormed back in the direction of the darker corridor, his robes fanning out behind him. Harry looked to the cat with a mixture of intrigue and annoyance. What exactly had Snape so scared of Crookshanks? it was almost comical to imagine that Snape had a phobia of cats.

"Go back to the common room," Harry nudged Crookshanks hard with his foot. "Before you get me into more trouble." Crookshanks merely meowed and watched as Harry continued on to the library. His eye's gleaming sharply and his bushy tail held high.

"You don't think that's at all odd"

Harry sighed, looking up from his homework now, the book he had gotten from the library in his lap. Crookshanks had found his way back to the common room and was laying in Hermione's lap as she knitted more elf hats.

"So Snape hates cats." Ron said, peering over the top of his transfiguration text book. "Why can't you keep Crookshanks locked up like every one else does with their cats?"

Hermione ignored Ron, her needles clattering together loudly as Crookshanks purred contentedly.

"Well think about it," Hermione murmured, looking to the group of third years huddled together talking not very far away. "Maybe Snape knows that it's my cat, after all he might have seen it in the shrieking shack when we first met snuffles, and he was at Grimmauld Place for Order meetings during the summer."

"So?" Harry said, finally resigned to putting his quill down until Hermione got her thought out.

"So, Snape probably knows that Snuffles and Crookshanks are friends, I mean, Crookshanks can talk to him and everything, can't he? He helped him get into Hogwarts."

"Yeah," Ron started, shutting the textbook. "Bet old Snape doesn't want Si-Snuffles into what he's doing, right? Especially if he's going dark magic behind Dumbledore's-"

"Ron, Dumbledore trusts Snape!" Hermione said for possibly the hundredth time. Ron still looking unconvinced, shaking his head and looking to Harry, who shrugged.

"Then why would he care?" Ron asked "You'd think if he was innocent he'd be happy to let any one know what he's up to right? Stop everyone from wondering."

"Just because Snape doesn't share every intimate detail of his life with you Ron, doesn't make him a death eater. Besides," She turned back to her knitting, flipping the needle around and gathering more yarn to start another row. "I get the feeling Snape doesn't really like Snuffles much."

"I wonder why that is." Harry said uninterestedly. He really had to finish his homework or else he would be up all night.

"Cause he's a git." Ron concluded dramatically. Stretching his arms and staring at his parchment as though willing the essay to appear. Harry gave a little nod, if he was really serious about finishing this he couldn't do it around Ron and Hermione bickering back and forth. His scar was still giving occasional throbs, making the small text inside the book he had borrowed appear to be very blurry and unfocused.

He looked to Crookshanks again, who was becoming jealous of Hermione's knitting and was thumping her leg with his tail.

If that cat could talk, Harry thought blandly, he could probably tell them everything.

Snape was still feeling dully angry and exhausted as the night was coming to a close. He had a few students for detention, making them give his classroom a full scrub down and refilling all of his various jars with the last of the extra ingredients he had gotten to finish off the first semester. The students didn't say much, perhaps too afraid of Snape to whine about not being able to use magic. They didn't even dare to look at the clock as they worked, but Snape, who was feeling very tired himself, let them go early so he could be left alone.

Did Potter really know about the cat? He thought off and on throughout the night, his hand nervously scratching his head. He wouldn't put it past Black to talk to Potter about it, regardless of what Dumbledore thought was best. He supposed that Potter himself could not possibly talk to the cat as he was not an animagus himself, but the very idea of Potter finding out about his condition made his spine chill.

Snape kept rewinding in his head, all the memories he had of being with the cat. What could the cat have possibly gathered in the time he was around it.

It had seen him naked. He thought with a burning sickness welling up inside him, the time in the bath when it had snuck in, the cat had managed to get a good glimpse of him, but back then he wasn't really showing much at all.

He didn't think the cat would be able to communicate anything too incriminating however, even if Black and the cat could communicate somehow, it was not as though it could construct sentences... could it?

The pain of not knowing was almost unbearable.

He felt absolutely stupid for not recognizing the cat, he had seen glimpses of it for years now. On the night he had almost captured Black it was with them in the shrieking shack, plus Granger could be seen occasionally on weekends taking it outside when the weather was nice. It wasn't as though he could really put all of those pieces together however, seeing cats quite often in the castle.

His paranoia and shaky panic seemed to lessen as he left the classroom, extinguishing the lights and locking the doors until the next morning. There was another feeling of... Hunger.

Snape sighed exasperatedly, scratching the low rise of his stomach, wishing he could simply go back to his room and sleep off his annoyance, but the late night unusual cravings were starting to get to him.

The night he had returned from Hogsmede was terrible, after sleeping through dinner he woke up with an enormous ache in both his head and stomach and had feebly hobbled to the kitchen to get something to eat. The house elves had been quite excited and kind to make him anything he wanted however, dismissing any ideas that they would feed him leftovers. And so he sat by the fireplace while the elves eagerly worked to make him pork pie and mashed potatoes. His headache lifted almost immediately into the first bites, the house elves were quite pleased as he gave them back him dishes and thanked them gratefully.

Snape was starting to wonder if he'd ever be able to eat enough to meet the demand of the baby as it seemed intent to always make him feel just a little bit hungry almost every hour of the day. He had began to grow tired of the granola and sampled other snacks to fill the void as he went about his life constantly tired and hungry no matter how much sleep and food he came across.

What bothered him most was his new undeniable craving for disgusting sweet food he normally couldn't stomach. Sugar and chocolate was a commodity Snape never really had a taste for, even as a child when he indulged in it socially, he never really found it very satisfying. He supposed his poor upbringing and his parent's unwillingness to buy him anything but the cheap soup and sandwiches accounted for him never acquiring a taste for it.

The craving was there now, at least and he would stop mid thought or wake in the middle of the night blindly wanting anything sweet. As good as it might be for his own health and his money not to go on a vicious spending spree at Honeydukes, it did not stop his head from quickly turning into an ache if he did not get what he wanted. In the early morning he would simply toss and turn to get back to sleep, cursing the child for waking him crave something as stupid as chocolate.

He caught himself walking down to the great hall instead of taking the usual turn to that led down to his personal room and found that he didn't much care. The house elves probably knew about his condition and would understand. He didn't really want to make a habit of marching down to the kitchen every time he wanted something, Snape's self control was hard trained against that, but he knew if he didn't eat now he wouldn't sleep.

Drawing a hand up to the painting of the bowl of fruit, he tickled to pear then reached to turn the doorknob, cracking the door and looking inside to see many house elves quickly stacking and levitating dishes that had been used by the students for dinner that night. Other elves were busy preparing the ingredients they intended for next morning's breakfast. The presence of Snape did not go unnoticed though as several elves close by bowed their heads cheerfully, squeaking greetings and shuffling a little faster to show how good of workers they were.

"Is there anything I can get for master?" a particularly small elf asked gratefully, tugging at his trousers. Snape blinked as though coming out a reverie. Suddenly realizing he had obeyed his id long enough to make it there, and he might as well get something out of it.

"Trifle," He said simply, his face as blank as ever. He felt as though someone else was saying them with his own voice. "With ginger ale and custard."

The elf bowed very low, it's long nose almost touching the ground before it hastened to look up again.

"We is working on it right away sir! But in the mean time would sir like anything else?"

"Clotted Cream and strawberries." Snape murmured as the elf bowed low again.

"Yes sir, tis an honor."

Snape sat waiting for his rather hefty order to be finished. The elves seemed to be working on fast forward with a wizard in the room, their pace was quick and they seemed to be competing who could finish their tasks faster, looking to Snape who sat in the old armchair facing the fire place, his sore feet propped up against hearth. The elves ought to be knighted for their ingenuity he thought, unsure as to how they had managed to procure such delicious strawberries so late in the year.

It was very relaxing, feeling his feet grow warmer by the crackle of the fire and a bowl of strawberries and crème in his lap. The baby gave a lazy turn inside him and pressed his thumb in circles over the spot as if to soothe it.

He didn't even mind the elves seeing as he was sure the lot of them knew if Dumbledore had instructed them to give him snacks whenever possible. Most were too busy working to watch his tired gaze move from the fire to his stomach anyhow. The baby fluttered back endearingly and he smiled in spite of himself, perhaps for the first time since speaking with Dumbledore.

Snape felt he could fall asleep, so warm and comfortably seated by the hearth, if it wasn't for the occasional clanging of pots and pans and the tinkle of fine flatware. He had never had much reason to come to the kitchens before and had only known where they were as a student from reading Hogwarts a History several times. As a teacher, he was sometimes obligated to visit the kitchen to give instructions to have food brought to the Slytherin common room on special occasions. But for the most part he walked right by the picture of the bowl of fruit without much thought.

He really couldn't make it a habit though, he thought darkly, adding a liberal amount of crème to a strawberry. However happy it would make Madame Pomfrey to add an extra pound or two to his frame, he still had the business of losing the weight afterword. Having Trifle whenever he wanted was nice but Snape was by no means athletic and didn't feel to inclined to take up jogging after birthing the child.

This is good though, he thought, chewing a strawberry in his mouth with sheer ecstasy. The craving related headache slowly unknotting with each bite he took.

He wondered if it was the baby making him crave strange food, or if it was just his hormones pushing themselves to the forefront. Perhaps Black liked sweets and the babies other half was making itself known.

Snape paused mid bite, thinking about Black. The baby fluttered again slightly, and he continued to soothe the spot softly.

It was easier to think about the situation in front of a warm fire in a comfy chair eating strawberries. Here he could at least imagine the situation to be farther away and that at least for now, his mind wasn't tormenting him with scenarios he didn't want to imagine.

He felt slightly more rational at least, pondering the if's and but's without much pain in his chest from a mounting stress that seemed to eat away at him whenever his dismal circular thinking got momentum.

If he allowed Black to have some sort of partial custody he could probably get anything he needed as far as money goes, he thought carefully, remembering the horror of the price tags in the Hogsmede shops. He could be assured as well that the child would have some sort of other parental figure to look up to, even if it was someone as dismally irrational and stupid as Black could be.

He knew perfectly well that Black was not incapable of love and there was a part of him that knew fully that Black had no intentions to hurt him- just to see his own child. The look on Black's face when Potter had entered Grimmauld Place that summer, seeing his godson for the first time in months. Even if Black had a tendency to bully and belittle him, he knew he would embrace his own kind.

And what would happen if he refused Black? Snape thought alternatively, finishing off the last strawberry an stretching his arms above his head. There was a good chance that he would be exceptionally poor for the months ahead. He couldn't conceive of a time when the child would possibly cost less money. Babies grew fast and broke things quite easily and Snape would probably have to sell quite a few of his books to make money and room for the child to live at Spinners End.

His unique task from Dumbledore did not permit him to quit his job either, he would have to find a way for the child to be accommodated while he was teaching. While Dumbledore might be alright with finding a way to board the infant at the school, Snape was sure his entire reputation would be put in the toilet if he was seen carrying a child around the castle.

It would be impossible, Snape thought dully, placing his palms to his stomach and closing his eyes.

"Mister Professor Snape Sir!"

Snape jolted awake, his foot making contact with the hearth sharply so that he drew his breath in with a curse. He drew a hand through his hair, fixing it back to the side of the head and blinked. The small house elf was holding a large box. The trifle was finished.

"Thank you," Snape muttered under his breath, standing up so quickly he saw stars.

"It is our deepest pleasure sir!" The elf squeaked, offering him the box, which Snape took, still blinking to get used to the light. How long had he slept? Most of the other elves had gone now, the kitchen was sparkling clean.

"Is there anything else sir? Anything at all?"

"Ah- No." He said quickly, turning on his heel to walk back toward the basement corridor. The elf led him out, bowing and thanking him for his presence.

The castle was now very dark and no noise could be heard from above. He guessed it was far past curfew and he walked at a brusque pace, up the stairs toward the great hall and his own room. The baby seemed to be angry from being woken up and was making distinct angry kicks that he could feel on the outside of his stomach.

_It'll be fine_, he mouthed, more to himself then really to the baby. _We'll be in bed and laying down in just a moment_, he was dead tired. Surely it couldn't be past midnight?

Snow was falling again in the windowsills as he past them, The melted ice freezing over again in puddles in the intersections of the visible walkways. Snape continued to jog on, steadying the box carefully. He would have to eat it in the morning, his stomach had seemed content enough with the strawberries and he was far too out of it to try a piece when he got back. He knew it would taste heavenly, as all the house elf's food was. He could wake up the next day and try a piece then.

The familiar bright gleaming eyes jumped out at him in the darkness and Snape narrowed his eyes. When would the cat quit? He had made it quite clear he didn't want it dogging after him any longer.

A few steps later and he realized it wasn't the ginger cat, but actually Miss Norris. Her eyes wider and flashed more dangerous as he approached. Rather than running off to tell filch, she came closer, her bushy neck inclining to see him more carefully, to smell.

Snape didn't stop to pay much mind to this but rather kept walking, Miss Norris looked as though she wanted to follow him but instead kept to her post, she still sniffed the air carefully, craning her neck in his direction as he made up the stairs and out of sight.

When he got to his personal room he was surprised to find someone already there and almost upset the box in his surprise, reaching for his wand on instinct. He was relieved to only find Madame Pomfrey, sitting in his desk chair and reading over the clipboard she always brought with her to appointments.

"I locked that door!" Snape hissed, putting the box down on top of his dresser. Looking scandalized as she looked up from her reading to acknowledge him. She looked rather unperturbed for having broken into his room.

"Head of the hosptial wing has access to certain magic inside the castle." Madame Pomfrey said conversationally, putting the clipboard down to fold her hands on his desk. "To make sure I can help every one and any one."

"Even if they don't know it." Snape scoffed. Pinching the bridge of his nose with his thumb and index finger. "It is rather late-"

"I came around curfew but since you were out I figured I would try again later." She admitted, bending to open her ominous medical bag. Snape sighed, feeling the baby squirm even more furiously inside him.

"How long?" He asked, his tired eyes narrowed in defeat.

"As long as it takes," She murmured, gesturing for him to sit down on his bed. He sat down, slipping out of his shoes and facing away from her as she untucked his shirt and felt her way up his spine to listen to his heart in the small of his back. It had been a few weeks since their last official check up, not including the time Snape had run to her for fear of the child only to realize it was kicking.

"Good, Good," She said after a few slowly drawn breaths. She made a check on her clipboard and Snape turned, quick to have the check up done as soon as possible. He unbuttoned his shirt when she asked and set it across the headboard while Madame Pomfrey poked and prodded his front with her delicate hands. She paused for a moment as the baby gave an indignant squirm, thrusting against the side of his stomach in anger. She gave a nervous laugh.

"Both of us want to sleep." Snape moaned, closing his eyes as he lay back on the bed, Madame Pomfrey massaged the area again carefully, keeping her palm down to feel for a kick.

"Sooner then I expected," She looked very pleased. "Though I suppose it's starting to lose it's fun by now?"

Snape didn't answer, too tired and and slightly annoyed by the spontaneity of the whole thing to feel very enthused. He didn't want to get up, he would have been perfectly content to lie there in his day trousers and fall asleep. Madame Pomfrey kept smiling as she worked, her cold fingers pressing carefully over the distended skin.

"I don't suppose you could make me another picture?" Snape asked with the tiniest bit of longing hanging in his deep voice. He wondered if the baby would have grown enough to look more developed then the previous picture. The bubbling feeling of wonder and glee was starting to fade as he had practically memorized the previous picture, having seen it so many times.

"I think we'll save that until next time." Madame Pomfrey said, withdrawing her hands to write more notes. "I'll catch you one last time before the winter break and we'll tell the sex of the child then."

Snape rubbed his eyes, staring at the ceiling and feeling a slight tingling in his legs. Only the sounds of the scratching from the clipboard could be heard until Madame Pomfrey set it back into her bag, looking back to Snape.

"Any prolonging morning sickness?" She asked carefully. "Anything else I should know about?"

"I have a little every now and then," Snape murmured, keeping the palms of his hands over his eyes, the darkness felt nice. "It's never enough to actually make me throw up."

"Good," She said, "Any other pain?"

"Not really."

"Good, good," She zipped up her bag, her flats clicking on the floor as she made to stand. "Like I said, this will probably be the most comfortable part of your pregnancy before you hit the third trimester and feel really sore." Snape didn't move, his bed was far too warm and inviting and he didn't even make to put his shirt back on.

"I'll see you before Christmas break then." She declared, making her way to the door. "Goodnight Severus."

The door clicked behind her and he rolled over, moaning a bit as he drew the sheets into him, dreading having to wake up in probably less then six hours. Tomorrow would be friday and there was a quidditch match that weekend. It would be impossible to teach any of his classes with all of them jittering with excitement. He hoped that booking the pitch over and over for Slytherin would pay off as he really was getting tired of the smug look on McGonagall's face every time she talked about her team at meals. Plus it would be good to see Potter knocked down a peg.

He reached for his bedside to grab his wand and charmed the box of trifle to stay cool for him until morning, then extinguished the lamps to roll into the reflected moon light cast from his window. The snow had stopped and the coziness of it all made him want to burrow inside his bed for several days.

He wondered, foolishly if Black was out there now, most likely asleep, but possible wondering about Snape and the child, maybe even yearning to see it.

He still needed more time to think, he thought desperately, tucking a pillow alongside his belly and trying to put the thought out of his mind the best he could. There was still a lot to consider and think about, things that would happen down the line of the child's life that needed to be considered.

That was if the war ended, Snape thought dismally. If both of them managed to get out alive with the baby alright, there would have to be quite a bit of planning involved to keep the baby safe as well.

What would happen if one of them died? He thought with a sudden pang of anxiety, who would take care of the child if they were both gone?

It was preposterous to assume he would be a casualty, he thought. Neither side had any reason to hurt him and his lying ability was legendary. Surely it would not matter who won or lost because he had all the right cards to play.

If Black died, it wouldn't be a real tragedy anyway, Snape reassured himself. It wasn't as though Snape couldn't get on without him, he had managed to do just fine up until now and if for some reason Black couldn't help then he would just have to make it work, wouldn't he?

The moonlight was cold and unassuring as he drifted into sleep, the baby seemed to calm as it realized it was in bed again and the jittery pounding inside his stomach ceased as his breathing became even and he slept soundly. Warm and content as he could manage.

* * *

><p><strong>Oh my god you guys gave me amazing feedback. This is me trying to fix any mistakes you guys found and get the gears locked in for the next few chapters. Thanks so much!<strong>

**I got a new livejournal account set up just for my writing. There is a link on my profile page, everyone add me! I'll be posting snippets of the chapters before they come out and cross posting them there so you can see them via your own livejournal. **

**Keep. Giving. Me. Feedback. It really did help to see a lot of this from an outsiders perspective because I miss things a lot and I need to fix them. Plus it's just good to hear if you like the direction I'm going. Still really undecided on the sex of the baby, as well as a few other things but tell me if you want to see something.**

**Thanks so much! By this rate I'll probably have the christmas chapters up by christmas! It'll be all fitting and stuff. Take care!**


	10. The art of nest building

Sirius sat in the armchair of the extended living room of Grimmauld place, his feet elevated over the mismatched ottoman and his hands working through an old catalog of children's clothes and furniture that Molly Weasley had left discreetly at the end of a meeting.

He had dressed in many layers, fingerless smoking gloves over his clammy hands as he turned the pages carefully, his eyes darting down the moving pictures showing babies waddling around in jumpers and pajamas. Too lazy to gather freshly cut wood to start a fire, he simply took to wearing extra layers and his shoes around the house. The strange habit of wearing shoes had started out of his increasing restlessness as it made him feel as if he had somewhere to go and was just constantly in the middle of getting ready. Whatever annoying murmurs Kreacher spoke about poor etiquette learned from poor company, he felt it was a waste of having shoes if he didn't get the chance to wear them.

Snow was wafting on the ground outside in slow drifts, the first snow of the season that had not melted on contact with the warm ground. The muggles out driving their cars had slowed considerably to avoid collisions.

He had only gotten semi dressed and moved from his bed because Lupin would be bringing groceries by within the hour and he relished any human contact he could get as fewer and fewer Order members came by the house when the weather was bad and the holidays grew closer. Lupin knew better then to leave Sirius alone, taking it upon himself to pick up groceries at least once a week so he had something to look foreword to. Sometimes Lupin would even take him on walks around the neighborhood, an activity they kept to themselves as they knew Death Eaters would most likely be aware of Sirius's animagus abilities because of Lucius Malfoy. It was as Sirius pointed out however, highly unlikely that a death eater would be anywhere near Grimmauld Place as the place was not close enough to the ministry or Diagon Alley and therefore the people passing by the house would be predominately muggles.

Molly had been kind enough to leave the catalog for next years sales from a children's boutique in Diagon Alley, having been in the area to pick up a few things, Sirius imagined she couldn't help herself imagining a new child in the picture of their mostly aging secret organization, even though he had not confided in any of them whether or not he would actually be fathering the child as of yet, as he himself did not know. But he had started the very obvious process of what Molly referred to as 'the nesting instinct', which had manifested itself in a more vigorous amount of cleaning and the clearing of the room closest to his, which he called, only in his own head, the nursery.

He would start in the morning, taking the time to go over the carpet and clear any bits of dust or drywall that Kreacher had dutifully ignored over his years of living in the house. On other days he would work on stripping the hideous fifty year old wallpaper from the walls that had separated it's layers after years of water damage. He would crack the window around lunch time to let the room air out and then upon surveying his work, become incredibly intimidated.

How could he even be sure that Snape would let him come near the child? Dumbledore seemed to have entirely forgotten his request to come clean to Snape. He felt instantly foolish for going so far as to prepare a room for a child he may not even have, putting in so much work and effort only made him more afraid that when Dumbledore's news did arrive it would simply be a painfully sympathetic notice of rejection.

Sirius had begun to formulate a plan however, in the event that Snape did refuse him at first he knew he could not give up. Despite his situation of being hopelessly chained to the house he detested, he knew he could be tenacious in other ways.

He would write to Snape personally, requesting him to visit at the house and perhaps sending along with it, an item of goodwill to try his best to sway Snape over to at least hear him out. Something that would at least break the pride of the wretched man for long enough to try to make him understand his plight. If all else failed he supposed he could ask Dumbledore for guidance, in an attempt to force Snape to see reason.

It really was only Snape's incurable pride that really presented issue in at least allowing him to see the baby, well, that and his less then positive past he had with the professor. But could Snape really refuse him if he would fully apologize? Sirius knew that Snape could not possibly be as well inclined with money as he was. Judging from what he had witnessed at school, Snape always had everything second hand, whether it was books or clothes. Sirius was more then willing to share his whole fortune with his child, seeing as how Harry had plenty of gold and he himself didn't have much use for his inheritance when he was stuck at home and had no real ambition to spend it on anything other then groceries.

He smoothed the corner of the page between his thumb and forefinger, bringing the pages apart to turn.

Sirius knew better then to buy anything worth hundreds of galleons for the baby before he knew if he could even see it but it didn't stop him from thinking. He had already folded corners over of some pages baring items he would certainly purchase if Snape would allow him into the baby's life.

Between being dismally depressed, imagining Snape stonewalling him completely, he kept his mind hopeful and occupied by planning the layout of the child's nursery. There was still the antique baby furniture in the attic that both he and Regulus had made use of when they were toddlers. He was unsure whether Snape would like the idea of placing his baby in anything with a Black family crest on it but he would much rather dishonor his entire family by scorching it off rather then give Snape reason to be fight with him.

The front door opened with a click and Sirius could hear the familiar shuffle of grocery bags. Lupin had become very good at taking practiced quiet steps down the hallway as to not wake the portrait of Sirius's mother.

He put down the catalog sighing deeply, drawing his gaze away from the falling snow and trying to pull his mind back to the present. He turned the chair a little as Lupin entered the room, brushing snow off his shoulders and graying hair. His shabby robes made more dirty looking by his flushed cold face.

"I picked up something for myself if you don't mind." Lupin sighed, his eyes catching the front of the catalog with the beaming happy family. "How are you doing?"

"Fine." Sirius muttered, turning farther in his seat to see the numerous cloth bags filled with fresh food. "And yourself?"

"Holding together somehow." Lupin dug in his pockets to grab the trail of receipt he had from the market. He handed Sirius the ticket and a small wallet that contained the remainder of Sirius's money. Sirius stood up, stretching and cracking each of his knuckles in his palm before picking up a bag and following Lupin into the kitchen to put away his new food. Staring down at the receipt he saw an order of fresh steaks.

"Feeling wolfish Moony?" Sirius snorted, looking to the back of his friends head and trying to remember exactly when the next cycle began.

"Only a little." Lupin replied candidly, smiling in spite of himself as he put the bags on the cold countertops and pulling out the bag of steaks. "I thought we could have a nice dinner. Before I get to enjoy my other form for a few days."

Sirius smiled, his dark eyes twinkling for a bit as he looked through the bags expectantly. Lupin always had a pretty good handle on his diet and knew exactly what to make him happy. Fresh fruit and whole wheat bread where essentials but Lupin knew to always pick up some butter beer and chocolate frogs to curb his general annoyance with the situation. Knowing full well how much he hated staying in the house, distraction was the best medicine.

As for Lupin buying a few things with his own money, he didn't much mind. Lupin had gotten through life largely on his and James's good graces, not being able to support himself as often as he would like, due to being a werewolf. He owed Lupin more gold than he could ever give him, having saved him from doing quite a few stupid things in his school days. But Lupin was never the first to ask for money and typically let his clothes get fairly shabby before Sirius offered to get him new ones.

"Did you want to stay here when you transform this time?" Sirius asked, very casually for something Lupin considered a shameful inconvenience. Lupin was used to this however, and shook his head as took the steaks out of the packaging.

"Tonks had already offered to accommodate me at her mothers." He admitted, laying the steaks in a glass pan then turning to stoop over the jumbled array of spices kept on a small shelf with various books on cooking and preparation charms. "Her mother has the spare bedroom set up already and she offered to stay with me when she's not on duty."

"Good for her," Sirius sniffed, trying his best to keep any air of annoyance out of his voice. He really did like his cousin but the amount of time she sapped out of the relationship he had with Lupin made him cross, especially since he had nothing better to do then wait for Lupin to visit when he was off duty so they could chat and maybe go on walks. It wasn't as though he and Tonks really had something, did they?

Lupin salted the steaks conservatively and then poured a small amount of butter over them before tapping the pan with his wand making it became instantly hot and the steaks sizzled warmly. Sirius dug through the bags, fishing out a few potatoes he could bake for the meal.

"How are you and Tonks?" Sirius asked curiously, getting out his own pan to put the potatoes in. "Has she gotten you to do anything with her yet?"

Lupin flushed scarlet, looking up from his steaks to raise an eyebrow. Sirius couldn't help but snigger, always the gentleman, Lupin could never refer to 'it' as 'doing it'.

"And what's it to you?" Lupin asked, turning the steaks carefully with his wand. "I don't badger you about your sex life."

"Me and Buckbeak have been keeping it very simple." Sirius snorted, Lupin couldn't help but laugh. "But really," He continued, putting the rest of the potatoes back in the bag. "How are you guys getting on."

"That's between me and her." Lupin said politely. Very aware of Sirius dark eyes glued to the back of his head. "If Tonks wants to tell you she may but I'm not about to disclose-"

"So nothing then."

Lupin rolled his eyes, heaving a sigh as he grabbed for a knife to cut the steak and observe it's color.

"Just because I can leave the house doesn't mean I've got to while after women Padfoot." He murmured, reaching over Sirius's head for a plate to transfer the steaks. "Rare alright with you?"

"Go medium, I'm a dog not a wolf." Sirius grinned, now heating up his own potatoes with his wand. "Did you want anything other then meat and potatoes?"

"I'll take wine if you have any more." Lupin said. "The Elf made Cabernet would be delicious."

They ate in the parlor, Sirius made a fire to warm up the room and they sat watching the snow and discussing matters for the Order. Sirius missed eating a nice sit down meal with friends, it wasn't since the Weasley's left after seeing their children off for school that he had really had a full meal. He opted mostly for snacks when he was eating alone unless another Order member brought food to the house before or after working.

The fire crackled on into the evening and the dark and dingy windows gathered a fair amount of snow, dampening any thoughts Sirius had had about perhaps getting a walk outside before Lupin would leave for the night. It was too much to ask for his friend to take him out into a blizzard just so he could get a few moments of fresh air, and truthfully he felt much more content having a glass of wine and his feet propped up against the hearth then walking through the chilly cold to the lamppost and back.

It wasn't until the subject of christmas came up that the conversation had landed on Snape, Sirius had remembered Dumbledore's words of wisdom about waiting until the end of the school semester to start poking into Snape's life. But still Dumbledore had not sent any word or met with him once since sending the owl with the picture of the baby. Lupin's eyes flickered back to the discarded catalog of baby clothes and toys and then into the contents of his drink.

"You haven't bought anything yet have you?" Lupin asked warily, pointing to the catalog. "For the baby I mean."

"No, I'm not that thick," Sirius sighed. Not quite meeting Lupin's eye, but rather staring into the flickering flames. He had not yet told his friend about the nursery he had started to assemble.

"How long has it been now?" Lupin asked quietly, the words reverberated off the walls strangely. Sirius didn't have to think long.

"'Bought four months now." He said. "Probably will know the sex soon."

"If Dumbledore tells you." Lupin said, taking a drink of his wine.

"Why wouldn't he?" Sirius drew his gaze from the fire to Lupin's thin and ragged visage. "He's probably just really busy right now, plus the ministry are watching almost all the lines of communication."

"It just seems like a simple yes or no could indicate whether or not he told Snape." Lupin said, voicing Sirius's fears aloud. "I doubt he would have to go into much detail about it until you and Snape could meet and discuss terms."

"Well," Sirius's face darkened. It did seem like he was trying very hard to fool himself now. Lupin had been and always would be the voice of reason, cutting down any notions of fantasy he had imagined of a peaceful negotiation ending in being left with a fresh new son or daughter. He was so convinced upon seeing Snape's look of pale dread and annoyance at that first order meeting regarding the baby- that Snape indeed did not want to have anything to do with a child or a pregnancy. When he discovered it was he that would be the father and began to have feelings for the child, he was sure that Snape would have no problem relinquishing it.

But then there came the problem in Snape wanting the child and any feelings Snape might have about Sirius and his past would come to affect his decision. Everyday without word from Dumbledore meant a little less hope that Snape would come around to his feelings and accept a deal.

"Well he's already given me a picture and everything. He can't back out of it all now just because Snape might be, um, initially uninterested."

Lupin bit his lip. It wasn't in his nature to bring his friend back down to earth so fast he splattered on impact, but he felt that, in his own mind, Snape would ignore Sirius if he was the last person on earth. It was true that pregnancy did strange things to the mind and there was a chance that Snape might see the better side of the situation- perhaps looking to Sirius for financial aid. But if Snape had really grown attached to the child, there was little doubt if he would let it anywhere near Sirius.

It was definitely a Slytherin-Gryffindor type relationship, he thought. Watching the cogs in Sirius's head turn behind his possibly scared expression. They weren't going to share something as important and precious as a child. Snape wouldn't want his son or daughter to become an overconfident bully and Sirius wouldn't want to see his offspring as anything like a shy and reserved loner.

"Suppose I'm selling him short," Lupin began, setting his drink down and folding his hands in his lap cautiously. "Suppose Snape does want to work something out with you so you could see the child. What then? What would you bring to the table?"

"Anything." Sirius said without much thought, looking very seriously into Lupin's eyes. "I'd pay him off for life if I needed to, I'd let him live in Grimmauld Place and do all the grunt work for the child."

"And a full apology?" Lupin added, smiling at the intensity in his friends eyes when it came to fiscal matters and moral obligations.

"That too." Sirius blurted out hopelessly. "I'd lick the bottom of his shoes if it meant we could at least go fifty-fifty for custody."

"That's what you want then? Fifty-fifty?" Lupin asked.

"Does that seem too much?" Sirius deflated. Lupin shrugged quickly, honestly not sure what Snape would find to be too much. Sirius sighed, downing the last of his glass woefully.

"I think it would be better to see if you could work around Snape's schedule." Lupin thought aloud, "Maybe propose relocating to Hogsmede and watching the child while he's teaching. Then letting him have his time in the summer with the child if he wanted."

"Maybe." Sirius brightened a little. "How do you reckon I could manage that being an escapee from Azkaban?"

"Dunno." Lupin shrugged again. "Dumbledore does have his ways though."

Sirius seemed to re inflate a little at this idea. Of course, it made perfect sense to try to work around whatever Snape was doing. He didn't want to seem too pushy asking Snape to relinquish the child or his own property to move in. He really didn't like the idea of living with someone as unpleasant as Snape, it would be like having a second Kreacher in the house. He assured himself though, that he would do anything for the baby however, and if that meant doing anything for Snape he had to oblige.

"What would you do?" Sirius asked, drawing his thoughts away from fantastic imaginings. "If you were me, and you were in my situation, what do you think you would do?"

Lupin raised his eyebrows a little looking to the fire and folding his arms to his chest pensively.

"We're two different people Padfoot," Lupin said honestly, shrugging his shoulders. "I don't think we'd have the same interests when it comes to this situation."

"What do you mean?" Sirius asked.

"Well, I mean I'd think of this to be a lot more like business and a lot less of a personal matter." Lupin admitted. "Dumbledore's act in this confuses the matter a great deal, but unless Snape would come to me, I think I would just leave him alone."

"Leave him alone?" Sirius said disappointed. "Just let him take the baby?"

"If he came to me asking for me to help with money or aid I would gladly assist." Lupin shrugged. "But I think that given the situation, I would just let him do what he thinks is best."

"But that's your baby Moony!" Sirius said, almost laughing at how apathetic Lupin seemed to feel about a hypothetical child. "I mean really, if Snape is going to take your child and give it to the dark lord or teach it dark arts, wouldn't you be quick to intervene?"

"It's not as though Snape wanted this," Lupin stated plainly, taking a sip from his glass. "And it's not as though you did either. This was all planned by other people and the both of you did your part, you have finished yours and Snape still has to finish his." He smiled a little boldly at Sirius's dumbstruck face. "This wasn't something either of you really consented to, Snape probably wouldn't have if he knew it would have been you from the beginning anyway. This is all business."

"So you think I should just leave it alone?" Sirius asked angrily. "You think I ought to just keep my nose out of it while Snape goes running off with my child?"

"I never said that." Lupin said calmly. "I think you're fully entitled to do what you think is right."

"And what is that?" Sirius snorted. Lupin had no understanding of what he was going through. Not if he could just sit back and act like they were discussing something like it was simply a matter of business, like they were talking about standing guard over the prophecy.

"Be involved or not involved in whatever way feels best for you." Lupin said. "I don't think your help may be unwanted but I think that Snape is just as entitled to say no, or to override you. However painful it might be."

Sirius chewed his tongue for a moment, turning the empty glass in his hand.

"It's not as though I want Snape to shut you out or tell you you can't see the child." Lupin added quietly. "It's just a matter of seeing it from multiple perspectives."

A log crackled and broke in half in the fireplace, small sparks floating in the air. Sirius still said nothing to break the silence, the warm feeling of fresh steak in his stomach replaced with a sort of bubbling dread. He was angry, angry he couldn't leave the house and be useful in some way, left to piddle around and try his hand at forming a nursery, hoping a baby would one day fill it.

"Did you want to go on a walk maybe?" Lupin asked, a hint of warmth in his voice that clearly meant he was sorry for bringing down the mood. Sirius couldn't help but give a small smile, he turned at once into the great black dog, his ears bent back as he panted, looking expectantly to Lupin.

"Just let me grab my shoes." Lupin said, laughing at how eager Sirius seemed as he shuffled to the door, grabbing the makeshift leesh in his mouth from the back of one of the parlor chairs as he left.

The snow was cool and refreshing on his feet and however crisp the air was, it didn't bother Sirius as he was used to the moldy stale smell of the house. As there was no one in the street, Lupin let go of the leesh to let Sirius bound into a snowbank happily. As his thoughts were more simple and less anxious as a dog, he could not let the conversation bother him and he felt no ill will towards Lupin as he rolled in the bank, the leesh tangling around his body. All thoughts about Snape and obligations and responsibilities rolled off his back easily as he kicked and flailed in the snow. Lupin merely laughed, drawing his coat a little tighter to him as he watched, waiting for Sirius to be satisfied.

As they walked up the higher streets towards the local shops, there were more people wandering the streets, mostly children and couples looking into store windows, clearly excited about the first snow. On the other side of the apartment complexes, there was a local park that children went sledding at and so many families were out, rosy cheeked and wet from being outside. Lupin grabbed hold of Sirius's leesh again, more for show then for anything as Sirius knew better then to bound out into the street or run farther then were Sirius could see, but Lupin knew that muggles would question a dog so trained that it would walk in step with it's owner so easily, disregarding all the smells and noises.

These were the things Lupin really missed when he thought about the days he could spend with James and Sirius, not worried much about Death Eaters or Lord Voldemort, the times they would either hang around Sirius's neighborhood or James's parents house, laughing loudly and talking merrily about their latest full moon haunt or James's attempts to win over Lily. Hogwarts meant more to him then he could ever convey, as it had been the place he had found friends and companionship and been able to recognize his identity outside of being tainted.

Lupin wondered what would come of the child if Snape did allow Sirius some sort of involvement, it almost seemed out of the question but it was still an option. If Sirius did have some time with the baby, it would probably become the object of affection for most members of the Order of the Pheonix, assuming it stayed at Grimmauld Place. He wondered, fleetingly, if he might be able to watch over the child almost like an uncle, as he had tried to do with Harry when he was born.

The notion left his head fast as Sirius had paused in his pace to urinate on a telephone pole. Lupin rolled his eyes, knowing full well that Sirius did this just to annoy him.  
>They would just have to wait, he supposed. Until Dumbledore or Snape talked first.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>I'm sorry this took so long! The charger to my computer is wrecked and works like something similar to a radio transmitter. It's really finicky whenever it's kinked a certain way and I've been really busy with work too so I haven't had much time anyway. So, short chapter, just catching up with Sirius. <strong>

**I need reviews like mad. Ideally I want to put out the christmas chapter around christmas but like everyone else I'm going to be busy and doing plenty of other things so if you want a new chapter to read for the holidays, review! Tell me what you like/what you want to see and maybe I can make it happen. **

**Sorry if you didn't like this update. I didn't much enjoy writing it. **


	11. Tip the scales

December had never been a very enjoyable time for Snape, even growing up he could rarely appreciate the obnoxious glimmering Christmas cheer that seemed to exist solely to get everyone through the winter with their spirit intact. Even at Hogwarts as a student, he never paid the decorations and the excitement much notice as he watched all of his fellow peers packing their bags and talking enthusiastically about what their families had planned that year. The only person he could ever tolerate talking at length about their family was Lily, as he knew she did miss them terribly sometimes, despite how cruel her sister could act.

When he got really depressed or annoyed at his classmates talk, he generally would wander down to the library, either a textbook or a guided reading in hand, to distract him from the floating baubles and mistletoe.

But now, Christmas had been turned on it's head with the days he counted down until he would be seeing Madame Pomfrey to discover the sex of the child, the unofficial date being christmas day. A meeting in which he imagined a dreamlike discovery of two scenarios. The best thing was that so long as the baby was healthy, Snape would be just as happy with a boy or a girl, it didn't much matter. Just the idea of knowing would present himself with a renewed joy, which was becoming harder and harder to find as the days wore on.

Slytherin lost the quidditch game, and as pleasing as it was to have Potter kicked off the quidditch team by Professor Umbridge's meddling in Gryffindors affairs, there still wasn't much to be happy about as his entire house had become particularly nasty about the whole affair. Even he couldn't overlook the numerous account of hexing in the corridors and the highly obnoxious booming chorus of "Weasley is our king" That was bound to break out at any moment more then five or six Slytherins were in close proximity to each other. It was rather pleasing to see Professor McGonagall just as sour as he was, as she had lost three of her best players in the game, despite the win. But the brooding attitude of his own team made him less and less inclined to book the pitch for them when they stayed back in potions to constantly request it.

There was also the ever looming prospect of telling Dumbledore he would need the assistance of Sirius Black or Telling the man point blank that he would strike out on his own, no matter the cost to his child. He was payed at the beginning of the month, the small christmas bonus did little to improve his spirits as he totaled and tallied the costs of rearing the child alone to his own small salary.

If he used his entire savings, he could manage it, he thought dismally, setting down his quill after a long session of number crunching one night. Snape had worked and reworked the math over many times now, hoping to come up with some gold that he hadn't yet managed to tally, but each time, the numbers came out the same. If he hoped to go unassisted by Black, he could expect to use up the majority of the gold he had saved over the past few years and had only used sparingly when he needed expensive import ingredients for special occasions.

He could imagine the sad trip to gringotts as he emptied out the entirety of his vault to take to all the shops in Hogsmede dedicated to raising children. The savings would likely account for a used crib and changing table as well as several safety mechanisms with enchantments to prevent the numerous injuries that could occur in a house like Spinners End.

Snape had finally started to prepare his decided list of pros and cons that would inevitably determine his final course of action when it came to the custody and shared parental rights for the child.

The cons list was easy to write and probably took less then a minute for Severus to articulate as he scrawled across the parchment so sharply that it ripped in places.

**SIRIUS BLACK IS POTENTIALLY AN UNFIT PARENT**

**SIRIUS BLACK IS AN UNCARING PERSON**

**SIRIUS BLACK IS AN UNWORTHY GRYFFINDOR**

**SIRIUS BLACK DOES NOT CARE FOR ME AND I DO NOT CARE FOR HIM**

**SIRIUS BLACK ALMOST GOT ME KILLED**

He paused when he thought he was being a little too personal, remembering dimly that this list had to be purely for the baby. It would look perhaps a little to forced if he had brought up too much of his past as a reason to deny a future, even if part of him wanted to tear Black down limb from limb for being such a bullying arrogant prat.

**SIRIUS BLACK IS WANTED BY THE MINISTRY OF MAGIC**

This he thought was a good reason, whether he was innocent of not, Black would have a hard time raising a child properly if he were evading the law. Even worse, if he was caught, the ministry might seize the child.

**SIRIUS BLACK IS TOO RECKLESS**

This was also true, but Snape paused, imagining somehow, a much more calm version of Black. Softened perhaps by responsibility and a ripening in age. A new imagined Black with a less intense gaze and a fondness for a quiet life in the wake of becoming a father. Snape quickly shook the notion from his head, remembering the jeering face that haunted his school days.

It might be a little to hopeful to imagine a baby to turn any man completely against his usual moral structure.

He had to tear himself away from his list of con's to come up with a suitable list of pro's, despite the desire to write out every meticulous reason for which Snape would argue Black's character. He dipped his quill in his ink rather slowly, staring at the parchment in deep thought as he wracked his brain. The first was obvious as it was the only reason he had, so far, been able to admit that it might be a good idea to include Black.

**SIRIUS BLACK HAS SOME MONEY TO SHARE**

Snape was still unsure exactly how much money Black had, but because he came from a pure blood family, he only guessed it would have been enough to support all three of them easily. As Black had no current employment and had been on the run for over ten years, he supposed some of it had to have been used up, but could it really have been when he could not access his bank whenever he wished? Snape would have to have some sort of statement from Gringotts describing how much gold Black really had before he would agree to any change of custody. He paused longly after this thoughts, staring out the snowy window and trying not to think only out of spite.

He ran a practiced hand over the ever increasing bump that now lay splayed in his lap, taking up all the space it could as it rested heavily on his thighs. It had begun to monopolize his lap quite effectively and was resisting all of Snape's attempts to make him look mildly dignified as he tried to drape the bulge in clothing.

It was becoming plainly obvious and Snape was secretly wishing he was far enough along to practice a disillusionment charm so he could look a little more trim in the daylight. Far past mourning his bony frame, he could only watch as the baby pushed his skin farther and farther past it's graceful limit. Stretch marks were now more of a certainty then a fleeting anxiety and it pained him to examine his form in the mirror, wishing he had the nerve to purchase a crème or lotion that might loosen up the affected areas.

Almost to distract himself, he began perusing a lengthy amount of old wives tales and theories regarding finding out the sex of the baby by way of gauging the pregnancy symptoms he felt. Stealing library books behind Madame Pinces's back, he read through an antique book on pregnancy guesswork he suspected had never been borrowed. Amused slightly by the obvious inaccuracies and amateurish theories, he tested the book and wasn't surprised to find he was very confused.

He was carrying low in his stomach, as he could tell from what Madame Pomfrey had said as well as the sloppily drawn diagram the book displayed to show what exactly high and low looked like, completely devoid of any measurements or numbers as it was, Snape could agree by looking at the sloped disposition of his own belly that the baby was riding the edge of his hips and was clearly- according to the book- most definitely male.

Yet the book contradicted itself on the matter of his own diet as he flipped to the next test, not at all convinced on the sex of the child as the book did little to explain how carrying high or low really determined anything. The book went on to tell later in dreamy detail that a witch who craved exceptionally sweet things had to be carrying a girl and that salty cravings typically indicated a boy.

Thinking back to the elf made trifle he had effectively destroyed not long after it had made it's way back to his room, he couldn't think of a single salty thing he had really wanted since becoming pregnant, his tendencies always leaning toward sweet unfilling sugary things that were hard to come across unless he specifically asked for them.

Perhaps the most ridiculous was the one in which he was to pick up his wand, and depending on from which end he grabbed, the baby's sex was to be determined. Like almost any smart and practiced wizard, he grabbed his wand from close to the middle before letting it slide a little down toward the grip. This behavior indicated he was to be carrying twins, which was impossible as Snape already had a picture of a single baby. He stopped reading at that point, not trying to get his hopes up one way or the other, knowing full well the book was rubbish.

He patted his stomach patronizingly as though scolding the baby for getting his mind off track from his list, picking up the quill again, and straining his eyes to the parchment. The words of _Sirius Black has some money to share _had already dried cleanly to the surface. Even if his mind wasn't full of baby babble, he still had a hard time coming up with reasons. One fairly noble cause came to the surface however.

**SIRIUS BLACK IS THE FATHER, AND THE BABY SHOULD KNOW IT'S TRUE PARENTAGE.**

The last thing Snape wanted was to make the child feel illegitimate and unloved, while he planned to explain in due time exactly what had happened to conceive the child, he wanted to be sure the boy or girl had an understanding of the situation and perhaps both parents to get a clear idea of their sense of self. Snape had grown up in a family of consenting adults who were married and even at the best of times he felt like they resented his existence. He didn't wish that feeling on anyone, not even Black. He thought long and hard still, dipping his quill in the ink several times and letting it slide off the nib and back into the bottle before he had a new idea.

**SIRIUS BLACK HAS A STRONG SENSE OF FAMILY**

At least in the case of Potter he did, Snape thought a little unsure. He could guess simply by the nature of Black's house elf and the attitude of the portrait of his mother in Grimmauld place that his biological family did not mean much to him. Perhaps it was the way they held pure bloods in high regard, or Black's choice of friends, but the family Sirius had created in his stupid marauder friends and his godson seemed to prove he had the will to create strong ties of loving kinship.

Snape thought hard, stifling a yawn as the baby gave a sort low cat like stretch from within. It was getting rather late. The baby had started a new habit of kicking and thumping on anything it could when it believed to be kept up past it's bedtime. He could feel the baby's kicks from the outside now and could only calm it down for so long by rubbing and soothing the spot where it decided to thrust against.

Dumbledore's words from the three broomsticks floated into his head as he stared at the parchment, one hand steadily rubbing circles where the baby still moved. Dumbledore's own voice rang in his head, the same inflection he had remembered, _'Y__ou highly overestimate your ability to be patient with something as time consuming and needy as a baby, While I am sure your love of the child will extend to every sleepless night you will have to lie awake holding it, surely this is not necessary if it can be avoided?'_

**SIRIUS BLACK CAN HELP ME WHENEVER I REQUEST IT OF HIM**

Surely it would be an acceptable trade off? In the weeks after the birth Black could help watch over the child while he would likely have to rest and regain his strength. Just the idea of the birth started to make him feel queasy as it become more and more real with each passing day that the baby would inevitably have to leave it's warm dark home. Black could watch the child perhaps when he was away or teaching, busy in any case. He would feel better leaving the child with Black then some other random wizard as Black at least had a vested interest in keeping the child alive and safe, and he wouldn't expose Snape to the wizarding world as a freak, knowing the consequences would be severe.

That made four to seven now, if he was to act on his list he would still be going at it alone. He sighed, wondering exactly who he was trying to convince.

If you need help that bad, why not just go for it? The little anxious voice in the back of his head goaded. Snape shook his head a little violently, the quill in his hand blotted ink on the page. He wasn't doing this because he was trying to come up with reasons, it was just the easiest way to think, to know all the consequences and put the most thought into what he was doing.

The baby without warning laid a blow so hard to Snape's bladder that he audibly moaned, clenching his legs together hard, afraid he was about to wet himself. Taking this as a very obvious hint to go to sleep, he capped the ink bottle and rose, rubbing the small of his back and making his way over to his bed where he threw back the inviting warm sheets to sink in and start his usual routine of tossing and turning until he found a spot that suited both him and the baby and promptly passed out. If he was lucky, he would sleep all the way through the night without waking up and craving fudge of gelato.

He extinguished the lights quickly, parting his hair out of his face so he could still see the outline of his desk in the pale reflected light of the snow outside.

He wondered if a list would really matter in the end, if he was at the end of his rope and couldn't go it alone.

The great thing about Hagrid being back was that Umbridge was successfully off his tail as she had a new interest to look into and Snape's health took a backseat to Hagrid's mysterious injuries and late arrival from meeting with the giants.

Snape of course had heard a rumor about some giant Hagrid had convinced to bring back, but didn't know or really care to know much more then that and so he had not pressed the matter at the end of the summer's order meetings. The staff seemed to be uninterested as well, or they were at least feigning disinterest as not to be questioned by Umbridge about Hagrid's whereabouts.

The students where distracted as well, which suited Snape best as the staring really had reached a point of annoyance in his classes as he knew that rather then studying hard and pushing to get the best grades before term ended, they were eyeing Snape wearily and testing his nerve as they, most likely believed, Snape had gone soft physically and mentally.

Snape didn't waste time to dispel this rumor, giving three second years lines for what he was sure was a roundabout discussion about what was happening to make Snape change so much, during the brewing period of one of their final potions. He had made them copy "I must not talk in the back of my class and risk my final grade" over a thousand times over two nights before he was sure that he had made an example of them.

But despite Snape's attempts to keep a low profile, suspicion and strangeness seemed to follow him not unlike the kneazle that had spied on him in the first few weeks of his pregnancy. It was at breakfast one morning that such an occasion had come about, a rather gray and frigid morning, just a few days before winter break would start.

Snape hadn't paid much notice as the school owls came floating down against the mirrored gray sky. Marciana never had much post to bring him and he didn't have a subscription to the prophet. The last thing she had brought him was the maternity garb from Hogsmede and he hadn't seen her in over a week since she came to his personal room, bearing a fresh dead mouse she had killed one night.

He has very surprised then, to see four tawny owls suddenly landing beside him, bearing white boxes tied to their legs, each with a strand of pearly ribbon tied in a frilly bow. They crowded his bowl of oatmeal, chirping shrilly and he looked at once to Professor Burbage on his right who looked just as confused as he did, and merely shrugged.

Snape untied each of the parcels carefully, his eyes narrowed as he knew that the rest of the staff table was looking toward him eagerly, Snape never got mail, least of all four neatly tied presents. The largest one had a single piece of paper attached and he brought it close so even Professor Burbage could not see the notice.

His blood turned instantly cold as he saw, not a signature or a notice, but a large black inky paw print which could only mean one person. His face must have shown something as he heard a familiar huffy cough of Umbridge who looked to him excitedly, nodding her head.

"Wrong person." He choked, managing a short shrug and trying to force his face back to it's impassive neutral normal. He gathered the boxes, muttering something along the lines of going to the owlery, but instead shuffling off in the direction of the dungeons to his classes as the students watched him leave.

He was positively scared. What was it that Sirius had the nerve to send him? Possibly something dangerous or threatening perhaps to black mail him? Had Dumbledore kept his promise to Snape, or was he meddling in his life again?

He cursed the lot of them as he descended down the dark stone steps into the musty air that was the dungeons, throwing open his classroom door and illuminating the lamps with his wand. He threw the boxes on his desk and stared at them rather venomously before tearing off the ribbon of the largest and pouring the contents onto his desk.

Three books fell out and Snape paused, eyeing them carefully to ensure they weren't dangerous. They all had sleek black covers with no words upon them that would suggest the content, it was obvious they had some sort of spell on them just by looking. He quickly prodded the largest with his wand and it fell open, the pages appearing blank.

Very cautiously, he extended a finger, feeling that Black wouldn't intend to send him anything that could do him bodily harm, but probably instead wanted to hide the books contents to anyone but himself. Sure enough, the pages began to fill magically and Snape picked the book up in both of his hands, looking to the cover to read _The Expecting Mothers Complete Guide: Pregnancy and Beyond_, a volume that was far thicker out of any others he had borrowed from the library, and by the looks of it completely new.

Unnerved, Snape quickly grabbed the smaller books and they too bloomed with print, the previously blank pages and covers showing different titles. The second book was smaller and read _A Modern Collection of Baby Names_ and _A Novice Guide to Parenting. _

Snape stared at the three books, feeling his heart pounding fast, the baby shuffled absentmindedly and he felt slightly faint. Sirius was buying him parenting gifts? Snape hadn't given him any reason to think that he would be even slightly involved in the child's life yet he had sent him these books along with three other boxes of gifts. He grabbed the box the books had come in and frantically tore through the pages, looking for something Sirius might have slipped into the pages or handwritten inside the back covers. There wasn't any sort of note.

The second box contained several bottles of lightly scented lotions, some specializing in relieving itchy skin, some for aggravated stretch marks. Snape could tell by looking at the list of ingredients that they probably would work very well, as most of them were expensive and had a wealth of magical uses in healing. All of the price tags appeared to have been taken off however, but there was a very definite sinking in his chest when he was sure he had seen some of the exact same bottles in the Hogsmede shop specializing in babies and children, and he remembered it to be over 10 galleons every five ounces.

Afraid to continue but feeling curious all the same, Snape opened the last two boxes to find a maternity belt to support his weight and relieve back pain, a box of all natural teas made to lessen a myriad of pregnancy symptoms, a large jar of vitamins and a small pouch that contained at least 50 galleons.

Snape tore through all of the boxes again and again, tapping them with his wand and going over several incantations. He even broke out his spare revealer but other then the paw print on the outside note, it did not appear that Sirius had meant to write anything.

Snape almost felt sick, looking at the array of gifts that now covered his desk. The galleons glowing like molten gold in the lamplight. He couldn't possibly accept this, could he? A sack of gold and a slew of gifts that cost probably more then his whole paycheck? Was Sirius trying to get into his good graces? Or was he simply trying to guilt Snape into giving him custody?

He lay his palm across the swell of the baby, trying to steady himself physically and mentally. He had no idea what to do, the thought of teaching in perhaps ten minutes time seemed like a distant memory. He didn't have time to take all the gifts back to his personal room on the other side of the castle. He would have to stow them all until lunch time when he could sneak away and hide them.

The familiar pain of hunger stabbed at him when he realized he had left breakfast halfway through his meal and he pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger, he sank into the chair behind his desk, his eyes closed.

Sirius had not bought him baby clothes and nappies but things that only he could use. Somehow, he had gathered some very useful things that the baby may enjoy vicariously, but not directly. Sirius had thought of him specifically.

He bought a parenting book as well, the small voice said in the back of his mind. It didn't seem as though he wanted Snape to give the child up if he was to give him expensive reading material on how to raise it. A little bubble of hope seemed to rise inside him at this thought, a feeling of lightness he hadn't felt since Dumbledore had told Snape that Sirius was in fact the father and did want some role to play. His face felt warm and his hands tingly.

He still was very unsure what to do, still felt he had a right to decline, but the fact that Sirius had reached out to him in such a manner eased his mind. An unconscious retentive clenching in his head seemed to loosen and he felt the rims of his eyes gathering tears.

Quickly he stamped them out, fearing an early student may spring through the door at any moment, he shook his head and took a deep breath before breaking out his lesson plan and rifling through the to last week of term.

The week itself was rather easy as the majority of Snape's classes took a final written exam. The exception being his Fifth and Seventh year students, whom he put on extra brewing days to review what they had learned over term. He spent the days correcting extra credit he had received from students who had needed a leg up, and feverishly thought of what he was going to do by the end of the week. Unsure exactly if it was safest to go to Dumbledore or write to Sirius first.

Snape had not been won over entirely to any one decision but each morning he looked over his decided list of pro's and con's, getting dressed and playing a hundred scenarios over in his mind.

The gifts had certainly helped Sirius's cause as Snape had found them most useful since he had stowed them safely in his room. The tea came in several glass boxes and different blends were used depending on how he was feeling. When his stomach hurt or he had heartburn, he would mix Marshmallow root, lemon balm, and chamomile. For relaxation he took peppermint, for nausea, Raspberry Leaf. All relieved his symptoms within a few warm mouthfuls and it made his days much easier to get through.

The lotion very worthwhile as well. He applied it conservatively to his stomach everyday after showering, which proved to be just as beneficial for him as the baby, who seemed to enjoy the attention. After just two days he had noticed the skin seemed to feel less itchy and taut, the stretch marks more faded. He was very grateful he himself did not have to buy any however, his pride as a man however damaged beyond repair, couldn't take the idea of purchasing "Mommy-to-be Lotion" no matter how well it worked.

The books also were a wealth of information he had not yet been exposed to. When he had the time he would flip through the Pregnancy guide which was much more specific and scientific then the battered copy he had borrowed from the library. The parenting book, as opinionated and unsure as Snape most often found it, did have a few good yet obvious tips on child rearing procedure.

Snape found himself pouring over the book of names more often then anything now, even bringing it to his classes and flipping through it under the table when he had the time.

As much as he would have loved to name a girl Lily, he thought better of doing it, especially when Black would have been involved. There would be too much questioning, and as much as Snape would have been happy to honor his dearest love with the passing on of her name, he felt that, at least to himself, only she was really worthy of having it.

Instead, he thought that it would be a little more subtle to name a boy Evan, Lily's maiden name. The name Potter had never suited her in his mind anyway. No one, except perhaps Dumbledore would understand the reference.

This still did not keep the thought of other names out of his mind. He had bookmarked a few pages and intended to look it over several times before he found out the sex, hoping something would come to him before Black had any ideas. All bets where off if he was to be naming the baby James.

Snape was afraid that any owl he sent may be checked by Umbridge or the ministry, but would almost prefer this to having to tell Dumbledore he needed to relay a message to Sirius. He had been warned against apparating in his condition by Madame Pomfrey, and knew that the fireplaces were being watched by the ministry, so he didn't know any other way then to go to the headmasters office and tell the old wizard he was ready. Ready for something at least.

He would meet with Black, there was no guarantee of anything (as he constantly reminded himself) but he would meet and try to understand his intentions in the fullest before he agreed on anything. If there was any luck they would try to come to terms with something then try to make the best of the situation.

Part of him still wanted to throw the sack of gold Black had given him right back in the man's face and tell him that he was as independent as he pleased and didn't need the help of anyone, let alone someone who tormented him in his youth. But heavily pregnant and quite possibly addled with hormones, he knew he couldn't put himself so low into poverty for the sake of his own pride. He wanted the best for his baby and he knew he would need gold if not an extra set of hands.

The days dwindled and still he had not yet met with Dumbledore. He knew he would need to soon as he was not yet sure exactly what to do with himself over Christmas break if not meet Black to discuss the baby situation. If he decided against any involvement however, he would embark back to Spinners End to start a nursery for the child, but Madame Pomfrey would need to tell him the sex of the child first, which was incentive enough to stay at Hogwarts for a few more days. He had refrained from packing, unlike most of his coworkers, who were excited to see family and friends after term ended and they were to leave the castle until the new year.

It wasn't until Thursday of the last week when Snape had his chance to speak with the headmaster, which was completely unplanned and so sudden that it was merited unwanted. He had been fast asleep long into the night when he was jolted awake by Fawkes the pheonix, who had appeared in his room in a burst of red light, leaving a single feather. Dumbledore's typical signal to gather in the event of danger.

Snape swore on instinct, tugging off his blankets with much difficulty and nearly slipping as he jumped from his bed, far from adjusted to his added weight. He changed quickly, his eyes clenched nearly shut as he dressed in the half light, taking a quick glance in the mirror before leaving for the headmasters tower.

He knew it couldn't have been anything of two much dismay. When Potter had disappeared from the maze the year before and Black had been believed to have been inside the school the year before that- Dumbledore had sent messages with Fawkes to instruct or to warn. This time, it only seemed like he needed his presence.

But for what in the middle of the night, when he was clearly too pregnant to be of much physical use? Snape could feel a headache brewing and he felt very dizzy from waking so fast and almost running up the staircases to make it up to the stone gargoyle guarding Dumbledore's office.

Without much warning, the orange cat that had spied on him darted out from the shadows beneath a suit of armor, hissing frantically and flicking it's tail back and forth, blocking his path.

Snape resisted the urge to kick it but stopped his hurried pace when he understood the cat's behavior. The crushed in eyes darted back and forth down the adjacent corridor and in the distance Snape could hear voices. The cat hissed again and then darted toward a painting of several turkish vampires who were all far to interested in their own game of cards then to watch the scene playing out in the castle. Snape followed in a rush, shutting the portrait behind both him and the cat just as the torch light brackets flared into life and the distinct voice of Professor Umbridge could be heard.

"-In Gryffindor house, of course McGonagall was told! But what is it's he's saying? What is it he's pretending to have seen? I don't know."

The familiar high pitched meow of Ms. Norris was heard as the footsteps passed. He could only guess Filch was among them. Snape knew that whatever business was going on in the castle now was probably not supposed to be privy to Umbridge, as it seemed that no one in the castle was in any inherent danger, this meeting was probably Order business. Something had happened, perhaps with the prophecy? But what was it that Umbridge had said about Gryffindor?

When he was sure they had passed and he could continue back up to Dumbledore's office, he cracked the portrait back and the cat sprung out with him, rubbing it's large orange body across his ankles as it marched forth. Snape's mouth twitched, but as the cat was not his current priority he merely continued at a quicker pace down the next corridor while the cat bounded behind him.

By the time he reached the gargoyle his heart was pounding hard and the baby was clearly flustered from having been jolted awake. It kicked angrily as he mumbled the password, groaning audibly as he remembered the next set of stairs, clenching the rail hard as he propelled himself up them.

Remarkably, Dumbledore's office was alone except for the headmaster himself and the portraits of all the previous witches and wizards who were all wide awake and alert, some of them shuffling anxiously in their frames. Dumbledore was speaking to them, but stopped as Snape entered silently, the cat waiting, almost respectfully, at the door.

"Severus," Dumbledore said carefully. "I am so sorry to have pulled you from your bed but something has happened."

"I guessed as much," Snape said sarcastically, taking a seat behind Dumbledore's desk before the man had offered it, "I saw Professor Umbridge as I was making my way here."

"She did not trouble you?" Dumbledore's eye's flashed for a moment with anxiety but calmed as Snape shook his head.

"I thought it best to conceal myself." He said, rubbing his temples as they had really started to pound.

"Well you would be right." Dumbledore admitted. "Arthur Weasley was just attacked while he was guarding the prophecy in the department of mysteries. I've only told a select few Order-friendly teachers, and right now I would like to keep this between us."

"Attacked in what way?" Snape asked. Finally looking up to see the old wizard, who looked very tired indeed from the night's activities, he paled slightly.

"The snake," Dumbledore said simply. "Voldemort's snake. My current guess is that it was being possessed by Lord Voldemort but met with a struggle as it tried to get past Mr. Weasley."

"I suppose all the Weasley's have been told." Snape said remembering what Umbridge has said about Gryffindor. He guessed by Dumbledore's tone that Mr. Weasley was somewhere between life and death if the attack had just happened.

"I've sent them to Grimmauld Place." Dumbledore nodded. "As well as Harry Potter who witnessed the event."

Dumbledore then launched into the explanation of Harry's dream and his account of the attack while Snape continued to rub his ever aching head. The lights of the room were starting a full on migraine to occur and the baby was refusing to settle as well, was now rolling in a tantrum of sorts.

"So you believe that Lord Voldemort is now aware of the connection?" Snape asked tersely, now rubbing the spot low in his stomach, trying to settle the baby down before it made him wet his pants. Dumbledore seemed to be aware of his discomfort as his eyes flickered momentarily on his stomach.

"I believe so," Dumbledore said. "Which is why I shall have to ask of you something very important. Something I wish I could do myself, but I daresay you are more adept."

Snape frowned, now feeling positively sick. He wished very much to be back in bed, unconcerned and unfettered by the business of the order.

"I believe you should teach Harry occlumency when he returns to Hogwarts next term." Dumbledore said cautiously, as though treading on thin ice. Snape stifled a groan.

"And what makes you believe I am more capable then yourself at this task?" Snape sniffed. His head throbbing even stronger. "Am I not currently already under the strain of the last favor you asked of me?"

"If I am correct in saying that Voldemort is aware of the connection between himself and the boy, I would not like to put myself and the Order of the Pheonix's business in sight of the boy. Just tonight as he was in my office, I believe I glimpsed something in his eye that had crept in through his open mind."

Snape's look of pale unconvinced annoyance did not deter him. But Dumbledore instead shifted, drawing closer to Snape over the table.

"Would you like some tea Severus?"

"No," Snape spat, feeling chills in his stomach at the very thought of forcing something down his throat. "Could this have waited until morning perhaps?"

"I thought it better to inform you before the likes of Dolores Umbridge might knock on your door." Dumbledore admitted, drawing a teapot from under his desk anyways and starting to fill it with water.

"And what would you have me say when she asks?" Snape asked, shooting the teapot a nasty look before Dumbledore tapped it with his wand and it started to whistle.

"Only that Harry was ill and that the Weasley's have left school to be with their family." Dumbledore stated firmly. "Whether Mr. Weasley recovers or not will determine how long they are absent from school." Dumbledore stared down his long hooked nose at Snape "Are you sure you would not like a cup?"

"Yes." Snape muttered exasperatedly, the baby delivered a very uncomfortable kick that he could feel on his inner thigh. He exhaled rather sharply and Dumbledore blinked.

"Are you alright Severus?" He asked, his steely gaze intensifying behind his glasses, Snape felt almost too sick to speak but merely nodded. The cat, who had been still since entering, suddenly meowed a very long garbled meow and ran across the room to Snape's side. Dumbledore rose just as Snape felt a bleary wave of lightheadedness and swayed in his seat. Through a blur of color and light he could tell he had almost fallen but the firm hands of Dumbledore had caught him.

* * *

><p><strong>I couldn't fit it all in one chapter! I'm sorry! I hope this will do for the moment though. I will probably be pretty busy for the holidays obviously but the next chapter will be the big grand make or break for Sirius and Snape. <strong>

**If you want me to ignore my family and write chapter 12, you gotta review your ass off. AND if you want your pick of the gender for the baby, you gotta say so too, because I still don't know exactly what it should be and I'm up for persuading. **

**In any case, everybody have a great holiday season! I'll try to post another chapter before the year is out, but NO PROMISES. I have work and people to meet. **


	12. Cats and Dogs

As in most times of extreme anxiety, Sirius's pacing got on his own nerves and thus he had decided upon sitting outside of Snape's door as the great black dog, his ears perked to any behavior and his coal black eyes darting at attention.

Phineas Nigellus had explained in place of Dumbledore, who had obviously been far to busy with the case of Arthur Weasley and the careful control of the ministry to make an appearance. Sirius had rushed to Phineas's frame as the ex-headmaster drawled in his condescending and typically bored voice, that to avoid detection, Snape would be staying in Grimmauld Place at least for the time being. That Dumbledore would be contacting Order-sympathetic Healers at St. Mungo's should an emergency arise and that Sirius was to stay out of Snape's way until he was alert and ready to see him.

The last instruction had Sirius so mad that he had slammed the door behind Phineas's portrait so hard that part of the old wooden door frame came dislodged from the wall and he had to repair it with his wand.

He was tired and anxious enough, having sat up all night with the Weasley's and Harry waiting for Molly to give some word that Arthur was alright and had just been planning to go to bed before Phineas had appeared and Snape had arrived via portkey with the instruction from Dumbledore.

Lupin had been the mediator, organizing with Dumbledore to arrange for the portkey and bringing Snape to Grimmauld place while Sirius sat up all night, enraged at it his inability to do anything helpful, worried for Mr. Weasley and feeling a slight tinge of annoyance that he couldn't at least tell his godson about Snape's situation so he might share his feelings with someone other then Lupin for once.

The baby was alright, Lupin had assured him after practically forcing him down from barging into Snape's room to at least take a look at the man. Madame Pomfrey had apparently done a quick check on his vitals and monitored the baby enough to confirm that both of them were alright.

"But why did he collapse?" Sirius whispered harshly just as Lupin drew a finger to his lips to signal he must be quiet. "If he's alright, why did he faint?"

"They said something about an iron deficiency." Lupin mouthed, his ragged appearance made more flustered and gray by his lack of decent sleep. "He's asleep now, just resting. Please don't bother him."

So Sirius did not, much to his own displeasure. At first he tried to be grateful for the Weasley's as Ms. Weasley came by in the early morning, assuring them their father was stable. He watched the lot of them go to St. Mungos from his window then sat in the half made nursery, sitting cross legged in the middle of the room his thoughts racing.

He had thought that after getting Snape the gifts that everything would go much smoother. He had given Lupin a great amount of gold with a list of things he had seen in catalogs that he thought might make good ideas. Lupin suggested many of the purchases however, reminding Sirius that it might be best to solely focus on Snape so he might be able to find a middle ground. Sirius agreed wholeheartedly and after putting a few enchantments on the gifts so as not to incriminate Snape if they were found, he watched the post owls leave with a soaring feeling in his chest. Knowing that Snape would at least have to write back or maybe speak to professor Dumbledore about arranging a meeting.

But not this, he thought, his head in his hands on the nursery floor. Now he was afraid for his godson and the mysterious visions, as well as Snape's health, which he had never anticipated as a problem.

He knew Harry would be alright. He understood he must have been terrified witnessing the attack on Mr. Weasley, but the boy had seen plenty of other horrible things and he had indeed saved the man before the snake's venom could take hold. The whole ordeal would be over as soon as Arthur was discharged from St. Mungo's.

But in the case of Snape, Sirius had no idea what to expect and he could only assume that he would be angry that he had been placed in Sirius's care. There was the off chance that he would even refuse to see him, refuse to even talk to him and would either return to Hogwarts or his own home once he was fit enough to leave.

As the nursery began to make him more anxious, he went to his own room and fed Buckbeak, patting his large head, unable to keep the thoughts from flooding.

What would happen if Snape collapsed again? Or worse, the baby was in trouble and only Sirius was at home? What could he, as an escaped convict do to help Snape in his most dire moment? The only thing he could do would be to go to Phineas Nigellus in the off chance he might be in his frame at Grimmauld Place. How would he even know Snape needed help if he wasn't allowed to see him?

Sirius tried to clear his head, trying to slow down his hysterical hypotheticals so he could think clearly. When he couldn't, he decided upon transforming into his dog form, and took up guard at Snape's door prepared for anything.

His only real solace came when Hermione's belonging's were brought to Grimmauld Place and Crookshanks bounded up the stairs, his smashed face fixing on Sirius who rose expectantly.

'You don't seem well.' Crookshanks purred softly, making his way to Sirius and embracing him familiarly with a nudge of his great orange head. 'I can smell him here, did he speak with you?'

'No' Sirius shook his head down cast. 'The others don't want me talking to him yet, think it might end badly.'

'Really,' Crookshanks nestled close to him, folding his large paws under his frame and curling his tail tight to his body. 'You humans always have such long complex words and yet you're always struggling to get your point across.'

'It's just him being difficult.' Sirius motioned to the room 'Never much did like me, now he's going to hold this against me.'

'I wouldn't be so sure.' Crookshanks purred louder, his eyes twinkling. Sirius shook with interest.

'Tell me everything.' He whined, thumping his tail on the floor. 'Did he know you were watching him? What did you find out?'

'Oh he knows alright.' Crookshanks nodded wisely. 'Knows it was you that put some interest in my head as well. He was angry for a little while but I don't think he cares much anymore.'

Sirius's heart skipped a beat, scared he might have gone to far, but what did it mean? Snape didn't care if Black had a cat spying on him?

'Please,' Sirius whined now, more pathetically. 'Tell me everything, from the beginning.'

'Well don't expect me to remember all of it.' Crookshank's tail swished back and forth, 'My memory isn't reserved just for your wanderings, but I did my best to keep up with him, I'll tell you that. I could tell immediately it was him of course, the only male in the castle smelling like that you know. There were a few times I would follow the scent and run into females, but once I found out were he lived it wasn't much trouble.'

'You can smell him?' Sirius stared at the cat, Unsure if he actually believed him.

'Well of course you can, everyone has a smell. I suppose since you're human you don't notice it as much as a real dog could, but when you're pregnant your scent will change.'

'Change to what?'

'I don't know.' Crookshanks turned his head, wrinkling his nose a bit. 'It's really strong and obvious, sort of earthy, he smells like you actually.'

Sirius shivered slightly, feeling humbled that even an animal could recognize Snape's pregnancy to be of his own doing. He pressed further however.

'But you never got caught?'

'Well I never got in trouble I'd suppose.' Crookshanks scratched his ear with his back paw, sitting up a little straighter 'There were a few close calls but I almost always made myself known when it was convenient to the both of us, when there was no one around that was.'

'And he just let you near him?' Sirius was taken aback. He had never considered Snape to be much of an animal lover. 'He never questioned what you were doing?'

'Well I grew on him I suppose.' Crookshanks tilted his head again. 'Before he knew I was looking out for you he didn't mind much letting me in to see him, letting me walk with him when he was out for a walk. I even got close to the baby once or twice, just to see how it was doing.'

'The baby?' Sirius leapt up and paced frantically before sitting back down on all fours. 'He actually let you get close?'

'Sort of.' Crookshanks sounded disinterested. 'When it was big enough to start moving I could sense it and it seemed healthy each time. For awhile he was very distressed by it, very ill for a long time, but as he began to feel better, he came to like the child more.'

'Moving?' Sirius pawed the ground anxiously, resisting the urge to break through the door Lupin had carefully locked before leaving.

'Oh yes, it's big and strong.' Crookshanks assured him, his eyes glowing maliciously, as though he enjoyed watching Sirius so flustered. 'It is good that human litters only bear one child as he's been very heavy with child lately.'

'Why is he ill?' Sirius threw back his head exasperated. 'Were you there when he fainted? Was he alright?'

'Just tired and a little undernourished.' Crookshanks purred, stretching his long bandy legs with his tail high in the air. 'Too much excitement for him in one night, I watched him when he was out of bed and he was starting to feel very ill, he fainted but he is alright.'

There was a distant banging noise of the front door, the Weasley's had returned. Crookshanks walked to the top of the steps, looking down to see the entryway.

'I'm rather tired from traveling if you don't mind.' Crookshanks yawned widely and began to walk back down the stairs. 'I expect you'll get to see him soon enough so you won't have to badger me much for details.'

Sirius felt exhausted himself, laying back down on the floor his paws folded in front of him as he watched the bushy tail of Crookshanks bob out out of sight.

He was not at all excited to see the Weasley's or talk to Harry anymore. While Crookshanks words had made him perhaps more hopeful he was still too worried and tired to imagine any reconciliation between Snape and himself to be anything less then uncomfortable. Lupin had helped him so far to give him subtle advice on getting into Snape's good graces, helping him pick out gifts and curbing his over enthusiastic ideas about writing to Snape when he got too anxious.

Now it would just be him and Snape, one on one trying to sort things out and it would be much harder to have to look at the man and bite down any pride he had to get what he wanted.

It was all for the baby, he reminded himself for perhaps the thousandth time. Even in his animagus form he was worried, perhaps it felt more primal, more instinctual and focused, but the worry never left him.

Without much though, he transformed and pulled from his wand from his pocket, prepared to be as quiet as possible, he unlocked the door behind him with a click and pushed it open. He didn't care about disobeying Dumbledore or angering Lupin, he had been following Orders ever since the beginning of the summer and getting a peak couldn't really hurt, could it?

Regulus's room had been quickly readied for Snape's arrival, the linens and quilts from the spare bedroom's taken to accommodate the man, the room enchanted to be comfortably warm.

Sirius froze for a moment, his heart beating a hole in his chest as his eyes raked the outline of the man lying in bed on his side, facing away from the doorframe, his sweep of black hair strangely untidy.

Seeing Snape asleep was strange enough as the demure and upright manner he usually carried had completely evaporated upon hitting the sheets. While Snape would never admit it, he was a slightly messy, slightly unabashed sleeper. His legs splayed in a strange sort of jogging position while one arm was thrown behind him, he slept noiselessly, the rise and fall of his chest very slow and deliberate.

Sirius closed the door behind him very slowly, keeping his eye on Snape for any sign of movement or arousal. He felt instantly better now as seeing him put a very different picture in his mind. Any previous misconceptions about how Snape could be in possible mortal peril or danger were simply exaggerated, seeing him now, he had simply pushed 'tuckered out' to a new extreme.

Sirius walked carefully, remembering exactly which floorboards would creak and avoided them as he rounded the bedside, turning on baited breath as he looked to Snape's blank and sleeping visage which yielded no signs of awakening. His eyes instantly flashed to his middle, however covered and cradled by quilts and the curve of Snape's back, Sirius could finally see it plainly before his eyes. The wholesome swell that could only be one thing.

Instantly he was holding back tears, his eyes burned as he tried to steady himself and he hastened to wipe them on his sleeve. It was so amazing and beautiful and without a doubt everything he had expected that he could not bear the thought of parting with it. It was there now, not even born and pulling on his heart so viciously that it hurt to hold his hands steady and keep them to his sides.

He stood for several minutes simply watching Snape, wishing beyond hope that when he awoke there might be some chance he would like to see him. Sirius couldn't bring himself to leave, not knowing when he might be able to see him again, yet he knew that if he stayed too long the Weasley's and Harry would begin to wonder where Sirius has gone.

Far too tired and heartsick he changed again into his animagus form, and put his large furry head to the side of the mattress, looking up at Snape, who continued sleeping unfettered.

Perhaps when Snape awoke and saw him eagerly waiting he may feel flattered, Sirius thought, withdrawing to lay on the floor, right beside the bed frame. Or, he thought miserably, he could be entirely annoyed that Sirius had seen him sleeping and would order him out.

Regardless, Sirius thought, now fighting back sleep and blinking his eyes open even as they became heavier and heavier, at least he could be near the baby for longer like this. At least he could be assured to have spent some time near it and been able to see it before Snape could very possibly leave.

Lupin was infuriated to find the door unlocked as he made his way up to the room they has used to accommodate Snape, infuriated at least until he found Sirius laying curled on the floor by Snape's side, breathing heavily and contentedly in rhythm with Snape's own sleepy exhales.

His heart melted at the sight in spite of it all, knowing that Sirius had only wanted to see the baby and didn't intend to bother the man but was stupid and overeager just the same.

Lupin set the tea tray bearing food for Snape on the end table and sat very lightly on the mattress, Molly had made an early dinner for all of them and made up a bowl of soup and french bread to take to Snape. Lupin had made the excuse that Sirius had been sleeping all day since the night's activities to make up for his absence, but had expected to find him in his own room or perhaps next to the portrait of Phineas Nigellus awaiting news. Regardless he knew that there wasn't any force on the planet that would stop Sirius when he put his mind to something and for the moment just sleeping near Snape seemed innocent enough, so Lupin did not wake the dog for fear of alarming or enraging the man.

He simply put a hand to Snape's shoulder to wake him, Snape gave a short shuddering exhale before moving carefully, drawing the hand out from under his pillow and yawning widely before he turned to see Lupin with the tea tray. He stared, his eyes narrowed before he decided against his company and merely stared at the opposite wall.

"It's going on three right now," Lupin said calmly, not expecting any warm or cheery greetings from the man who had loathed him all his childhood. "I thought you might want to eat something."

"Is the prophecy safe?" Snape asked quietly, as though he didn't hear Lupin's mention of food. Lupin blinked, folding his hands together.

"Yes, the prophecy and Arthur are both alright." Lupin said, "Mrs. Weasley came by in the early morning when he was stable at St. Mungo's. He's expected to make a full recovery."

As disinterested as Snape was in the affairs of the Weasley's he steadied himself by sitting up against the bed frame, finding his extremities and head to be very weak. He felt overly light, the feeling of faintness coming over him again as he parted his hair away from his eyes and heaved a sigh. Lupin set the tea tray on his thighs, the sight of Snape with his stomach thick with child made his heart drop as he had not seen the Professor since before he had conceived but he thought it best not to comment as Snape began to eat in silence. Bringing up the baby meant bringing up other things and Lupin didn't believe it was his place to discuss such things. He looked to his fingernails with forced interest, examining a nail he had recently cracked during his last transformation.

"I miss being able to drink your wolfsbane potion." Lupin said offhandedly rubbing the nail carefully where it had cracked. "The one's I buy don't have a very consistent quality to them and I tend to be a little more reckless if I don't get a good enough brew." He looked to Snape a little expectantly. Snape ate in silence, almost determined to ignore Lupin until he picked up the hint and left him. He had broken the bread and dipped it in the soup broth, his dark eyes looked tired despite his day long nap.

"Are you feeling alright now?" Lupin asked carefully. "Dumbledore didn't say too much but-"

"I'm fine." Snape stated sharply wiping his mouth with his thumb and still not meeting Lupin's eyes. Lupin did not falter but instead bit his lip and tarried on.

"Madame Pomfrey wanted you to know that the baby is perfectly fine as well." Lupin said, holding his hands a little more tightly then he intended, feeling his quick pulse through his fingertips. It felt odd for him, confessing concern and sympathy for someone he had simply tried not to annoy since graduating from high school. He regretted not putting more of an argument into stopping his friends from bullying Snape but knew whatever regrets he had paled in comparison to Sirius's guilt.

Snape finally looked him in the eye, the general dislike and discomfort still etched into his features but an uncommon flush filled his typically pale face, one that Lupin had not seen before.

"I know." He said. "I'm the one carrying it after all, you'd think I'd know how it's doing."

Lupin couldn't help but smile, Snape merely continued eating, the flush creeping up his cheeks as he ate, one hand decidedly protective of his stomach. Deciding he was on safe ground, he continued.

"So how is the little one faring?" Lupin asked, watching the behavior of Snape's right hand as it cupped the side of his belly.

"And why is it that you should care?" Snape snapped, bringing the rim of the bowl to his lips so he could finish off the soup broth. Lupin was reminded of James for a moment, watching the uncanny stubborn man try his hardest to ignore his existence and fitting unnatural venom into every word he spoke. When James was annoyed or made ashamed of himself he had moments were he might unexpectedly lash out, followed by a sulky mismanaged apology.

"I care because of your health." Lupin said, uncrossing his legs. Snape raised an eyebrow. "And it's my best friend's baby of course."

"_His_ baby?" Snape snarled, setting the bowl down.

"Well yours and his baby, yes." Lupin corrected. "Unless that is to say that you don't want Sirius to play a role in this child's life at all. Then it would be _your_ baby."

Snape scowled at him, his tired eyes glaring at the man sharing his bed. He didn't know what to say but simply wanted Lupin out, to leave him alone until he was well enough to go back to Hogwarts or Spinner's end where he could spend christmas alone.

"I think you'd be surprised at how badly Sirius would like to be a father." Lupin said a little sadly, offering to take the tea tray back from Snape who had finished his meal. Snape lay back, both of his hands now resting protectively over the baby who seemed to rouse and move sleepily from within.

"Gotten bored of Potter has he?" Snape asked, not entirely sure why he was acting so impulsively defensive but it seemed deserved all the same as Lupin frowned slightly.

"I don't think Sirius has ever had a close relative he's enjoyed and was able to call family." Lupin explained carefully. "His family was all heavily immersed in the dark arts and the quality of blood and he never really agreed with that. I expect when he was sorted into Gryffindor, they felt it was a huge blow for the family."

"What a tragic loss," Snape muttered sarcastically.

"Well it would explain why he was so reliant on the opinion's of his friends." Lupin pressed on, picking absentmindedly at the fray of his jacket sleeve. "He's always wanted a family he could call his own but never dreamed that he might be able to have children, what with his life the way it is now. Women aren't really knocking on his door the same way they were in high school."

"Well you'll forgive me if I don't understand his pain." Snape snorted.

"What was your family life like Severus?" Lupin changed tactics quickly, "You weren't muggle born were you?"

"That's none of your concern." Snape growled, his nostrils flaring a bit. Lupin merely shrugged. His eyes wandering to the edge of the bed were Sirius's tail poked out. He was still fast asleep.

"Perhaps it's not," Lupin sighed, picking a lose thread from his jacket. "Perhaps you are right and that Sirius is an unfit father and you should just go it alone. Maybe it would be better for you, perhaps."

"I never said that." Snape snarled, his face turning red again. "For all that can be said for Gryffindor's, intelligence really isn't your greatest quality is it?"

"Excuse me?" Lupin said more intrigued then insulted as Snape rubbed his eyes with exasperation.

"It's always all or nothing with you people isn't it?" Snape hissed "There never is compromise because you all get exactly what you want, you don't even understand what real sacrifice is."

Lily flashed to the forefront of his mind for a moment before disappearing again. The baby shifted carefully.

"Dumbledore and all you order people- badgering me like I'm supposed to make up my mind in a moment's notice about something as complicated as a newborn human life. Like I'm supposed to give up everything I have to be some mothering cow of a man because of something so trite and trying as love! Like you people have any idea what I'm going through on a daily basis."

Lupin was stunned by the sudden cathartic outburst, so much that he couldn't disguise his look of sheer horror as Snape drew his hands away and fresh tears were pouring from his eyes. Lupin hoped beyond hope Sirius would not awaken as he was sure it would be the worst possible time. Snape sniffed, wiping his eyes. Lupin quickly drew a tissue for him to use and he took it begrudgingly.

"Well I think it's a little presumptuous to think that we might understand anything if you won't tell us." Lupin said quietly, putting what he hoped was an endearing hand on Snape's knee as he blew his nose.

"After all, none of us have ever gotten pregnant, so none of us know what it's like to be alone and on our own like that."

"Well you've all got your friends haven't you?" Snape snapped back through tissue and Lupin knew instantly why Snape was mad. This wasn't about the baby or the Order of the Pheonix at all, it all came down to the marauders and how Snape had few if any friends.

"You don't have any idea why I'm like this, do you?" Snape shuddered, looking at Lupin with bloodshot eyes. "You and your horrible friends running around at night? You don't think that I tried at all?"

Lupin's eyes widened, remembering back to his school days with a jolt. All the extra transfiguration books Snape had carried around in their later years, the times Lupin would spend watching James and Sirius bully him from afar, making his book bag chase him across the grounds or hanging him upside down after class, he always had all those strange notes. The same books they had checked out from the library when they were becoming animagi. Then those visits to the hospital wing...

Snape snorted as comprehension dawned across Lupin's face. He had always thought it was just some dark arts fantasy's that Snape had been into as he poured over those transfiguration books, but now...

"So you'll forgive me if I don't want to kiss and make up." Snape snarled angrily, blowing his nose again as hot tears ran down his face. Lupin merely goggled at him, a fresh feeling of guilt sinking in his stomach, the same kind he had felt after James had pulled him from the Whomping Willow that night Snape had almost reached the shrieking shack.

"Severus... I-"

"Save your apologies." Snape snapped, looking at the man with renewed disgust. Lupin looked down at his feet, feeling sick at the thought of Snape practicing to become an animagus only to find himself bleeding between the legs. It was their fault, partially at least for putting the idea in his head. For sneaking out at night for a good laugh and nearly getting Snape killed.

The door creaked open slightly and Crookshanks entered meowing, sniffing the air carefully as he entered. Snape did not seem to notice until he had leapt onto the bed and was playfully headbutting his stomach.

Snape stared at the cat, neither happiness nor fury in his face as he let the animal rub it's large head over the small mound of Snape's belly. It purred and sat down, it's eyes twinkling.

"Well," Lupin began weakly, looking from the cat to Snape slightly mystified as he tried to make the words untangle themselves in his throat. "I won't blame you if you don't want to have anything to do with Sirius, I mean." Lupin said "It's your baby, you have all the right in the world not to-"

"Of course it's my baby." Snape snapped. He drew a tentative hand out to pet Crookshanks large head, his eyes looked glazed, almost thoughtful. "But for the time being at least I'm going to need help."

Lupin stared at him, Snape continued to simply pat the cat's large head and it meowed a long garbled call as if incredibly pleased with himself, he flicked his tail back and forth. There was a shuffling from the far side of the bed and Sirius poked his head out, his ears perked, his eyes wide and reflective.

"Thought you'd show yourself at last?" Snape hissed, disguising the mild anxiety only so well as his voice shook.

"You knew he was there the whole time?" Lupin asked incredulously, staring from the cat, to Snape and to Sirius, feeling as though he had clearly missed something. Snape looked at him condescendingly, his eyes narrowed.

"I'm not an invalid, I can hear what's going on around me."

"I know! I mean-"

Crookshanks meowed again, Lupin flushed and clenched and unclenched his hands anxiously, looking at the great bear like dog.

"I'll leave you two alone then," he muttered, rising from Snape's bedside and striding out of the room with one last reserved glance at Crookshanks resting on Snape's belly to Sirius who was staring at Snape unblinkingly before shutting the door.

At once Sirius transformed, resting his elbows on Snape's bed and looking just as attentive and serious as he did as the black dog.

"I heard everything," he blurted, "About the baby and me and the whole animagus thing and I'm really sorry, I mean really really sorry, I didn't want to think it was me or James or any of that that made you do it or made you want to do and I'm sorry you wanted to do it and-" He stopped at a look from Snape who stared coldly at him, his dark eyes gathering very little light. The sun was now setting.

"Are you truly sorry?" Snape said carefully, silencing Sirius again with a look before he could interrupt. "Are you _truly_ sorry for everything you have done to me?"

"Of course." Sirius said, his eyes wide and intense. Crookshanks purred on, his tail flicking against Snape's quilted thighs.

"Do you admit you were wrong, the both of you, you and James for what you did to me?" Snape asked, his cold glare unyielding. Sirius nodded his head very carefully, not looking away from Snape's eyes. Snape knew instantly that he was telling the truth, that his remorse was true and seeing Black now, he knew his intent was not malicious, but honest.

"Do you swear that if you ever give me so much as a feeling that you are acting with an intent to shame me, I will see to it that you never see this child again?"

"I swear." Sirius said without hesitation. Snape sat back against the headboard, drawing his gaze now away from Black to close his eyes. A hot calming relief washed over him, a relief he had not been granted since discovering the child's true parentage. He felt alright, safe in fact in Black's care. He could hear the Weasley's talking downstairs and gazed down at Crookshanks carefully.

"So we can work something out?" Sirius asked carefully, looking finally to Snape's stomach were Crookshanks looked to him, highly amused by the two of them.

"Of course," Snape muttered, sinking against his pillow. "We'll figure something out."

There was a long silence in which Sirius, filled with happiness and relief slumped back into his own lap, rubbing his eyes with the overwhelming joy that was exploding in him like fireworks, Snape merely lay positively exhausted by the emotions flowing through the room, ready to sleep again. Regulus's bed was very comfortable.

The silence was broken when Crookshanks leapt off of Snape and into Sirius's lap were Sirius began to stroke his fur, sniffing and rubbing back the tears that he could not keep inside. He laughed in spite of it all as Crookshanks rubbed his enormous head over Sirius's chest and Snape looked to them lazily.

"I'm sorry if you didn't like him spying on you too," Sirius added as he patted the cat with a smile. "I just trusted him a lot and I figured it wouldn't do any harm to have another set of eyes on you."

"He's... alright." Snape admitted, putting a hand over the side of the bed to pet Crookshanks as well. The cat meowed again, clearly glad of the attention.

"Still," Black said. "I guess it wasn't really right of me to have done it, your privacy and all."

"It doesn't matter now." Snape said calmly, scratching the cat's ears. Sirius continued to wipe his eyes, clearly a little ashamed of how emotional he was. Snape found he really didn't care much, he drew his hand back up to his stomach and shut his eyes, almost prepared to go back to sleep.

"You're feeling better now then?" Sirius asked quietly, keeping the purring cat at bay as he looked to Snape carefully. Watching the rise and fall of his chest and his skin, which looked paler then usual.

"Something of that sort." Snape murmured. The baby gave a flutter just under his skin and he smoothed over the spot with his thumb, an almost automatic response now that he could feel the baby on the outside of his stomach.

"Sn-Severus..." Sirius stuttered, looking from his face to his wandering hand carefully as he could clearly tell the baby had moved. "Would it be alright, I mean, If I could... Feel the baby?"

Snape bit his lip, drawing in his breath carefully as he looked to Black's expression of terror mixed with unbridled excitement. His mouth twitched and he slowly sat up, moving back to rest against the headboard and throwing back the quilt to reveal the day clothes he had slept in since he had arrived by portkey. Sirius stared even more excited, the swell of his stomach no longer hidden, looked much more apparent. Snape held out a hand and Sirius took it, letting himself be guided to a spot just below his navel were the baby was now shuffling and jockeying for a more comfortable position.

"Can you feel it?" Snape asked after a moment, Sirius was blushing furiously and he strained against the fabric of Snape's front but shook his head. He readjusted, coming to sit next to Snape and feeling carefully for a kick.

"I can't feel it." Sirius said quietly, withdrawing his hand. Snape paused for a moment, seeing the look of disappointment starting to cross Sirius's face. He sat up a little straighter, unbuttoning his front. He was not sure why he was doing it but knew that for the sake of the baby, it should feel the touch of it's other father. He had read that the baby could start recognizing and picking up voices so it made sense.

Sirius looked positively stunned and flushed deeper as Snape finished unbuttoning his first layer, leaving only his white undershirt, which he pulled over his head, revealing himself completely.

It was the first time someone other then Madame Pomfrey had touched him and he felt very uncomfortable, sitting in the half light as Black looked down his pale skinny frame, his gaze finally pooling over Snape's stomach, distended and slightly over stretched as it was, Sirius gazed at it with pure longing in his eyes. Resting his hand now on the same spot, his hand warm to the touch but Snape still shivered.

The baby paused suddenly within him and Snape looked down a little haplessly to his stomach, wondering if the baby was just being shy. Sirius blinked as well, running his cool palm down the lowest part of his stomach up toward his puckered bellybutton. Then with a sudden unexpected kick that made both Sirius and Snape gasp, Sirius gave a great bark like laugh feeling over the area, now putting both his hands to the spot where the baby rolled excitedly with vigor.

Snape was stunned, the baby clearly provoked was now intent to kick and roll on command and Sirius broke into tears again, stroking the spot where the baby seemed excited to impress and show off for it's other father. It was not extremely uncomfortable as the baby was not landing on any of his internal organs, but he almost felt embarrassed by how the presence of Black seemed to bring out the baby's enthusiasm.

Crookshanks meowed again, now nestling between the two unlikely fathers as the sun went down.

* * *

><p><strong>Your reviews worked! I had a very good christmas with my family and with my day off I pushed this out as fast as I could. I felt bad leaving you with a cliffhanger so I hope this makes up for it. Didn't quite get to the baby's sex but that will come in the next chapter and I feel that this more then makes up for not saying it right away. Sorry if the talking between Sirius and Crookshanks seems a little awkward but I wanted there to be some sort of trade off between them. <strong>

**This was probably one of the only chapters I sat down and wrote all in one go so I hope it feels ok when you read it. Overall just review review review for more words and I'll start as soon as I can. Thanks so much guys!**


	13. Trying Times

Waking up the next day, Snape felt something not unlike an irregular hangover when he felt the sunlight come pouring through the window of Regulus's bedroom. It was not the slight buzzing headache that he felt nor the baby kicking aimlessly that made him feel uncomfortable but the aching sickening feeling of uncomfortable shame.

He had not thought it would feel this difficult- forcing his face into a delicate neutral while he talked civilly to Sirius about the baby. But the morning after seemed to fill his head with an array of thoughts that his old self, the self that wasn't carrying an extra 15 pounds of baby and pregnancy hormones, would have been driven mad by.

He felt as though he had betrayed himself somehow, that he had done something incredibly stupid by bursting into tears in front of Lupin and letting Sirius so close, and yet it had seemed so innocent as it had happened. Looking back, he had felt obviously cornered. How was it that he was supposed to make sound decisions when he was still out of it from fainting and hadn't eaten all day? He had passed out in Dumbledore's office, had vague memories of being jostled over to Grimmauld Place, then woke up with Sirius lying on the floor and Lupin bothering him about his childhood.

How it had all supposed to have gone in his head, he was not sure however. The same conclusion would have likely occurred as he wound and rewound the scenarios over in his head. It was perhaps a little foolish of himself to imagine him valiantly leaving the house to return to Spinner's End and establishing a more dignified sense of self; he had felt far too sick to do that. But he could have at least managed not to burst out crying and lamenting his own shortcomings, then allowing Sirius to fondle him until the baby had settled.

Just the thought of it sent chills down his spine, Sirius, the man he hated ever since he had first boarded the Hogwarts Express when he was eleven, running his hands all over his stomach with invitation.

The baby seemed to like it well enough though, Snape thought miserably. Remembering clearly how obviously the baby had responded to Black's touch. It was difficult to recall when he had been able to get as much attention out of the baby as the magic of it all had subsided largely. It took many reminders to keep his patience in line these days- telling himself that a particularly strong roll or kick meant the baby was healthy; only kept him slightly optimistic. As the child was getting more accustomed to moving around it seemed to know exactly which organ to hit or land on when it wanted his undivided attention. This typically meant he would be mid step when the baby impacted on his bladder, making him swear as it took all the muscles in his pelvic floor not to wet himself.

But there was still some obvious jealousy in his heart, seeing the baby so excited with Sirius's touch. It had never been so reactive to the hands of Madame Pomfrey and he thought that it was probably some magical paternal connection that only Black had, despite their obvious separation. The thought did nothing to comfort him as he lay in bed, eyes only half open, looking for reasons to dismiss Black's behavior as intrusive.

On the other hand however, it did feel very good. Snape remembered with another slight twinge of hot embarrassment how sensitive his skin felt and how relaxing it had been to feel the slightly rough, but otherwise very gentle hands of someone else rubbing circles over the taut and itchy skin.

The relived feeling felt like a dagger in his already confused and troubled head. He hated Black, no, he _disliked_ Black, he _used_ to hate Black. But the touching was not made any more comforting if he disliked Black any less, but yet it _was_. Despite the hand's owner, the feeling was pure and welcomed and somehow...

Snape's eyes opened fully as the sensation seemed to coat his insides like boiling pitch. There was a flutter between his legs that had absolutely nothing to do with the baby and he slammed his thighs together as if to stifle it.

The book had said this might happen, said it be highly possible as he entered his second trimester. But Snape had shook it off entirely as his adult life, as well as his boyhood years had been more or less chaste. He never had much of a spark, but now?

This was stupid, he thought, sighing deeply and clenching his eyes shut as he willed the feeling to go away. There was no point in getting sexually flustered over someone putting a gentle hand on his stomach, it was comical, the notion that he would feel anything less then disgusted at the thought it was Sirius.

But anxiously, he ran a hand down the swell of his belly, and slowly parted past the drawstring of his pants and his warm inner thigh.

He had only done this a few times, and every time it had seem miserably forced with contrived scenarios of Lily running through his mind. He had grown up at Hogwarts sometimes hearing the disgusting hurried self stimulating noises from the boys dormitory as he fell asleep and as soon as he was old enough to put it all together in his mind, he was so disgusted and disturbed by it he had sworn against it completely until he had gotten to the point through puberty where it was almost mandatory at times.

But after his failed animagus transfiguration he was so repulsed by his own body that he could barely stand to look at himself naked in a full length mirror, let alone entertain the idea of pleasuring himself when he could find the privacy.

Yet this, Snape felt, his whole body melting under the intense touch that he felt, this was something entirely different. He had never felt this aroused at anything, ever. The hormones were poisoning his faculties so much and he was already so alienated by his body's changes that it hardly mattered. He writhed it bed, rolling on his back to feel under the sheets, suppressing a moan. The baby seemed to still, as though satisfied to keep motionless.

It only took a sharp knocking on the door to bring him crashing back to earth so fast that he gasped, tugging up the pajama pants he had borrowed so fast he wouldn't have been surprised if they had ripped. His hair fell into his face messily as he hastened to sit up, to look some what dignified.

The door opened and Sirius came in, looking as reserved and cautious as Snape had ever seen him, carrying a breakfast tray with eggs, bacon, toast and a cup of tea.

"Are you ok?" Sirius asked offhandedly, looking to Snape with concern as he saw the sheets drawn very high, his face looked flushed.

"Fine," Snape managed, a pang of annoyance throbbing as he realized the baby had rolled excitedly at Sirius's voice. He ran a hand through his black hair, feeling oily and sweaty, he had not showered.

"Dumbledore's sent down some of your things from the castle." Sirius explained, he set the tray down on Snape's bed, giving the obnoxiously green and silver Slytherin banners across Regulus's walls an involuntary twitch. He picked up a few slips of paper from the tray. "These came with your owl."

Snape, still distracted by his short foray into autoeroticism. Took the post firmly, not looking to Sirius as he opened the first letter. He did a double take at the address, looking to the front to see the familiar careful and practiced cursive of Lucius Malfoy.

_Wish to see you over the holiday break. Please specify a date that would best suit you and I will arrange for transport._

Snape turned the letter over, his heart pounding a little harder then usual. It wasn't even signed but Snape had a good idea who was truly behind it. Needless to say, Voldemort was probably curious as to how he was getting on after all this time.

He quickly shut the letter, stuffing it back into the envelope as he saw Sirius's gaze wandering to catch a glimpse of the letter. He didn't want Sirius to know about his dealings with Voldemort especially if his child was involved. There was a chance he would try to stop him from seeing The Dark Lord, which would jeopardize his spy status. The last thing he needed was the order knowing more then they needed about things that were best kept to himself, and sometimes to himself and Dumbledore.

The second letter was from Dumbledore himself, also very short, which Snape guessed he had simply sent along with his own luggage.

_Madame Pomfrey will be visiting you at Spinner's End on the 24th of December at 3 PM for a check up. Please ensure any present guests dress accordingly. _

_Sincerely, _

_Albus Dumbledore_

Dress Accordingly? Snape resisted the urge to crumple the letter up in his own hand. The conspiring old man was at it again.

"Are you ok?" Sirius asked again, looking from the letter in his hand to Snape's own flushed face.

"It's nothing," Snape lied, stuffing the letter into it's envelope with the same haste he had for Lucius's mail. He wasn't sure about Sirius knowing about Dumbledore's letter either, though it was rather hard to pretend they were simply holiday cards, his face had already given away his general annoyance. His face gave away a lot more then it usually did these days.

"Well, I suppose you're hungry." Sirius muttered, gesturing to the breakfast tray he had brought. Snape was indeed but the contents of both letters were swimming in his head, distracting him from all other thought. "I'm going to bring your things upstairs while everyone else is busy. If you need anything, just, um, yeah, I'll be right outside." Sirius trembled awkwardly, much different from the haughty and charismatic Black he was used to. Snape merely nodded, watching him almost trip as he turned too fast to leave, shutting the door carefully.

Counting the days back on his hand, he had missed the last day of term being ill and if he was correct, this was the first weekend of break and Christmas Eve was tomorrow. He would be finding out what exactly the baby was tomorrow.

He ate in silence, yet the anxious buzzing in his head filled the quiet of Regulus's room and drowned out the noise of Sirius moving his cases up the stairs. Until now that baby was just a fetus, something that would almost miraculously land on a sex it liked before Madame Pomfrey's visit. But it was already inside him, forming whatever sex organs it had decided appropriate.

The words of the letter came to him again, Dumbledore's curled and vibrant golden lettering, _Please ensure any guests dress accordingly. _Surely that was supposed to mean Sirius?

Snape chewed his bacon, a scowl crossing his face as he could imagine the old wizard writing out the letter, imagining any sickening fantasy of the two of them bonding over the baby and reconciling for love and new life before sending Marciana the wretched letter.

What if he simply did not tell Sirius about the arrangement? Was it possible that he already knew and was simply waiting until Snape was about to leave to assume he would be able to accompany him? Surely Black would want to, there was no question after Snape had seen the longing in his face when it came to concerns of the child. Was it really Snape's place to refuse him?

Guiltily, Snape thought to the still unused bag of galleons Sirius had sent him along with all the books and tea and expensive lotions that were probably tucked into one of the cases he was making Sirius bring up the creaky stairs. Was it really so important to have Black laying in the corner of Spinner's End as a dog just so he could be there the moment he knew he was having a boy or a girl? Wouldn't the information just be as valid and real if Snape would simply tell him in a letter?

There was a soft tapping on the window and Snape turned his head to see Marciana resting on the sill, her large eyes gazing at him softly. He readjusted the tray to stand and let her inside.

Sirius must have let her out to fly as she was only carrying a dead mouse, he pet her head softly, letting her perch on his hand so she could come to rest with him back on the bed.

There was also the matter of the letter from Lucius, which he strangely felt much more optimistic about. Snape could lie better then any and while he was a little scared perhaps for the baby, he was too good at occlumency to really be afraid of meeting Voldemort for the first time since the initial frightening act of conception he had been repressing since returning to Hogwarts. Voldemort would likely talk to him about the baby's welfare, ask him to report more often then send him on his way, as was the typical structure of their meetings.

Leaning over to investigate the night table, he dug among the dusty remnants of Regulus's things to find a quill and an ink bottle that still might have some ink left. When he did, he turned Lucius's letter over and quickly scrawled _Friday, the 29__th_before inserting it back into it's envelope. He resealed it quickly and readdressed it back to Lucius.

"Hold still," Snape murmured to Marciana, who was poking at his toast suggestively as she had finished off the mouse. She stuck out her leg at his word and he tied the post to it quickly before rising carefully to open the window and let her back outside. She looked at him a little confused, as though curious as to why he was sending her off just as she had arrived.

"I won't be here tomorrow night, I'll be home for once so if you have a reply you can bring it there."

She hooted quietly, making her way to the window and giving him a final glance before disappearing in a cloud of feathers. It had snowed over the night and the cold was expected but Snape shut the window quickly to avoid a chill.

He found he wasn't very hungry but thought that for the baby's sake he could at least choke down the eggs and toast. What he really needed was a shower he thought as he sat and ate at the bedside. He was feeling more and more dirty the longer he lay in the old unfamiliar sheets. It was now typical of him to sweat when he slept and he felt more oily and itchy because of it.

He finally got his wish when he had finished his breakfast and ventured out of the room for the first time since arriving, spare bathroom breaks. He found the bathroom that must have been for both Sirius and Regulus as it was between both of their bedrooms and he managed to find a towel that wasn't too age worn and frayed.

After feeling rested and refreshed, the rest of the day was a careful game of cat and mouse with Sirius and the visiting Weasleys. Black assured him that they did not know about his condition or the fact he was staying at Grimmauld Place and Snape wanted to keep it that way. He only made it all the way down the stairs when they left for St. Mungo's to see Mr. Weasley and there was very little for him to do other then watch more snow gathering in the windows and the muggles walking in the street, returning from christmas shopping.

"I made you some cocoa." Sirius said from the kitchen, the Weasley's were away and Snape was sitting in the parlor watching the decorations Sirius had put up glowing and glimmer where they had been levitated to hover around the ceiling and window frames. "I figure you're probably tired of tea by now."

"What?" Snape said, jerking back to reality as he drew his eyes from the golden baubels, "Oh,"

Sirius offered him a large steaming mug with a spoon, Snape took it carefully, his sleeves drawn over his fingers. Sirius had a similar mug, his own packed to the brim with large marshmellows.

"You might want to blow on it, I steamed the milk a little too hot," He said, sitting at a very decided distance away from Snape. Not too far and not too close, he stirred the cup and looked to the fire Snape had made in the hearth. "Do you have any thoughts for dinner?"

Snape shrugged, staring into the cup and enjoying the warm sensation he felt holding it. The baby had been very calm and content all day, he couldn't think of anything that could upset his stomach too much, but he really wasn't craving anything either.

"What about... Christmas?" Sirius asked, a forced casual in his voice as though it could have been dessert. "Did you have anything planned, anybody you were planning to visit?"

"No." Snape said, braving a sip. It was very good, he rarely had homemade hot chocolate. "Not really." The thought of Madame Pomfrey's house call surfaced in his mind.

"Well the Weasley's and Harry are all planning on staying here," Sirius murmured with a distinct upward glance to the decorations. "I suppose you'd probably want to go back to your home then."

Snape's mouth twitched but he said nothing. He could tell by the rhythm of Sirius's words that he wasn't hinting that he wanted him away, but simply was trying to figure out what his plans were. Snape truthfully wasn't sure himself however.

"Well," Sirius said, desperately trying to cut through the strangeness of the situation. "I wouldn't want you not to receive your gift from me if you do end up leaving, so you'll let me know where you'll be, right?"

Snape looked at him fully for the first time since he had entered the room, a slight scowl starting in his face.

"Gift? What gift?"

"Your... christmas gift?" Sirius said, looking away like a beaten animal at Snape's scowl. Stirring his cocoa a little anxiously.

"You bought me probably 200 galleons worth of things only a week ago." Snape muttered, his heart pounding a little fast. He had found it hard to accept the gifts Black had sent him let alone the idea of yet another thing.

"Well It's not as though I'm expecting anything back." Sirius mumbled, his face getting a little red. "It's just that I know that you probably won't be able to get a lot of the things yourself so..." He went back to stirring his cocoa, the marshmellows melting in a thick creamy fog. Snape felt a little ashamed, not having thought at all about what Sirius might want for christmas and not once making an effort to plan for it. The thought of Madame Pomfrey's visit once again danced to the forefront of his mind but he drank it down with his cocoa.

"Well you'll want to spend your time with Potter, I'm sure." Snape said with a little more sarcasm in his voice then he meant as he finished his drink.

"Well, yes," Sirius raised an eyebrow, "I'm the only family he's got right now. But that doesn't mean that I can't take time out of christmas to spend with you and..." His eyes flickered for a moment over Snape's stomach. His eyes warped back to Snape who remained as passive as ever.

"What exactly do you want out of this." Snape asked firmly, setting his glass down. He felt that had to come to it at one point or another but putting it off for too long only seemed to put more eggshells on the ground they had to walk on. If Sirius was already throwing lots of gold at expensive things, Snape knew he needed to work something out before things got even more out of hand.

"For the baby? Well," Sirius sighed, setting his glass down as well to contemplate exactly what he and Remus had talked about previously. What it was that he could ask for in regards to custody, what was polite at least.

"Well I'd like to have some sort of custody, if that's alright." Sirius said softly, "I mean, I'd be nice to have it fifty-fifty and all, but I understand if that's asking too much..."

"And how would we do that?" Snape asked critically, watching the man shrink under his words as he kept his neutral, almost bored visage clear.

"Well, I mean." Sirius began, "We'd have to work something out that would work, well. If you want to keep teaching you can't really bring the baby with you, right? I mean, I could try and see if I could maybe move to Hogsmede so you could be around-"

"And how's that going to work when you're a wanted criminal?"

Sirius flinched slightly, highly annoyed at Snape's use of the word criminal but not intent to show it in his face. He bit his lip trying to remember exactly what it was that Lupin had suggested.

"Well, it'd be difficult." Sirius mumbled. "You'd have my money behind it but we'd probably have to do everything in your name and I wouldn't be able to leave the house much I guess."

"And what would you do if you were caught with my child and carted off to azkaban?" Snape asked. Sirius blanched, only able to shrug hopelessly.

"Have you thought this through at all?" Snape asked incredulously, unable to feel sympathetic toward the man who could only garble half baked ideas back to him. "Have you thought about the fact that I'll need to spend the whole summer nursing the baby? That I've already got a home and a place to stay? Where is it exactly that you imagined you would fit in?"

"Well have you thought about the fact that you're a full time teacher?" Sirius bit back, angry that Snape had cut down the only thing he had been thinking about for weeks and weeks. "How are you planning to manage that?"

Snape's face reddened but he could not think of any better answer to Sirius's question. His hands without much thought rested over the bulge in his stomach. There was a sharp jump in his diaphragm that felt like hiccups starting.

"You didn't think we could really live together or something, did you?" Snape sniffed, feeling the might of an overprotective mother rising up inside him. "You didn't really think you could just invite yourself into my home to fulfill your paternal urges?"

"And why not?" Sirius asked, his eyes narrowing. "Why is it that I can't live with you? I'd invite you here if it meant I'd be able to be with the child. I'd live in an igloo if it meant I could at least care for my son or daughter."

"However touching you may think offering your hovel to me may be, I don't think it would be in my interest to let you sit back and raise my child while I'm going to be out working." Snape snapped. Forcing down a poignant hiccup as he watched the anger build in Black's face. "It's still my baby and It's not my intention to leave it with it with you for nine months out of the year while you get to have your way with it."

"Then you'll do what?" Sirius barked "Quit your job and end up penniless so you can spend all the time in the world with your baby? You're not going to see a knut of my money if I can't see my child. You just don't even trust me!"

"And why would I do that?" Snape's voice was rising now, the anger building in his throat like an angry snake. Sirius rolled his eyes, heaving a sigh as he stared back to the ground.

"You have yet to prove to me you have an ounce of good judgement within you." Snape breathed, the hiccups burning in his throat.

"And when are you supposed to give me the opportunity?" Sirius threw his hands up, defeated. "You're here now, aren't you? I've been writing to Dumbledore and sending cats after you, I bought you a-" He stopped, obviously not keen to give away the tremendous secret of his christmas gift. He lowered his hands to his sides, looking to Snape with great annoyance.

"I've apologized haven't I? I was a prat, right? A prat for calling you snivillus and watching James torment you and laughing while-"

"Enough!" Snape interrupted his head in his hands. Sirius snorted and bit back whatever crude memories he was recalling. Snape jerked unconsciously, his face hidden in his hands.

"Are you alright?" Sirius asked, the annoyance melting away as concern filled his features, he uncrossed his legs to look closer at Snape who sat up, trying to look as dignified as possible.

"I'm fine it's just that the baby is- hic-"

Snape flushed, putting a hand to his chest, opening his mouth again to begin to speak but unsure exactly how fast or how soon to rephrase his sentence. Sirius raised an eyebrow.

"It's hiccups, it's just the- hic- baby's weight on my dia-hic-"

Snape sighed, resigned not to speak as he would sound stupid no matter what.

"It's probably cause you drank your cocoa too fast." Sirius laughed, the concern and worry melting away as he rose to his feet. "I'll fetch you some water."

It was the least he could do without starting another fight but to drink the water and remain as quiet as possible so the hiccups could subside. Instead, he sat fuming over how pathetic and vulnerable he felt and how annoying it was that he couldn't get his point across without interruption. Sirius watched him cautiously, not wanting to bring up the mention of custody again lest Snape get really mad and curse at him despite being temporarily speechless. Crookshanks bounded down the stairs from his hiding place in Sirius's parents room to meet them and curled into Snape's lap without question, purring and rubbing his face all over the front of his robes.

Lupin came by around midday from the hospital to bring his own christmas presents before he was leaving to meet Tonks's family for the holidays. Snape largely ignored him as he talked to Sirius, relaying news and warming his hands by the fire and Sirius only half listened, his eyes shifting back to Snape ever so often who merely sat on the sofa with Crookshanks, staring into his water glass.

"I've got something for you as well Severus," Lupin smiled, turning to Snape after he had given Sirius a wrapped box with a large blue bow on top. Snape hesitated to take the offered box, looking at Lupin sinisterly. His hiccups had long died away but he was still angry and sullen about the whole affair.

"Moony..." Sirius said quietly opening the box with a look of astonishment on his face. Snape watched him pull out a wrapped black cloth which Sirius unfurled carefully.

"It's a baby sling." Lupin said quietly, his eyes looking to Snape momentarily before smiling at his friends face.

"Yeah..." Sirius looked almost like he wanted to cry but instead refolded the cloth and continued to dig through the box, pulling out a slim book and a small box of diaper pins. "Beadle and the Bard?"

"Yes but this copy has lots of colorful pictures and sorts, good to read to even small children," Lupin explained as Sirius opened the book and the book and saw the illustrations for _The Wizard and the Hopping Pot _coming to life before his eyes. "Tonks helped pay for it so it's technically from both of us."

Sirius hugged his friend before putting the book, pins, and sling back into the box. He then turned to Snape, his eyebrows upturned and excited. Snape sighed, setting his glass down on the coffee table before tearing open the present.

"A photo album?" Sirius asked, craning his neck to see if Lupin had added any pictures.

"It's an album with enchanted paper." Lupin explained, looking to Snape again with the air that he was a dangerous animal ready to pounce. "The paper archives spells very well so you can enchant them to having moving photographs, scents, or speech."

Snape nodded, examining the hardcover with mild amusement. It was a very thoughtful gift indeed but he didn't have a camera. It was an idea he had been toying around with but he considered maudlin and luxurious as he didn't have much money to start archiving any of his child's future the way other parents did. He wasn't the type to start taking photographs of his pregnant stomach either, and thought that any notion of buying a camera could wait until he had actually given birth.

"Thank you," Snape managed, petting Crookshanks on the head as he had risen to see what had occupied his hands. Lupin beamed at him.

"Did you still want to go on a walk Sirius?" Lupin asked quickly, looking out the window at the snowy street. "I was supposed to meet Tonks in about 15 minutes so it might cut it sort of close."

"Well," Sirius looked from Snape to Lupin and then to the presents he had just received. Snape could tell by the longing on his face that he really did want to go but didn't want to trouble his friend. Lupin looked at Snape as well.

"Or maybe Severus could take you, I'll bet the pair of you are plenty tired of being stuck inside here."

"You go outside?" Snape said, a little scathingly "On walks? When you're wanted by both the muggles and the ministry?"

"When I'm a dog, yeah." Sirius said, looking back to Lupin. "It's ok Moony, I don't have to."

Lupin bit his lip, almost apologetic to his friend who shrugged.

"I've got to use the restroom before I leave if that's ok. I just hate going by floo with a full bladder."

Lupin left the living room leaving the two men and the scraps of wrapping paper they had created. Sirius occupied his hands with the books, not eager to start talking. Snape fancied the idea of a walk however, his nose becoming stuffy and irritated by the constant stale moldy air of Grimmauld place, his extremities felt weak and doughy.

"Nobody recognizes you?" Snape asked, Sirius looked up, shrugging his shoulders.

"Nobody yet, If you could keep it to yourself though that I go on walks it would be really great, Dumbledore and Mad Eye probably wouldn't approve but I get sick and tired just being here all the time, you know?"

Snape looked out the window to the falling snow and thought of his winter jacket, probably in his suitcase upstairs. He had a little muggle money as well, in one of the pockets.

"Is there any place to get anything sweet around here?" Snape asked carefully, not looking at Black, but keeping his cold gaze on the street where cars passed every few moments.

"There is some candy store type pharmacy down a couple of blocks." Sirius said carefully. "Why?"

Snape looked at the man, his face positively twitching with the nerve it took for him to express what it was he wanted. The baby gave a passive stretch.

"If you take me there, we'd be there and back right away? No fooling around?"

"You want me to take you on a walk?" Sirius asked tentatively, as though translating a language he was unsure of. Snape nodded curtly and Sirius cracked a grin, transforming at once into his great black animagus form to slide off the arm chair. He panted carefully, looking left and right before gallivanting to the door to sit beside it expectantly.

The walk itself was quiet at first, Snape had dug out his long black coat, annoyed to find it didn't fasten in the front anymore and so he pulled on an overlarge knitted sweater that slightly disguised his stomach and let the coat hang open as he walked through the snow, resigned to hold onto the old leash as the both of them walked with Sirius leading the way.

It was great to be out in the open air after being kept inside and the snow was rather pretty as they walked against the traffic of shoppers and pedestrians who seemed intent on making their way towards shops in the opposite direction, towards town. It was a rather frugal existence, Snape thought, to look foreword to short episodes of freedom where he could only watch and observe without the simplified life of a natural dog.

Children were quick to point Sirius out but it was perhaps Snape's own stern demeanor that kept them to their parents sides as they walked, pointing and staring at the dog with mitten covered hands. It was very strange of him to think that he would soon be walking a child along in stride the same way, perhaps not christmas shopping or sledding but at least instructing their own carriage and behavior before they could yell and run toward strange dogs in the street.

He might make a better dog then a father, Snape thought humorously. Sirius's ears were pricked and watchful as they walked. Snape guessed it was because he was in fact wanted by the law, but the careful stride he kept with his company also suggested something strangely protective and instinctive.

"Calm down," Snape said irritatedly as another large dog passed growling at Sirius's presence. Sirius had flashed his teeth and the owners of the other dog looked scandalized as they passed. Sirius immediately let up at Snape's words however, back to his happy panting the moment the dog had passed, but still keeping his guard up.

The pharmacy was warm and slightly busy as they arrived, Snape was forced to leave Sirius tied to the post outside as he was clearly too big to fit with the mass of people and the spindly narrow aisles. Snape returned with a cup of tea, a slab of chocolate and a wrapped sandwich and Sirius led them to a small quaint city park with a frozen over pond where he could rest and eat on a bench.

"Don't just sit there and watch me eat." Snape complained as Sirius sat at his side, his eyes watching Snape carefully while he drank the steaming drink and began to unwrap the sandwich which was a little stale. Sirius pouted, laying down on all fours on the icy path by Snape's feet, giving an annoyed sigh every few minutes as Snape ate and took in the scenery, watching couples and families and pet owners passing by, some chatting in groups while others simply smoked alone. It was sort of nice being able to cut Sirius down while he wasn't able to retort, it helped him blow off steam from their previous little argument at least.

"I'm getting tired of you and the wolf treating me like some bomb that is about to go off at any second you know." Snape began, thinking from his list of grievances he could air while the man could only stare at him through the translucent dog's eyes. "Always glancing at me in your periphery the second you mention something about the baby. I'm sick of it."

Sirius raised his head a little, unreadable as his expression was as his emotional range was certainly shortened as a dog, he seemed attentive at least.

"I don't know what you expected really," Snape continued, half watching passers by, not intent on looking deranged as he sat, talking to a dog. "Like I'm supposed to just have some change of heart and let you run off with the baby."

Sirius shook his head slightly, the pricked ears wobbling as he did so. Snape snorted.

"Well what then? You're on the run and I haven't any reason to believe you're a fit parent. I'm not sure if it was the amount of times you tried to jinx me while my back was turned or nearly got me killed as a joke, but I think your moral fiber has yet to prove itself."

Sirius pawed the ground anxiously, stirring the fallen snow as Snape ate.

"It's not like you at all like me any how. Why would you even try? Knowing it's half my child after all?"

He sat up straighter, switching the cup out between hands to warm them. Sirius looked up to him, then drew his eyes back down to the snow where he had pawed. Snape narrowed his eyes, the word _Trying_ was crudely traced in the snow.

"Trying?" Snape snapped, looking from the words to Sirius and back again. "Trying to what? Trying to help?"

Sirius nodded now, his long pink tongue bobbing out as a small whine burgeoned in the back of his throat. Snape's already flushed face reddened and he sneered back, the happiness in Sirius's face seemed to lessen.

"How? You can send me all the money you've got but when term starts I've still got to go back to work while you sit here doing nothing," Snape scoffed. It wasn't even so much enjoyable for him, trampling any dreams or ambitions Sirius had about approaching fatherhood. It was being realistic, he wouldn't entertain any lofty dreams or ideas about fatherhood himself and seeing someone so deluded made him sick. Sirius pawed at the ground again, this time drawing out the word _Duty_ in the snow and ice.

"So what?" Snape snapped, getting agitated now. "You'll march right up to Hogwarts, won't you? Even if I refuse you? Get yourself locked up in Azkaban for the sake of a baby?"

Sirius gave a shrill bark, pawing the ground anxiously where the words still were scratched. It wasn't even a question to him.

"You're an idiot." Snape spat. However, slightly impressed by his conviction to the child, who stirred slightly. Sirius began to sniff the air, unfettered by Snape's insult.

"You can have the sandwich, it's all stale." Snape offered, staring at the dog at his continued sniffing led him within a foot of where he sat. Sirius stopped suddenly as if frozen.

"What's wrong?" Snape murmured, looking around. But Sirius lay his enormous head on the side of the park bench, his large eyes resting on the just visible curve of Snape's stomach under his sweater.

"What?" Snape asked again, looking around nervously to the muggles passing. Surely there couldn't be any death eaters wandering around the park. Sirius's watch was now relaxed however, his gaze intent on Snape's belly as he inched closer and closer until his nose was almost touching his leg. Snape narrowed his eyes, remembering Crookshanks near obsession of laying on the warmest fullest part of his stomach, sniffing away.

"You can smell me can't you." Snape said suspiciously. Annoyed by how determined Sirius seemed to be. "Don't you dare get close to me now. We're in public."

Sirius simply gazed up at Snape, almost apologetic, but nevertheless determined. Snape sighed and the baby kicked lightly, as though it was aware of Sirius's proximity. The thought of the appointment rose to the top of his mind again. He would have to be packing up that night as it were if he wanted to make it and get a nice rest before seeing Madame Pomfrey. The idea of being able to call the baby a boy or a girl this time tomorrow was so exciting that for a moment it stole over his senses so completely he almost forgot his anger toward sirius to ponder the prospect. He began to eat the chocolate, imagining the situation.

"You got me something foolishly expensive for christmas, didn't you?" Snape mused, looking back to the dog with a new thought it his head. It was a stupid one and he himself didn't much approve but he had been half imagining it all day and it seemed that it was best if he at least gave it a go. Sirius stopped his staring and blinked, unsure of exactly how to say what he wanted.

"I'm going to meet Madame Pomfrey tomorrow at my house to find out the gender of the child." Snape admitted, rolling the wrapper to the chocolate in his hands carefully, feeling his heart beating a little faster. "I'm willing to let you go with me under a few conditions."

Sirius sprang up so fast he knocked the leash flying onto the ground. A few muggles stared, thinking the dog might attack Snape, but they continued on without mention of the incident. Snape frowned slightly.

"You're coming as a dog." He declared firstly, anticipating some bark or protest on Sirius's behalf but he did not, but instead continued to stare at him much like a dog might stare as his owner held a toy or treat in his hand. "And you're not allowed to change back unless I say so, I'm not up for arguing with you on anything or having Madame Pomfrey find out I'm smuggling a fugitive in my house."

Sirius continued to stare, almost in shock that Snape was allowing this, even under such strict guidelines.

"And finally, whatever I say goes." Snape said firmly, looking into Sirius's eyes carefully. It was not possible for him to use occlumency when Sirius was an animagus but he could tell just by looking that this did not deter him in the slightest as he sat, panting. Clearly enthused that he was being allowed this simple act of company on behalf of his child.

They made their way back to Grimmauld Place, Sirius with a new spring in his step as he walked a little faster, pulling on the leash as though excited to return home to share his news with Lupin, who had most likely already left. The words _Duty_ and _Trying_ still written in the fallen snow.

* * *

><p><strong>Whew! This one was another sappy one that took awhile. Sorry still no sex of the baby but it is coming! I would have had this out sooner but I honestly got really drunk on New Years and this sort of took a backseat to everything else that was going on. <strong>

**I've officially written more words then the length of the sorcerers stone by now so if you've read this since chapter one, I think you've technically read a novel by now so give yourselves a pat on the back. It's been really great writing this and It's not even half over yet! Keep reviewing to keep up the pace and I'll keep on writing, simple as that. There are some of you that have been exclaiming love for me just for putting chapters out so fast but I must say that you should probably wait until it's all said and done before you decide I'm such a great person.**

**Have a great New Year everyone!**


	14. Snips, Snails, the Whole Lot

Thrilled to be somewhere else besides Grimmauld place for the first time in months, Sirius couldn't even complain that he was forced to remain a dog or under Snape's watchful eyes for the stay of one night in Spinners End. They had traveled with Snape's things by floo powder and it took some careful restraint of his own not to transform the moment he saw Snape stagger upon entering the house, winded by the moment he had spent in the grate. He had barked loudly, leaping in the air as Snape had caught himself.

"Shut up!" Snape snapped, holding onto the side of a writing desk to steady himself, dropping the bag he had carried through the fire to set a hand over the swell of his stomach. "I'm fine just give me a moment!"

Sirius wasn't sure exactly how any pregnant witch would react going through the floo network, and so he was forced to put his worries aside as he stared intently at Snape, who regained himself after a few moments and then began to move about the house.

As grateful and pleased as he was for being able to leave however, he felt a little bad he was unable to spend Christmas Eve with Harry and his friends, concocting a lie that Dumbledore had summoned him for the night and how he would be away on Order business. The look on Harry's face was almost too much for him to bare as he fit the christmas gift in his hands.

"But, you'll be back for Christmas, won't you?" Harry had asked, his eyes flicking suspiciously up the stairs where Sirius had been spending an awful lot of time since they had all arrived.

"I should... hope so." Sirius said noncommittally, giving Harry a rather weak smile. "I'll see what I can do but you can go ahead and open that without me, right?"

"Right." Harry had said, trying to hide the bitterness in his face. Sirius knew Harry would understand if he knew the whole truth, Sirius hoped he could tell him soon enough at least. It was a lot to hope that Snape would agree to Harry knowing anything at all however, seeing as how he seemed to loathe the boy for no reason other then his father's mistakes. But still, Sirius thought, helping Snape take his bags back down the stairs again, Snape had sort of forgiven him, right? Perhaps anything was possible.

Snape was nothing short of guarded having Sirius in his own house however, as Sirius soon found as he started to look around the small home Snape had inhabited.

"Don't go in the basement." He had yelled from the kitchen, striding over quickly to slam the door in Sirius's face before he could see down it. "I keep all my potion ingredients down there. I don't need you bumping things and getting dog hair everywhere."

Sirius then tried to go upstairs and into the spare bedroom. He had expected Snape to let him sleep there as he had could only assume Snape kept to the master bedroom. All the doors were closed on the landing however, except for the cramped bathroom.

"Where are you?" Snape had yelled from downstairs. "Come back down here at once! I don't want you poking around!"

Reluctantly Sirius had bounded back down the stairs, his long nails clicking on the steps as he met Snape back in the kitchen, who looked at him sternly.

"If I find you going anywhere I don't want you I'll send you right back through that fireplace." He threatened, going through his shelves as though taking inventory of all the non perishable foods he had remaining in the house. Sirius sighed, only able to stare back balefully and lay on Snape's floor as he watched the man stride back and forth between shelves and drawers, taking out spices and measuring cups and old cracked bowls Sirius was sure were secondhand.

The two of them journeyed through the snow again down to a local market where Snape could buy food from a muggle grocery store to get them through the night. Sirius kept his watchful vigil outside, once again tied to a post, watching muggle families pass in a hurry to get things for their own holiday dinners, some muttering under their breaths about animal abuse.

Snape returned a quarter of an hour later with a bag and they made their way back in silence, Sirius wondered if Snape had at least found it in his heart to get him something to eat as well, his own stomach began to rumble as Snape set about to make dinner. He had purchased a chicken and Sirius watched him coat it with Paprika and Thyme. I seemed obvious that, with Snape the way he was with potions, the same skill must be carried over to cooking as well. But it was a sort of useless talent, seeing as how Snape never had any one to cook for.

"You can sit at the table like a human being as I don't much care to cut this up into a bunch of tiny pieces." Snape said after over an hours work of precise cooking, Sirius raised his head. "Dog's choke on bones, don't they?"

Snape jumped as he turned to see Sirius standing upright so suddenly. Sirius blinked, a little offended that Snape would imagine him choking on bones like a beast.

"Uh, yeah, I suppose they do. Do you want help with anything?"

"I'm fine." Snape sniffed, checking the progress of the chicken with a thermometer.

The meal was after all amazing and Sirius felt it hard to feel anxious or uncomfortable as it was one of the best meals he had had in a very long time. Snape's mastery of all things chemical and scientific rivaled even Mrs. Weasley's knowledgeable kitchen skill. He was glad of it, even if it was stopping him from thinking of things to say, which he thought, could have been Snape's intention.

"You don't have any preference for a gender do you?" Sirius said through a mouthful of dinner roll. Snape wrinkled his nose a bit, shrugging as Sirius wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "I suppose so long as it's got all it's fingers and toes, right?"

"Right," Snape murmured cutting himself an extra piece of breast meat from the chicken in the skillet, which sat steaming at the center of the table.

"Mrs. Weasley said if it's a girl, we can have some of Ginny Weasley's old baby things." Sirius added with a swallow. "I bet all of her boy's things are probably too used to pass off, you wouldn't be interested in that would you?"

Snape merely shrugged, not proud enough to refuse free things, but he still thought of his own childhood miserably. Of all the well worn shirts and shoes he'd try on at the muggle shops before his mother purchased things that were twice his size regardless. The dottiness of the Weasley family couldn't really appeal to him.

"Do you have any brothers or sisters?" Sirius asked curiously, starting to remember all of the thoughts and questions that bothered him as he lay in Snape's kitchen, unable to speak. He was starting to get full anyhow, despite how delicious it all was. Snape blinked.

"No," He said shortly, filling his mouth with chicken before Black could build on the question.

Sirius was given a blanket and told to sleep on the floor after supper. He chose the spot on the landing near Snape's room so he would awake in the event of hearing anything going on in the night. It was rather quiet however, in spite of it all. The snow falling outside made everything quiet while the glow of christmas lights and the city streets came through the old windows in a light haze. Snape had marched straight up to bed after supper with a book in hand and Sirius had fallen asleep long before the dim light in his room went out.

Snape did make it all the way through the night, but woke sometime in the middle of the night, sweaty and over hot as he always was these days, he desperately needed to pee as the baby seemed to be lying flat across his bladder. He was also very hungry, despite feeling bloated and full not long before going to bed.

He went to the bathroom then ventured downstairs by wand light, trying very hard not to creak on the stairs as he made his way to the kitchen, thinking warmly of the biscuits he had bought at the store. The baby seemed to be annoyed with his night time wanderings however and was beginning to shuffle about.

Snape brought the tin of biscuits to the living room so he could prop his feet back up and see out into the darkness from the window. He rested the tin on the rise of his stomach, laying back to enjoy the familiar buzz of his silent house.

He was sometimes homesick, being in the castle, just for the silence. There was always something going on at Hogwarts, whether it was a constant shuffling of students or spells going off halfway across the castle. There was always a lot of noise and quiet time was something he valued at the end of a long day.

But he could only be sentimental now that his parents were both dead and the house was his alone to enjoy. He had very few fond memories of the place as a boy and there were times even now that he swore he could hear his parents voices a room or two away, or the familiar awful crying of his mother he could hear through the wall of his bedroom. There were some things that did not change not matter how many times he could rearrange the furniture or magic the walls a different color.

Snape turned his head as he heard footsteps coming down the stairs and raised an eyebrow as Sirius came bounding into the living room, back into his human form. His hair wild and his eyes wide.

"Thought you had... I..."

Snape raised an eyebrow, watching Black's shoulders fall with relief to see Snape fine if not startled.

"What?" Snape said simply, "I was hungry."

"I thought you had left... or something." Black said stupidly, rubbing his eyes in the half light. "I was just... never mind."

"I'm a fully capable wizard, Black." Snape said scathingly. "And this is my own home, you'd think I could walk around at my leisure."

"I just heard someone downstairs," Sirius grunted, sitting down in an opposite arm chair and watching Snape finish off another biscuit. He blinked, trying to adjust to being awake, "You're hungry?"

"Well," Snape said sarcastically. "Sometimes having someone inside me eating all my food tends to get to me."

"Yeah, but... never mind." He said again. Snape put the tin on the end table, stretching his back carefully, yawning widely as he did. The baby gave a long tiresome roll, kicking against his skin clearly angry it had to have been woken for something as stupid as biscuits so late at night. He put a hand to the spot, soothing the area carefully.

"Merry Christmas Eve," Sirius said lightly. Looking to the clock on the hearth which read two thirty in the morning, Snape rolled his eyes, reaching over the arm of the sofa for another biscuit.

"You didn't ever go hungry at my place did you?" Sirius asked, watching him chew the biscuit with an over long look of bliss on his face. "You never really woke up at night, did you?"

"Not too bad." Snape admitted. "I wake up plenty of times in the night now, whether or not I actually have the energy to get up and eat is another thing."

"How do you manage at Hogwarts then?" Sirius questioned. "Isn't it bad for pregnant people to eat really big meals? Isn't it more like you eat a bunch of little things all day?"

"House elves are pretty willing to get me anything I want." Snape swallowed, feeling over the same spot on his stomach where the baby was protesting still. Sirius smiled.

"Is he or she kicking again?" He asked, pointing to the spot where Snape was rubbing absentmindedly. Snape withdrew a little, but the baby kicked harder then ever.

"Y-yes." Snape sighed, now placing both hands over his stomach and rubbing harder, as though trying to compact the child. "I hate it," he said without thinking. "I can't get it to stop."

"You can't really hate it." Sirius sniggered in spite of himself. Sweaty, tired, pregnant Severus Snape was just too comical a sight. "It's your baby, isn't it?"

"You try sleeping with what feels like a melon across your gut and you'll see how much you like it." Snape's eyes flashed, but Sirius knew he wasn't really angry. A truly offended Snape would have cursed him or ushered him out of the room so fast he couldn't protest. Instead Snape bit down rather sharply on another biscuit, chewing dramatically as the baby continued to roll.

"May I?" Sirius asked, coming closer to sit by the side of the sofa, dangling his outstretched right hand gently. Snape said nothing but merely stared a Sirius and then back to the hand carefully, as though trying to quickly come up with a suitable excuse.

It was too much now to say no, not with him being the child's father after all. Snape wouldn't be able to do the same once the child was born either, wouldn't be able to validate any hard feelings he had toward the man and deny his child time with it's other parent. As much as he felt ashamed, sometimes unworthy even for admitting Sirius did have a part to play, he couldn't outright refuse the man so much as he could throw him out in the snow for the dementors.

Sirius lay a warm hand on the side of his belly, feeling carefully were Snape had tried to calm the child down unsuccessfully. Snape felt a sort of latent twinge in his chest and he clenched his hands carefully, resting them high on his chest while Sirius's hand explored his front carefully. Snape was once again overwhelmed by how gentle and calming it felt, that someone he had found so crude and arrogant actually had something sweet inside him.

Once again, the baby seemed to instantly shutter, it's movements slowed down as though it was being willed to stillness by the presence of it's other father. Snape closed his eyes, not noticing as Sirius had drawn up his shirt and had started to rub soft circles over the pale taut skin, sending shivers down his spine.

"Have you been using that lotion?" Sirius asked carefully. Withdrawing his hands from their massage to lightly trace over a particularly long and dark stretch mark creeping across his stomach.

"Pardon?" Snape said sleepily, looking down at his stomach which was now bare and peeked out from under Sirius's hands like a small mountain, "I-"

"I'll go get it," Sirius said quickly, stomping back through the living room and up the stairs, mumbling "Accio lotion" from the landing.

Snape blinked, heaving a sigh as he felt suddenly dirty again. The familiar unholy tickle between his legs striking a fever pitch as Sirius reentered the room, holding the expensive bottle in his outstretched hand.

"I read in this book that it's really good for the baby and the mother to get massages. Really calming and stuff." Sirius said gruffly, putting a liberal amount in his hand before rubbing his palms together and looking to Snape carefully again. "You don't mind, do you? I thought you liked it."

Snape's insides were screaming, warring with each other. Part of him wanted to kill Black for getting so close to him and calling him _the mother_,while the other, sleepier and dopey side of him was simply aching to be touched. It felt good, yes, but at what cost? Black couldn't have an ulterior motive, could he? Why was he suddenly lining up to touch his pregnant stomach?

What does it matter! The other part of him thought warmly. It felt heavenly, the baby loved it as well, what's the worst that could happen?

"You-" Snape struggled, clutching at the fabric of his shirt. "If you tell ANYONE,"

Sirius shook his head violently, keeping his lotion covered hands raised as he looked at Snape sincerely. Snape read his gaze and still he could not find any malicious intent behind his eyes. Snape bit his lip, feeling part of his pride crumble and die as he lifted his shirt high and let Sirius touch him.

It was amazing, feeling every part of his body relax carelessly as Sirius began. He stifled a moan as Sirius rubbed every taut and stressed surface, relaxing the tension behind it while the baby settled peacefully, clearly enjoying the attention it got and laying in the most comfortable position. The unwanted twinge in his pants seemed to ache but he was beyond being ashamed of any arousal he felt as he was so tired and relaxed that he could feel nothing but uncontainable euphoria with every careful touch. Sirius said nothing at all, but did feel a little disappointed at the baby's sudden drop in movement.

Snape felt exhausted and let his breathing deepen, so unguarded that he felt he could be drifting to sleep. He felt in the back of his mind a knot coming undone and a feeling of falling as he felt he was existing in darkness.

There was a feeling of triumphant joy and lightness and he could not contain his pleasure as he seemed to writhe and tingle with the ecstasy of it. He felt warm, very warm and safe.

He jumped, as though reacting to falling from a high place. The typical sharp and angry part of himself jolting him awake out of spite. The blanket on top of him jumped a foot in the air and fell back over his legs, he blinked in the sunlight.

It was snowing again and it was hard to tell the time of day as the sky was gray with clouds, looking at the clock on the hearth however, indicated that it was half passed noon, had he really slept on the sofa all night long? It had been a night where the rest seemed to pass in a minute.

Rising up, he instantly knew it was true as he felt his shoulder crack and he winced, stretching carefully. He would regret this most in a few hours, when he was so stiff for sleeping out of bed. Why couldn't Sirius have taken the time to molest him in his own bed?

He did a double take as he realized his living room was slightly out of place. The corner of his living room which was taken up by a large wooden bookshelf and a square window was hidden by a large stained oak baby crib filled with neatly folded evergreen blankets, complete with a large silver bow tied to the corner post.

All the air in Snape's body seemed to diminish as he took in the sight. He rose carefully, setting the blanket down and jerking down his pajama shirt that had ridden up over his stomach. He inched his way toward the crib, reaching out his hands to the front high rail to look into it, feeling his belly lightly bump the side, he imagined the sight of his own child laying in the crib and sleeping peacefully.

It was perfect he thought, better then any crib he could buy in Hogsmede and probably cost twice as much. There were no cheaply cut decorations to the sides and all the edges seemed rounded down and precise, the stain of the wood even complimented the color and feel of his house.

Snape ran a hand over the silver bow which carried a tag, attached with a string which read_ For Severus and Baby, from Sirius Black III_

"S-Sirius?" Snape choked, parting his hair carefully as it had fallen into his face. He waited for a moment listening, wondering exactly what Sirius had got up to in his house, but he could hear on the landing, the sounds of shuffling and the clicking of paws on the stairs as Sirius came into the living room, panting happily. The dog looked at Snape and the crib, simply sitting obediently between the two.

"You?" Snape gestured to the crib and back again, his face slack and dumbfounded, unable to believe. "You did this?"

The dog nodded wisely and Snape made a strange noise, something between a whine and a groan, looking back into the crib to pull up the sheets folded on top of the tiny mattress. Snape looked back to Sirius again.

"For heavens sake! Stop being a dog!"

Sirius barked and returned to his full height, beaming at Snape happily.

"I put it together while you were asleep." He laughed, his gray eyes twinkling slightly, looking strangely youthful, the darkness of Azkaban fading for an instant as he looked at Snape's pale face. "You like it then?"

Snape could only gape at him, half leaning on the crib as Sirius continued to beam at him, looking to the swell of Snape's stomach and regarding it with a loving glow.

"Merry early Chirstmas, Severus," He exclaimed, giving Snape a slight clap on the shoulder before heading out of the room. "I made some cinnamon rolls with what you had lying around if that's alright. They'll be ready in a few minutes."

An early Christmas with Sirius was ironically one of the best Christmas's Snape had had since his early years at Hogwarts where he was able to spend the holidays alone in the library, perhaps receiving a package of fudge from the Evan's family but relishing in the time he had to spend at his leisure in the castle. Since the end of his seventh year, he was lucky to receive a little something from his coworkers, but largely spent his time with Marciana, feeding her treats and keeping down his contempt and annoyance for the holiday as he created lesson plans.

But now, sitting with Sirius in his own living room, he was unable to find complaint or negativity as he ate the warm cinnamon roll and glanced at the crib every few moments as though thinking it might disappear in a puff of smoke.

"I admit I feel rather sorry," Snape said after he had finished his cinnamon roll, setting down his plate and knitting his fingers together. "I haven't got anything for you."

"You think I care?" Sirius barked, licking his fingers of the sugary icing. "I'm out of the house and I'll be finding out about the baby now, won't I? That's enough of a Christmas for me."

Still Snape could not contain a strange feeling of guilt that crept over him as he imagined the price of the crib and it's contents. He had not expected to feel such an emotion for Sirius, even after he had sent him all the gifts before the end of term. Whatever ideas he had of his own rights to deny Sirius any contact with the child seemed to dissipate. There was no decent way he could accept all of this much needed help and then go into hiding just to have the baby to himself, he would feel to dirty, too uncomfortable knowing he would have to tell the child one day that he had run away from it's other father for his own pride.

Snape couldn't always understand his own thoughts, but he knew that he had to think of what was best for the child now. He knew now that something must be worked out, something had to be done.

He laid a hand over his stomach thoughtfully.

"When the baby is born," He began circumspectly, smoothing out the fabric over his belly. "I really will need a little bit of help."

Sirius stopped biting his nails for a moment to look up at Snape, his eyes widening.

"Well," Snape continued, not liking the hungry expression in Sirius's eyes "That book you gave me, the one on newborns, they're going to be..." He paused, trying to think. "Time consuming."

"Well yeah." Sirius said delicately, "I remember how awful it was when my brother was born, he had that thing where babies just never stop crying. Colic or something." Sirius strained to remember, "Anyway he had my parent's run ragged for months cause he was never able to sleep."

Snape tried not to imagine the horror of a constantly crying child he was unable to comfort, but focused instead on what he was trying to get at.

"In any case," He plowed on, continuing to smooth out the fabric as it pilled under his fingers. "I'll probably be rather diminished after giving birth but I'll still have to nurse the child. For that time, I think it would be prudent to-"

"When you say nurse," Sirius interjected "Do you mean like, breastfeed?"

Snape gritted his teeth, willing his good mood not to vanish simply because of the stupid look on Sirius's face.

"Yes," He breathed, his eyes growing slightly cold. "Madame Pomfrey informs me that I am _able_." He stressed the last word such that Sirius bit back any other questions that depreciated Snape's manhood any more.

"As I was saying," He sighed "I will unfortunately be very exhausted during the first weeks of the summer, so it would be wise to organize something that would be mutually beneficial."

"You mean?" Sirius's eyes widened "Like living together?"

"I didn't... mean that." Snape twitched. It was becoming harder and harder to find excuses for him to deny Sirius things he wanted solely on the grounds that it made Snape annoyed seeing his features so delighted. Truthfully, he wasn't sure what he meant, but he knew that there was no room for Sirius at Spinner's End and he was damn sure he didn't want to spend the rest of his life as a father half living out of Grimmauld Place. "There could be a temporary set up which would give us time to organize a more full time living situation while I am working and you are in hiding."

"You could always take time off," Sirius suggested, shrugging a little at the annoyed stare on Snape's face. "I mean it! Really! I have enough money so we could have you take a year off to recover and be with the baby and then maybe go back to work teaching or..." His voice trailed off.

"I have to work at Hogwarts," Snape refuted. Trying to imagine exactly what Dumbledore would say if he wanted to leave for a year and abandon his work in the Order of the Pheonix, as well as his commitment to watching over Potter. "It's... a matter of Order business. I can't just leave my job."

"It was just a suggestion," Sirius shrugged, racking his brains for more ideas. "Did Madame Pomfrey give you an approximate due date?"

"Late May," Snape said, his heart skipping a beat just voicing it aloud. "But she says I can't go by it for sure because I'm, well, not typical." He flushed red for a moment, feeling flustered. He was already half way through the pregnancy and it seemed to have blown by. He had thought it would go by much slower as he initially thought it would feel so detrimental to his life that it would make his year terrible. But as Snape thought, he felt happier then he had been in years. It was an up and down sort of happiness of course, it could accurately be described as an emotional roller coaster. But he could at least have something to look foreword to as his work sometimes was frustrating and unrewarding.

Sirius seemed to realize the close proximity to spring and blinked, heaving a sigh as he stared out the window, deep in thought.

"Harry?"

Ginny had knocked on the door that Harry was currently hiding behind. Half bored and half annoyed, he had come into the empty room with Buckbeak and was feeding him dead mice. Ginny pushed the door open and frowned.

"Are you feeling ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." Harry said, trying to command a convincing half smile as he patted Buckbeak's enormous head. Ginny still frowned, coming into the room and shutting the door behind her, giving a short nod to Buckbeak, who nodded back. "How is your mum doing?"

"Getting kind of annoying actually." Ginny admitted, taking a dead mouse from Harry to offer to the hippogriff. "Seeing as how dad isn't here she's worrying left and right that we won't have a proper christmas. Keeps asking us all if we've got our gifts for him ready, as if we'd forget." She rolled her eyes and Harry smiled.

"What did you get him?"

"Well nothing, I just signed a card that Bill got for him." Ginny laughed. "Fred and George are the only one's that actually have money at the moment, but Hermione said that the hat that she made him could be from the both of us, so technically, I made him a hat."

Harry snorted, feeling a little bad that he had not thought to buy anything for the Weasley's except for Ron. It had slipped his mind since being banned from Quidditch and he couldn't honestly think of a weekend he had free to go shopping in hogsmede with all of his O.W.L practice work.

"You're sure you're feeling alright Harry?" Ginny asked carefully, looking to Harry's pensive face. He nodded carefully, still feeling the jealous aching twinge in his stomach that had led him up to the empty room.

"Is it because of Sirius?" Ginny questioned knowingly, a line appeared between Harry's eyebrows, slightly unnerved by her ability to read him.

"Yeah, well," Harry sighed, his fingers leaving Buckbeaks feathery face to pick up the large wrapped present Sirius had left him before leaving. "It's just that he was so excited to be here for Christmas and now he's off doing stuff." He felt stupid and childish for saying it, but felt better nonetheless having it said. Ginny nodded understandingly.

"It was rather weird," She agreed, petting Buckbeak in Harry's stead as the creature looked up to see why the attention had ceased. "I mean, he's on the run, isn't he? It wouldn't make sense to send him off on Order business when this is the only real safe place for him to be, right?"

"Yeah," Harry agreed. Thinking now, it really didn't add up, Sirius was annoyed all summer he had to be trapped inside, but now he was just allowed to do Order work as freely as Kingsley or Lupin? Harry thought carefully back to Sirius's words on Snape, but couldn't dwell on them.

"Still though, it's just one night, right?" She picked up the gift Sirius had wrapped for Harry, feeling the corners. "I'm almost positive it's a book."

"No kidding." Harry smiled, it was heavy and clearly had pages and a spine just from the way it was wrapped. "It's awful that I probably won't have any time to read it."

"I'm dreading next year." Ginny shook her head, handing the gift back to Harry who set it on the floor. "O.W.L's just sound like torture the way you all have to go through them. I think the only people who stayed mentally intact were Fred and George."

"If you could call them intact to begin with." Harry laughed, Ginny smiled and Buckbeak raised his head, annoyed.

"Wasn't this the room you and Ron stayed in over the summer?" Ginny asked him carefully, feeling the aging carpet and drawing up small bits of dry wall and dirt. I wonder if Kreacher did something to it?"

"I doubt it," Harry said, looking to the stripped wallpaper along the walls. "It's not as though he showed the house that much care anyway. I wonder why it's like this."

Madame Pomfrey arrived promptly at three o clock and Sirius had transformed back into his Black dog form with the instruction to 'behave himself' from Snape. The story was that Snape was dog-sitting while the neighbors were out of town for the holidays, something that wasn't exactly convincing as the neighbors on each side of him had all the lights in the house turned on and company arriving as the sun had began it's slow decent. Snape had out right refused to even lie about owning a dog, not attracted to the typical nature of over nurturing pet owners. So Sirius assumed the name Snuffles for the short time Madame Pomfrey would be visiting and lay in the corner, waiting.

Madame Pomfrey seemed completely unbothered by Snape's last collapse that he was almost stunned by her typical casual air. He supposed it was because she was a little sour, having to be summoned so close to Christmas time, but at the beginning of the appointment she explained it was not very uncommon to feel faint during pregnancy.

"You just need to keep eating and taking your vitamins on time," she sighed, marking off notes on her clipboard as she took his pulse and asked him the usual string of questions.

It wasn't until he had to take off his shirt that he started to realize the full implications of having Sirius in the room while Madame Pomfrey had him sit on the side of the sofa where she put a hand down his back to feel his spine. His eyes followed her progress eerily, almost a little greedily and he resolved to shut his own as she asked him about his health.

"Your spine is looking good for now, has it been bothering you much?"

"Only a little if I'm on my feet too long," he said quietly, feeling her cold hands press into his lower back, right over a knot.

"And your hips?" She tutted, moving to the tight and stretched skin of his sides and outline of his small boxed pelvis.

"Not too bad."

"You will need to tell me the instant it becomes more painful." She said, very seriously. "If I suspect your hips may break or separate from the pressure, it would be much better if we were able to anticipate it, rather then have you misstep one day and find yourself in a considerable amount of pain."

"You think that's really likely?" Snape asked, a slight pang of fear in his voice. Madame Pomfrey shrugged.

"You're just too small Severus," She said, marking off notes on her clipboard again. "If only you had the sense to make broader hips to fit that uterus in." Snape turned a rather violent shade of pink.

She measured him in the usual way and he was shocked to find you had grown an extra 6 inches around his belly since his last appointment. Madame Pomfrey again, found this average.

"You're really going to start feeling the weight soon as the child is going to actually start growing instead of maturing it's internal systems."

"I can't wait for that to happen." Snape said sarcastically, rubbing the bump rather astounded. The fact that the baby itself still weighed under a pound made him feel quite bloated and exhausted.

"Be happy now," Madame Pomfrey said wisely, "Third Trimester is typically the most agonizing and tiresome of the three. You'll have until February to enjoy a good mood before you're too achey and hungry to appreciate the baby much." Sirius's eyes blinked from the right of the sofa.

"How had your libido been?" Madame Pomfrey asked, checking off Snape's measurements. Snape's face went entirely red, very aware of the strangeness of Sirius's gaze as she looked back at him. "Well?"

"In... what manner do you mean?" He tried to to make it innocent but his voice shook. He would only have been slightly more comfortable if Sirius wasn't in the room. He couldn't think of what bearing his answer might hold.

"Do you find yourself sexually aroused?" She asked, an unhelpful darting glance to his genitals. He shook his head sharply, she wrote something down. Snape didn't feel like lying was the best thing to do to his doctor, but he did not want to say anything remotely sexual while Sirius was in the room. It would be too odd if he had only let Sirius come in once they did the gender test, and so he was forced to become flustered and pink anytime Madame Pomfrey asked anything of any private nature.

"So I assume you would like to know the baby's gender then?" Madame Pomfrey asked finally, setting down her clipboard and looking to Snape. Sirius, or Snuffles rather, gave a strange twitch. "Unless you have any more questions of me?"

"I'm healthy and everything then?" Snape asked. "Nothing to be concerned about yet?"

"Your weight is good, you say you feel well. Baby is moving a lot?"

"Too much," Snape moaned, feeling it shuffling around that very moment. Madame Pomfrey smiled at him.

"I think you'll make a great father Severus," She shook her head as though picturing the scene in her mind. "I really do."

Snape was unsure exactly what to say to this, but felt touched regardless. He was glad someone did, as every conversation he had with Dumbledore seemed to infer that he was somehow a little too unwholesome to be a parent alone.

"Well," Snape murmured, "I really would like to know the gender if that's what you can do for me."

"Of course," She said, drawing out her wand and a few sheets of the same paper she had used to give Snape a picture of the child weeks before. Snape laid back over his sofa and she began to feel and palpate his stomach gently with her hand to get a better idea of where the baby was. From the corner, Sirius quietly got to his feet and crept closer to the sofa, his cold nose touching Snape's trousers.

"He's curious, isn't he?" Madame Pomfrey laughed, giving him a little pat on the head. "He's very well mannered, didn't even bark at me when I arrived."

"Yes..." Snape said carefully, a little irritated that Sirius felt he had to be up close in the action. He only sat panting however, his eyes looking from Madame Pomfrey to Snape and to his belly carefully, waiting. Madame Pomfrey nodded after a minute of feeling and raised her wand around the area, tracing and outlining around the skin.

Snape could feel his heart pounding very hard now, it had been difficult to keep his excitement down throughout the day, but now he was here, at this very moment. He would know within minutes if the baby was a boy or a girl. Thoughts flashed through his mind, excited merry imaginings of what could be. It was what he had craved all month long, the ability to refer to his stomach, his baby, as something more then an it or a fetus.

Sirius was having trouble holding it in as well as even as a dog he was licking his lips and looking to Madame Pomfrey more carefully, as though willing her to hurry up.

Then, she gently tapped the paper and the slight outline of a baby began to appear, still slightly ambiguous and difficult to understand, but certainly larger and more defined then the picture Snape and Sirius alike had been staring at for weeks. Madame Pomfrey held it up to the light, her eyes narrowed as she studied. Snape's heart was beating so fast he felt it might be audible to all in the room.

"Well," Madame Pomfrey said, bringing her finger up to the photo and tracing a small area. "I think it's obvious now."

"Really?" Snape could not contain himself, the greedy longing in his voice was strong and strained, not like his usual voice at all, Madame Pomfrey smiled back.

"It's a boy," She laughed, the joy and rapturous excitement in Snape's heart threatened to overwhelm him as he gave an audible cry of mirth, tears leaking down his face before he could wipe them away and sure enough the baby kicked strong and hard, a boy. Sirius gave a very strange whining bark and then proceeded to chase his tail.

"He's a big boy so you're going to be in for it for the next few weeks." Madame Pomfrey nodded, giving him the picture to study and patting the dog on the head again. Sirius licked her whole hand graciously and she swatted him away as he began to bound and bark. Snape didn't even care, too fixed on staring at the new picture he had to hold, proof of his baby, his son.

Madame Pomfrey made duplicates of the photos by tapping a few pieces of paper in turn and promised to mail them out as soon as she used the fixative potion on them. She waved, disappearing into the grate and returning to Hogwarts, not but a second later Snape heard a pop and a joyous cry.

"A BOY!" Sirius roared, pounding his fist in the air. There were tears in his eyes as well but he did not try to wipe them away as Snape merely sat, overwhelmed by it all, on the sofa. "A BOY!"

It was now more real then ever, he thought, cradling his belly with closed eyes as the baby moved inside him. It was now a real life human being, no longer a sea monkey or simply a group of cells. It was his son, his unborn and active son. To be born in late spring.

"A SON!" Sirius continued to roar, now in the kitchen, shouting as if to tell the whole neighborhood as he stomped upstairs and down, unable to do anything with himself but be excited and proud.

Snape felt relieved now, not as though he would have mourned a daughter, but simply glad to be done with the whole ordeal of waiting and wondering. Having all the information meant he could start to plan and figure out the rest of the outline for preparing his life for the baby.

He felt great, better then great. Unstoppable as he thought not of the Order of the Pheonix or Voldemort and the death eaters, but solely the future of his son. He would go to Hogwarts and Snape would take him to Diagon Alley to buy his books and wand. He would be sorted at Hogwarts, _surely a Slytherin_, he thought blissfully, imagining how proud he would feel watching from the staff table as his son sat to accept the sorting hat.

It wouldn't matter if he was a Gryffindor, Snape thought proudly. Sirius's words echoing from around the house. "A SON! I'M GOING TO HAVE A SON!"

* * *

><p><strong>It's a miracle! More words!<strong>

**These chapters have been dreadfully easy to write so it hasn't been too hard to push it out. I typically write bits and bits with each review I get from the chapter proceeding it, but this time I got like three reviews and was like FUCK IT and wrote eight pages. I hope it doesn't feel too rushed. The ending feels sorta like the ending to a shmaltzy Christmas movie. **

**Again, keep reviewing and all that junk, I might take a few days off just to sort of collect my thoughts. I need to think through the rest of Snape's winter break before I try to write much more down or else I might screw up the plot later on. Have any thoughts? Suggestions perhaps for where this should be going? By all means give me your two cents. Regardless of how thought out this sorta feels, it's really not. I think everyone who reviewed this wanted Snape to have a boy and I wrote him having a boy. Your opinion is power.**

**Review and stuff. **


	15. Gone Awry

Winter break passed with little interruption since the breaking news of the baby's gender, at least in comparison to the beginning as Snape had spent it waking from a fainting fit in a foreign home. Christmas day itself went by as any typical day Snape had away from the castle as Sirius had returned to Grimmauld Place leaving Snape alone to his house. Dumbledore sent the final exams to Snape's residence for him to grade, included with a box of Honeydukes chocolates and a congratulatory card.

Snape had immediately trashed the annoying thing after opening it, wondering exactly how the meddlesome old man had found out his news so quickly, before he remembered quickly who Madame Pomfrey really was working for.

True to her word, she had sent the picture of the baby she had recorded along, stuffed between potions finals from fourth years and he sat for a long while between grading the tests simply looking at the picture, then comparing it to his first one.

The baby had become immediately restless since Sirius had left and he was finding it difficult to concentrate and sit still while he kicked mercilessly against any internal structure he could. Snape found now that talking became the only means of calming him down unless Sirius was there. He would rub his stomach passively and read out student's test answers as he graded them, allowing him at least some time to sit and to think while the baby moved only every now and then.

It was nice to have a little certainty that his students were passing by alright in his classes as he sat, curled on his sofa, watching the muggle light displays outside flashing every now and then. Despite his condition it could be said that he got all of his students by just the same, which was what his job was depending on, now that Umbridge was weeding teachers out. He would now begin the tedious task of going back through his original lesson plans and ensuring there was in fact time to do all the course work he had set out to do for the next term, with the fifth and seventh years on a priority basis.

He wondered though, as he sat staring at the blinking lights with a cup of tea warming his hands, how Sirius was getting by at Grimmauld place. It was curious to him, nothing more, the expression on Sirius's face as he walked through the grate. The strained glance in Snape's direction with the usual flick to his midriff, weighed heavy on his mind as he remembered just how quiet his house could be when he was all alone.

"If you don't settle down I'm going to miscarry you." Snape threatened, drumming his fingers over his belly anxiously. It had been the one thing Sirius had been useful for, it was settling the baby down when he was becoming restless. Good for the both of them really, as it was so good at putting him to sleep that he forgot his almost constant headache to feel comfortable for once.

He imagined Sirius at Grimmauld Place, exchanging gifts with Lupin and Potter and all the extended Weasley family, perhaps forgetting his now assured responsibility toward Snape and the baby.

"I'll see you again, won't I?" Sirius had said before turning to the grate, the strained look in his eye ever prominent. "Before you have to go back to Hogwarts?"

"I suppose you'll have to." Snape said, trying to work out his own emotions as he fought with himself once again. There was part of him that was screaming for privacy, wanting to finally have a little time to himself since he had been denied it at Grimmauld Place, yet Sirius's company meant feeling a little more secure. Strained surely, but he felt at the very least that deep down, everything was going to be alright. There were two of them now, two clued into the baby's life and having two meant that they weren't alone in being parents.

Misery loves company, Snape thought strangely, watching Sirius transform and disappear in the whirling grate.

He was still on the whole confused as to what to do with the crib that was still standing in Snape's living room. It would have to be shrunk to fit through many of the doorways leading upstairs to any space Snape could even think about transforming into a nursery, but Snape felt a little conflicted each time he tried to conceive of making a child's bedroom out of the one he himself had used. It was not so much maudlin or sentimental feelings over coming him, but the notion that he might not want to start a family in Spinners End.

Surely, Grimmauld Place was out of the question as Snape didn't want his child's life impeded by Order meetings or Lord Voldemort's secrets, if he could help it anyway. He was also confused about Sirius's intentions in assembling the crib in Snape's house and what that meant for the baby's final arrangements. Had he given Snape the go ahead to keep in Spinners End? Or was he simply just trying to pass on the gift he had given Snape in a more meaningful way then simply handing him a box with instructions for a quick assembly spell?

It was easier, as it always was, to simply plug away mindlessly at exam papers then bother himself with trying to interpret the actions of another human being. When his mind did seem to wander, as it often did these days, he would start going over names in his head, names that would be suitable for a child between him and Sirius.

He wasn't really interested much in naming the child after one of his own relatives and didn't think Sirius was either. Judging by the way he openly twitched at the mention of his family or his brother, Snape couldn't imagine him bothering to come up with a relative in the Black family line that he would insist on honoring.

He wondered again if the name Evan might be at all linked to Lily in the mind of Sirius, but thought it unlikely, considering it was a fairly common name for boys. He didn't feel very interested in giving his son an unusual name, given the events surrounding his own conception would probably be strange enough without naming him after a constellation or an ancient god, that was assuming Voldemort had nothing to contribute.

The more Snape thought about it now, the more he was nervous to be seeing Voldemort at the weeks end. The idea initially hadn't scared him as much as he had Sirius to deal with and between the two wizards, he somehow found Voldemort easier to talk to. Voldemort he could at least lie to easily, being a fantastic legilimens. Lying to Sirius put a very guilty feeling in his head and as hard as he tried to fight it, he could not pretend that it was not comforting to have Sirius worrying about him and the baby.

Voldemort would surely want to be more involved now, now that the baby was a definite and growing thing. He would perhaps ask Snape to see him multiple times before the baby's birth, perhaps even find a way to get Snape to him the moment he began to go into labor.

But then, he thought, with a little relief coming into his heart, Voldemort didn't care much for babies or intense childbirth. The dark lord was not after a relationship, but an heir and the idea of Voldemort loving something, even something he thought could be his child; was preposterous.

Nobody is taking you away now, Snape thought. Finally setting down his quill to slump back in his chair and rest a sore hand over the baby. He'd go far away, go on the run if he had to to escape Voldemort to ensure the safety of the child. If he got the slightest inkling that he was going to use it in some scheme of dark magic or possess it to contaminate it's soul he'd disregard even his obligation to Dumbledore to live in the woods if he had to.

He'd die just like Lily, he thought with a slight trembling in his hands at the thought. He had never understood why she had done it, regardless of how it had protected Potter from Voldemort. Her selfless sacrifice of her own life to save her child had seemed reckless and foolish and it broke his heart to see Potter now, knowing she could never come back. But now he knew and although the knowledge didn't comfort him in the slightest, he could at least admire Lily for doing as he would have done.

He remembered with a jolt something Lily had said to him at Hogwarts, and the memory almost made him want to laugh if he wasn't so depressed in thinking of her. They had been in the library doing some homework, it was their fourth year and Lily had asked him the most random question. She sometimes had done that, gone quiet for a few moments deep in thought, staring into space as Snape would either be reading or simply admiring how pretty she could be, then she would ask or say something completely irrelevant leaving Snape to blink and stutter a reply.

"Do you like kids, Sev?" She had asked quite plainly, "I mean do you think you would ever have any?"

"What?" He snapped his book shut very seriously, turning pink as Lily looked to him, her head cocked to the side with her green eyes still deep in thought. "I dunno, probably not I suppose."

"Really?" She laughed. "Isn't that the ambition of all Slytherins? To have lots of pureblood children and propagate the race?"

"I'm only half blood, you know that." Snape whispered, looking around to see if anyone was looking and turning more red. "Why? Why are you even asking? You want kids?"

"Probably. I'm not really sure I guess." Lily shrugged. "I think I do, but there are so many things I'd like to do with my life, you know? I don't want having children to hold me back."

Snape nodded, not really paying attention as he flipped through his book again trying to find his place where he had snapped it shut.

"But kids are so cute, you know? Little babies. It would be so nice to have one once I'm the proper age and all."

"Yeah," Snape said without much thought. "Babies are cute."

Had that been what she thought when she knew she was pregnant? Snape thought wondrously over the half remembered conversation. Was she glad she had become pregnant or sad to know that she could not do more with her life? But then she had married young anyway, he thought bitterly, thinking awfully of James's sneering face.

The baby gave a sleepy twist inside and he stifled a yawn, tired himself. Lily probably was just as scared as he was, having a baby when there was a war going on and siding with the Order. He rose from his chair and stretched, giving the christmas lights one last look before striding up the stairs to his bedroom to go to sleep.

It had been an alright year, he thought sleepily. For Lord Voldemort returning in the spring and being completely thrust out of his comfort zone, he had done alright.

More and more owls arrived at his house the next day, bearing cards and gifts from teachers at the school who Dumbledore must have revealed the sex of the baby to. It was hard to be angry when he felt a little touched that any of them cared enough to send him gifts when they were all under the eye of the ministry or and off with their own families during the holidays. They were all just cards with gift certificates to the Mother & Me store in Hogsmede, but Snape felt pleased nonetheless that he had at least 50 galleons worth of credit to the store.

It was becoming increasingly obvious that he was pregnant now however and he wondered how long he could go without using a disillusionment charm and still appear to be just a regular man buying baby clothes. After buying food from the grocery store to set him up through the rest of the week, he had simply taken to wearing an old stretched out tank top and taken to wandering around his house wrapped in his duvet to keep from getting cold. Even the maternity clothes he had purchased weeks and weeks ago that felt loose when he got them in the mail were now a little too tight and chafed his skin while he made lunch and curled up in a book on his sofa. It would have been easier if he hadn't been so thin and spindly to begin with, but he was rather glad he wasn't getting any added fat on his legs or forearms, even if it did look like he was carrying a large tumor in his stomach.

He knew however that he would only become more and more ungainly and had trained himself very hard not to dwell on the idea and so he was able to grade all of his exam papers with undistracted ease over the course of Boxing day. The baby had made peace with him enough to allow him hours of undisturbed activities and only took to moving around or kicking aimlessly when he began to feel hungry or sat motionless for too long.

Christmas break was not as luxuriously quiet for the Malfoy's that year, as they had agreed rather tentatively about allowing the dark lord time at their estate to oversee a few important tasks. While Narcissa had been planning to take Draco to Diagon Alley to get his broom reassessed and do Christmas shopping, they had been cut short by Lucius's strict instructions to stay home and assist Lord Voldemort with anything he might need while he himself was away at the ministry. This upset Narcissa greatly but her displeasure went largely unnoticed as she was forced to cater to the various death eaters that were coming and going during the day.

"It should be an honor to you!" Bellatrix chided as she helped Narcissa clean the fine china they had laid out the night before for a lavish Christmas dinner with her cousin, Wormtail, and the dark lord himself. "All of these expensive gifts and heavy food is nothing without those who are important to us sissy, that is what Christmas is really all about."

"Yes, but it was such a disappointment to Draco." Narcissa scowled, she hated doing any manual labor and still to that day had not forgiven Lucius for accidentally freeing Dobby. "You know that we don't get to see him much and he's been needing his broom checked for ages."

Bellatrix snorted, brooms to her clearly were a commodity she didn't have time for. Since breaking out of Azkaban the intensity in her eyes had not wavered but became more cold and forceful. It clearly sickened her how her cousin lived with an unrestricted elegance that held no accountability.

"He will learn," Bellatrix said "That there are more important things than quidditch and Christmas candies. Once he becomes a proper death eater and has a real purpose in this world, he will come to understand that there are some things worth compromising."

Narcissa said nothing but washed the dish she was holding with more intensity, biting her lip and forcing back the words she wanted to say, but could not speak as just a floor above The Dark Lord was talking to McNair. The last thing she wanted to make him think was that she was anything but grateful having their holidays intruded upon.

"Where is Draco anyway?" Bellatrix asked, closing the cabinet which contained all of Narcissa's best plates. Narcissa looked out the window to the extended balcony where the peacocks were all resting in their cages under the snow covered wooden awning.

"He must be removing the snow from the drive." Narcissa shrugged. "Lucius asked him to do it today, said he would give him some pocket money if he did it."

"You make him shovel the whole drive?" Bellatrix sounded infuriated at this thought, as though her sister had suggested child abuse.

"You know we can't condone him to use magic outside of school." Narcissa sighed. "His father works for the ministry, how do you think that would look?"

"Well he's not a muggle, Sissy," Bellatrix scoffed, "You shouldn't treat him like that."

Narcissa laughed a bit in spite of herself before she could hear footsteps from the front door and the unmistakable sounds of snow being kicked off onto the rug.

"Is that you Draco?" Bellatrix asked, walking to the doorframe where Draco stood, unbuttoning his jacket. His cheeks were rosy and his hair slightly wet from sweat and melted snow.

"I did it," Draco answered back. "Good enough at least, it's not like we got a car or anything to drive through it but at least the gates will move back and forth now."

"Thank you so much dear," Narcissa fumbled with her small black purse, drawing out a tiny pouch. She handed Draco some money and he smiled greedily, putting it into his pants pocket. "There are some sugar cookies made in the tin on the drawing room table if you want some. Your father should be home soon-"

She stopped as she noticed the thing standing behind Draco, a stooped and old house elf she had almost mistaken for Dobby if it weren't for it's hooked and slanted nose and dark beady eyes.

"Oh yeah," Draco began as an after thought. "I found him coming up the drive just as I finished. Says he apparated here and wants to speak to you. He says he's called Kreacher."

"A house elf?" Bellatrix came foreword in front of Narcissa, "Who owns you, elf?"

"Kreacher came from the ancient and most noble house of Black, miss. Kreacher is here as his master has ordered him away and Kreacher lives to serve those closest to his family, miss."

"Black?" Bellatrix's eyes bulged with curiosity and a sick grin came across her face. "You came from Sirius Black, didn't you elf?"

"Yes miss," Kreacher almost smiled. "Kreacher was ordered away from the house and so he has decided to come here to serve until such a time when his master will order him back, miss."

Bellatrix turned to Narcissa who looked a little revolted to see the house elf standing in her doorway, looking like a bad taxidermy. The rags he was wearing didn't do much to cover up the wrinkly old gray skin that hung on his small arms.

"Draco, go now." Bellatrix ordered a little harshly, turning away from her nephew to grab hold of Kreacher by the wrist. "Into the kitchen, elf."

Draco scowled, annoyed clearly that he had even thought to bring the elf inside. Narcissa went with Bellatrix and the elf into the kitchen, unsure exactly what her sister was thinking.

"Would you like a glass of water, perhaps milk?" Bellatrix offered with intense sweetness in her voice. Narcissa gritted her teeth as Bellatrix reached for one of their own fine glasses to offer to the elf. His face lit up with astonishment, but shook his head, bowing deeply.

"Mistress is very kind but Kreacher could not." The elf said, his ears flapping madly. "Kreacher is not worthy of miss's kindness."

Too right you're not, Narcissa thought, leaning against the counter as Bellatrix smiled anyway, replacing the glass in it's shelf.

"Well now, Kreacher," She began, showing everyone of her white teeth as she smiled sweetly, "Can you tell me where Sirius Black is?"

Kreacher looked from Bellatrix to Narcissa quickly, clearly not expecting to be questioned. Hesitantly, he shook his head, not drawing away from Bellatrix's intent and forceful gaze.

"Well, then can you tell me where the Order of the Pheonix is?" She probbed harded this time. "Where is their hideout, Kreacher?"

Kreacher once again shook his head, a hint of fear in his beady eyes now as Bellatrix's smile vanished, her eyes now fierce.

"It's no use," Narcissa knew "They probably have used the fidelius charm. Kreacher couldn't tell you if he wanted."

"I am deeply sorry, miss." Kreacher bowed again, this did little to enthuse Bellatrix, who seemed to be out of questions for the elf. She conjured herself her own drink and began to drink, annoyed. Narcissa looked pensive however, she knew there was probably something the elf did know and could reveal that might be of some value to them. The elf may have been forbidden, but from the excitement he got from seeing praise from Bellatrix, there may be a way to worm it out of him.

"What can you tell us about Sirius?" Narcissa tried curiously, looking to the elf without much more the revulsion in her mind. "We know he is an animagus, and is most likely in hiding, do you see him everyday?"

The elf nodded enthusiastically, happy his information could be of some use. Bellatrix looked down over her glass at the elf.

"What does he do for the order?" Bellatrix tried, her long fingernails rapping on her glass. It seemed almost too fortunate that a spy inside the Order of the Pheonix would simply turn up on their doorstep. Even if Kreacher could not explicitly say certain key details, he couldn't be entirely useless.

"Mister Sirius Black keeps to hiding on most days." Kreacher said clearly, now looking from the two witches carefully. "Now he is joined by others to celebrate the holidays, most specifically, the blood traitor and mudblood lover, Harry Potter."

"And are they close?" Bellatrix asked carefully. "Do they regard each other with some familiarity?"

"Yes miss," Kreacher nodded. "Mr. Sirius Black is very taken with the young traitor and they are very close with each other."

For some reason, this greatly pleased Bellatrix, which pleased Kreacher in turn. She giggled and Kreacher smiled back, as though being praised for his good work.

"But what does he do?" Narcissa pressed quickly. "For the order, what use could he possibly have?"

"Master Sirius Black watches over the headquarters while the other blood traitors and filth are away." Kreacher said happily, "Master Black will feed his hippogriff often and entertain evenings alone unless he is with the werewolf scum."

"That's all?" Narcissa asked skeptically. She knew of Black's ability for dueling and fast magic as she had attended Hogwarts around the same time. It was obvious that he wouldn't be around much in the open, yet she was sure there had to be some better use put to his abilities.

"Master Sirius Black often cleans during the day and at night will make dinner for guests." Kreacher pressed on, his eyes darting as he struggled to remember every detail of Sirius's life that Kreacher was aware of. "Master Black is also eagerly awaiting the arrival of his baby."

"Baby?" Narcissa blurted, "What baby?"

"The baby he prepares for everyday with cleaning." Kreacher continued. "The baby he is having with Severus Snape."

Narcissa blinked, taken aback by the elves words. It had to be wrong, it was impossible, even with magic, but Bellatrix gave out a roar that sounded like an enraged dragon. The voices of The dark lord and McNair upstairs grew silent and Bellatrix's wand shot out red sparks.

"Bella?" Narcissa asked startled. "What's wrong Bella, what is this about?"

"That filthy cousin of mine and the traitor!" She screamed, Kreacher cowered with a saucepan that had been sitting on the stove top and he began to mercilessly beat himself with it. Narcissa grabbed the elf, more worried for her pan then the damage any blow might create and grabbed her sister's shoulder with her free hand.

"What are you talking about Bella?" She shook her so hard she was ripped from her tirade. Narcissa hoped the voices upstairs would continue, she didn't want Lord Voldemort to become angry with her.

"He lied!" Bellatrix spat, calming slightly under Narcissa's horrified looks. "Severus Snape! He lied to The Dark Lord! I knew it! He cannot be trusted!"

"But what's this about a baby?" Narcissa spluttered, keeping a firm grip on the saucepan as the elf stared transfixed by what his words had done. "What is he talking about a baby for? How are Snape and Black involved at all?"

Bellatrix said nothing but freed herself from her sisters grasp to turn to run out of the room for the banister in the entry way. Tears forming in her eyes as she ran.

**FIVE O CLOCK, TONIGHT. ALONE. **

Snape's heart skipped a beat as he found the note from Lucius Malfoy, mistaking it at first for a letter from another teacher congratulating him. The words were bold and menacing, not at all inviting or calming to him. He then realized with a jolt that he only had fifteen minutes until The Dark Lord would come to his own house, thus he had to hide all of his cards and christmas wishes along with the still standing crib filled with baby blankets before anyone arrived. He shrank them all down and hid them behind a book case before hurrying to clean at break neck speed.

It was strange and made him very nervous, hadn't the original plan been friday? Why were they suddenly coming here now? On Monday? Something must be out of place and Snape didn't know what to expect.

The baby was responding in turn by becoming decidedly anxious as well. He quickly combed his hair and changed into suitable attire before organizing the stack of exams covering the kitchen table and gathering stray books that had wandered off their shelves.

_Please let it be brief_, he thought, doing up the buttons on his wrists but leaving open the front of his shirt as his stomach was too full to cover up properly. He could be changed back into his pajamas in a heartbeat once they were gone and it would all be over. He cleared his mind carefully, forcing any thoughts of Sirius or the baby to the back, meditating on his calm and sturdy demeanor. He was an occlumens, this would be easy.

An apparating pop from the drawing room shook him slightly but it did not let him startle his posture as he made his way down the stairs. It was Voldemort, dressed plainly in his black robes. Alone.

"Severus," He half smiled as Snape stood in the door way, bowing slightly with a hand over his stomach. "And baby."

Voldemort stepped foreword to see him and hover a careful hand over the swell of Snape's stomach, the baby, who moments ago had been kicking lightly, seemed to recoil. Snape tried to smile, tried to look slightly bemused or grateful that Voldemort was there, but the most he could do was keep the pale dread from entering his face at the sight of Voldemort's red eyes. They conflicted strangely as they looked furious.

"Shall we sit?" Voldemort offered him his own chair. "You look weary. I would not want to keep you on your feet so long."

"I feel alright." Snape choked, but took the seat nonetheless. Voldemort remained standing, taking in the smell and slight dinginess of Snape's living room, crowded with books. Snape noticed his right hand was tucked around his wand as he walked, observing the volumes carefully, he felt chilled.

"Is everything alright my lord?" Snape asked carefully, watching Voldemort as he peered to the windows which Snape had drawn curtains around. "I believe we were to meet this friday, is that still so?"

"No I am afraid not, Severus." Voldemort said coldly. "I had agreed with Lucius to have a meeting at his estate, while I was under the understanding that I would be meeting with the bearer of my child."

Snape's stomach seemed to flip over, spilling its cold contents as he found it hard to breathe. His face remained passive however, neutral as he followed the slits of Voldemort's eyes.

"You have reason to believe otherwise?" Snape asked quietly, knowing he should at least be sure of whatever it was that Voldemort did or did not know before he told the truth himself.

"I have reason to be suspicious," Voldemort hissed, his wand hand made more apparent as he turned, his dark robes forking into pools against the hard wood of the floor. Snape remained unreadable.

"Word came to me directly from the Order of the Pheonix today from a house elf which is currently bound to the Black family." Voldemort began, his slits bearing down on Snape with lethal intensity. "The elf itself had problems divulging certain details about the order and was forced to apparate before I could speak to it personally, but this elf did talk about his master."

Snape stopped his mind from trying to curtail into a thousand directions at the mention of Sirius and continued to gaze raptly at Voldemort, as though his words were interesting and suspicious to him as well.

"This elf told the Malfoy's that Black was doing his part to plan for the birth of his son." Voldemort whispered, now merely a foot away from Snape. His eyes now looking to Snape's belly. The baby was making a fuss. Snape blinked.

"It's a story I've had to tell Dumbledore." Snape sighed, doing his best to force his face into one of carelessness. "As it became evident that I was pregnant I confounded Black to make the story believable and to protect your son."

Snape had said the magic word, forcing Voldemort out of his reckless building rage to stop at the word _son. _His features softened slightly, his eyes, still angry became shrouded in a sort of victorious pride.

"So you thought it wise to fake the parentage yet push the responsibility on a wizard who is wanted by the law?" Voldemort asked skeptically, "Surely you could have confounded any wizard or muggle even to play the part of your partner, but you landed on Sirius Black?"

"It was the easiest way to keep Dumbledore occupied." Snape said without missing a beat. "His affinity for love from adversity blinds him so."

"And yet you disregard the rest of the wizarding world?"

"Dumbledore is the only serious problem." Snape said cooly. The baby kicked lightly, as if to object. Voldemort grinned again.

"You do not expect Black to become a problem in the near future?" Voldemort asked, twirling his wand now in between his long bony hands. "You cannot expect his curse to last much longer after the baby is born? Surely it would be easier to disassociate yourself from him as soon as the baby is born."

"It will depend on the climate surely," Snape said, responding to the sprinkling of truth rising to the surface. "If Black's purpose is served and Dumbledore is convinced enough than I may fare well enough on my own." Snape thought guiltily about the 50 galleons that were still unspent at the bottom of his trunk.

"Nevertheless," Voldemort said, the chill in his voice becoming stronger again. "It is not my wish to have my son raised by the likes of him. I have allowed you your time and privilege to parent, but no other. When the time comes, he will be killed. Do not forget that Severus."

"Of course not, my lord." Snape shook his head. Voldemort peered down to Snape's belly again, outlining the word son in his mouth as the slits became greedy. Snape closed his eyes, part of him half reliving the terrifying night with Voldemort in which he had tried to conceive, but was foiled.

"We will meet again, before easter." Voldemort declared, standing to his full height and drawing his cloak around him more tightly. "I will give you a full check up and we will discuss the birth. You will contact me if you have reason to believe you are unwell, do you understand?"

"Of course my lord," Snape nodded his head, unable to bow much sitting down with his stomach taking up his lap. Voldemort nodded back, then without farewell, apparated on the spot.

Almost instantly, without any other thought tracing his mind, Snape felt vomit rise in his throat and he gagged as he threw up over the living room floor. He heaved, tears forming in his eyes as his heart pumped fit to burst inside his chest. The baby kicked listlessly.

It must have been the stress, he thought, shaking. He reached for his wand to clean up the mess, he blew his nose on a tissue and wiped his eyes. The entire time he felt like he was about to be eaten or killed on the spot.

He had done the best he could, truth be told. Lying to Voldemort was becoming much more hard as he was so emotionally invested in it now. If he had said anything more or less it could have become very suspicious, but if there was the slightest chance Snape was bearing his child, Voldemort couldn't torture or poison him. He was safe so long as he was pregnant.

But this new lie, he thought, blowing his nose again. This could mean much more trouble for him and Sirius if they were supposed to be sharing custody. The safest thing for them to do could very well be to stay apart.

Was he really developing feelings for Sirius? Was he really going to start caring about the man's safety? Less then a moment ago he had just waved off the idea of Sirius dying with ease, why did it hurt to think that now?

_It's what I get for lying and sleeping around_, Snape thought sourly, looking at the stain on his carpet, which was simply wet now. Did he dare tell Sirius what had just happened?

Tears leaked down his cheeks without notice or much care as the feeling began to sink in. Sirius could not see the child, could not have custody unless he wanted to risk all of their lives. Sirius was hated by the wizarding world and death eaters alike.

He thought angrily of the house elf, unsure of the name of the wretch who had just undone his half formed plans. Why hadn't they just killed the thing off before using Grimmauld Place for the order?

Snow began to fall again and fill the window panes. The christmas lights from the muggles next door gleamed bright but brought no warmth or comfort to his heart. It was hard to believe less then an hour ago he felt very optimistic about his life.

* * *

><p><strong>Goodness, I've been busy. Distracted, more like it. But occupied. I plowed through the first book in the Hunger Games Trilogy (Not super impressed, but entertained) and I just finished the first season of Sherlock which I'm really contemplating doing a fic for once this one is finished. <strong>

**This one was hard to write too as I'm having difficulty trying to get all the plot in one line, keeping everyone in character and making it some what entertaining. **

**I passed the 100,000 word mark though. Damn has it gone by that fast?**

**Anyways, hope you liked it! **


	16. The Fork in the Road

"I just don't understand." Sirius's voice was muffled by his hands, his low growl seemed distant, almost lethargic, but Snape could tell he was close to holding back tears. The thought of it made him sick, like a headache was about to start and the back of his throat felt slick and greasy.

Snape had returned to Grimmauld Place before the end of break, reminded by Dumbledore that he was to be teaching Potter Occlumency, he had neglected to tell the boy for the duration of the break. Now at Grimmauld Place, he was forced to see Sirius again.

He could not tell him what had happened with Voldemort, not the full story anyway, as his relations with them were already rocky enough without telling them that the Dark Lord apparated into his living room. It would also take quite a bit of courage to tell Sirius that the only reason Voldemort was planning to allow Snape's story to work, was because he intended to murder Sirius before he could see the child.

"It's... just until your name is cleared." Snape said lowly, willing the man just to look up and drag himself out of the shelter of his hands. "It's just too risky now, Lucius Malfoy recognized you as a dog and I don't think it's smart having you outside to begin with."

"You don't think I'm trustworthy at all, do you?" Sirius barked, the tears in his eyes retracted and replaced with an angry red. "You can't use that as an excuse! I'm doing it for you!"

"But it's irresponsible." Snape countered, feeling the mounting weight of the money and the crib and all the other gifts Sirius had given him hanging on his words. It was indeed low, but Snape knew it was for the best. The less Sirius had to do with the baby, the safer they all were.

"I don't get it," Sirius said again, biting his lip. "I leave you for a week and then you decide I can't be in it at all, how is that your choice? I thought we had started to agree on something! I thought we were figuring out how we could make this work!"

"Perhaps you could try thinking of the baby." Snape snapped back, angry at Black now for not realizing what he was trying to save him from. "If Voldemort knows you're into this, he'll have you killed! He could even threaten me and the baby! The last thing he wants is his child dangling around the Order of the Pheonix."

"BUT IT'S NOT HIS CHILD! HE'S MINE!" Sirius slammed his fist on the table, making the plates clatter as they vibrated in their place. Snape did not move, his blood pounding in his ears as he forced himself not to simply jinx the man and walk out. How could he think Sirius would understand? He was a selfish domineering fool who was about as capable of seeing anything from Snape's point of view as was a blast ended skrewt.

It was at that moment that Potter entered the room, looking back and forth at the two men who were staring at each other with pure anger. Snape explained Occlumency to Potter between Sirius's own snide remarks before making use of Sirius's fireplace to return to Hogsmede, as Hogwarts fires were being watched.

It was difficult not to cry as he walked up the vacant snowy paths leading up the castle, his breath caught in the air between gasps as he did a sort of half-waddle up hill. He was upset with Sirius and his situation with Voldemort, upset he felt that he was now back to square one- forced to consider living life alone, on his own money without the assistance of anyone, angry he hadn't already begun saving money for the baby just in case something fell through, and especially mad at how ridiculous he looked trying to walk so far up the castle as pregnant as he was.

The last day before the term started, very few people were walking around the castle with the exception of Professor Trelawney mumbling to herself and a few sixth years that had stayed behind, sitting by the marble stairs talking amongst themselves.

What he wanted most was to be in his room, isolated before the students could arrive and in an environment close to his own home. He detoured to the dungeons however, intent to drop off the graded exams as well as check and see if his potion ingredients for the second term had arrived yet.

Two large wooden crates stacked by his desk made him breathe a sigh of relief as he set down his travelers bag on his desk and began to open the boxes.

Teaching the next day felt like nothing short of torture, he could at least enjoy the prospect of fresh roots and dried beetles, he was not in the mood to break the students into their usual selves and stamp out any raucous holiday cheer that would probably manifest itself in talking loudly during lectures and eating during class. He wouldn't even have time to shell out detentions with Potter's occlumency lessons and frankly didn't care much to sit for more hours with student he detested while he felt exhausted around five o clock each day.

He would have to readjust his sleep schedule all over again, he thought miserably as he shook out an old vial of snake skin that had gone stale to replace it in the shared cabinet. At this rate the year was off to quite a terrible start. Then with a jolt, he realized he would be turning thirty-six in less then ten days.

So much for a happy birthday, he thought bitterly, knowing there would be little to recognize on the date as no one ever paid much attention to his birthday and he was certain Sirius didn't know it. Not that it mattered much as he stopped paying attention to his birthday when Lily stopped giving him gifts.

Snape grew more and more angry as he looked through the crates, recalling how rude and uncouth Sirius had been to him as he had been talking to Potter, if it weren't for Mr. Weasley arriving from St. Mungo's he suspected the situation would have become much worse. The nerve of the man, almost drawing out his wand to the carrier of his son.

A rapping knock of the dungeon door made him turn sharply from the crate to see the small form of Professor Umbridge smiling down on him, she was dressed in a white cardigan today and had a shiny brooch pinned to her chest alongside her inquisitorial pin.

"You have come back for the start of term Professor?" She beamed at him in the same sickly way, taking in his bulgy stomach as he stood up again, supporting himself with his desk. Snape shifted uncomfortably.

"Yes, I had just arrived." He said cooly. He did not like the intent gaze she pressed on him.

"You are feeling better now then? Why was it you left before the end of term? Madame Pomfrey-"

"I was ill," Snape snapped, a little more curtly then he meant to. The baby rolled slightly and Umbridge gave his stomach a fleeting look before smiling childishly.

"Of course, as I suspected." She said quietly, "You feel confident you will be able to stay healthy for next term?"

"Quite." he hissed, Umbridge drew closer, feigning interest over the potion ingredients spread across his desk and flicking an eye over the stack of exam papers.

"You are a very accomplished potions maker, aren't you Professor?" Her fingers trailing across the side of his desk carefully. "Your inspections lead me to believe you were very confident in the class you teach as well as your teaching methods."

Snape paused, doing his best to keep his face neutral and resolute. He was angry in fact that he had to deal with her at all for the moment and wanted most of all to usher her out before he felt another outburst of feeling toward Sirius come over him in the form of hot angry tears. She lingered however, as though counting the scratches on his desk.

"You brew your own personal potions during term as well, is that correct Professor?"

Snape blinked. Was his own personal stock of ingredients and brews going to be inspected now? He had left a few things brewing over break, had they been checked up on by the ministry in his absence? He had kept a very close eye over his own personal brewing area since Barty Crouch Jr. had stolen ingredients from it the previous year. How could they have gotten in?

"I brew potions at my own leisure." Snape said quietly, keeping his voice as steady and uninterested as possible. "I like to experiment."

"And you have brewed advanced potions often? You must have a very diverse personal stock, yes?"

Snape frowned, the look in Umbridge's eyes now were not the calculating mock kindness he was used to. It was very clear that she wanted something, almost as though she was testing the waters with him to see if she could could what it was she wanted.

"It is not unusual," Snape started, "To ask me for special concoctions. Professor's in the past have made use of my skill and my personal stores to get potions that are tricky or otherwise very expensive." He thought of Lupin and the wolfsbane potion with a twinge of annoyance. Umbridge's eyes lit up however and she grinned wolfishly.

"There is something I would need of you as soon as possible Professor," She was business like now, almost snappy. "A good solid caldron of Veritaserum, if you can. I will need as much as possible this term, I think."

"Veritaserum?" Snape tried to remain as impartial as possible, but it was difficult. He would have felt less foreboding if she had ordered deadly poison. "And what use would you make of that, Professor?"

"The ministry must be vigilant." Umbridge sniffed, waving away any concerns Snape had as thought they were trivial. "I have reason to believe there are students breaking the decrees myself and the ministry have set to protect them and I must be aware of this."

Snape didn't take time to wonder or ask if Umbridge really did have ministry permission to use veritaserum or if Dumbledore was aware of her request, but knew that for the sake of his job he shouldn't poke any holes in her argument.

"I will have some ready by the end of the month." Snape said tonelessly, turning away from her to continue his organizing of the fresh roots and leaves. Umbridge pressed a hand over her heart, which he supposed he was to take as a sign of gratitude and she left the dungeon with a new spring in her step, thanking him over and over before shutting the door behind her with a snap. Snape knew full well that he wouldn't make her any at all, but so long as she thought he was, he could possibly get a raise.

He should have asked for money, he thought angrily, stuffing the herbs into safe boxes. Maybe he could make a living off of brewing fake veritaserum so he could afford his child. It would have been smart.

The first day back of classes was probably one of the worst days of his teaching career. It would not have been so bad if he had not woken up with an enormous headache and a dull pain in his hips that refused to go away even after breakfast and numerous trips to the bathroom. It felt as though the baby had nestled deep into one of his nerves and with every slight twist to his spine, he felt additional pressure placed on them. If only he had been carrying higher, he thought haplessly through his classes as he struggled to find an easier position to sit in, at least he could relax in his chair without feeling like he was caught in a vice.

His classes, as he suspected, were largely interrupted by holiday spirit he could not stamp out. After returning the results of their exams from the previous semester, students were loudly celebrating their good work or else laughing at students who had fared less well. He had forbidden exchanging tests by third period and threatened detention so vigorously that a few first years dropped their text books as they trembled to open them to the right page.

Before lunch, Crookshanks stopped by, meowing at the dungeon door as Snape gathered his notes for the new semester. He paused as he registered the cat, now rubbing it's large head on the door frame and staring at him with cautious observation. Had Black put the cat up to spying on him again, now that

he had tried to distance himself? Snape was not sure, and didn't know if he really cared what the cat's intent was. It didn't much matter to him now what Sirius knew as for the moment, he was just trying to pretend he didn't exist. Snape was fairly certain the cat was incapable of communicating to Sirius unless it was face to face anyway, none of it would matter.

He lay a hand on the cat as it came closer, patting it's large head rather hopelessly. He was still angry, still sour about how stupid Sirius had acted when Snape was actually acting out of concern for him. Concern for Black, a man he only had one common denominator with, which was their love for his unborn baby. He didn't have to be a great legilimens to tell anymore, and he knew that the animosity that Black had felt had probably already washed away, over shadowed by the concern that he really might not see the baby again.

With that, Snape was crying, harder then he had in awhile and certainly more then he felt comfortable with on a monday. He locked the doors by magic and sank onto the floor with the cat, sobbing into his hands while the baby turned.

Teaching Potter Occlumency that night was just icing on the cake. He was exhausted, his hips were still aching, and his entire mind was in disarray, the worst possible state to practice legilimency. He took a few minutes trying to clear his mind and quickly rid himself of several less then flattering memories of his childhood, times spent with Lily, and some more recent additions to his mind which included the baby and Sirius, pouring them all into the pensieve.

Potter of course was too dim to even grasp the subject and it took several minutes of careful explanation to get down the reason for which Dumbledore had requested Snape to even teach the boy. As they spoke, Snape remembered vividly the time he had almost broke and touched himself at Grimmauld Place and made a point to remove it from his mind and into the pensieve.

They practiced, or more like, Potter shouted and fell each time as Snape saw flashes of his childhood. Potter standing on the school roof in primary school, a large man anxiously nailing shut a slot drop for mail, Potter and Weasley flying the blue car just above the Hogwarts express...

Snape would have been mildly interested if he wasn't feeling such aching pains and annoyed on principal that he should have to spend his Monday nights hearing Potter's screams reverberate off his classroom walls while he saw tedious glimpses into his childhood.

He hissed as Potter hit him with a stinging hex, rubbing the spot tenderly as Potter tried to stand after colliding with his desk.

Little progress was made over the course of an hour and he knew he would need to sit and rest soon. He shooed Potter away, telling him to practice and return on Wednesday, hoping he might feel a little better then.

There was so much to do and he didn't even have homework to correct yet, it made him nauseous to think about it. He typically made his way down to the kitchens around seven or eight for a snack but was so tired and depressed he made a bee line for his own bed, curling under his comforter with his day clothes and socks still on, willing himself not to break down again- without success.

He would be paid on the fifteenth and badly needed some new shirts, this would mean another trip to Hogsmede were he would be forced to penny pinch again. He still had the fifty galleons from Sirius, but the thought of spending the money seemed almost rude now, if anything he should be returning it in lieu of an apology. The thought did little to comfort him between shuddering silent cries pressed into his mattress, tears running through his messy hair as he tried arching and bowing his back to relieve the pain.

His money woes had been pushed to the side over break but now they were back in full form as he remembered the numerous things he would need if he was to make some part of spinner's end into a functioning nursery. He would need a changing table and a rocker as well as child proof locks for all the rooms he deemed unsafe for the baby. Snape had moved the crib upstairs to his old bedroom and returned it to it's original size after Voldemort had left, knowing he would have to eventually confront Sirius about seeing the child however, he had not taken the time to dwell on the crib with a sentimental eye. The gentle warmness he had felt when leaning into the crib and thinking of his son had vanished and so he had shut the door and left the crib to dust over term with the rest of his belongings.

As though sensing his poor mood, the baby gave a soft kick, easing out of his position on Snape's hips a little to ease the pressure, Snape felt the baby softly, sniffling a little. He wanted to visit Madame Pomfrey and either get something that might safely relieve the pain or take something that may grant him a decent night's uninterrupted sleep. It was still early however, and he didn't feel like he could take the journey up to the hospital wing with a patchy red tear stricken face with students and staff walking around.

A soft scratching at the door made him rise to see Crookshanks making his way through, ginger tail held high as he walked slowly inside, surveying the scene. At first Snape wanted to jinx the cat for finding him so vulnerable and miserable, but then a thought crossed his mind as he dried his eyes and drew back his blanket.

"Cat." He said shakily, "Crookshanks or whatever they call you."

Crookshanks stood determined and watchful, his ears and eyes perked and listening.

"You can understand me then? Go get Madame Pomfrey."

It was an order, not a request, but Crookshanks blinked then left, bandy legs striding off and out through the cracked door. Snape snorted, wondering how on earth it had taken him this long to realize how smart the cat was. That was assuming Madame Pomfrey understood at all what the cat may try to convey to her, Snape thought. He felt his hips tenderly and wondered what if anything the nurse could do to assist him. He tried to think of any draft or potion that might be able to help but it was difficult to anticipate the effect of any ingredient on a fetus as he hadn't ever made a conscious effort to remember such things when he was learning potion theory as a student. Those sorts of things were for mediwizards and witches, something Snape could not say he was.

He felt so completely vulnerable and exhausted from crying that it was all he could do to lay with his head crooked to the side, staring to the doorway and heaving sighs to amuse himself. The baby had been oddly quiet since his last encounter with Sirius and Snape wondered if it was some psychological twist on his part that was affecting the baby's attitude as well. He had been nervous and jumpy for his short stay at Grimmauld Place and the baby had acted the same, physically at least, by nearly wearing holes in all his organs as though for fear Snape would forget him. But now, deflated and annoyed by it all, the baby seemed less excited and turned sluggishly only every few hours.

There couldn't be something wrong, could there? Snape thought with a new wave of anxiety crashing over his thoughts. Had his bad mood somehow arrested the development of his son? Snape gave his belly a soft nudge, feeling for what he had started to guess was the baby's head.

Madame Pomfrey's shoes could be heard from the corridor before she came bustling straight through the door, sighing with relief as Snape flicked his eyes upward, giving her a terse nod.

"I thought you had collapsed again." She ran a hand through her hair quickly and making her way over to his bedside. "That cat came the time you collapsed earlier and started hissing up a storm until I followed it to Dumbledore's office. He's dead smart, is he yours?"

"No." Snape said quietly, annoyed at the strained crack in his voice. "My hips are aching now, consistently."

"Does it feel better laying down now?" She asked carefully, sitting on the very edge of the bed to put a careful hand on Snape's sides, feeling gingerly to where his side bulged slightly but then came to dimple where his leg met his hip.

"A little," he admitted, saving her the trouble and reaching down to remove his trousers. "But then I feel the pressure on my spine."

"It might be easier for me to feel if you kneel on all fours," she turned her hands in the air and Snape frowned. "You could tell me where the pressure is without feeling it as much."

Snape felt like an idiot stripping down to hunch over on his hands and knees on his bed but Madame Pomfrey was correct and she was able to feel for the most part without much pain. Her tutting and slight frown was off putting as she turned away, weighing her options as she wrote something on the clipboard she always carried with her.

"You're just like a hermit crab." She sighed. "Too bad you can't find a bigger home for that baby just yet."

"If the baby was born now, would he be able to survive?" Snape asked carefully, not at all hopeful to give birth so soon but wondering what would happen if he suddenly found himself breaking his water or having contractions, this side of 20 weeks looked a lot more scary as far as the possibility of early labor.

"It would be highly unlikely." Madame Pomfrey shook her head. "No, the baby wouldn't have developed internal systems to the extent it would need to survive. You're going to want to keep the baby inside you for as long as you can Severus."

"I didn't mean it like that." Snape scowled, "It was just a question."

"Well in any case I think you're reaching past the point of enjoyment for this pregnancy." Madame Pomfrey said, eyeing his stomach with a look of concentration. "If you're having this much trouble this early on with your hips, you're going to be in for a rough spring."

"How very wonderful." Snape said bitterly. "The point of asking you here was to see if you could do anything about it however."

"It's a little bit more then taking a potion Severus," She said firmly, "This is the point were your case deviates from any text or theory on pregnancy and so we will have to fill in the gaps where we can."

She sat in the chair opposite Snape's writing desk and crossed her legs, deep in thought. Snape lay back down again on his side, his right hand draped over his stomach, still cross Madame Pomfrey had the nerve to think he wanted a preterm birth to avoid pain.

"I think for the short term we could try to give you a synthesized Relaxin." Madame Pomfrey thought aloud, examining her clip board carefully and flicking through the posted pages.

"Is that a hormone?" Snape asked carefully. He thought he might have read something similar to it in one of the books Sirius had bought for him.

"It is and it's the hormone responsible for softening the joints in females who are ready for birth." Madame Pomfrey drew up her hands and knitted her fingers together, making a bowl with her thumbs bent down. "The pelvic girdle is more then just one large calcified bone, it's a few bones joined to make bendable joints. During the last months of pregnancy Relaxin is released to let these joints soften and allow for an easier birth."

"But if my hips are simply too small," Snape raised an eyebrow. "Would that really make a difference?"

"It would make a little," She shrugged. "I'm afraid it may give your walk a little more of a waddle and too much might stimulate an early labor."

Snape didn't like the sound of it, but left Madame Pomfrey to her thoughts as she sat frowning and tapping her thigh with her quill.

"There might be something to said for a medical intervention as well." She murmured, flipping back to the first page yet still undecided. Snape liked the thought of this even less. "We may be able to break your hips in one or more places and let them fuse back wider, although there are a long list of things that could go wrong, I would need to do a lot of reading to even begin to fathom going about that."

"I thought we were trying to avoid my hips breaking at all." Snape's eyes narrowed, instinctively putting a hand to the dent in his side were he could still feel the sturdy hardness of bone.

"Breaking accidentally could mean them breaking and damaging tissue and muscle you would need to deliver. A controlled break would mean careful precision and an assured safety in the way we could watch over the healing process. Or..." Madame Pomfrey paused for a moment, a look of sheer wonder coming over her face at the thought. "We could remove your hips."

"Remove?" Snape blanched. "How could you-"

"Remove and regrow." Madame Pomfrey's eyes glinted for a moment at the thought, she looked amazed by her own daring.

"You know I really am feeling better," Snape lied, slightly terrified by the look of dawning comprehension on the nurses face. She appeared not to hear him however as she stared out of the snow touched window, as though lost in a half remembered dream. Snape bit his lip, angry now that he had called her here when he was clearly not going to get anything the ease the pain immediately. It had been stupid and desperate, he thought, why couldn't he just tough it out for one night?

"I really do think some skele-gro would help a lot Severus." Madame Pomfrey said finally, snapping out of her reverie to look back at the professor with renewed interest. "It's really ideal for this situation."

"Can you illuminate me on how exactly removing bones may be a good idea?" Snape breathed angrily, his venom had little effect however.

"It will be a painful process no doubt," She said carefully, tapping her pen on her clipboard. "I'll need to do some reading on any similar cases, but I think that with careful procedural detail we could remove your pelvic girdle and suspend your acetabulum to regrow a much more feminine set of hips."

Snape narrowed his eyes, wondering exactly how a procedure like this could go right. Madame Pomfrey shook her head as though reading his mind.

"The only potentially harmful part of the operation would be to remove the hips, skele-gro doesn't have any active ingredients that would harm the child. If anything it might make some of it's internal structures a little stronger but if we're rebuilding your hips I don't think the child will face any danger in being too big to come out."

"And if we don't poison it," Snape scoffed "How in the name of merlin do you plan on taking out the base it's sitting on without complications?"

"It will be dubious, no doubt." Madame Pomfrey heaved a sigh. "We'll need you on a few suitable safe muscle relaxers as well as pain medication and some supporting spells, you'll probably have to be suspended in the air for the removal process so your body can't react as fast to any changes."

"Worst case scenario?" Snape asked, his eyebrow in danger of becoming lost in his loose hair.

"Pre term labor I expect." Madame Pomfrey grimaced. "Your body won't try to abort the fetus as it's too far along but you may go into early labor and your body won't be able to deliver without a pelvis. We'd have to deliver by cesarian."

"And what do you expect might happen if we just let nature take it's course?" Snape asked, feeling more and more trepidation with each answer he received. How could Madame Pomfrey even think of trying such a potentially dangerous operation with him? He really didn't feel so bad as to merit major surgery, wasn't there anything he could take to relieve the pain?

"Well," She began, wetting her lips carefully and staring down the clipboard. "If you're feeling pressure and pain this early in the pregnancy then I think it's safe to say your hips will break eventually, in the third trimester or during the birth. An uncontrolled break would be much more dangerous and," She nodded very deliberately "May happen at any moment, while you are teaching or stir to violently in bed."

Snape felt a chill, imagining shifting from his chair in the dungeons during potions and suddenly feeling a horrible stabbing pain from which he could not sit or stand. This potential scenario would involve students all rushing to him, perhaps even Umbridge, it was too much to stand. This did not make the other option any more inviting however.

"I wonder, Severus." Madame Pomfrey said, more quietly and more cautiously, "If this might be something you would want to talk over,"

"Talk over?"

"Yes," She fumbled with the words in her mouth, looking to Snape's dark eyes who looked confused. "I mean, I'm not sure exactly, what kind of support you have, I mean," She paused. "The baby's other father."

Snape grew red and closed his eyes, Madame Pomfrey uncrossed her legs as though to brace herself, setting a hand on the side of Snape's writing desk.

"Forgive me, Severus," She said "I was simply hoping you had someone to consider."

"I don't," Snape breathed, trying to keep his fury down and his heart rate low. She looked almost morose at these words, the air thick with discomfort as Madame Pomfrey shifted, turning to grab her bag.

"I will start researching what the process should be for this procedure." She said with a sort of forced finality. "So that we can be assure for yours and the baby's safety. I expect it won't be much more then a few case studies for skele-gro with pregnant women but I will make sure that we will at the least be without surprises."

Snape said nothing but waved his fingers in a poor wave, looking down to his dimpled hips with a begrudging coldness. Madame Pomfrey shut the door behind her as she left, heels clicking on the floors. Snape heard a meow from the corner and Crookshanks sat, almost bored.

"Couldn't even give me a draft or a numbing solution." Snape said aloud, almost just to break the discomfort that lingered in the air. Crookshanks hopped up onto the bed, nuzzling his face against Snape's leg. "You weren't insistent enough."

It was hard to believe the cat knew a word of what he was saying as it's smashed face and eyes that sank to the corner of each eye gave little notice of understanding. It meowed it's garbled call again, nudging Snape's arm for attention.

"Leave me alone." Snape hissed, turning over to on his side and exhaling sharply as he felt his hips sting as though prodded with a blunt instrument.

It was all so unfair he wish he had it in him to cry again, but his eyes were very much dry and his chest hurt from heaving sobs. The baby turned loosely inside him and he thought of Madame Pomfrey's words, and of Sirius.

What could he say to Sirius now if he even felt that he could? Sirius would probably find out that he was going to have some sort of procedure as he was sure Dumbledore would be clued into the plan as well. How angry would he be with Snape if he did not know he was going to undergo a dangerous medical operation?

_Let him think whatever he wants_, Snape thought angrily. _Like it's his place to say what's good for me and what's not._

But the small voice in his head reminded him of the crib and the gifts and the money and he felt worse, actually guilty for thinking ill of the man for a few moments. He covered himself in his blanket and stuck his head under his pillow, he couldn't help but thinking there was little he could do to rise above the mess he was now in and whatever his life was would end when the baby was finally born. If he even survived his hips being replaced.

_Stop the world, I want to get off,_ he thought. It was more of a prayer then a depressed musing.

* * *

><p><strong>Oh my I'm sorry this is late. I'm getting a promotion at work and things are crazy. was broken for like a day though so I couldn't upload this at all, anyone else have that problem?<strong>

**Review for chapters! **


	17. Trials and Suffering

Snape awoke to the frosty morning of January the ninth expecting very little, it was a completely ordinary day until he remembered half way through his breakfast that it was actually his birthday. He wasn't very excited or surprised at this, having just forgotten from the night before but his coworkers seemed to make up for not giving him any presents by shooting him exceptionally warm smiles across the staff table and passing him extra helpings of each dish.

Snape thought this had little to do with his actual birthday but rather the very worn and miserable look he was carrying since the start of the second semester. His already pale skin that had been almost visibly warmer and rosy since becoming pregnant seemed to dull and appear washed out and grey. He also looked considerably thinner as his appetite had decreased significantly and he no longer strayed to venture to the kitchens in the evenings for snacks, his nausea had returned as well and he was finding it harder and harder to rationalize eating a full meal.

As much as he wanted to say it was just hormones messing with his mind or perhaps he was in a lull in his pregnancy, Snape knew he was depressed because of Sirius. If he had been able to return to Hogwarts knowing Sirius would be backing him and Voldemort was blissfully unaware of his connection with the man, he would be alright. Nothing short of pleased and sleeping and eating as regularly as he ever did as well.

Dark shadows lined his face however and his belly seemed to jut out unnaturally far from his body as his arms and legs seemed noticeably thinner.

It was as though the baby was losing hope with him as well, a thought he tried his best not to dwell on should he feel a sudden outburst of tears. It would only move on occasion and typically did so when he was feeling particularly famished, kicking to protest it's own lack of food.

_What if I miscarry?_ He thought horribly, forcing down bites of toast even though it felt like mud in his mouth. If the baby that he had grown so attached to died he knew he would not make it himself. He hadn't felt this consistently sad since Lily had died, and yet what was he mourning now?

The other father? Companionship? It was difficult now to know what lay ahead and especially strange to imagine himself trying to piece anything together out of this mess, now that he was to be very much alone.

He was thirty-six. Thirty-six with very little to show for his life, no family or friends to share his life with at least until the baby would be born.

"What's all this then Severus?" Madame Pomfrey said, eyeing him up and down at what she promised to be a very deciding early check up. Snape could only look balefully at her as he slouched, sucking his teeth as she prodded along his sides and stomach carefully. "You were doing so well keeping your weight up."

"I'm in pain." Snape reiterated, his voice striking a higher tone that made Madame Pomfrey bite back a scolding remark. He had told her this several times since she had come up with the mad idea of regrowing his hips, yet each time she shot him down on various pain relievers and potions.

"Too risky," She would always reply, cutting him down too fast to make for any rebuttal.

Less then a week since the proposal, medical intervention was starting to look less foreboding and more inviting then Snape had ever imagined it. During each short visit he would practically beg for something to relieve the pressure and dull ache, and she would have some new revised method to explain the process.

"We'll have you suspended ventrally inferior," She would recount, twisting her clawed hand sideways as though she were a practiced puppeteer. "I'll then use some firming spells to ensure your muscles act independently of their connections and cannot try to begin a premature labor. Once I suspend the acetabulum and have your legs immobilized then I will remove your hips in segments at each joint, then it's simply a matter of getting the Skele-grow in you and monitoring any changes over the course of a day."

"And you're positive that you can at least anticipate a bad reaction?" Snape asked carefully each time she would add a step to the procedure or rethought a previous idea. She would always nod firmly, paying little attention to his words and pouring over her notes or a large volume on bone regeneration.

"I've read over plenty of case studies regarding regrowing large bones like the pelvis, vertebrae from the spine, even whole fragments of the skull. They all are very procedural and simple when the patient is immobilized and levitated to avoid damage. I've also found a few studies for pregnant witches taking Skele-gro and the only witch who had a poor reaction turned out to be allergic to the key ingredient so it would have little to do with you."

Snape still had a hard time taking the information in, even though he had taken the texts Madame Pomfrey read herself to get his own perspective on them. The science and magic was all there, it was obvious looking at all that he could understand (which was more the potion aspect then the medical facts) that if Madame Pomfrey followed every step to the procedure that he would be likely make a full recovery and be better for it with a new pair of hips.

Which was exactly what he needed seeing as how his own seemed fit to break at any moment now. He had developed something close to a limp the days preceding his birthday and found himself laying in his own bed during break periods to ease the pressure. He would try laying on his back until his spine began to protest, then on his side for a few minutes at a time, enjoying the ease on one side, but regretting the extra weight toward the other.

"Assuming you don't drop another five pounds we should probably shoot for doing this next weekend." Madame Pomfrey had suggested, drawing away from him as though envisioning the hips to flower out against the skin. "If we do it on friday night we could have at least two days to get you back to speed and walking again. I assume you'll want to do it at your own house?"

Snape blinked, paling a little at the thought of finally going through with the ordeal he had been trying to put out of his mind since she had suggested it, in less then five days time no less.

"What's wrong with doing it in the hospital wing?" He grumbled, knowing the answer before he had the words out of his mouth. Madame Pomfrey raised her eyebrows and he waved his hand as though to stop her answering. Umbridge's face rose to the surface of his mind, and he knew he couldn't risk her finding him without a pelvis and levitating in the castle.

It wasn't until classes had finished for the day and Snape had finished correcting papers after dinner when a small gray owl came to his window and began to tap on the glass, stirring the frozen snow in the frame until Snape came to let it in, somewhat perplexed. He had no living relatives to remember his birthday and Dumbledore had already given him his personal gift, a box of baby socks.

Snape let the owl perch on his desk so he could take away the letter the owl was carrying. Feeling a sense of excitement and anxiety the baby kicked lightly as he saw the black paw print, Sirius's trademark.

_I hope this reaches you in time, Lupin only mentioned it was your birthday the other day as Dumbledore had said it in passing and I felt terrible for what I had said to you since you left. I don't know if you'll care to hear it but I really am sorry and I hope that whatever your intentions are that the baby will be alright and there will be a point where I can see him, be it sooner or later. _

_I'm not sure how old you'll be but I do hope that you enjoy your birthday and that the baby is doing well. _

_Best wishes,_

_S_

The letter shook in Snape's hand as he read it over several times, trying to see if he had snuck in a hidden meeting or a secret message that the ministry could not understand, but it was simply a well natured birthday card as far as he could tell. He felt a little disgusted and selfish for wanting more, felt odd for hoping Sirius might have thought to say something more, but he continued reading up and down the page hopelessly until the owl pecked him almost out of impatience.

He ran his fingers through his hair nervously, feeling in him, for the first time clearly, dread. He was terrified at the idea of undergoing the procedure at the end of the week and he wasn't sure what he could do to make it any better for himself. He had never had much need for medical intervention as his own transfiguration accident was considered too risky to fix and he had learned to live with it. Now he was facing a real mortal threat that seemed far more risky then joining the Death Eaters or relaying information from Voldemort to Dumbledore.

Without much thought, he drew his quill and ink out of his day bag and unrolled a fresh piece of parchment, uncapping the ink only to stare at the paper with a furrowed brow. If he wrote to Sirius, what good would come of it? Could he at least share a correspondence to relieve some of his worry? Or would Sirius overreact and leave Grimmauld Place out of some misplaced parental duty to his son?

There was little he could write even if he wanted to as the mail was being intercepted left and right by Umbridge and her inquisitorial squad. Whatever he could say about Voldemort or his condition would have to be kept hidden, let alone his growing fear of accidental miscarriage.

If only he had some he could speak to in confidence he thought angrily, tossing the quill back onto the desk to bury his face in his hands. He didn't think he could bear the embarrassment of some emotional outburst to one of his peers, people needed close friends for this sort of thing, what good would a death eater do him now?

Reproachfully he thought of Sirius and James and how well they had maintained their relationship even out of school. Sirius would never understand his dilemma, being privileged with the gift of a tightly knit group of friends. The thought of Lupin rose to his mind again and he remembered the last conversation the two of them had had, mostly filled with tears and anxiety as Snape had lashed out at him for his treatment, or rather negligence toward him at school. Whatever Snape had said though, it didn't stop Lupin from getting him a christmas present, it was all rather strange.

The words seemed to bubble in his throat before his hand seemed to ache with the thought of keeping them back, nervously he took the quill back out from inside his desk and dipped it in the ink to write.

_Pomfrey says I'm risking a problem with the internal structure of my hips so I'm going to be changing the shape of them this weekend with a medical intervention. She says she'll be able to anticipate any problems so it's supposed to be safe. _

Snape thought carefully, trying to imagine what an outsider might think in reading the letter and if it made sense without explicitly mentioning the baby. He took a deep breath, dipping his quill in the ink again.

_I haven't been feeling very well lately, I think it's because of how nervous I am for my hips. I'm afraid now that I'll lose it._

Just writing the words down made tears leak out of his eyes. He fought to contain them, lest they fall onto the parchment. There was no way Snape would mail a letter with tear streaks on it, not to anyone.

_I'm not sure what to do, I'm not sure why I'm writing you. I don't know what I want to happen because I can't imagine much of anything working out for me at the moment. Hopefully this will all go well and I won't have to be afraid for a little while. _

Apologizing or trying to make up for something he or Sirius had said to each other seemed contrived and idiotic. He couldn't get passed Sirius's lamentable selfishness over the ordeal, nor would he be able to make it on his own for very long with money. Hadn't Voldemort thought about this? In all this time, the Dark Lord must have thought a baby would cost money and time that Snape didn't have. It wasn't in Voldemort to empathize with anyone however and the last thing Snape could bear to do was to come before him, begging for gold to keep himself out of poverty.

Angrily he crumpled up the parchment and threw it in the waste paper bin. Furious at himself for even trying to talk to Black but morose about the rift between them all the same. It had to be the hormones or the baby making him so depressed and tired as he hadn't been this on and off sad since Lily had died.

_I do have some things to be thankful for_, Snape thought between shuddering drawn breaths. He rubbed his eyes, blinking tears from them and running a finger down each of his eyebrows. _It is rather nice that I have so many people looking out for me, even if it is annoying and misplaced most of the time._

Lightly, the baby tapped at him and he steadied himself. The constant outpour of emotions had left him vacant and tired. Being sad exhausted him more than anything and now a cool numbness stirred over his mind. He felt somehow soggy and stretched, not comforted but entirely bored of the misery of it all.

The week ended and the night before his journey back to Spinners End, Snape sat up going through all the papers he would have had to correct that weekend while he would be recovering. Pomfrey and Dumbledore had coordinated a false story that involved Snape leaving to meet with Mediwizards at St. Mungo's to introduce newer antidote theories. The story was really for Umbridge's record more than anything as she had become increasingly curious about what teachers did in their spare time, dogging behind other professors on friday nights as they made plans to go to Hogsmede.

Dumbledore seemed very glad Snape had chose the route of getting his hips refitted when Snape was forced to tell him his plan in order to arrange safe travel out of the castle. The headmaster expressly prepared a Portkey and asked if he would like the use of anyone in the Order for protection. Snape kept his face rather blank, annoyance trying to bubble it's way to the surface as he was sure he knew where Dumbledore was going.

"I know it's in Sirius's best interest to be staying indoors, but the poor man could probably benefit with more then a walk around Grimmauld Place so long as we are certain Lucius Malfoy is not waiting behind a corner." Dumbledore had scratched his beard knowingly, wrapping a crooked finger around his teacup and eyeing Snape with his piercing blue eyes.

"You know full well that I don't need any protection, Dumbledore." Snape snapped back, "The Order would only complicate things and it's not as though I need more then Madame Pomfrey to look after my health."

"Surely, but keeping her for an extended period would raise more eyebrows at the ministry then your own leave, Severus." Dumbledore added, his eyes flicking to Phineas Nigellus empty frame for a brief moment. "Her contract with the school strictly states that she is allocated time off for only strict emergencies and the oversight of incidents occurring at the school. Working at Hogwarts means that she cannot leave for weekends or even holidays, Quidditch season and charms club in general typically have her working off the clock every day of the week."

Severus blinked, feeling instantly sympathetic toward the woman he had come to think of as prying. He was very quick to complain about his low pay and consistently rigid schedule, but even he had periods of paid leave and vacation that were not restricted to the summer months.

"She has already informed me." Dumbledore stated "That Umbridge has been tracking her time away from the castle as part of her Inquisitorial duties and has been requesting information of how much accreditation is actually needed for a Mediwitch who boards at an educational institution."

"Why would Umbridge care?" Snape sneered almost disbelieving at the old wizard. "Doesn't she have enough on her plate with shadowing us?"

"Umbridge has been asked to check into the spending that goes into Hogwarts and more specifically the payment agreements for staff during each fiscal year. It is my belief she has been asked by Fudge to see what money he could cut when it comes to paying each person that is staffed here."

"We could fire Filch." Snape snorted. "But then again Umbridge seems to like him."

"In any case," Dumbledore pursed his lips and redirected his attention. "She has been scrutinizing Pomfrey's credentials for some time. Wondering if she really is the right fit for the job and Madame Pomfrey knows it."

"But how could Umbridge come up with something damning to fire her?" Snape scoffed. "I mean... other then how she's helping me, it's not as though she has any real spots on her record with the school."

"Precisely what I have been telling Professor Umbridge," Dumbledore shrugged "But the argument remains that there is no need for a mediwitch who is as qualified as Madame Pomfrey if the school itself was not inherently dangerous."

"She's the best." Snape grumbled, Dumbledore's eyes widening slightly as Snape reddened a little, realizing he had been endearing, however inadvertently.

There was little talk about what would be done if Snape was unable to return by Monday of the following week. Dumbledore believed it would be best not to 'create a self fulfilling prophecy' and instead wished him off with the intent to meet him sometime after the procedure was finished if he could escape under the Ministry's nose. Snape packed a frugal weekend bag with a few pairs of pajamas and books he planned to read as he recovered over the following days. His chest felt sore and painful with stress but it was nothing compared to the spasms of pain he felt in his hips. He hoped beyond hope that whatever happened, he would at least have some relief in the long run and wouldn't be too maimed by whatever Pomfrey could pull off.

In a daze, he was back at Spinner's End, sitting on his bare mattress wearing nothing but a flimsy bathrobe while Madame Pomfrey flicked her wand about the room, performing a number of spells to sanitize and purify the environment for the long term. He noticed she seemed a little more bubbly, even keen to begin.

"The Headmaster gifted to me a single dosage of Felix Felicis especially for this afternoon." She admitted brightly, flicking through her clipboard one last time, the pages dog eared and battered from excessive note taking and checking. Snape felt a little jump of relief in his heart and the baby that had since that morning taken to be very still and quiet, pattered slightly to the side of his stomach and he stroked the area unconsciously, still feeling too nauseous and anxious to do much more then nod. "Are you ready?" She asked.

Snape gestured haplessly, feeling his hands quake as he set them on his jittery thighs. Madame Pomfrey beamed, opening her travel bag and taking out a number of elixirs and cups, placing the ominous bone white bottle of Skele-Gro behind the rest. Snape couldn't tell the rest of their names just by looking at them, but by the way Madame Pomfrey shook them up and the frothiness that was created, he knew that they were largely root based and would probably taste bitter.

"I'll talk you through it for as long as possible." She said sweetly, trying her best to seem comforting, but coming off a little erratic. "This is the best possible procedure I could adapt to your condition and if it weren't for the fact that we're supposed to be keeping this a secret, I could probably get the order of Merlin for developing it." She handed him the first of the cups she had poured, a dark brown mixture that looked to be coffee at first glance.

"It's a modified numbing solution." She explained, motioning for him to drink. "I used a few different ingredients to substitute, ensuring there would be no harm to the baby."

Snape swallowed quickly, not wanting to taste the dirty musky drink. He was impressed by Pomfrey's ability for substitutive brewing as he could already begin to feel the affect at his fingertips.

"You may feel more loopy when it takes it's full affect. I couldn't use the same sobriety counter ingredients because they were more toxic, but you should be able to follow direction until I put you fully under."

Snape wasn't sure how good he felt about falling completely out of consciousness but was finding with each passing second that it didn't matter nearly as much. He was feeling incredibly light with each breath and the pain in his hips was subsiding to a dull pressure.

"Now you need to drink this," Madame Pomfrey extended a much smaller cup which contained a tablespoon full of clear liquid. "To firm up your muscles when I lock them in place."

Snape tried to think of what the firming agent could possibly be as he quickly swallowed it, working up spit to rid his mouth of the puckering taste, but Madame Pomfrey was already offering him a third glass. Grinning widely, she helped to steady his hand with hold on the final cup.

His head was already a buzz as he drank the last cup slowly. It tasted just like regular water except it left a slightly oily taste in his mouth. Before he knew it, Pomfrey was helping him stand again and asking him quickly how he felt.

"Alright." Snape said a little sleepily, finding it very hard not to bend his knees as he stood, swaying slightly in Madame Pomfrey's care. He must have looked like an idiot and felt himself working extra hard to keep his face taut and contracted, but he felt awfully big and unwieldy in his numbed state. The baby was feeling the effects as well, as it had not moved but rather felt like the dead weight of a bowling ball between his legs. He felt a little annoyed that Madame Pomfrey had not developed the numbing solution sooner, considering how much he had complained of pressure and pain to begin with.

"You feel no pain whatsoever?" Madame Pomfrey asked, using the hand she was not holding Snape's wrist with to guide down over his stomach, feeling for a contraction of a sudden disturbance. Snape shook his head, his black hair flapping comically as she smiled even wider.

He instructed him to lay of the bed with his legs about a foot apart and the longer he lay the more he felt as though he were floating. Without thought he began rolling his head from side to side as Madame Pomfrey checked for mobility in his toes and ankles, working her way up to his thighs. She lay a hand on his belly, making slight movements to coax the baby into a more preferred position.

"You'll have to keep your head up Severus," She said carefully, holding his head by his cheeks to keep his head from snaking to his other side. Snape blinked repeatedly, feeling the imprint of her touch. "I'm going to have to intubate you for the skele-gro and I can't have you cocked to one side after I bind your body."

Sizing up her patient for perhaps one last time, Madame Pomfrey waved her wand carefully. Producing a series of colorful sparks which seemed to please her. Her wand was in perfect working condition and she was ready to begin. Even in his half conscious state, Snape felt a slight trepidation and despite Madame Pomfrey's bid to stay still, he reached out a hand to his lower belly.

_What if this is the last time I get to feel_, Snape thought drunkenly, pressing hard on the fullest area and heaving a long sigh.

"I promise you Severus that this will be alright," Madame Pomfrey said, easing his hand from his belly so that she could begin. "You and the baby will feel much better for all of this, I'm sure of it."

She began binding parts of his body in segments, starting at his feet. It felt almost relaxing as he no longer had to focus especially hard to keep still but still gave him a burgeoning anxiety now that he could no longer back out.

The thought of Sirius rose to his mind rather sharply and he made a long whimper that made Madame Pomfrey look up from binding his arms.

"Pain?" She asked, suddenly focused.

"I just- I wanted to-" Snape wiggled his neck to the right, biting his tongue as though in battle with his own head. He was stupid for saying it, stupid for wanting to have told Sirius or have him there, any such rubbish that festered in his heart but moved to his mouth when he was numbed down so terribly.

Madame Pomfrey seemed to understand the nature of his movements and instead replaced his head to it's rightful position and chuckled softly.

"It'll all be over soon, don't worry to much Severus."

By the time she had finished and performed several firming spells on different parts of Snape's chest, belly, hips, and legs. He had conducted several broken absurd conversations in his own head, seemingly between his two natures that had been in battle constantly since the baby's conception. It must have looked comical to Madame Pomfrey who could only see his eyes rolling and flickering while his head was now completely immovable and his tongue locked.

_Sirius could have been there right now if Dumbledore could have fixed it right, then he wouldn't have to be so scared. Surely Madame Pomfrey was wondering where his dog must have been. But talking like that was foolish, Sirius wasn't his dog. Sirius wasn't his anything. _

_But he could have been. _The voices argued back as he felt a slight lightness from below. His heart skipped a beat and he could hear, as though underwater, shuffling from beneath him as the ceiling drew closer and closer. Madame Pomfrey had levitated him now and soon he would be a few bones short of a full set.

The idea of being fully alone was now almost traumatizing as his fears jumped to the surface of his dazed thoughts. He and the baby were about to risk everything. _Why didn't he write? Why didn't he say anything to help himself?_

"Alright Severus, I'm going to begin, you have a good sleep now." He could feel the tip of Madame Pomfrey's wand against his temple, and his eyes rolled.

He felt split somehow. One half of him peacefully asleep while the other half was lying face down in a bed, privy only to muffled noises and the details disclosed only to the open air. Lightness was in both worlds however, the distinct feeling of floating, balloonlike.

He couldn't roll over or wave or wiggle his nose, even if this was a dream or just some trance brought on by the potion he had taken. He knew he was put under and he knew he was very possibly being operated on but his fears had largely melted away. His internal argument forgotten and his sordid thoughts replaced with sensation and color.

Perhaps he was dead, perhaps he had died and was somewhere in between at the moment. Floating away into the mystery of the cosmos or drowning slowly. His breathing felt restricted and his vision came in blurs of light and darkness. It was peaceful though, whatever he was feeling. Rarely did he feel much relief from the wear of life and the constant turning wheel of his mind. It was comforting to not think in the same binary senses and to simply melt into what he was feeling.

He could feel from below, the same tickling and bubbling sensation that the baby brought over him and he supposed the baby probably was moving around, or perhaps Madame Pomfrey was still operating on him- he was not sure. Minutes melted by and felt like hours and yet Snape knew that the procedure would not take very long at all if done correctly. But still the time melted by and Snape's comfort was only the vague softening of the light that reflected off his bedroom wall and back onto his closed eyelids. Noise was shifting, slight and eventually emptiness.

He dreamed in slow moving shadows. Happy imaginings of himself waking up to find his newborn son, fresh and pink in his own arms. Snape was alone and swaddling the new baby in fresh blankets, holding it to his chest.

He would be fine and healed and new again and somehow he would escape Voldemort's clutches. If sleep was anything, it was certainty.

He woke to darkness and real tearing pain that enveloped him so forcefully that he choked for air, turning over in bed onto his back and seething as he felt the full force of the skele-gro pumping into his hips. His legs felt as though they were caught in two large bear traps and with each breath they pulsed red hot and livid. He whimpered long, grinding his teeth as he eased his way back down onto the bed, the pain easing only slightly.

He was still bleary and slow from the potions he had taken but instantly found his stomach with his hands. The fulness was still intact and instantly the baby kicked to his touch, he was still pregnant and the baby, while perhaps shaken slightly, was fine.

The pain was becoming completely unbearable however as he could feel the acidic taste of the skele-gro being forced down his lips nearly overcome him in his swooping nausea. He could not tell by the sky just how late or early it was but knew he could not be alone in the house. Wetting his lips carefully he stuggled to call out, managing a low gravelly moan.

* * *

><p><strong>I AM SO SORRY *Decked in the face with a thousand bricks*<strong>

**I really don't have a great excuse. Lots of stuff has happened, but it's all the little things catching up. I got a new room mate, I've been working into overtime week after week. I got a new boyfriend that finds ways to monopolize ALL of my free time. Shit's tough yo.**

**I feel like this chapter was the make or break though, after this the rest of it should fall into place. It's hard because literally nothing happens in January in OOTP. They pretty much come back from break and then valentines day happens. Weird stuff. **

**Review your tails off if you want more. Bonus points to people who double reviewed because they feared I fell off the face of the earth, which was, only sort of true. **


	18. Nuzzle

"You know, this is exactly why you weren't a Slytherin," Phineas drawled longly over Sirius's anxiety ridden thoughts. He had stopped pacing and gone back and forth between his animagus form without resolve. Even Buckbeak was awake, peering strangely at the portrait of the former headmaster that had come to haunt him largely out of boredom from Dumbledore's office. "Too stupid to realize when you aren't wanted around and always sticking your nose in other people's business."

"Shut up!" Sirius raged, tearing out a liberal amount of his hair, his eyes flicking with misplaced interest to the fireplace. A terrible thought rising to his head.

"And what good would that do you now?" Phinease snorted, "Running off to get yourself caught? Running into the den of your precious recovering baby's mother only to incriminate him and yourself? You Gryffindors never think, never consider the consequences of your actions."

Sirius hadn't exercised such self control since the night he had met Peter Pettigrew back in the shrieking shack. He was right there again, wanting to curse everything into flames as he was immobilized by responsibility. Phineas had been his only company all day as the rest of the order was off at the ministry or keeping watch in Hogsmede, Kreacher was almost as good a person to talk to as he at least had a decency to mutter the rudest of his insults.

Phineas had come through almost all the portraits in the house, exclaiming how sorry he felt for the potions master as he had overheard Dumbledore talking about the Professor's short leave from the school. Sirius demanded information, tempted almost to tell Dumbledore he was going to leave the house unless he explained himself. Phineas was more than happy to tell everything he knew however, watching the man crumple before him, the weight of his words leaving him powerless but to pace and quake with fear.

Would the baby be alright with such a complicated operation? Snape surely had to have been in great pain to rationalize such a risk. Was Snape still so angry he couldn't tell him anything? But he hadn't been angry with him at first, it was all about his damn safety. Or was that just something Snape had made up because he didn't want Sirius to be the father?

The thoughts circled his mind but gave him no comfort. Buckbeak trilled lowly and Phineas snorted, losing interest in Sirius's pain.

"I have better things to do then to keep up with this Order of the Pheonix Melodrama." He left the portrait without so much as a goodbye, leaving Sirius and the hippogriff to the dingy poorly lit room. Sirius felt as though he was on the verge of tears again, the same tears that had been threatening to come to the surface when he dwelled too frequently on the thought that he may not see his son until his name was cleared or the war was over. When Snape had left weeks ago, he was at first angry, the thought of Snape hoarding the baby to himself and ignoring any gesture that he would send. For days he felt like this, starting again to work on the nursery out of spite. He expected some sort of apology from Snape within the week, the man would have to do so if he wanted access to his Black fortune.

As time passed however, and no word came from the castle from either Snape or the Headmaster, he grew anxious. Sirius wondered if he could perhaps get Dumbledore to intervene and force Snape to see reason but he knew that the last thing the brooding, heavily pregnant man would respond to would be force.

He stopped working on the nursery, loosing interest in getting the walls the exact shade of bright red he had planned, and retreated back into his room. Melancholy and dread took him over and the loneliness of the house returned as fewer and fewer Order members stopped by after the holidays.

Sirius was too angry now even to realize that there were Order members congregating downstairs, their footsteps audible in the entryway. Mad-Eye's voice rang above them.

_None of them even care_, Sirius thought bitterly. _Their children are all off at Hogwarts and they could see any of them in a moments notice_. The Weasley's occupied the fore front of his mind for a short moment before he heaved an angry sigh, Buckbeak shifted restlessly. He had nothing much that he cared for, the money wasted away in a vault only others could access for him, his friends mostly dead or stretched far with other duties had forgotten him. Harry had disregarded the mirror he had gifted to him for christmas and now Snape was undergoing dangerous medical operations alone- without him any the wiser.

What if the baby died? His heart plummeted in his chest at the sheer thought. Didn't he have any say in this?

Loud foot falls echoed off the landing and Lupin came bolting into his room, still brooding and seething with anger, Sirius glared at him but instantly dropped his gaze at the sight of the fear and sweat mingling over his friends visage.

"Break out-" Lupin choked, leaning on the doorknob and mopping back his over long hair "A big one, a break out in Azkaban."

"Death eaters?" Sirius stood at attention, pain forgotten for the moment as he realized the Order must be grouping downstairs, possibly preparing for some sort of attack. Lupin nodded and Sirius's heart skipped a beat in excitement, his blood tingling at the thought of a dangerous mission. "What's Mad Eye got you doing?"

"Nothing yet," Lupin said, opening the door a little wider so they could walk through it. "We got the signal and I think Dumbledore sent Phineas ahead to make sure the house was ready for the Order to arrive. The way Mad Eye's making it sound though, we will probably just be on the defense as it's rather doubtful Voldemort is doing anything."

They made down the stairs at a fast pace, Kreacher peering down at them from Regulus's room.

"We've already got enough people at the ministry! Calm down! Kingsley has already gone." Mad-Eye said, limping his way into the parlor between Tonks and Ms. Weasley. Sirius entered the room last, amazed by the amount of people the parlor was struggling to hold. "Is everyone available accounted for?"

"Emmeline is with the muggle Prime Minister." Tonks chirped, her hair a duck colored yellow. "And you already said Kingsley's gone-"

"Good." Mad Eye cut in, his blue eye turning over in his head to survey the room, spending an abnormally long time stuck looking at Sirius. "We'll need to have pairs on duty until we can fully comprehend the magnitude of what has just happened. If Voldemort intends to use this breakout to fully uncover himself and attack the muggles or the ministry, we will rally under Dumbledore's signal to a location that is yet undecided." Mad-Eye's blue eye continued to roll, lingering on each person in turn, perhaps regarding them with suspicion. "It is my belief however that Voldemort will keep as quiet as possible, the Prophet has yet to report anything on this matter as they continue to deny his return, regardless we must be on constant alert until we will know his next move."

Some of them nodded, Sirius's heart sank a little as the chances of him going off to fight some great battle began to dwindle. This was double duty if anything, a couple hours and the prophet would post some garbage about prison transfers gone wrong and they would be back to where they were again, except Voldemort had some of his old death eaters back again.

"Who broke out?" Lupin asked, breaking Sirius away from his thoughts. "I heard Rockwood."

"Rockwood, Dolohov, Rabastan, Rodolphus, Travers..." Bill counted off on his fingers, his face strained, "Who else was it?"

"Mulciber." Doge added. "I think."

"Which leaves us to dividing out." Mad Eye said carefully, his normal eye doing a strained head count of those present. Sirius's fist clenched when he noticed he had been left uncounted, yet again this would be an event he would sit out. All of the other's were turning to Mad Eye however and hadn't noticed, they were all terrified and waiting to be assigned, nobody ever took into account the man who kept the door open for them as they left.

"I can take Diagon Alley," Bill said, It doesn't look suspicious if I work there. "Mum can come too, I'll pretend I'm taking her out to dinner."

Mad eye nodded and they both apparated on the spot, Lupin leaned in a little closer to Tonks and said something in her ear. Sirius cleared his throat loudly, watching Mad Eye pick them off in turns, watching some bicker and attempt to trade off areas. If only they had any idea how lucky they were to be able to get fresh air and to have a chance at fighting. Most of the Order members had gone after a few minutes and only Mundungus, Lupin and Tonks remained with Mad-Eye who was now looking strangely befuddled and argumentative. Both of his eyes fixed on Tonks before the glass eye swiveled to look at Sirius who was almost behind him.

"Oh come on Mad-Eye, you promised Dumbledore!" Tonks said, looking cheerily toward Sirius despite the events. Sirius stared at her, then back to Mad-Eye, clearly confused. Mad-Eye's scarred and lined face only grew more contorted and annoyed.

"It makes no sense to station anyone in Spinners End." Mad-Eye snapped, leaning on the parlor table for support as Tonks scoffed.

"You agreed though, didn't ya? You're gunna take him and that's final."

"Does anyone feel like telling me what's going on?" Sirius asked tersely. The mention of Spinner's End had his attention but his temper, already so close to the edge sparked up again as they talked about him as though he couldn't understand.

"Dumbledore said we should have somebody with Snape given he's currently recovering over the weekend from his procedure." Tonks grinned, watching Sirius's eye's light up. Mad-Eye continued to glare at Tonks as though she was proposing out right treason.

"And I don't see why we couldn't send Remus or Mundungus." Mad-Eye fired back. Lupin bit his lip, clearly wanting to agree yet already aware of how volatile Sirius was feeling.

"I'm going." Sirius stated plainly. "Remus or Tonks can watch the house, it doesn't matter."

Mad-Eye's glass eye quivered, clearly he was trying to disagree but with the fire in Sirius's eyes he didn't want to engage him.

"I'll watch the house." Tonks volunteered, "Me and Remus can do it together and you and Mundungus can take Sirius to Spinner's End before you go to Azkaban or whatever."

"You're takin' me to Azkaban?" Mundungus blurted loudly, clearly the first time he had been listening since Tonks had begun talking. He had been standing a ways back in the room fiddling with his pockets since the Order had gathered. Mad-Eye ignored him however.

"But it makes no sense with the Rendezvous!" Mad-Eye exclaimed, cornering Tonks. "If one of us is killed and can't take Sirius back, he'll be stuck there! And what if Sirius is attacked at Spinner's End? He can't call for help seeing as how he's in hiding!"

"Well aren't we all putting ourselves in danger?" Sirius roared, "I'm not going to sit back and watch this happen!"

Mad-Eye clearly wanted to dish out a line about keeping personal interests out of the Order's mission but knew both Tonks and Sirius would get nasty. Obviously not one to ever be cowed however, Mad-Eye simply turned to Mundungus angrily.

"We're going to Azkaban! And if the dementors somehow don't have you on enough of their lists we'll be cleared to patrol the northern border. Sirius," Mad-Eye heaved a chesty angry sigh, "Turn into a dog you stupid git, we haven't got forever."

Snape had awoken and was moving around slowly that night, having woken to Madame Pomfrey examining him and checking on the general status of the baby, he was still very sluggish and tired from the ordeal, and still in a great deal of pain. He had been in between waking and dreams and a general pain all day, his body sleeping off the potion and struggling to regrow the portions of his hips that Madame Pomfrey had removed.

He dreamed at first that he was living with Lily and that she was pregnant. It had been a very confusing dream as it seemed to incorporate both of their houses seamlessly and they continued to argue over the sex of the baby. Lily's sister was there and had started to yell at Snape, saying that Lily wasn't pregnant and that he had forgotten to do something very important. The dream melted into another, this time Snape was pregnant, but with a litter or puppies that were all Black and mangy looking- just as Sirius was in his animagus form. It was confusing as he was pregnant but the puppies were also there and were destroying his house. Then Voldemort appeared, assuring Snape the dogs were all too sick and runty and he began to drown them in Dumbledore's pensieve, Madame Pomfrey was crying.

The dreams were strange and intermittently he would wake to take some new potion from Madame Pomfrey and mumble incoherently.

Being an accomplished legilimens and general abstainer from alcohol, Snape didn't ever experience dreaming much at all anymore. He meditated peacefully before bed and was very careful to not let his waking life disturb what little sleep he could muster, now unwieldy and pregnant. The process was strangely relaxing to him as he seemed to carry around a lot of stress he wasn't aware of. The unfamiliar intoxicating feeling of floating was peaceful for once.

When he finally awoke he felt his body very carefully, relief flooding over him at the pitter pattering of the baby under his fingertips. The feeling was strong and healthy and Snape instantly knew he had done the right thing in getting his hips refitted.

The hips themselves were a little different then what Snape had imagined. His normally rigid and straight side bowed out in a feminine arch toward his thigh. His stomach, that usually dimpled low in his pelvic girdle seemed to carry lower, much less inhibited as the pressure put on by the baby meant that the hips buckled into a bowl.

His mouth was dry and bitter and he threw caution to the wind to sit up as best as he could, hoisting himself up to relax against the cracking wall and drink the water Madame Pomfrey had left for him.

Wider was the best way he could describe it, after finally leveling out somewhere in his twenties, he was very used to his body being a certain way. He vaguely could tell his own height and width without seeing it himself, so used to his own carriage. Now he felt strangely spread, his legs connected on a bowed axis that made him feel knock kneed and ungainly.

The pressure however was gone and Snape could tell the baby really had felt the strain of being so confined. Freely liberated, he was moving normally again, however sluggish from the aftermath of the potion.

His stress was evaporating, the overbearing emotion that had flooded him since Christmas had wafted away as though by a grace of wind. The baby would be fine, he would be fine. There might be some small bumps on the road, he wasn't honestly sure how walking would work at the moment, but these were things he could handle. Snape was the type of person who could go about things just fine if it just took a bit of practice and knowledge, but if there was little he could do, he felt powerless and did little but mope if a logical answer could not rise to the surface.

There were still many things that had to be sorted out and the circumstances surrounding the baby's birth would have to be determined later but for now he had done something previously unimaginable and not only survived, but was better for it.

His thoughts curled into happy musings and elated by the lack of focused pain he was feeling, he tried to stand, leaning on the empty dresser drawers beside his bed to keep balance, but still fairly sturdy. His new hips were very light and wide and his legs were still slightly numb from the procedure so all things considered he was very clumsy in his attempt to walk but keeping a steady hand on the wall and one over his stomach for support, he was able to make his way to the door. Leaning on the knob, he turned it and tried to force it open only to feel the door shutter, a whimpering bark audible.

Sirius had been laying on the floor of the hallway, now tossed to the side his wolfish eyes wide and alert. Snape jumped back, loosing balance and falling back in surprise.

The movement was so fast if Snape had blinked he would have missed it as Sirius had bounded foreword, transforming in one swift movement to catch him seconds before he hit the ground on his back. Snape gasped, his dark eyes catching Sirius's sunken ones for a moment, his pulse thundering in his ears.

"What in the name of Merlin-" Snape was furious, where had Madame Pomfrey gone and how the hell had Sirius managed to arrive?

"Death Eaters." Sirius stated plainly, the color draining from Snape's face as Sirius put a very cautious hand on either side of Snape's shoulders and gently hoisted him up, taking a step back to allow Snape his space, but letting him keep a firm hand on Sirius's arm in order to balance himself. Snape opted for the wall however, letting go of the man and putting a protective hand over his stomach.

"They escaped Azkaban, loads of them." Sirius added, unsure exactly whether or not Snape believed him as his gaze was fixed to the floor, "Dolohov, Rockwood..." Sirius strained to remember.

It was hard to maintain a level of morose sincerity when Sirius looked at the man, Sirius was sure he was to be bedridden for days after what had happened, and yet he was half standing and alert. He wasn't too sure about how peaky he looked as a decided thinness had taken over Snape's face, but his stomach was bigger then ever, more full and rounded as the baby had grown over the month's time they had been apart. Sirius couldn't help staring.

"Where is Madame Pomfrey?" Snape asked lowly, easing his way back to the bed, still keeping his eyes to the floor or the window, anywhere but at Sirius.

"I think she had to leave." Sirius said, trying very hard not to follow Snape across the room or help him as he knew it would only annoy him. "Mad-Eye brought me here and explained to her that she should go back to Hogwarts to look after the students, what with the situation and all, it would look a little fishy if she wasn't there."

"How did they escape?" Snape asked, easing himself onto the mattress.

"No one knows, but Dumbledore suspects the Dementors are in on it. Listen, Snape." Sirius bit his lip, trying to keep his tone low and his voice as calm and relaxed as possible. "I'm sorry, I really am, for everything I said. I mean, you know how I feel about Harry and sometimes it's just hard-"

"Save it," Snape murmured, pressing his head to the pillow. He was still slightly looped by the potion he had taken and he was entirely too numb to be dealing with Sirius at the moment. Snape wasn't at all sure what he wanted to say- whether he wanted to throw the man out in the street or insist he return to Grimmauld Place, but anything he said now would come out wrong the way his mind was buzzing. Sirius's face darkened.

"There isn't anything I can do now?" Sirius asked, the calm tone in his voice much more forced. "We're both in danger, me and you and keeping me out isn't really going to help you, is it? We're both in the Order, right? The best we can do is just try to work something out and damn the consequences."

Snape snapped his eyes back open, it was hard to keep them focused for a length of time but in that moment he knew Sirius was being sincere, not that that was much in question anymore- Sirius was never dishonest with him but it was his own flagrant emotion that put Snape off more then anything.

"I'm tired," Snape half whimpered, burying his head in the pillow childishly. "Leave me alone."

Sirius said nothing, astounded by Snape's strange behavior and caught off guard by the bluntness of it. For a few moments he just stood in the middle of the room, mouthing wordlessly as though practicing some speech, however with a small pop he turned into his animagus form. Approaching with caution he nuzzled close to Snape's arm, laying his head on the bed with his large soulful eyes. Exasperated, Snape turned, fully prepared to swat him away, but instead he stared longly at the dog. Arguing was pointless and he wasn't even fully able to call upon his senses to dispute Sirius's affection. The dog's gaze however, was purely fixed over his belly. The want inside him was so strong it was clearly hurting him.

Snape rolled his eyes, laying back down upon his pillow but readjusting so Sirius could put his nose to his belly.

Sirius did, sniffing carefully over the rise then laying close, one ear perked as though listening. The baby shuttered inside, rolling deliberately strong as though sensing it's other father. Snape found himself hating the both of them for a moment, annoyed how excited they both were in the presence of each other, but more so because the baby wouldn't stop moving while he was trying to be relaxed.

* * *

><p><strong>Short, yes. But I figure you guys would prefer something over nothing. Life is consistently trying and full of distractions. I tried to manage a bit of an interchange between Sirius and Snape so I hope that satisfies your lust for now.<strong>

**GUESS WHO IS ON POTTERMORE? If you have any ambition to friend me or duel me shoot me a PM and I'll tell you my username. I was sorted into Slytherin so fast it was rather amusing. No hat stall no nothing, Slytherin from the get-go. **

**Anyways, Review please, I promise I will write more if you do. **


	19. Whatever Works

Snape had expected new hips to mean something like a new lease on his life but with the troubling news of the mass breakout and occlumency with Potter, it really was much of the same.

Arriving back after the weekend was difficult and Madame Pomfrey had almost knocked him over on his way to breakfast, calling him into an abandoned classroom to assess how he was feeling.

"That terrible man Moody called me off! To think it was like he almost knew why I was there, I couldn't believe it when he said he was there on Dumbledore's orders, could you believe that?"

"I'm fine Pomfrey," Snape said, trying to calm her down. He knew that she was likely to be flustered because she was afraid of being found out and sacked by Umbridge. Snape was truthfully rather glad she had left when persuaded to by Moody, as there would have been no way to have her there with Sirius and not cause something of a confusion.

"Expect me tonight for a checkup," She said plainly, making her way back to the classroom door, she peered outside of it very carefully, as though expecting Umbridge herself to have followed them.

"Pomfrey," Snape said, almost forgetting himself as he walked to the door behind her. He felt suddenly sick to his stomach, and not because the baby had been acting up, but for the sudden realization that he had yet to thank her for fixing him, for lack of better words. Madame Pomfrey looked up, a little stunned by the sudden softness in Snape's tone, he blushed a little.

"I just wanted to say thanks." He murmured stupidly. Looking absently at his stomach while his hair drooped in curtains over his face. "I mean, I am feeling fine now, something I wasn't for a good while and I had a lot of reasons to worry, but-"

Madame Pomfrey cut him off with a choked laugh that she instantly tried to stifle at the scandalized look on Snape's face.

"I'm sorry Severus, I really am very pleased." She bit her lips and took a step back from the door. "I mean, I could have won the order of merlin for the work we've done but because we're keeping this secret, no one will ever know right?" She chuckled softly to herself. "But seeing you this pleased with what I've done makes up for it. I mean, I'm sorry for how this sounds, but who would have thought you for a father?"

Before Snape could think to hard on her words, she left the classroom, making her way to the great hall for breakfast. He did feel a little strange, a little out of sorts and somehow bubbly over the whole thing. He could walk and move now without feeling as though he was in excruciating pain, the pressure was still there but he felt as though that was to be expected even with females.

Hogwarts post-azkaban breakout was much more on edge despite the attitude of the ministry. The teachers had taken to talking in groups much more often, whether it was in front of Umbridge or not. The published article in the prophet had gotten everyone riled up, making most of the student body a lot more vocal and interested in other possibilities regarding what might really be happening with Voldemort. Snape had stopped at the headline however, feeling sick, his worst fears metastasizing.

**BLACK IS RALLYING POINT FOR OLD DEATH EATERS**

This was exactly why Snape had tried cutting off ties with Sirius, to protect him as well as the baby. In some parallel universe where somehow Sirius's name was cleared and Voldemort was gone or unaware, they might be able to fix something up- a custody share at the least.

But it was a dream to think that safety would be assured if Sirius was allowed partial parenthood.

It was stupid to think even that Sirius would endanger the life of their child by wanting to see it. The words Sirius had spoke when he had apologized continued to come to the surface of his mind as Snape brooded over the his involvement.

_"We're both in danger, me and you and keeping me out isn't really going to help you, is it? We're both in the Order, right? The best we can do is just try to work something out and damn the consequences."_

The single day they had spent with Snape recovering had been very calm and peaceful. If it was any indication of what Snape would expect, sharing a child with the man, he would have been convinced it was a good idea. Snape had fallen asleep with Sirius curled up around his belly, feeling for his son. When he awoke he found Sirius had procured an entire meal for him of eggs and toast with a side of porridge and sausage. Snape finished the meal and sat reading in the armchair in his living room, still a little drowsy and not used to walking.

Sirius had sat in the corner as a dog, his eyes alert and watchful, occasionally leaving the room to do a quick lap of the house, staying away from the doors and windows however. In the evening, when Snape felt he was finally as alert and wakeful as he was before the procedure, he tried walking around the house with Sirius at his side, his hand in a fistful of fur for support as his stiff jaunt became more of a regular walk.

"You know we could try to do this right." Sirius said in the late evening over a bowl of soup and crackers. They had lit a fire to warm up the house from the freezing rain that was starting to fall. "It wouldn't be so bad I think if we could just work together."

Snape said nothing, knowing full well not to make any lofty plans he couldn't keep when it came to the baby. He stirred his soup carefully, keeping his eyes downcast.

They had parted ways in the late evening. Lupin coming to get Sirius once Mad Eye and Dumbledore had been sure that there would be no simultaneous attacks. Snape was to leave for Hogsmede that same night. Lupin stared between the both of them as Snape stood leaning in the doorway, wrapped in a blanket and his bathrobe that had been tied carefully over his overlarge belly.

"Can you do something for me?" Sirius asked very cautiously, his dark shadowy eyes looking very daring in the half light of the fire.

"What." Snape mumbled, not sure if he liked the look of desperation in his eyes.

"I was just wondering if it wouldn't be too much trouble for you to write to me." Sirius asked, Lupin scratched his nose carefully, digging in his pockets for some imagined object. Snape blinked. "I know you'll be really busy but I would just really appreciate it if you could give me any idea on how the baby is doing. If you've got the time."

Snape nodded strangely, as though Sirius's emotions were pulling at some puppeteers sting that was holding him up. Sirius beamed, transforming without argument so he and Lupin could make their way back. Snape was left with his empty house and the sound of the rain pounding the rooftop.

But with the ministry convincing themselves and a good majority of the daily prophet readership- any serious attempt Snape could make to begin a letter was quickly quashed for fear it would be intercepted by Umbridge.

There was little Snape could do to dwell on Sirius during the day however with classes barreling down towards the end of the year. Snape's classes were well known for being especially anxiety-ridden for N.E.W.T and O.W.L students and this year was no exception. While Snape was more physically and mentally exhausted then most of his students as his work load was fast exceeding his limit with papers to correct every day late into the night, he was disappointed to find that his new rounded hips could not give him a better nights sleep. The baby seemed to have taken up the position of night owl in his life and in addition to keeping him snacking constantly, it tossed and turned whenever Snape tried to lay down, adamantly refusing to go to bed until very late at night. It wasn't until Snape was nearly at his breaking point at two in the morning, eyes wet from crying about how miserable and tired he was that the baby empathized and stilled for a few hours.

Snape was starting to wonder if Crookshanks had a psychic link with the baby. He would stay up mindlessly shifting through tests for seventh years and the cat would come into his room, meowing loudly until Snape allowed him space on his ottoman, then curled up to his feet. Within fifteen minutes the cat found it's way into his largely baby-filled lap, nuzzling the fabric of his shirt that was stretched over his stomach and instantly the baby would stop moving and fall asleep. Exhausted himself, Snape typically put his papers aside and let his head lull back over the side of the chair, too heavy and tired to move into his bed.

The lack of sleep would be emotional enough if it wasn't for the fact that his students were slowly putting things together in their mind about what might be happening to their teacher. If it wasn't for the news of the escaped death eaters, Snape was sure that his own strange appearance would have taken first priority.

Before the procedure, Snape had looked bizarre. His usually bat-like and skinny appearance somehow bolted to his pregnant stomach. His legs had looked rather disconnected to the whole process as they had rested painfully straight below the bulge. Now he looked rather effeminate as his entire gait had taken on a sort of rounded female lick. His stomach appeared larger and more curved and his spine seemed to be the continuation of one harmonious line running down his frame. The students and staff alike noticed this and all Snape could do was layer up and take everything in stride. As easy as it had been initially to dock house points for gawking at him, the bigger he got the more students wondered, taking extra seconds to sweep him with their eyes, clearly starting to make assumptions about what was going on.

It was most annoying to see Potter and his friends sharing whispers as he would occasionally pass by. For awhile Snape wondered if Black might have put Potter in the loop, asking him for information on what Snape had been up to. The boy had backed off of him slightly during the day but there was still the matter of the Occlumency lessons they shared weekly. Snape was taking extra precaution to rid his mind of not only matters pertaining to Lily or his childhood, but also any about Sirius or the baby. Typically he could keep his head very organized and knew Potter would be unable to break through, but with his strange mood swings and distracting thoughts that would surface at the worst of times, he knew it was best to put up his guard.

Valentines day came and went with little interruption from the school at large. The only real difference with the attitude of the teachers was that Umbridge seemed to be buckling down, preparing to sack some of them. Trelawney and Hagrid were the most at risk, both of them looking worse for wear as they attended meals and walked through the castle. They were more jumpy and seemed to constantly be looking behind their backs for the presence of Umbridge. The mood turned so paranoid and loathsome that everyone seemed to be at their breaking point.

Snape had only been going to the teachers lounge to grab a muffin and some tea during his break when McGonagall came flying through the door. She whipped out her wand violently and began tapping the lock and casting an array of protective spells over the doors. Snape turned to watch, mouth full of tea and muffin, Flitwick, Sprout, Burbage, and Vector were all looking on, horror-struck.

"Minerva?" Sprout asked, "What's-"

"That terrible woman!" McGonagall explained between spells, still waving various incantations around the room at large. They all nodded, fully aware of who she was talking about.

"What has she done now?" Sprout asked cautiously, "It's not another one of those educational decrees, is it?"

"No," Professor McGonagall finished, sitting down beside Sprout and Burbage, summoning a fresh cup of tea from the refreshments table. "It's her damn nosiness into my private business! She's been trying to get Filch to get her into the private records of the school, the ones she hasn't gotten her hands on yet, regarding the private notes from Dumbledore for our own quarterly reviews."

"Did Filch let her?" Flitwick asked squeakily, "I thought only the governors-"

"I don't know." McGonagall took a long trying sip of her tea. "I'll tell you though, this has been the worst year I've ever had to teach. I could take on Slytherin's monster before I do another year of this."

"I know," Burbage agreed. "At least you haven't had your whole curriculum come under fire for being, 'A waste of time and money the school could put toward increasing O.W.L test scores' I mean really." Burbage sighed angrily, setting down her book on the history of ancient muggle recreation.

"Don't you go thinking that Umbridge thinks I'm a good teacher for actually teaching my subject and not the damn theory." McGonagall rolled her eyes. "She's done that to you too, hasn't she Flitwick?"

Flitwick nodded gravely, summoning his own tea.

"She's already been asking about former teachers and why I believe it's best to hold the class back with demonstration when they could be doing research into basic latin charms theory."

The room shifted suddenly to Snape, the only one still standing who had said nothing since McGonagall's sudden entrance. Their anger seemed to suddenly cool, looking at him.

"How have you been keeping up Severus?" McGonagall asked quietly and politely, blushing slightly as she calmed down.

"She's been doing the same thing in my classes as well," Snape said quickly, wondering if this was a usual break activity for the other teachers. "She's also all about trying to stop subsidized potion ingredients, as though she thinks that all students have the money to buy them on their own time."

The teachers seemed not to hear him, but rather were raking in his whole body with their eyes. This was something he was so used to by now that it took a moment to register. Snape blushed, they hadn't been asking about Umbridge.

"I was just talking to Professor Dumbledore earlier this morning," McGonagall said, "I was wondering about the baby, I mean."

"The baby is fine." Snape said, caught back a little by how interested yet polite everyone was. It was pretty usual to see them watching him from across the table during meal times, but this was a more polite and careful look. He licked his lips, surveying the room. "It's going to be a boy."

A strange collective noise between an awe and applause rang through the room, Snape blushed scarlet, twiddling his muffin in his hands.

"Why don't you sit down with us?" Sprout pulled out a chair between them. Not wanting to offend, Snape took it, and was instantly bombarded with questions the teachers had been keeping possibly all year but had been too afraid to ask, forgetting Umbridge entirely.

He carefully explained finding out the sex for christmas time and the procedure he underwent to make his hips wider, leaving out major points like Sirius and Madame Pomfrey. The teachers only seemed to care about the baby, or at least were understanding enough not to ask about who the father was or how exactly it was coming out. They seemed to act as though it was a miracle that Snape had planned and any more information then that was not their business. Only Professor McGonagall picked up on some of the finer details in between his words- being the most involved in the Order of the Pheonix out of all the other staff.

"I can't remember the last time we had a Professor that's been expecting," Flitwick said thoughtfully, turning to McGonagall and sprout in turn. "It hasn't happened at least in twenty years I'd expect."

"You weren't planning on doing anything with your family or friends to celebrate, were you Severus?" Professor Sprout asked, summoning herself a fresh drink.

"Celebrate?" Snape narrowed his eyes a little, wondering exactly what they meant.

"Like a baby shower." Sprout added, "A kind of party that is thrown for the mother before she gives birth." Snape bit his lip, the hand that he had kept resting on his stomach twitched slightly.

"We could always do something here," Professor Vector piped up, "Something small, you know,"

"I wouldn't want to trouble you." Snape said firmly, disliking the idea more and more as the teachers faces brightened, looking to each other with excitement at the prospect.

"Nonsense," McGonagall cut in, "It's not just a party Severus, typically the point of the affair is to give gifts to the mother-to-be. Everyone would bring something you could use for the baby."

The idea still didn't sit very well as Snape didn't want to feel as though his peers should be obligated to buy him things. Snape liked to keep a nice distance, it wasn't as though the other teachers bothered him or that he thought they were bad at their job, but he was a creature of solitude by nature. The other's were long past trying to get him to come to Hogsmede and The Three Broomsticks with them because he preferred a quiet night with a book. Sometimes he worried that the other teachers would not like him because of his former affiliations with Voldemort, but Snape knew that they would have probably been incredibly forgiving if he could get over how introverted he was.

"What do you have right now for the baby anyway?" McGonagall asked. The look in her eye that she exchanged with him gave off the feeling that she had been very curious as to how Snape's finances were going. She could only know Sirius was involved just so much and she probably had no idea that he was geared up to start paying for any bills that might arise.

"Well," Snape thought carefully. "I really only have a crib at the moment."

"That settles it then, we ought to do something." Sprout said delightedly. "Heavens knows if you get paid what I'm paid then you'll need a leg up."

Snape managed a friendly smile, he looked down to his stomach now, the baby contented not to kick as he finished his muffin and tea. He had no clue as to how to prepare a party for himself, especially with the ministry breathing down their necks and poking into their personal lives. Truthfully, the party would probably be more of an event to blow off steam for Hogwarts staff then any real celebration of Snape's baby.

"So if it's a boy, did you have any good names in mind?" McGonagall asked, seeing the obvious drop in Snape's amusement at the proclamation of a party. It was a good question, and Snape felt confident in his answer, as he had just been thinking seriously on the matter since returning to the castle. He found the tradition of naming young witches and wizards after gods and constellations rather annoying- the practice being part of the pure blood mania that modern families were still immersed in. It wouldn't have been something Lily would like; naming his son after a god from a dead culture, rather he liked the idea of naming the boy after plants and flowers, just like the Evans had done with Lily and Petunia.

Snape had found it hard to find a fitting masculine name that he could imagine saying over and over again, and part of him worried that his son might be teased for not having a common name. Snape remembered however that he was a pregnant man out of wedlock and if any bully had time to over look that, the name would probably not be such a big deal.

"I was thinking about the name Alder," Snape answered casually, watching on pleasurably as the teachers looked impressed and enthused with his choice. The baby itself fluttered slightly as though to cement the idea.

"It's short but, as Dumbledore might say, filled with letters." McGonagall beamed at him. "I would love to spend the rest of my afternoon hiding in here but I do have one last class before the day is over."

The rest of the teachers had similar plans, stacking their used cups for a house elf to collect. Snape himself backed out of his chair to stand, putting a supportive hand across his belly.

"We'll have something worked out that will be casual and covert." McGonagall murmured to him as she gathered a few of her books that she had thrown down. "We'll work around your schedule too so don't worry, we won't plan for it during Potter's occlumency lessons."

Snape wanted to call the whole thing off in private but knew from the bottom of his heart that he would need everything that he could get for free, even if it meant a little embarrassment. Instead he nodded curtly, parting his hair carefully with a wave of his hand, McGonagall looked intently at his belly.

"I really do look foreword to seeing your son Severus," She held out a long fingered yet gentle hand, "May I?"

It was probably the first time that someone other then Madame Pomfrey or Sirius had gotten close to him and Snape felt strange how familiar this was becoming. He knew however that refusing was not an option and sighed lightly, taking her hand by the wrist to guide her over to were the baby was stretched, kicking lightly toward the top of his belly. He felt very uncomfortable with this at first, the other teachers lingering as they began to leave, obviously fascinated. McGonagall smiled however she withdrew her hand and looked very pleased.

The day ended with an unexpected surge of warm air and a break in the clouds for long enough to reveal the sun. The snow reflected the light and the entirety of the grounds seemed to sparkle dazzlingly bright. Some students ventured outside to roughhouse in the snow but Snape could only draw the blinds to allow a little more light to work, forced to toil at the essays, specifically the third years work on undetectable poisons which was the best class to grasp the subject thus far.

Snape enjoyed the short break in the overcast sky for the sun a little too much, as he kept getting distracted. He had taken a room on the first floor not long into his teaching position as staying in the dungeons was messing with his internal cycle. The first floor was not often asked for in a living quarters, most teachers preferring to either be close to their classrooms, or in the case of heads of house- near the students they were assigned. That was if they were even boarding in the school.

Marciana came through the window around twilight, a dead mole in her mouth that she seemed eager to show him. Snape patted her head and gave her an owl treat to chew on while he finished his work, only having to use his angry red ink a few times for corrections. Every few moments, his hand crept to his stomach, the baby seemed to have calmed down slightly and was allowing him a moments time to sit and work without interruption. He kept thinking over the same word in his mouth, tonguing against his teeth. _Alder._

It hadn't been real until he had told someone and now it seemed arranged, final. Alder Evans Snape, he supposed silently to himself, assuming that Sirius would not object to the last name. Alder Evans Snape-Black seemed too long and tiring, it also gave a very definite shared connotation to the child that Snape couldn't quite enjoy. Half a Snape made it seem like it was only half his child, which, he reminded himself dreadfully, it was.

Snape couldn't make himself angry as hard as he thought, the sun pouring in was too kind and too hopeful to begin his mind down any dark paths. Marciana hooted, closing her eyes peacefully on her perch on his bed post. He wondered what Sirius could have been doing, back at Grimmauld Place.

Without much thought, he capped the bottle of red ink and drew out his standard black one, dipping his eagle feather quill and unfurling a small roll of parchment. He didn't know what to say but he was feeling almost sympathetic to Sirius, stuck at the Order headquarters without much more to do then twiddle his thumbs and wait for some news or action to get to him.

He knew though that he couldn't say much with Umbridge frisking owls, he would have to be as unreadable as possible.

_Feeling well, thinking of the name Alder. Old family name. _

It was a lie, but Snape thought that if Sirius could complain about Snape picking the name, he should at least have a good reason that Sirius could not ignore.

_We need to discuss where we will be at this summer at some point, I've been thinking when he comes I want to do it at my house. Limited people around, private. _

This was true as the last thing Snape wanted while he was giving birth was a crowd. He was not sure if doing a home birth would be entirely successful or preferred when it came to Madame Pomfrey's medi-witch guidance. But going to St. Mungo's was out of the question. He had only seen the birthing area of the place once- by accident. He had stumbled onto the floor by following someone onto the wrong floor from the lift. It had a very strange feel, not at all as scary and sterile as the rest of the hospital. Rather it felt like a very relaxing and quiet place, the lights were floating and dimmed to half their strength as they hovered toward the ceiling. For a place filled with newborns, he had not heard one cry as they all seemed to be content to sleep with their mothers in their private wards. Now he wished he had lingered for longer then it took to find the right lift.

_After that I don't know exactly what would be the best plan of action. I would like for us to meet up sometime next month if it's convenient. _

Snape rolled up the parchment and gave it to Marciana, who looked amazed he had finally decided to use her services for once. She took off through the window and sailed in the direction of London. Snape put his work away, rubbing his stomach and thinking long and hard.

Since becoming pregnant, he had maintained something of a birth canal that he could actually use. When he began his monthly cycle, his downstairs area did change from his usual, distinct male form, to something much less obvious. As his cycle waned, he would change back, and this went on for years without much trouble. He was forced to wear women's undergarments during this time, as they were the only thing that would support a functioning cleaning spell because they hugged his privates accordingly.

He had just assumed that he would be able to give birth in 'the natural way' or whatever was natural for him. The possibility that he wouldn't be able to was frightening now, he would have to make sure it was possible with Madame Pomfrey.

The baby shuffled slightly, readjusting under his ribs and Snape took a deep breath, relaxing his shoulders. The name Alder floating to the surface of his mind, it was not something as brutal and harsh as a greek god or an ancient ruler, but it was strong and mighty in it's own way. He hoped his son might live up to the composed and wise idea he had in his mind, but what if there really was some Black in there too?

Harry was pondering his Rita Skeeter interview a little too much to finish his homework, sitting in the Gryffindor common room and staring absently at the dying sun, the book he had borrowed from Hermione on exemplifying spell fundamentals wasn't interesting enough to hold his attention. In the corner by the fireplace, some seventh years were discussing the upcoming qudditch match- Gryffindor versus Hufflepuff- in loud voices.

Hermione herself was too caught up in Spellman's Syllabary to notice much as Harry shut the book, digging through the rest of his homework to see if anything else he had to do could amuse him much more. He found his last letter from Sirius among the loose bits of parchment, mostly notes he had taken and doodles he had made in Divination. Grimly, he looked over the paper, wishing he had Sirius's help for some transfiguration practice he had to do.

Ron and Ginny were at Quidditch practice, Harry was feeling a little less bitter since his banishment, perhaps glad he at least had enough time to do homework, as bleak as that sounded. He was past the point of moping and lamenting at least. Now he was just filled with the burning hatred of Umbridge, which he used to his advantage in teaching his DA lessons.

The Marauders Map fell out of his stack of papers and he opened it carefully. Occasionally he would pour over the map when he was bored or curious to see exactly what was going on in the castle. He tapped it with his wand quickly, as not to let Hermione see him getting distracted, and watched as the little veins of ink pulsed to life, the plan of the castle drawing itself out with many dots. Many people were coming back inside from the grounds, clearly enjoying the warm day to play in the snow. He found his and Hermione's dots sitting in the common room and the Gryffindor team zooming about the quidditch pitch. From a short distance Fred and George were standing watch, perhaps far enough so Ron couldn't see them.

Still angry, Harry looked to find Umbridge who was walking around the teachers lounge with Filch and a Grayish dot that was unmarked- Harry guessed it must have been Ms. Norris. Dumbledore was in his office, apparently working and Professor McGonagall was there as well. Harry often wondered how involved the Order of the Pheonix was with Hogwarts, considering the organization made up of some of the staff, he pondered how often meetings must take place there. But then again, it was rare to see Snape or Hagrid in the headmaster's office, McGonagall and Dumbledore must simply be good friends.

It was rare to see Hagrid away from his house nowadays, what with being on probation, he had been shamed into staying in his little cottage on the edge of the grounds. The grayish dot of fang was sitting next to him, Harry imagined he was probably tending to another one of his mysterious wounds.

Harry checked the dungeons for Snape but could not find him anywhere near the Slytherin common room, locating him instead on the first floor with another dot overlapping his- appearing almost as though they were stuck together. One reading clearly Severus Snape, the other Alder Snape.

Harry studied the map carefully, wondering why Snape would be so close to the person. Pets were not labeled on the map and yet as Snape moved slowly around the room, the dot remained overlapping his own and did not seem to move elsewhere.

"Hermione, do you think Snape has a brother?" Harry asked.

* * *

><p><strong>Nearly a month later I miraculously make something happen.<strong>

**Spring is here. I am doing things. Mostly work but also attempting to read and draw and stuff like that. **

**Talking about birth-this thing is getting to be ALMOST OVER. Can you believe it? I WILL be ending it basically with the end of OOTP. I may do a little epilogue sort of thing if it's in demand but the assured end will be the end of the school year. **

**Review and such! I enjoy hearing from everyone. I think this is a pretty satisfactory chapter. Plenty going on to chew on for awhile.**


	20. Muscle Memory

The quibbler article had given Harry plenty to think about as the whole school seemed to be buzzing about it. As Hermione had said, Umbridge's educational decree only seemed to boost the readership to the paper and between classes and during break periods, the furtive looks his classmates had been giving him all year- because they believed him to be a liar- had become something new entirely. They eagerly asked him questions if they had the time, otherwise they gave him pensive looks, as though trying to work out the truth in their minds.

The appearance of the mysterious Alder Snape on the map still had Harry curious however, and as the gossip and noise seemed to die down, and the realization that he was banned from Hogsmede sunk in, Harry began to ponder the map more closely.

"Why would Snape be bringing relatives into the castle?" Harry had asked Ron and Hermione one night. He was as before, supposed to be doing Homework but had drawn out the map instead to see Snape back in his office with Alder Snape overlapping his own dot. Ron seemed rather interested as well, taking the map from Harry to squint at the tiny dots.

"You've seen this before you said?" Ron shook the map a little as though expecting the dots to untangle. "Alder Snape?"

"Yeah, a couple of times actually. The dots are always the same, even when he's in his classroom." Harry took the map back, spreading it out over the divination homework he was supposed to be finishing. "What do you think Hermione?"

Hermione had been headfirst in her syllabury book all night and could only be bothered when Ron nudged her slightly and she flinched, looking up.

"I don't know, maybe the map is glitched."

"But the map never lies, Lupin said it himself." Ron said, offering her the map. "Why do you reckon Snape's got relatives coming into the castle, do you think he's got brothers in the order or something?"

"More likely they're death eaters," Harry mumbled aloud. "Snape never seemed the familial type."

"Well maybe that's why Sirius told you to keep an eye on him." Ron cut in, a dawning realization on his face. "Maybe Sirius knew Snape would have some brothers of his come to the castle, maybe he overheard Snape talking about them and he wants you to make sure he isn't up to anything."

"Don't be stupid Ron," Hermione snorted, looking at the map now with a strange curiosity crossing her face. She folded over the page she was on in Spellmans Syllabury. "None of us have actually seen strangers in and out of the castle other then those ministry officials Umbridge keeps bringing in, and besides." She looked to Harry, "You just saw this the other day, didn't you? Why would Sirius warn you about this at the beginning of school and not even give you details about it?

"It's order business then, isn't it?" Ron suggested, lowering his voice, "Sirius knows he can't tell us everything."

"Then why isn't Alder moving at all?" Hermione said, holding up the map to show that the dot for Alder was fixed on top of Snape's dot in his private quarters. "I'm betting you Alder is a pet or something of Snape's."

"Pets show up as gray dots," Harry showed her the owlery on the map which was full of constantly shuffling dots for the students owls. "The map only recognizes people."

Hermione examined the map again, looking at the owlery and some of the other miscellaneous dots for cats and toads that were wandering around the school. The gray dot of Crookshanks was nestled into Hermione's bed in the girls dormitory.

"Maybe Snape's brother is an animagus." Ron pondered, "Like Sca-Wormtail, or Rita Skeeter or something. Maybe Alder is something small enough that can fit into Snape's pocket or something."

"Fit into his pocket?" Hermione sounded as though she were about to laugh when a look of incredulousness filled her face and Ron and Harry stared.

"Wha-?" Ron looked as Hermione unfolded the map to show the other west side panel, her fingers tracing up to Ravenclaw tower. Her eyes darted up and down the girls bunks inside the tower until she made a strange _ah!_ noise and bit her lip.

"Well?" Ron asked, "Give us your best answer."

"Catrine Lambsheer." Hermione pointed to the map, indicating a dot in Ravenclaw tower. Harry and Ron stood up to get a better look, trying to follow Hermione's finger.

"I don't get it." Harry said blankly. Hermione pointed harder.

"She has the same overlapping dot as Snape's!" Hermione said, gesturing to the doubled dot and then back to Snape's. Both were almost identical, except-"

"But her's hasn't got a name by it or anything." Ron said, "Why is it like that?"

"She's pregnant." Hermione said pointedly, Harry and Ron both paled.

"Pregnant? But can't you get sent home for that?" Ron said rather loudly. A couple of girls from the far corner stared, Ron blushed pink.

"I don't think she's told anyone yet but because it's later in the year I doubt they would force her out of school." Hermione said, but again she pointed to the sets of dots carefully.

"Hermione," Harry began very cautiously, "Are you trying to say that you think Snape is pregnant?"

Hermione simply shrugged, Ron snorted rather loudly, both of them looked incredulous but Hermione seemed completely unfazed.

"You do realize that's impossible, right?" Ron said in lowered tones, "I don't know if you know, but men can't get pregnant."

"Of course I know Ron," Hermione sniffed, "But there are all sorts of things that witches and wizards can do that are a lot more extraordinary, aren't there?"

"But how could he have done it? I've never heard of it before. You'd think I'd know if blokes just started having babies" Ron argued, looking around to ensure no one was watching him. The whole possibility seemed to shock him more then Hermione who was mildly interested at best.

"There are a lot of things you haven't heard of Ron, namely what's going to be on our O.W.L's this year, but that doesn't make them go away." Hermione sighed. She turned to Harry, ignoring Ron's annoyed look. "It is rather fishy though, if it's true at all. I'm guessing it probably wasn't something he tried for."

It was rather obvious to all of them, as well as the rest of the school that Snape seemed to be putting on weight, particularly in his stomach, but the idea that Severus Snape, notorious lover of the dark arts had somehow knocked himself up was rather ludicrous. It was a much easier to believe that Snape was getting older and fatter like the rest of his colleagues then to prove he had magicked life to grow inside him. The thought of it did not waver in any of their minds however until they finally broke down one day in the library, intent to put the idea to rest.

"It does seem rather impossible." Hermione explained, pouring over a thicker tome they had checked out regarding herbal remedies for fertility. "There simply aren't any recordings of a biological male carrying a pregnancy to term."

"When you say biological-" Ron started.

"I mean that they were born a male and didn't change genders." Hermione quipped, shutting the book at a section on moon brewing. "Unless Snape was born a hermaphrodite, I don't see how it could be possible."

They sat in silence for a moment, a strange chill coming over them as they thought about the possibility that Snape was somehow inter-sexed. The notion was almost comical to Harry who could not imagine the potion master he had grown up partially in fear of- to have some sort of strong maternal streak that had yet been seen. Assuming that Alder Snape was somehow his unborn child and Snape was actually going to have a child, what exactly was to come of it all.

"You do suppose that this is alright?" Ron asked the both of them guardedly.

"Suppose what?" Harry turned from Hermione to Ron, who looked a little sick.

"This sort of sneaking around," Ron shifted anxiously. "What if there really is something going on with Snape, what if he really is... well... what do you think?"

"You were all over trying to figure out why Sirius had put me on the watch at the beginning of the year." Harry laughed, Ron's face could only darken as Harry shook his head. "Why are you getting cold feet?"

"Snape is getting a little touchy about his figure if you hadn't noticed." Ron mouthed across the library desk. "He's been giving out detentions left and right to any student that so much as mumbles anything about it. But besides that," Ron was now looking to the sky high cases of books that created an enclosure around them, as though they had eyes. "I'll bet you 10 galleons that if Snape really is up the duff, the ministry doesn't know a thing about it. I'll bet you he's so angry about it because he's afraid to lose his job."

"You wouldn't want to see Snape sacked?" Harry joked, Hermione looked scandalized.

Despite what Ron had said, Harry was just a curious as ever. Hermione seemed to believe that privacy was best and swore off trying to find out more about the whole ordeal, and so without much of a guide for research, Harry was left to ponder exactly what Snape was up to alone. He began taking out the map and studying it periodically during the day, finding Alder and Snape always connected no matter where Snape was in the castle.

Harry thought about writing to Sirius as well, wondering if what Sirius had asked Harry to do was at all related. If so, why did Sirius care? He might have guessed it was because both himself and Sirius believed Snape to be suspicious, but the look in his godfathers eyes had not been malevolent. Rather, he was concerned, almost scared.

Snape had been keeping to his room more then ever in late february, not out of enjoyment for the occasional company of Marciana, but to avoid the prying eyes of Umbridge and the more curious students. It wasn't as though he didn't have plenty of work to be getting on with. His hand ached from the endless corrections he was doing well into every night. The ministry was extra involved with O.W.L's and N.E.W.T's that year and the amount of release forms teachers had to go through and sign for each class had doubled. Extra laws had been passed just to infuriate and divide the teachers, trying to get many of the older crowd to resign before Umbridge made a public display of them. Snape had signed them all with caution, reading over the emboldened areas about holding the staff responsible for any major failing grades.

Sirius had written back to him very quickly, Snape supposed he was probably ecstatic to see Snape had sent him anything at all and jumped at the chance to return post.

_Name sounds fine, we should talk about last names at some point too. I personally don't mind whichever way. Glad you are feeling well, try to see if we can arrange something with Dumbledore for meeting up._

It was the last thing Snape wanted to do but was the smartest in terms of being safe and working around the ministry. Dumbledore would be able to use the means at his disposal to either get Sirius into the castle or to get Snape to Grimmauld Place without being traced. It was all very hopeful and strange to him, as though he was coming out of a long depression. Things were working out better then before, his work seemed easier and the baby, while not quite settled into any routine that made sense, was at least less active at night. His approaching due date was now his center focus, with student exams taking a backseat, he poured over the parenting book Sirius had gifted him.

Snape was by nature a rather stubborn person and had only taken to looking through the book to amuse himself at first. He couldn't think of any other proper wizard families that bought parenting books and didn't think he would need to bother with one. The developmental aspects of them would surely be the only things worth knowing, but as his eyes strayed to the sections of building emotional wellness, confidence, and independence, his interests peaked.

His parents certainly had never bothered with any sort of instruction from muggles or wizards when it came to child rearing and Snape had felt it growing up. His mother, while well meaning and kind in her own way was very indecisive and spineless. In his early teens it had frustrated him to a point where he often wanted to run away from home, but his father's brutish attitude and general animosity toward him perpetuated a fear of acting up or speaking out. Reading through all the vital tips to creating a loving and supportive home, Snape realized where his parents had lacked, he would try to be there for his son. While he would not pretend to be a loving spouse to Sirius, they could share a partnership, a cooperative inside a household.

It was this optimism that carried him through his days, disguising the book as a encyclopedia of mushrooms from the far east, he pulled it out during his free periods to sit in the courtyard with a snack. Bundled up in an extra jacket with a cup of tea to warm him against the chilly air.

The most trying part of his week was now occlumency with Potter. He remarked it to be the first time he seemed to be going backwards with a student and noted that if he did not see any significant progress within the next few weeks; he would be telling Dumbledore he had better uses for his time.

"One would come to think," Snape had began coldly, "That you are coming to enjoy having these little episodes. They must make you feel very special."

Harry stared back at him coldly, knowing full well how happy it would make him to curse Snape through his own table. He shook his head mechanically.

"For the time being then, you will understand that it is not your duty to find out exactly what the Dark Lord is relaying to the other death eaters." Snape thought carefully of the man he had seen in Harry's head. He knew exactly where it had been, in the department of mysteries, but for the moment in shadow he could not make out the kneeling man's face.

"No, that's your job, isn't it?" Harry bit back, forgetting himself for a moment. The wave of shock rolling over him as Snape stood, strangely amused by his outburst.

They began again, the familiar feeling Harry felt of intense intrusion filling his head as he could see hundreds of Dementors surrounding the lake, the familiar aching coldness biting at him as he resisted. He focused carefully, keeping his eyes on Snape and willing himself not to fall.

Harry shot a spell at Snape, causing him to stagger and his wand to arch high in the air. Suddenly Harry was the one pouring into Snape's mind. The room was lost as he could see visions of Snape's childhood, a man yelling and pointing at a woman as she cradled her son, then a boy of about seventeen, clutching his stomach and crying again his bed post- there was blood.

A girl's laughter rang through the air as a boy was bucked off a broomstick. The laughter rearranged into an icy tone as Harry's vision fell to a cold concrete floor, the voice was high and sickeningly delighted as a sharp beating rhythm was felt with a hard slapping noise.

"ENOUGH!"

Harry had been forced backward into a jar of some sickly stack of potion ingredients. Snape was holding fast to his desk, his face and knuckles white and fierce as though with terror. Harry blinked, trying to separate himself from the mess of the pickled slimy jars. Snape waved his wand quickly, the jars springing back to their shelves. He did a half turn for a moment, catching himself, his robes and hair swished violently as he made his way to the pensieve, putting more and more strands of memory out of Harry's reach.

Harry merely stood in shock, trying to collect himself as he realized what he had done. He looked up in time to see Snape pant hard, holding his stomach carefully with one hand, almost protectively.

"On the count of three," Snape hissed sharply, raising his wand again. Harry twitched, caught off guard, trying to empty his head without success. Harry jerked his wand hand up just as he heard a scream from above their floor, a thunder of feet following the noise. Snape lowered his wand, his eyes gazing toward the ceiling.

"You did not see anything unusual when you were coming Potter?"

Harry shook his head, surprised as Snape hastened to a jog without a second word. Surprisingly fast for how ungainly he looked. Harry's eyes followed Snape's gaze to the ceiling wondering exactly what could have been the reason for the scream. The door that had shut behind Snape had stilled and Harry listened hard for another noise, but could not hear anything except perhaps the shuffling of feet.

Without any thought, he walked cautiously to the study desk Snape had been using. The pensieve sat on it, rippling with the thoughts Snape had just added. Harry's hand felt inside his pocket and he drew out the Marauders map, looking instantly to the floor above where he could see a large grouping of people, Umbridge and Trelawney at the forefront. It took a moment to find Snape as there were so many dots grouped so closely together but after a moment he could see the overlapping circles or Severus and Alder.

Clearly there was something going on and Snape was afraid to let Harry know any part of it. He didn't pretend that he misunderstood what he had seen in the last vision, but the prospect of seeing it again was a little jarring.

Ron and Hermione could surely fill him in on what had happened when he returned to the common room when his lesson was supposed to have finished. He had seen their dots among the other students spectating what Harry thought could be another educational decree. He knew that he of course shouldn't be digging through Snape's memories, but without preamble he had rolled up the map and tucked it back into his jacket, guiding his glasses further up his nose so as he drew his face downward they could not slip.

The memory took a moment to materialize as Harry was sent down into a mixture of many recollections. Faces and shadows moved around him in a blur of color and muffled noise until he settled in a darkened room, torches dimmed with hospital beds stacked top to bottom. It was the hospital wing, but late in the evening. Only one bed was made and occupied while the others looked as though they were ready for storage. Harry only knew this as he seemed to spend the end of each of his school years in the hospital wing, he guessed term was close to finishing.

He rounded the corner of the privacy curtain around the bed and he found himself looking into the face of the potion's master. Snape had to be somewhere around his age, but much more gangly and awkward then Harry could have ever been. His dark hair and pallid features were a mess as he was laying down in his pajamas, pale face contorted into a wince as his long fingered hand held a hot water bottle to his stomach.

Down the hall the timeless sound of Madame Pomfrey's clicking heels could be heard, she looked much younger however, the heels higher and her face perhaps a little less stern and foreboding then he was used to. She passed right through Harry to bend over Snape, shaking his shoulder lightly, Snape stirred.

"I think it would be best if you returned to the common room," She said lightly, ignoring the disgruntled look he shot her. "It's not as though there is anything else I could give you to help."

"They're all so loud." Snape mumbled into his pillow. "The damn final game."

Harry blinked, he could only suppose he meant quidditch.

"Yes but it's hardly acceptable for me to turn other girls back to their dormitories and let you stay the day just because of your menses."

Snape sat up, sighing heavily as he straightened his hair, wincing again as he shifted, pulling the bottle closer to his abdomen.

"Why is it so much worse this month?" Snape asked, his voice cracking a little as he put his hands to his face. "It was so steady for all of spring."

"Your body is still acclimating, I'm sure." Madame Pomfrey said, drawing the privacy curtains off the hooks with her wand and folding the white sheet in mid air. "It can take a couple years for girls to become regular, you won't be sure how your actual cycle is until you're probably twenty or so."

"You still haven't found anything to fix it then yet, have you?" Snape asked hopelessly, tugging at a thread in his pajamas. "I'm doing a lot of research myself but I can't-"

"That's because you shouldn't have been meddling with your body in the first place Snape." Pomfrey cut in sharply. Snape cowed, pressing the water bottle to his side in defeat. "Bright boy that you are you should have known better to begin with and now you have the privilege of continuing on largely unharmed."

"With whatever dignity I have left." Snape mumbled just quiet enough so she couldn't hear him.

The scene revolved slightly, the walls and room fading until the figures were whisked away, but not far. The castle remained but Harry was now on the outside, looking up as rain pounded the school grounds, the air was warm and most of the castle was unlit except for the northern most tower. Snape was older now, rounding the turn from Hogsmede up the dirt path, clearly having just apparated. He looked the same as he did now, except thinner, his face sharper and clearly angry over something, in his hand was a crumpled piece of parchment.

Harry followed Snape at a jog, surprised by his speed as he trudged through the growing pools of mud that were forming in the gale. Unaffected by the weather, Harry glided on, making pace with Snape as he entered the castle gate and walked briskly through the courtyard. It had to have been summer judging by the warmth and the lack of students. Seeing the castle completely empty was eerie, and judging by the layout it had to have been the summer before the current term. None of the educational decrees yet lined the entryway but the layout of the portraits was all very current.

He followed Snape up the winding staircases, recognizing that Snape was likely heading toward Dumbledore's office. Why Dumbledore was there however was a mystery, Harry assumed the head master must go somewhere other then the remote castle during the summer months.

Snape had made his way past the gargoyle and Harry slipped in behind him, being careful not to trod on Snape's cloak as it billowed behind him before he remembered that he was unable to affect him. Just before he made a childish attempt to trip him up, Snape was bellowing loudly and had stopped on the landing at the sight of Dumbledore's figure, sitting at his desk.

"YOU THINK THIS IS A HUGE LAUGH, DON'T YOU?" Snape practically screamed. Panting from having scaled the entire castle in less then 10 minutes. "YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO SEND ME THIS?"

Snape gestured with his hand holding the crumpled letter, Dumbledore merely sat, watching Snape explode like a filibuster firework. Snape threw the letter on the ground, his arms shaking violently.

"And what, may I ask did you find the most offensive?" Dumbledore said quietly, setting down his quill and capping his ink to give Snape his fullest attention.

"You'd have me pick?" Snape cried angrily. "The muggle contraceptives were nice but I was rather touched by your proposition." Dumbledore blinked and Snape's eyes narrowed. "Your 'kinder, gentler person'"

Dumbledore nodded, seemingly unperturbed by how angry and violent Snape looked. He knitted his hands together, letting his beard fall into his lap as he took in a greater view of his desk, hard in thought.

"Why don't you take a seat Severus," Dumbledore began, tucking the half finished note to the side.

"No." Snape said flatly, his teeth gritted, Harry bent to try to pick up the letter but found that his hands would not work to unfold the crumpled ball.

"Well," Dumbledore said, "The chair will not move if you find need for it I suppose. I guess I will start by letting you know that it took a good deal of thought to write the letter you have just discarded and I do hope you have not done the same with the contraceptives. I had to get a good friend of mine in the right mood to even think of buying them for me without question."

Snape bit his lip, Harry was so fascinated by what they could be talking about he couldn't allow his mind to wander to questions. Never before had he imagined Snape could talk so coarsely to Dumbledore. The headmaster nodded, a feeling of relief coming over him.

"Well I suppose you would know the implications of letting Voldemort anywhere near you without them now." Dumbledore sighed.

"He would know if I took a solution against it." Snape said through gritted teeth.

"Which is why muggles can come in very handy," Dumbledore said tactfully, "Voldemort of course would have no interest in learning about such primitive ways of family planning and I doubt he would know how to check for them."

"Which be wonderful if it all ended there," Snape hissed. "You don't think that I could get Voldemort to believe-"

"While I have full faith in your abilities as a legilimens Severus you will have to ask yourself why I believe this plan is the best course of action." Dumbledore waved the thought away as though pardoning it from the room. "You do know why Voldemort believes you are the best person to raise his heir?"

The bottom dropped out of Harry's stomach as his eyes shot to Snape who was starting to look slightly puzzled despite his rage. Snape could get pregnant, no, Snape WAS pregnant... and Voldemort?

"Because I have the ability to birth a child." Snape said mechanically.

"Because you are unique, if not taboo to modern society at the moment." Dumbledore explained, "While Lord Voldemort surely has women who would be gracious to bare him his child and even more women that would bear it under the imperious curse, he chose you because you are completely new and different to him. If Voldemort could have his heir born to someone who is in all other instances male, it would make him unique as well."

"I'm aware of that." Snape said forcefully.

"Then you will know that Voldemort will not settle for anything less then a child from your womb Severus, now that he knows you have this ability, that you have a regular period and thus can concieve, he will pursue you as often as he needs to in order to get what he wants."

Snape twitched, an understanding spreading over him, making him look physically ill.

"I know it must happen once Severus." Dumbledore said sadly, outlining his lip with his thumb as Snape seemed to teeter were he stood. "I do not wish it to happen more then once, to anyone. Voldemort can not be convinced otherwise and could even do things poor for your health to ensure conception."

Something seemed to snap inside Snape, his face lost all of it's venom and color, the black eyes tensed and there was something like fear and dismay creeping over him. Dumbledore looked back at him rather sadly.

"I am very sorry Severus," Dumbledore looked it. "I can only try to find you a more suitable candidate, someone in the order, who will not impose a presence on your body that could do you ill."

Snape rotated on his ankle, walking toward the door with such defeat Harry thought he might collapse before he reached the stairs. Snape had clearly come to Dumbledore hoping there might be a last resort, some way he could duck out of the entire situation before anything was finalized. Harry could feel himself floating back upwards, dodging past other memories he knew he did not have the time to become involved in. There was a sinking in his stomach that felt terrible and sickening. He had been right but it felt far too agonizing and strange to enjoy his deductive skills.

* * *

><p><strong>This summer is killing me man! I wish I could say I was doing more then just getting really drunk every weekend and hanging out with my friends but I am working full time too. I just got a new computer and transfered everything over, shitty fact about macs is though that the pages format doesn't work on . Boooo<strong>

**Keep reviewing please. I know I'm dragging you guys behind the cart when it comes to this fic, but if more of you review I will be more inclined to write. Peace!**


	21. Surface Tension

The sacking of Trelawney, only to be replaced by Firenze was a huge weight on the rest of the staff. Not only were many of the teachers immensely shaken by the public display Umbridge had created, but the appointment of the centaur was cause for outrage as far as Umbridge was concerned. She had scheduled Firenze for double inquiries as well as upping her additional visits with the other teachers. Snape, who had been cautious to begin with, was now more on edge then ever. Deciding it was best to air on the side of safety, he left his parenting book under his bed whenever he wasn't reading it, putting additional enchantments over the cover to disguise it, and decided upon sending any mail to Sirius through Dumbledore himself.

The most obvious and dead giveaway to Snape's condition however was still the ever growing form of the baby, which, at around thirty weeks, was taking up more and more room across his stomach. He found his breathing was becoming labored and hitched farther up his chest when he tried to draw breath. Alder was growing straight up into his lungs and didn't seem to mind resting across his diaphragm when it was least convenient for him. Not only did this mean a mess of slight hiccups throughout the day, it gave him terrible indigestion and heart burn, something that was perhaps easier to bear then the morning sickness, but not when they were in tandem which happened about once a week.

The sleep he had been missing snuck up on him whenever he had a moments rest, sitting in an empty classroom and trying to correct papers had become nearly impossible as he was fast becoming to exhausted to work at all after dinner. He lamented his inability to indulge in caffeine and instead pressed hard to not go into lengthy detail with each corrected essay, but simply to finish them all as soon as he could.

_Shower sounds interesting, thought we could have one here but both would be just as good. People had been dropping things off here just in case we want to double up on a few things, I said you would appreciate it a lot. Charms don't sound very good to me but I know being in disguise can be very useful. _

_If you could, I would really appreciate another picture. It would mean the world._

Snape had wrote Sirius about the baby shower just three days ago and had already received a response. He did wonder exactly what had been left at Grimmauld Place for him but knew that if Sirius went into detail they would be found out. Snape had only included Sirius on his interest in concealing charms to seem conversational, but he was glad all the same that Sirius wasn't trying to talk him out of it.

The idea of a picture did sound a little past due. Snape hunched slowly to draw out his secret stash of incriminating items from under his bed, keeping one hand tucked under his stomach, he separated some pages apart before drawing out the thick moving photograph of Alder, just a couple of months old, smaller then his middle finger. It moved slowly and seemed to quiver and Snape sat, sprawling his hand further over his belly, transfixed. To think that in a matter of months things had changed so drastically he felt as if he had been pregnant for years. The idea that he had initially rejected the idea now was a complete 180 from his current stance on his situation. A strange notion seemed to have washed over him, slowly at first then turning to a strong current that eroded him fast away. Never before had he felt so dulled, allowed to contemplate a more exciting future. It was stressful and it was doubtlessly emotional for him, but even after he spent a day crying or puking for no other reason then his body seemed quick to turn against him, he felt in the back of his mind, that everything was going to be alright.

He could not be sure of the future of course, and had never much felt safe on either side. But he could at least hope that his child would come out alright, that he would have a chance. He could picture it already, a boy of impossible wisdom and talent, widely popular but studious and sharp. There would probably be a streak of Sirius to contend with, but Snape was sure that he could at the very least mold it into something he could manage.

Snape made a point to remember the picture when he was going to have his next check up with Madame Pomfrey, who insisted on almost bi-weekly check ups as he passed thirty weeks.

"So your navel finally gave up the fight," She chuckled, running a warm hand down the front of his stomach, tapping lightly at the protrusion with a slight smile. Snape rolled his eyes, past the point of getting even mildly offended by whatever it was his body was doing now, the sight of himself naked in the shower was more of a resignation then a torture nowadays.

"He's been moving around a ridiculous amount." Snape remarked, almost bored. He massaged the bottom of his rib cage carefully, "And my breathing, it's very shallow."

"You're just feeling the kicks a lot more because you're running out of cushion with your amniotic fluid." Madame Pomfrey put away her tape measure, "And your not going to get much relief with your lungs until the baby drops and your getting ready for birth."

It seemed the remedy for most things now was simply birth, each time Madame Pomfrey said it, it put a chill down his spine. Reaffirming the obvious fact that Alder couldn't simply spend his whole life tucked inside his father, it still made the whole ordeal much more scary and real. Each new development was now a double edged sword and was meant with instant bubbling excitement and the sheer dread that meant that each finished day was a day closer to the birth.

"I don't suppose you have any preference for birthing now, do you?" Madame Pomfrey rolled up her measuring tape and marked down a tally on her clipboard.

"Do I have a choice?" Snape looked confused. He had purposefully not read ahead in all of his pregnancy books, but rather switched to reading into parenting at about the 35th week mark.

"Well considering you have something like a vaginal canal and have kept one through the birth I think it's safe to assume you could push him out just fine. We'll be able to check your effacement and dilation later on to support that theory but I don't see any reason yet to opt for a planned cesarean." Her eyes flicked upward, "Unless that's what you would prefer."

Snape felt a chill that had nothing to do with his exposed torso. He caught his reflection in the standing mirror on the opposite wall, his shoulders drawn in over his thin sunken chest, his belly taking up all the space in his lap, lightly heaving with each shallow breath. He shrugged lamely, sucking his cheek and staring back towards the floor.

"Birth is something we can try our best to plan and the baby will coach us into doing whatever we have to to make it work." Madame Pomfrey explained, "Your due date as stands is about two days before the last day of term. With your weight, the weight of the baby, your overall health- I don't believe we will have any problems as everything seems to be on track. You've truly defied the odds, Severus."

She shuffled through her papers, going back through the constant stream of notes she had been taking since last fall.

"Truth be told, I didn't think it would work." She admitted, her finger drawing a line down the page. "A variable full of variables, you remember? I had written down that I thought you would miscarry before fifteen weeks."

"W-Why?" Snape blustered, mildly offended by how plainly she had said it.

"You just weren't in the right shape for it. I'm sure you'll remember how much pain you were in when your hips were bothering you so badly? I thought that would be to much stress on the both of you. I thought you wouldn't be able to make an appropriate weight, and quite frankly your attitude-"

"I get it," Snape cut in, "But now I'm round and happy and better for it, so the baby's fine right?"

"Something like that," She laughed, flipping ahead. "You started taking an interest in the ordeal so everything began to iron out. Even when you had problems, especially that little spill around Christmas time- you came out on top."

"So?"

"So I know that this birth isn't going to be full of variables you can't manage." She put down her clipboard, looking intently at Snape. "I'm sure you have your concerns, you know your body best."

Snape simply shrugged again, wishing he could put on a shirt and get out of the uncomfortable wooden chair he was propped up on.

"What are you the most worried about?" She pressed, perhaps trying to come off as motherly. "Because if it's the pain-"

"I'm not bloody worried about the pain." Snape murmured, putting his face in his hands and rubbing his eyes hard, his length of black curtain-like hair swung over his shoulder. He had been hit with the cruciatus curse too many times to worry about any particular painful moment he might have to endure.

"It's just," He set his head atop his hands, still looking toward the floor. "I can read books and look at diagrams over and over and try and imagine exactly what's going on down there. I can try to understand on the basis that most of the things that I've read have already happened and I can try to get prepared, but it's just, I don't know about what I've got really, if I have ovaries and a uterus and whatnot. Everything's working, but it can't be exactly identical to a woman's. I don't have these innate instincts, or at least I don't know if I do. So I just-" Snape rubbed his eyes again, realizing his fears out loud made his chest hurt and threatened to overwhelm him. "I don't know what to do."

"Well I can tell you now that no woman is really prepared for her first birth." She said softly, "Birthing can't be learned and for the most part, you'll just have to do what you think is right and roll with the punches as they come. Did you think that once in your life you could actually get pregnant? Or that you would actually make it this far?"

Snape didn't answer the question but rather bit his lip hard, looking to the ceiling. It was not the first time he had cried in front of Madame Pomfrey and given she was the one to help him birth his child, it would probably not be the last.

"I just don't want to fail some how," he sniffed loudly. "I don't want to get stuck in a place were I don't know what I'm doing or I can't get him out and It's my own fault."

Tissues were exchanged and for a moment Madame Pomfrey didn't say anything. Snape blew his nose and wiped his eyes the best he could, straightening up a little in his chair. He hadn't cried this much in his whole life, before he was pregnant, he could probably count the times he had cried on one hand in his whole life. It was difficult to be a running faucet at any given moment for any particular reason and it left him exhausted at the end of each day.

"What I want you to worry about now is finding a good place were you can actually give birth." Madame Pomfrey said quietly. "The whole ordeal itself can happen and will happen but for the moment we just need to pick somewhere that would work the best. You can't apparate or floo when you're in labor so you'll need to pick somewhere close, Hogsmede is probably going to be your best bet."

"And when I have that in mind?" Snape murmured, blowing his nose again for good measure.

"Then we can figure out what would be best for you in terms of delivery. Whether you want to opt for a natural vaginal birth, or a water birth, or some sort of Cesarean."

"You could accommodate all of those?"

"If need be." Madame Pomfrey gave a rather unreassuring shrug, "I would quite prefer not to do a Cesarean as I've never done one before, I've only ever birthed two babies before and they were very regular."

Snape felt a slight chill creep down his spine at her words, he knew it would be more then impolite to suggest that he might want someone with more knowledge on the subject to deliver his son, but he also knew that there was no such person he could trust like Madame Pomfrey. They had nearly finished up entirely, Snape had put back on all his day clothes and Madame Pomfrey was halfway out the door before Snape remembered his obligation to Sirius and went flying after her, pleading to get a picture.

Sirius, as though reborn with a greater purpose had taken to fixing up the little room in Grimmauld place for the baby again. Spurred by his last good meeting with Snape and the prospect of actually being able to bring a baby into his home, he spent all his waking hours toiling into the room. The old wallpaper had been completely stripped and the peeling, likely lead laden paint had been sanded out. He left the window open over night in the cold to let out some of the moldy stale smell and finally began the task of making the room safe and inhabitable.

He decided upon a healthy royal red carpet to start with. From what he had been reading, it was the color newborns saw first and Sirius wanted to associate the room with a warm, rich feeling. There was not much he could do to go out and buy carpeting from muggles or wizards alike, so he opted to reuse some lying around, using magic to turn it the particular shade he liked and went through the fibers himself to make sure there wasn't mold or doxy eggs. Once laid, it had a noticeable effect when he walked in the room, and made it feel significantly warmer then the dingy wood floor ever did.

Preferring not to overload the child with the color red however, Sirius painted the walls a calming white, planning to put posters and pictures up for his son to look at, once he had Snape's approval. It took a lot of nerve to not grab all of the posters he had kept from childhood of his favorite quidditch stars and plaster the nursery with them but even he knew that moving images could be quite intimidating and distracting for a baby.

Truthfully, there wasn't much he could pass down to his son that his parent's had not purged of the house when he ran away to James' during his teenage years. Whatever was left around was only there because it had been given to Regulus at some point, or Kreacher had hoarded it away as a Black family treasure.

The other members of the order seemed delighted that Snape had agreed to something that would allow the two men a share in the baby's life, but Sirius suspected it was largely due to the fact that he was not as broody and members felt like they could actually stop by without having to deal with his whinging and whining about being locked up. Tonks was a little more eager to pop in with Remus so they were arranging dinners almost three times a week, and Molly Weasley had been stopping by with second hand clothes for him to pick through. They seemed to have bridged the gap over Arthur's attack and being able to talk about kids and babies, and Sirius was quite glad of her help. While the Weasley's perhaps couldn't offer lots of hand me downs that were free of holes and stains, Molly was quick to give him enriching advice from a seasoned professional.

"The thing to remember is that every baby is different," She explained heartily one evening, just having arrived from the burrow with a large bag of assorted kids clothes and a few boxes of toys to pick through. "You really can start to tell how they're going to be from the get go, but there is plenty of surprises no matter what."

Sirius listened in and out, picking through the bag. It was hard to find newborns clothes for boys as the only ones that looked to be in good condition were mostly for girls. There was also the eclectic mix of toddler clothes filling the bag too, which he didn't care much for just yet.

"Bill and Charlie were just fine, didn't take very long for either of them to sleep through the night." Mrs. Weasley did a little heaving sigh as she remembered Percy, but pressed on, "Everyone was surprised by the twins really, or more like they are now when I tell them about it. Looking at them now, you'd think they were little terrors but they really were the sweetest babies, they were just vying for my attention back and forth everyday." Her eyes darkened a little, sipping her tea. "Then they learn to talk and make complex arrangements, it was all downhill from there."

Sirius pulled out a tiny blue jumper from a roll of raggedy baby blankets. He held it up to the light to inspect.

"Now that was Ron's." Mrs. Weasley said "There are just a couple of things we got gifted from him that held up pretty well. We still used what we could for Ginny, I mean, it doesn't matter much when they're just born right? So long as they're warm."

As much as Molly insisted he take all of the nicer frillier girls onesies, Sirius didn't know what Snape would say if he brought him a bag of secondhand girls clothes. He had to politely refuse her offer. They took to mending some of the really ragged ones as best as they could until Sirius had a bag of reasonable newborn clothes. Every now and then she would pop by with books and toys she thought might work, having somehow found just one more box in her attic that had a couple of old things in them.

"Arthur really will be pleased, he's always insisting we find someone to take these," Molly said after coming upon an extremely battered toy broomstick. "It's just so he can fill the house with more of his muggle rubbish, but if it's a little cleaner..."

But what really made him happy was his last letter from Snape, which had arrived from one of Dumbledore's less conspicuous delivery owls halfway through the week. The envelope was blank as always, the letter itself only contained a few words.

Sirius rolled the parchment piece with his fingers slightly, separating what Snape had written with the picture behind it. He gasped audibly, feeling a lightness in his chest at the sight. His son, Alder, as formed as a real newborn. The picture was a thousand worlds apart from the first and so clear Sirius could see his fingers and toes. His eyes were closed and he was moving very slowly. He was healthy and strong despite all that had happened over the holidays, he looked soft, even pudgy.

_Feeling every inch_ was all Snape thought to write. Sirius chuckled wetly, drying his eyes as his emotions threatened to overwhelm him.

* * *

><p><strong>Just a little teaser I guess. Work is work, I've been doing a lot of side projects lately to get extra money coming in, also doing things to get me back in class. <strong>

**It's been over a year since I started this! I think I'll try to channel the spirit of NaNoWriMo to finish this, optimally before the new year. Sorry if you're all mad at me, I hope you still have the heart to read and review. If not I guess I understand... :O**


	22. Deal Gone Right

March came, as undecided as February in terms of the wind and the occasional bursts of warmth and a break in sky. The castle became much warmer inside as the ground began to thaw and if it weren't for the constant feeling of being watched, both staff and students might have felt happier as they normally were around this time, now that winter had lost its grip. Hogwarts did seem like something of a pressure cooker nowadays though, with Umbridge and Dumbledore fighting for control of the pupils it was only a matter of time before something drastic happened.

Snape had been awoken from an evening nap by a burst of light and a single pheonix feather drifting to the ground, in an instant he was up and into his day clothes. Fawkes sign could mean many things, that Voldemort was on the offense, or that Dumbledore himself was in trouble, but after a few minutes careful listening, Snape could not detect any unusual noises or disturbances that sounded like an imminent threat. Most students were in their dormitories by now, discouraged from doing anything in the open any more. The faculty had also retreated to their offices or personal quarters, as none of them seemed to be walking any of the corridors.

Snape did a lap of the main areas, making sure not to walk to brusquely or look hurried. He made up a story in his mind in case Umbridge should find him as well, thinking it would be easiest to tell anyone that he was talking a walk while he let a potion brew for a quarter of an hour back in his office. He was just about to walk toward the north tower and see if Dumbledore was there when he saw Malfoy directing Crab and Goyle, pointing down the hall before they dispersed, Malfoy turning to walk toward Snape, his face going into a full grin as he saw the potions master.

"Did she send you down?" He called enthusiastically. "I thought you might be able to find the rest of them, they can't have all made it back up to Gryffindor tower that fast."

Snape looked above Malfoy, seeing what looked like a door broken open with magic opposite a large tapestry depicting a troll in ballet pointe shoes. It was clear something had happened now, and by _she_ Malfoy could have only meant Umbridge.

"Professor Umbridge did not tell me," Snape said slowly, thinking of the spot. "She seemed rather busy."

"He caught him, Potter I mean, doing some sort of underground club with pretty much all the other blood traitors in the school." Malfoy said quickly, he was obviously elated, his eyes bright and his face flushed and sweaty from running. "Dumbledore's army."

Snape blinked, and Malfoy smiled, turning to walk a little on ahead. "It's all in here professor, they used this room to practice magic in without telling anyone! They were practicing serious magic in here, Professor Umbridge says she even thinks they were going so far as to practice unforgivable curses!"

"How many," Snape asked plainly, walking forward to stick his head through the splintered wreckage of the door.

"It's got to be a lot sir, this was a big room when I came in, about ten or fifteen patronuses were floating around too."

Snape walked into the room fully, making sure not to catch his draping robes over the debris. Malfoy didn't move, clearly he was expecting Snape to follow him as he went to go hunt down other students. The room was very strange as it did not resemble any classroom but still had many volumes worth of material on defense, sneakoscopes and plenty of other materials that were not only expensive but unimaginable for a student to possess.

"It's the room of requirement sir," Malfoy said as he noticed Snape's confused face. It takes on whatever the user wishes to use it for.

"And how did you know?" Snape said, turning away from the various defense instruments to Malfoy's face through the door.

"They were betrayed," Malfoy sneered, "And now they are going to Dumbledore now, Potter might be thrown in Azkaban for all this."

Snape shook Malfoy off, persuading him not to look in any girls bathrooms or try to break into the Gryffindor common room. He made his way for the North Tower quickly now, seeing occasional Slytherins as he passed, walking the halls just as Malfoy was, looking to the members of Dumbledore's Army. It was ridiculous and stupid, and Snape knew instantly what the Ministry would assume. Potter had once again, in a streak of stupidity unmatched by any other had tried to make some defense organization or Anti Voldemort league behind Umbridge's back. It wasn't enough that they were risking his own job to teach Potter Occlumency, and Snape hoped to god Potter wouldn't confess to it, but surely this could be the end of Dumbledore's position.

He stopped for a moment, feeling a chill. If Dumbledore was gone, he would be made alone in all this. The whole time he had awoken and was now out walking the baby had remained still, as if holding it's breath. Now there was a flutter of fear among the stirrings of his son and he knew it would be infinitely more difficult to hide himself if Umbridge got rid of Dumbledore. There was an invisible defense around having him there because Hogwarts was clearly his home and he alone set the tone for how the school was run. If the ministry controlled the school, he could expect to be asked a lot more questions, his meetings with Madame Pomfrey could be questioned. If he were to go into labor at the wrong time it could be life or death.

A voice in the back of his head protested, Dumbledore simply could not go. The ministry didn't have anyone, except maybe Umbridge herself to replace him with. Perhaps just Potter would be expelled, which put Snape in an awkward position as he had sworn to protect the boy.

Snape reached the stone gargoyle but knew better then to enter if Umbridge was there. He wondered how Dumbledore could have even sent Fawkes ahead with such little warning if Umbridge and a bunch of ministry officials could be in the tower already. It only took him a moment to wonder if any of the other teachers had seen the signal when a cat darted past him with distinct spectacle markings, it stopped a few feet ahead and then gestured to a tapestry on the opposite wall. Snape walked foreword and slid it askew; a small room no bigger then a cupboard was there. McGonagall transformed and slid inside.

"He's gone," McGonagall said hurridly, "Dumbledore's gone."

"Gone?" Snape swallowed, his worst fears metastasizing, Alder shifted uncomfortably as she nodded. He could just barely see her in the little light that got through the tapestry, but she looked very shaken.

"He took credit for the defense organization Potter created and so Fudge wanted to send him to Azkaban." Snape's eyes widened, "Of course he didn't want to go, so he stunned them all and disappeared, he told me before he left to tell everyone else."

"What are we supposed to do?" Snape said in hushed tones, half expecting to hear the sickening little cough of Umbridge behind the tapestry. "I suppose any Order specific duties are bunk now."

"Naturally, it's all part of her plan I suppose. She'll divide us up and sack any one she deems necessary now, Dumbledore won't be here to hire any more centaurs. She'll probably be the one running the school."

Snape's blood ran cold, he would probably have to leave temporarily if he wanted to keep his job. With Dumbledore there was at least the hope that if he went into labor he could find the headmaster and use his executive powers to keep Umbridge as far away as possible, but now, he was at her mercy.

"I believe he'll be in contact with you personally soon Severus," McGonagall said quickly. Her tone seemed to change as she saw Snape's face in the sliver of light. "If anything happens there will be us that are still here... and maybe even Aberforth in Hogsmede..."

There was nothing to do now, nothing that could be done unless he could get a word out. With all the eyes watching the floo network, the owls and Ministry agents in Hogsmede, Snape didn't dare try to send any information to Sirius. Surely Sirius would know right away; would possibly be desperate to do anything to get back in contact but would have to understand Snape's position. He would have to understand that it would at least take some time for Snape to at least test the waters.

The teachers tried their best to rally together but it was a losing fight to start with Dumbledore gone. At once Umbridge had put the inquisitorial squad on high alert and Snape was faced with the realization that almost half of his own students were now zipping around looking for wrong doers. He highly doubted that Draco or any other of the older Slytherin students would try to sell him out to Umbridge but the amount of attention his belly was getting now had him quiet anxious just walking around the castle. He withdrew even more naturally, only venturing out to teach and eat and if he did make for his personal stock room or study on the other side of the castle, he did so at night.

Even Alder seemed to be getting on edge lately as Snape started to notice that the outside world affected the baby more then ever. The occasional crack and bang from a far off classroom startled him enough where Snape would take a short jaunt to lull the baby back asleep, it was too obvious to cradle his stomach in hand or mumble sweet words, which Snape only did bitterly when nothing else worked.

If only he had the magic Sirius did, to calm the baby senseless as he had done over Christmas time. It felt like ages ago and with each day that past and time crept on toward his due date, he felt as though he were walking to his own execution. His only comfort being that what was meant to happen was going to happen, which was hardly a happy thought. He knew that since his operation the odds were much better in his favor to have a natural birth, but he was still male in many ways, he wasn't at all sure of how well he would react to contractions let alone managing the concept of pushing. Snape knew the area he was working with solely because of the cramps during his menses but no matter how much he read and listened to Madame Pomfrey, he would not be sure until he was there, doing it.

However tentative about the birth he could be, it seemed Madame Pomfrey was tenfold. As Snape was closer to his approximate due date, he was supposed to be seeing the medi-witch more, but as Dumbledore had left the school and replaced with the sack-happy Umbridge, she was completely frazzled each time she visited Snape. Coming weekly now but only during the dead of night when only Peeves and Ms. Norris where prowling the corridors. Over and over she pressed Snape for a place they might try for when he was fully in labor. Grimmauld Place and Spinners End would have been fine if he had thought to take the time off of work but he was officially too pregnant to use the floo network or apparate and even if his labor progressed slowly, there wasn't any fit way to take a train out of Hogsmede without the real possibility of delivering en route.

The shrieking shack seemed a good idea for a time in his head but it came with the complication of trying to convince Madame Pomfrey the place was not haunted and actually safe, but something told him that the whomping willow's root passage could realistically be too small for him to fit now.

It wasn't until he was walking back from his personal storage one night, deep in thought that he had an epiphany. A door clicked behind him and he had swung around, waving his lit wand when he realized he had just walked by where Potter had been breaking rules with his ridiculous secret society. The door had been crudely patched up by filch where the inquisitorial squad had broken in but he had definitely heard a lock clicking. With the intent to bellow at any students still practicing in the room he burst the door open, looking around carefully until he realized the room was not at all familiar to the one he had seen the day of Dumbledore's flight.

He lowered his wand and stared, the room was not at all like any other in Hogwarts as it had very rounded curves and very warm plush air quality to it. He looked to the door, then out to see the same tapestry of Barnabus the Barmy. It was the right room, but it had changed. All of the dark detectors and books had vanished and replaced with candles floating at eye level, illuminating an array of rounded soft chairs. In the corner a huge gold tub was filling quietly with warm water, a wealth of towels were folded and placed on a shelf above the tub, Alder stirred slightly.

The room was made to change according to the want of the user, Snape thought, remembering Draco had called it The Room of Requirement. He heard stories about this room, typically found by accident, how Potter had even figured it out astounded Snape. It wasn't until he remembered is train of thought, thinking about the birth and Madame Pomfrey that his heart leapt.

He rounded the corner to look into a smaller side room, a large bed with a wooden bassinet to accompany it. There was even a matching dog bed by the door, Snape swallowed, the sight of the place unnerving him slightly. This was not the sterile room he would find at St. Mungos but it was crafted for him and he felt much more comfortable imagining birth in a place like this. The room would probably equip him with anything he would need should something go wrong and he could perhaps need the baby cut from him or something. Wherever Madame Pomfrey might be unsure, the room would most likely assist her as well.

He cupped a hand to his stomach leaning on the door frame into the main room and thinking carefully. Sirius would not be allowed in if Umbridge was here and there was still the inherent threat of Umbridge to consider. If she knew about this place with Potter, what was stopping her from barging in again? What would he do if she were to find him with a baby dangling between his legs?

There was Azkaban to consider and a whole mess of implications if she somehow found out it was Sirius's child. The ministry would call the whole ordeal dark magic, Madame Pomfrey could be implicated too. With a deep breath, he made for the exit, deciding to think on it until his next appointment. The room was so relaxing and inviting he almost hated to leave it, a nice mist dulling any anxieties he had had prior to stumbling upon the place.

He shut the door behind him, his wand illuminating the corridor and to his horror, the short form of the new Headmistress who had broken pace to see who had come from the room. Snape's blood ran ice cold and he fumbled for a moment, fighting the urge to flee as fast as he could with his pregnant belly, but he knew that his silhouette was proof enough of who he was. Umbridge stopped as she seemed to realize it was him however and as she entered into Snape's wand light he could see her sickening sweet grin.

"Professor Snape, you gave me quiet the scare, I thought you could have been one of the degenerate students."

"Headmaster," Snape said breathily. Keeping his face and eyes as calm and collected as possible. Even with all of his legilimens capability he could feel his hand slipping on his wand with sweat.

"You were just the person I was looking for Professor, I had gone by your stock room but you had left." Umbridge squealed happily. "I believe you will remember our deal?"

"Deal, Headmaster?" Snape blinked, thinking fast. If he could just keep calling her headmaster then perhaps she wouldn't bother asking him what he had been doing. Did the room have time to change? What would he say if she opened the room up and found a bassinet inside?

"Our deal yes," Umbridge said, her smile dropping slightly. "Surely you haven't forgotten about the veritaserum?"

Snape blinked, but kept in time to shake his head cooly. It had been ages since his conversation with Umbridge about the batch of potion he had supposed to have been making up and it would have been ready months ago if he actually had brewed it.

"It's ready," Snape lied quickly. "I can have it to you by morning if you wish." Umbridge's eyes glinted and for a moment he thought she might make to hug him.

"Oh thank you Severus! I knew I could trust you, both myself and the ministry will be very pleased with this as it will be very helpful in putting this school on the right track. By morning would be wonderful! I expect it wouldn't be too much for you if you wouldn't mention this to any of your peers?"

There was without doubt a slight lick of fear in the eyes of Umbridge as Snape could see there was so much weighing on her words. If Umbridge had even the slightest doubt he might talk then he would be watched and followed. A strange swelling sensation was felt in his chest and he felt the height difference between himself and Umbridge. Alder seemed to be tickling at him.

"If it is a deal, then we shall call it a deal." Snape's eyes swept the door of the room he had just exited, "I'm using this room to brew your potion for my personal stock has been broken into several times, in the light of recent events it is essential we don't have any sneaking."

Umbridge nodded dumbly, her eyes racing for a quick affirmative. Snape kept her listening.

"I don't want anyone in this room for the rest of the semester. A personal guard won't be necessary, but if it is essential we keep students and staff out of this, and it starts with this room."

"I understand completely Professor," Umbridge nodded curtly.

"I'd feel safer knowing that my teaching be under less scrutiny as well." Snape added, his voice feeling stronger by the syllable. He was astounded by his own daring.

"Of course Severus, of course."

Alder stirred lightly and for a moment Snape's concentration broke as he was sure Umbridge's eyes flickered over his stomach. She gave a very small nod and turned from the light of Snape's wand.

"Tomorrow morning then Professor, goodnight."

Snape could hardly contain his excitement and joy as he raced to the hospital wing to tell Madame Pomfrey, he found her sitting in a sort of half nap at her desk and nearly startled her as he explained the miraculous room and his encounter with Umbridge. She looked horrified as he explained, omitting some points, that he had gotten her to agree to leave him alone. He thought it best to actually stay good on his word to not tell his peers about brewing veritaserum, fake or otherwise. After several minutes explanation, she agreed to check the room as a possible place for birth and Snape left the hospital wing with a new spring in his step, positively beaming with happiness over the weight now lifted off his shoulders.

If only he had mentioned something about leaving Madame Pomfrey alone, althought that might be too fishy, he thought carefully. He hadn't been this confident and self-assured since Dumbledore had gone. If he had a place to birth he could at least form a plan, whether or not the plan would go smoothly or involve Sirius was another thing.

He walked a little slower as he started to tire, should he even tell Sirius about the room? There was a good chance Sirius could already be forming something in his own mind about the birth. If he told Sirius, and he had no idea how he would with the owls being watched so carefully and Dumbledore being gone, Sirius would want to be present at the birth and if it was at Hogwarts there was almost no way. It was just a birth, he thought with a cloud of annoyance forming in his mind. It wasn't as though he wanted anyone there at all, if he could just do the damn thing without any help then there wasn't any use having observers. The whole ordeal would be messy and painful and the last person he wanted there would be Sirius, possibly being entirely over dramatic and distracting. If Madame Pomfrey was there he could only remain a dog anyway so there was no point.

_But could he deny Alder or Sirius that?_ Snape thought. It would be helpful to have someone after it had happened. He knew he would do anything for his son but didn't know in what shape he would be after the ordeal. There was also Voldemort to think about. There was always Voldemort to think about.

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><p><strong>Your reviews (and a short break in employment) have pushed this! I've had a lot going on over the holidays. I had some family emergency type stuff along with moving into the city. I've got the next chapter started as I chopped this one a little short just to push it out. I hope you like it! Keep reviewing and stuff. There has been a couple people who just recently started this and I have to say It's impressive that you just downed a novel length fic. I WILL FINISH! I've been doing this one for over a year now? Wow.<strong>

**To all the long term readers who are just as cool, thanks for sticking around through thick and thin!**


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